The Olympic Torchbearer: A Line from Zhao Benshan's Sketch

Shan Dandan" group came to the Spring Festival Gala again, this time the skit laughed me back and forth! If you haven't laughed enough, come and see the lines! I'm so glad you're here!

The following Zhao Benshan abbreviated as "Zhao", Song Dandan abbreviated as "Song", Liu Liu abbreviated as "Liu":

(Zhao holding a blue folding chair in his left hand, and holding a blue folding chair in his left hand). "Hanging" (it's hard to tell if he's "carrying" it ^_^) with his trademark backpack, he giggled and raised his hand to greet the audience, while Song followed with a tired, shaky face and a disgruntled yell... ...)

Song: Hey, hey, what are you doing? What are you doing ah, you are in a hurry, you run what ah!

Zhao: You hurry up! You will soon be announced as the Olympic torchbearer! You you hold on tight!

Song: Aiya, what has to do with you! You you quickly put down the chair, I hurry to rest for a while ......

Zhao: tsk! This ......

Song: Nothing to do with you! This thing ...... (Zhao: this also poses what the spectrum ......) you dry rush panic, I said I do not take you out le (Zhao opened the chair down), really ...... (said sat down) Eh ah! ...... (raised his left hand)

Zhao: dry what ah and ......

Song: you say dry what? Stretching the left hand is on the water, stretching the right hand is to shut up, crossing the left foot is to rub the leg, crossing the right foot to kiss a bite, remember no dead ghosts?

Zhao: (smiling and took out the water bottle) Hey, hey, hey! (Unscrewing the cap of the water bottle and handing it over) I have practiced this point for half a lifetime! Don't worry about it!

Song: still practicing what the stuff ...... (with a finger pointing to the cocked left foot)

Zhao: do not gibberish! A moment to come people, watching how bad ...... kiss what ah so old (Zhao thought stretching left foot is kissing mouth) ......

Song: (squinted at Zhao) you watch it! Which foot is this?

Zhao: (looked at Song's left foot, suddenly realized) Oh ...... (immediately squatted down) Eh ah ...... (put Song's foot on his lap and began to rub, Song tilted his head to drink water) old partner ah (Song "hmm"), a moment later, the old man ah (Song "hmm"), a moment later, the old man ah (Song "hmm"). "A" sound), a moment to the scene there are many reporters, you do not stretch this leg, you give me some face, okay?

Song: Cherish the opportunity, after running the Olympic torchbearer you want to touch this leg can not touch it ......

Zhao: (feel funny) Oh, hey this ...... Hey yo, this leg how can still run out?

Song: (despise Zhao) What kind of leg is this?

Zhao: cold legs.

Song: Wrong. It's an Olympic torchbearer's leg!

Zhao: Oh ham ah.

Song: Uh-huh!

Zhao: (even more amused) Hey, hey, okay, this life with my partner in the mix will not starve! ...... I'll give you a belly rub in a moment ......

Song: (laughs and asks) do what ah?

Zhao: (also laughs) another plate of ham sausage!

Song: (smile disappeared) you say why what words to your mouth are the quality of the decline of the pinch? I can't even bring my hands to ......

Zhao: You take your time to bring me ...... me ......

Song: It's slow to work.... ...I have to hold on tight!

Zhao: You also have to hurry! You just ran forty meters, there are still a hundred and six it ......

Song: (angry raised his right hand) Shut up! (turns around to see if anyone is there) What's this talking about this! No one knows about this! The Olympics is still more than six months away, can practice the stuff, do not tell people!

Zhao: hurry up ...... (pushed Song's feet away)

Song: What are you doing?

Zhao: (whispering) someone is coming ......

(Liu appeared)

Liu: Eh ah, uncle and aunt are here! Hurry to the meeting ......

Song: Hey you are ...... (extends his hand)

Liu: I am today this ceremony host Liu Liu Liu! (extends his hand and Song shook)

Song: I'm Baiyun ......

Liu: (Liu busy bending down) Hey I know big mom ......

Song: (turns around and points to Zhao) This is my assistant Xiao Hei. (Finished walking towards the left side of the stage)

(Liu and Zhao both approached, shaking hands and bowing at the same time)

Liu: (looked back at Song) I know ...... hello black uncle! (looks back at Song again and whispers ...... to Zhao) Uncle ah ......

Zhao: eh!

Liu: Today we have a little change in our activities ......

Zhao: (Zhao put away the chair) what change?

Liu: That now through the Internet ah, this netizens ah, you as a torchbearer call too high ah! And you've got more support than Big Mother!

Zhao: Ah?

(Song walked and turned around and shouted)

Song: hurry up! Dry what na? This abrasive ...... you do not let people are waiting! I'm quite a big wrist, go late is not appropriate! You say you this person is really ...... oops ......

Zhao: seize the time to inform her, have to tell her ......

(three people walked into the hall)

Liu: come come come quickly come in le ......

Zhao: (grabbed Liu whispered) have been publicized for half a year ......

(Song muttered something)

Song: (walked in and raised his hand to wave to the audience, turned back to the dissatisfied) RUSH: Hurry up! Hey ......

Liu: Sit ......

(Jo sits on her butt in the chair to her left, tossing the folding chair on the floor and tugging at her shirt)

Song: (looking back) Find your place! ......

Zhao: oh well ...... (said sitting towards the right chair)

Song: sit where you are ......

(Liu walked up to the microphone (in front of it)

Song: (raising his left hand) Thirsty ...... cough ......

(Zhao reluctantly looked at her to show that don't do that, Song didn't see it)

Song: (still holding his left hand up) Thirsty!

Zhao: I just finished drinking this ...... (slaps Song with his hand and blinks)

Song: (crosses his left foot) What's the matter? Are you trying to start an uprising? (turns his head to look at the host)

Zhao: (whispers) Save some face for me ......

Song: (turns his head to look back) What?

Zhao: Save your face ......

Liu: Good! Ladies and gentlemen! Everyone be quiet! I now announce that the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games Liaobei farmers torchbearer selection ceremony will now begin!

Zhao: (shouted!) Good! (closed his eyes, clapped his hands ......)

(Song and Liu scared "rub" a jump, fierce turn back to look at Zhao)

Song: (closed his eyes reproachfully said) you're this a startled, you're quite scary you! ...... you really ...... have nothing to do with you this ......

Liu: Well, friends, then we are now through the online survey, and now a lot of our netizens ah, on uncle When this Olympic torchbearer's call is particularly particularly high (Zhao embarrassed smile, and with a bit of smugness), and uncle now online support has exceeded the big mom!

(Song turns around and looks at Zhao in surprise)

ZHAO: (grabbing his bag and fiddling with it) Hey ...... public opinion! No way ......

Liu: Uh, so we finally this organizing committee decided ah, want to through the Internet, let the netizens out of the question, let the two old people in the scene to answer, and finally according to the online support, to decide who is today's farmer torchbearer... ...(Zhao straightens his clothes and sits upright, Song looks flustered, not knowing what to do) Okay, now the question is out. This is a quiz question and a compulsory question. Please listen well: Olympic torchbearers in the passing of the flame, ah, at least to run two hundred meters, now you two have eighty years of age, then, please ask: how many meters each of you can run? Be realistic!

(Song looks like he's "finished", and Zhao quickly raises his right hand and stands up to answer)

Zhao: two miles! (sits down)

Liu: Two miles! It's no trouble! That's a thousand meters! Auntie?

(Song is about to stand up, and Zhao "kindly" reminds ......)

Zhao: Be realistic!

(Song sits down again, then gets ready to get up again......)

Zhao: Tell the truth!

(Song sits down again, then suddenly jerks to his feet)

Song: (shouting) I don't think this should be considered a question! (after a pause) Because this is something that can be worked out stuff! No one is born running all of a sudden! ...... Thank you ...... (looks at Zhao with trepidation and sits down)

Zhao: ...... And you didn't say how many meters you ran... ...

(Song raised his right hand and pointed with his left hand, signaling to shut up, so Zhao had to stop talking)

Liu: The second question, which is also a must-answer question from the netizens, is: Uncle and aunt, what sports do you each like?

Song: (stood up first) Swimming!

Liu: Auntie likes to swim?

Song: Yes!

Zhao: Just swim for three days! I came back and asked her, "Why did you stop swimming? (Liu "hmm") She said the water in the pool is not good ......

(Song helpless, shivering with anger)

Liu: Aiya, uncle ah uncle, what kind of sports do you like?

Zhao: (raises his right hand and stands up) I like snorkeling!

Liu: Ewww! Snorkeling? How long can you dive underwater?

Zhao: Let's put it this way ......

Song: (Song immediately interrupted) That depends on when the lifeguards go down to fish for him ...... (looking towards the host) You have to fish for him after a second, he dives for a second, after a year to fish for him to designate that it is soaked skin, resting on it! Floating it ......

(Zhao a "you're great" look to Song)

Liu: ah, well well, ah uncle aunt answered the really funny, let's look at the netizens and ask what questions! ...... good! Next is a set of questions, two old people please listen: what sports let people look heartbreaking?

Song: (with his left hand to block Zhao stood up to answer) soccer!

Liu: What sport is more disturbing?

Song: (again with his left hand to block Zhao stood up to answer) Chinese soccer!

Song: Look at my answer ......

(Zhao gave Song a thumbs up and applauded with a look that said "You're great!")

Liu: good, please continue to listen to the question, or a question and answer: Q, the Olympic Games is an international behavior, each of us torch bearers, we have to be more or less master a little foreign language, ask: how do you say tea in English?

Song: (preempted) Tea!

Liu: green tea?

Zhao: green tea!

(Song looks helpless)

Song: black tea pinch?

Zhao: red tea!

Song: flower tea pinch?

Zhao: Hua tea! (clapping violently)

Song: I'll kick you!

Zhao: man tea (kick)! (claps for himself again, gives a thumbs up)

Liu: Haha! Well, well, well, please continue to listen to the question, or grab the question: a netizen asked, what is the name of the father of the modern Olympics?

(Zhao stood up violently, flabbergasted, couldn't answer, sat down again)

Song: ("hopeless" look) I said you don't know what you're standing up for?

Zhao: I ...... I ...... I'm afraid of being robbed ......

Song: (standing up) Gu Baidan!

Liu: Big mom answered correctly! Applause! (Zhao looks at Song in surprise) Very good answer!

Zhao: What "egg"?

Song: Fuck off! ...... you ......

Liu: Please continue with the question: In history, who was the fastest runner?

Song: (stands up, hesitant, uncertain answer) Cao Cao! ...... Speak of Cao Cao and Cao Cao runs faster than anyone!

Zhao: Well na, Cao Cao which is an athlete na?

Liu: Yes!

Song: They did not say athlete na! They said that the history of who ran the fastest, that historical figures le!

Zhao: that the Monkey King is faster than Cao Cao really ...... this question on the problem ......

(Liu should "ah .... ...")

Song: You change the question! Don't forget about it!

Liu: So it's null and void?

Song: Eh!

Liu: ah that's good, please listen to the question ah, another netizen asked: what sport begins and ends with the sound of a gong, and also carries a certain degree of danger?

Zhao: (hastily raised his right hand and stood up) Monkey playing!

Song: (I guess she said in her mind, "It's hopeless") Monkey playing is not a sport! That's literature!

Zhao: There's no difference between arts and sports! Monkey playing is dangerous, if you don't do it right, the monkey will scratch you!

Song: What the hell are you ...... hosting! I can't stand him, his quality is too low!

Liu: ...... Auntie! Auntie you listen to me to tell you, this is a competition ah, competition competition ...... friends continue to listen to the question! A netizen surnamed Qi said ah, he has just been blessed with a son, and would like to let Uncle and Auntie at the scene to give his child a good name!

Zhao: ("Whoosh" raised his right hand and stood up faster than anyone else) Qi Delong!

Liu: Elegant but not loud enough.

Song: (rises and roars louder than anyone) Qi Dongqiang!

Liu: Loud but not elegant enough.

Zhao: (rises) Qi Delong Dongqiang! (A variation on "Qidlongdongqiang", haha.) It's a nice sound!

Song: I'll give you a whole drum to beat!

Zhao: It's so cool ......

Liu: Hahaha! Oops, this uncle and aunt ah answer is too funny and humorous! Okay, please continue to listen to the question! This is a basic knowledge question, please listen carefully: what character is pronounced as one point, one cross and one stroke?

Zhao: Guang!

Liu: add a wood to it?

Song: (with one hand, Zhao stood up and answered loudly) bed!

Liu: Add another wood?

Zhao: double bed!

Song: plus three wood?

Zhao: A triple bed!

Song: What about ten logs?

Zhao: Ten wood is pronounced "kang"! If you add twenty more, it's a big workshop! Do you understand?

Song: ...... not a bit of culture ...... this person ......

Zhao: add chanting ... ...

Liu: well well well ...... oops this question is good enough ah! Uncle aunt listen well, this question ah, is this netizen to us three out of the question: let the host in the scene na, do a set of movements, let the two old man guess, this is what movement. Attention! (played a section of Tai Chi) ...... what movement?

Zhao: playing mahjong!

Liu: Eh ...... not ...... (incoherent)

Song: How come you don't even know this stuff? It's obviously Tai Chi!

Liu: Right! Taiji!

Zhao: He's all doing what's obviously mahjong ......

Liu: How do you play mahjong ......

Zhao: (circles both hands in mid-air) This is not shuffling, (lifts both hands up) yards of tiles, (the back of the right hand is pulled outward (pull over to the left) grab the cards, (shake over the eyes) look at the cards, (back of the left hand outward to the right) grab the cards, (shake over the eyes) look at the cards, (push both hands forward) paste ......

Liu: Heh heh heh ......

Song: Can't stand it ......

Liu: Oh, oops, let's just look at the online approval ratings now ah ...... I'll take a look at ...... well, friends! Now the online support rate ...... big mom has surpassed uncle la!

Song: Hey! Look at my popularity!

Zhao: You're just angry ...... I didn't answer less ......

Liu: Hey, hey, it's not less ...... OK, dear friends, then we're this Q&A part even ended, then the next part of it, to give them two contestants the last statement, tell a story about their love affair with the Olympic flame, for their own last canvassing! Who will go first?

Song: (raising his right hand) Sit down! (Zhao just uttered a "I" word, flabbergasted sat down) do you what you do you ...... (walked to the microphone)

Liu: Well, let's ......

Song: (to Liu spat a pretty standard English ......) Thank you !

Liu: Eh!

Song: Thank you, Tieling TV, Liaoning TV, and possibly CCTV in the future.Today on this special occasion, I'm going to reveal a deep-seated secret for many years: I'm a preemie (Zhao: Eh ah ......), from a young age with the fire, three or four years old began to play with the fire, once to the home to cause a huge fire. Six or seven years old unfortunately fell into the fire pot, so far there are still marks on the buttocks (Liu exaggeratedly open mouth), in my teens I embarked on the train to the fire family Tun, introduced by a cook to meet this let me on the fire all my life on the black earth (Zhao covered his eyes, did not look at the eyes), and from now on I live a life of deep water and hot water. How much time I have been searching for: why, I came to earth on fire? Why, I and the fire to form an unbreakable bond? Today I finally realized that I was born for the Olympic torchbearers! (Raise your right hand, make a fist, and pull it down. This is the same gesture that Song said "Oh yeah!" when he advertised the "Egg-laying Rooster" in the 2007 Spring Festival Gala "Planning".

(Then Song steps out and bows. ......)

Liu: (Applause) Thank you, Mrs. Liu! (Applause) Thank you!

(Song walks back)

Song: haven't finished yet, sorry ...... (pushes the host away a bit, Liu is so embarrassed) last night I drop my mom instructed me ......

Zhao: (looking for an opportunity to interrupt in a hurry) ) eh eh eh! Your mom has been dead for 30 years, what the hell is this ......

Song: dream, how not allowed to yo?

Zhao: Oh dream ......

Song: My mom said, Xiaoyun na, Olympic torchbearer is you, because you were born next to the fire drop!

Zhao: Your mom should have said you were born on a rocket!

Song: My mom also said! If anyone dares to compete with you for the position of torchbearer I and your father will take him away!

(Zhao paralyzed in the chair ......)

Zhao: mom ah ...... (with a hand over his face)

Song: ...... thank my mom! ......thank you!

Liu: Heh ......thank you, thank you ......Next let's applaud and welcome Uncle to make his final

Liu: Heh thank you thank you thank you

(Zhao waved his hand in a hurry, and Song made a "please" gesture with his hand in a "let's see what you can do" manner)

Liu: Eh, uncle please!

Zhao: ...... also please what, this is all play life, I can not whole ...... this is also too cold ...... too scary you this ... ...

Song: (smiling, victory in sight) I said what?

Zhao: ...... moved her mother out ...... you this ......

Song: (again made a "please ") You go!

Zhao: (shaking his foot) I'm not that bold ...... I'm abstaining!

Liu: What?

Zhao: this way, let my partner as a la, I as a volunteer, to clean up the end of the clean up a little work on the line ......

Song: (smiling at the host) he is more suitable for cleaning up the end of the clean up.

Liu: Uncle abstained?

Zhao: If I don't abstain, I'll be dead, I'm ......

Liu: Well, well, well, well, uncle abstained ...... Let's just take a look at the online favorability ratings and see... ...Well, now we have this vote counted! (Song pulled the corner of his shirt, Zhao urged "take your time", Song touched his own shoulder and pulled his shirt, his hands resting squarely on the front of his stomach) ...... Well, friends, now the farmers' torchbearer of Liaobei region is... ...(Song almost laughed out loud and stood up, full of pride and waved to the audience on stage, Zhao cooperated by sitting on a chair and looking at her smiling and applauding for her) Black Earth!

(Liu said, Song and Zhao's action just lasted three seconds, Song's smile disappeared, suddenly jerked his head and turned to walk away, Zhao hastily followed ......)

Zhao: eh! Old companion! Go home ah?

Song: (with a sobbing voice) I'm out of the house!

Zhao: Why ......

(Zhao caught up, pulling Song, Song shrugged off, Zhao again pulled ......)

Song: (crying) what should I do .... ...so late (know) all New Year's people are finished publicity how do I talk to the old Li him? I gift I have received you do not let me shame ......

Zhao: old companion ...... old companion ...... old companion you calm! You calm!

Song: (crying) I can not calm down ......

Zhao: the two of us, who, who ran this torchbearer is not all honorable?

Song: (more and more crying) No ah I can not stand ah, you fire how I do ah?

Zhao: I I I ...... I fire what ah? I can not fire! You listen to me, good boy!

Song: (crying) you fire not to bully me like I bully you ah ......

Zhao: I do not fire I am not annoyed ...... obedient ah calm ah, hey, broadcast it ah!

Song: (crying) then you still care about me?

Zhao: I care about you!

Song: (crying) ambiguous me?

Zhao: I care about you!

Song: (still crying) serve me?

Zhao: serve you!

Song: (calmer) still afraid of me?

Zhao: I'm not only afraid of you, but now I'm afraid of your mom!

(Song cried and gasped a few breaths, said a few slurred words)

Song: that I that ...... that I those orders still work?

Zhao: You use it!

Song: Well ...... (raises left hand)

Zhao: Pass the water!

Song: uh...... (raises right hand)

Zhao: shut up!

Song: um ...... (crosses left foot)

Zhao: rubs leg!

Song: hmmm ...... (crosses right foot)

Zhao: kiss the old mouth!

(Song tilted his head and tilted his face up, Zhao "Ba da" a loud kiss)

Zhao: ah ah ah ......

(Song wiped the tears off his face with his hand)

Zhao: ah this is the ...... don't cry ah! (will Song pull back)

Liu: come come ......

Zhao: hey! Smiling this ...... my whole life ah, I'm afraid of you ah, you do not bully me I can not afford to live I'm all ...... (holding Song let her sit on a chair) ...... calm ah, do not lose face ah. Happy ah ......

Song: (holding back tears) I'm not happy ......

Zhao: my business, my business is your business, your business is also my business, ah, baby ah ... ...

Song: Let's work together ......

Zhao: Uh-huh uh-huh good, it's fine ...... hey ......

Liu: It's okay?

Zhao: Hey, hey, it's okay, calm down ......

Liu: Oh, calm down ah ...... oops, good ...... friend, the next I propose to let all of us present friends, extend your lovely hands, welcome uncle to make the selected speech!

Song: that that ...... that ...... you testimonials it ...... testimonials not ......

Zhao: you you you go for me ......

Song: how do you ......

(Zhao got up, didn't care, walked too fast violently bumped into the microphone ...... he held the microphone) (straightened, hands kept shaking, Song sat down in Zhao's place)

Zhao: (slammed his eyes shut and bellowed!) Good! (claps his hands violently ......)

Zhao: Thanks to ......T "wai" (TV)......Oh no! ...... Thanks to all the T "wai" ...... "Love Wood T wai (MTV)" ...... Sense ...... Sense ...... Sense ...... Sense ...... Thank You Radio Child... ...Radio ...... Good! (closes his eyes tightly again, shouts + claps his hands vigorously) ...... Today, here ...... is a fluffy place, (with a trill) a sea of people, a sea of people, a sea of people, a sea of people, a sea of people, a sea of people, a sea of people ...... I'm this ...... I'm ...... I'm dreaming, I didn't think I could be this torchbearer, I ...... thank ...... me. ...... not fire life, I'm water ...... this this ...... I'm water life! (Liu should: Oh heh, is the water life ......) ...... Well ah, I well ...... I this ...... here, I thank, Thanks to my old partner (looking back to his right, Liu busy pointing to the left side of the Zhao said: ah, that that there ...... Song said: in this pinch ......)...... Without my old partner there is no my Today, because I was practicing with her, practicing her down to practice me up ...... my old partner ...... As the saying goes, a successful man has a woman with many things on his back ...... (Song) : say what pinch you ......) behind, behind there must be a woman in charge of things! To manage me! I'm here, I ...... today, thanks to the government, can give me the opportunity to re-do ...... (Liu scared: Ha? This this this is not right ah this ......) no! Give me the opportunity to be a torchbearer! I must be frank ...... ah no, frankly do things! Frankly do things! I ......

Liu: Thank you uncle! Thank you! (Applause)

Zhao: ......sorry, I'm not finished yet ......

Liu: ah ......well ... ...go on ......

Zhao: The Olympics, good! At this moment, I on behalf of my old partner, to the south, the disaster, father and mother brothers and sisters, to pay you a New Year's greeting! You have to be happy New Year, everything will pass! There is the government to us as the backstage, afraid of hi ah! Ahh! Is not it? ...... good!

Liu: Good!!!! (Applause)

(Song walked to Zhao)

Zhao: After the New Year, I take my old partner, to see you, to give you a donation! (Song: donate!) ...... Can I set?

(Zhao asked Song)

Song: How much is the donation?

Zhao: Donate as much as you can ......

Song: Don't, don't donate all of it either, we don't have any money ......

Zhao: ...... No! ...... old companion ......2008 good, Beijing ...... good, I also good ...... hosts ......

Liu: (whole clothes) eh!

Zhao: finished ...... (and Song sat back in position)

Liu: (rounded himself) good! ...... Come come come uncle! Uncle ah uncle, (took the torch) this is a souvenir of our activities, you old take it!

Zhao: (took the torch) the great 2008, a hundred years of the Olympic Games, we two eighty, (pressed the torch fire button, and Song said together) catch up!

Song: run ah ...... run ah ......

Liu: Let's give a round of applause to the uncle and aunt!

(The three of them walked to the front of the stage, walked half a circle, and took the torch off the stage. ......)

--End