A nurse pushed her way into the room, removed the needle from her mother's arm, tied knots in a couple of vial tubes, discontinued her infusion supply, and pushed the IV pole against the wall.
She did all this in silence, without explanation, and turned away.
This means the hospital has completely given up.
Big brother watched her dial down the tube and asked me with red eyes, "Sister, is it really useless?" Said tears came out.
I also shed tears, went over and hugged him, did not say anything.
In fact, the answer is clear to everyone, but not until the last moment, no one is willing to recognize it.
The mother has been dead for more than two days.
When I first fell into a coma, I called out to her in her ear, and she was able to struggle and barely open her eyes, looking vacantly and doubtfully, as if from a very distant place back to God, and it took a lot of effort to remember who she was.
Then, when I called out to her, whether it was "Mom--" or her name, she didn't have any conscious response.
She seemed to be in a hurry and could not hear anyone.
At the last moment, the hospital was prepared to carry out joint department of terminal rescue, that is, cut open the trachea ventilation, on a variety of instruments and equipment, artificial prolongation of life, was rejected by me.
My mother has suffered a great deal of pain, why should we live for the conscience of the living, take her old man before the end of the peace.
Later I heard the nurse in the restroom behind the discussion: "......XX bed her girl quite good, did not let the resuscitation. Alas, resuscitation is also suffering!"
Hard to breathe, the dying with the sound of breathing, bring the family deep despair.
Ear, small tape recorder, out of the solemn hymns sung, I do not know if she can hear, I just want to help her soul to rise, to the place she longed for.
2.
I was rushed back by my dad on the phone.
He called first and asked if I was busy and if I had time to come home. Since it was close to the end of the year, I didn't make plans to go back until the New Year.
After two days, he made another call and said, "Your mom misses you, can you come back?"
This call was unusual. To know that at that time, parents generally try to persuade children in the field do not go home, peace of mind and work and so on, is afraid of the children to spend money.
When I received this unexplained phone call, I realized the seriousness of the situation, so I took a leave of absence from the leadership and flew back.
My eldest brother picked me up and went home first.
My dad was at home and told me that my mom had been hospitalized, probably with terminal cancer, and that she was going to be operated on tomorrow.
I was confused and shocked.
I had imagined all kinds of scenarios, but I couldn't have imagined that this would be the case.
My mother's health is very good, every morning at dawn to get up to go to the river to exercise, tai chi, tai chi sword, perennial as one day, all year round, even a cold rarely get; I am at home, she also laughed at me not moving colds, the body is not as good as her. Why did she just fall down? It can not be, I am y skeptical.
"How did you get this disease?"
They said, the disease came very suddenly, first a leg feel not too comfortable, walking a little pain, and then more and more pain, the road can not walk, go to the hospital for a check, malignant tumors, and the development of a particularly fast, and now has been transferred to the brain has also been found in the cancer cells. I will have an operation tomorrow to see how much hope there is. Unless a miracle occurs, it almost means that there is no hope.
"Does my mom know?" I asked. I asked.
"Knew a little, didn't tell her everything."
I was extremely shocked, but I had to go to the hospital immediately to see my mom. Getting my emotions together and heading to the hospital, I was still a little unresponsive and always thought a miracle should happen.
This is the first time I've seen my mom in a hospital.
3.
I pushed open the door of the hospital room, and saw my mom half lying down, talking to her roommate, her face was red, and she immediately smiled when she saw me coming in, and introduced herself to her roommate, saying, "My girl is here!"
She is a cheerful person, and smiles everywhere she goes.
My family lived on the fifth floor, and there was no elevator at that time. She would walk down the hallway and say hello to the neighbors, laughing from the first floor to the fifth floor.
When she saw me trying to sit up, I helped her and she said, "I'll do it myself." I sensed she was strong and in pretty good shape.
I really had the feeling that we were just here for a few days and then we would go back.
But that wasn't the case.
The rosy cheeks are due to the fact that the surgery is tomorrow and she just had a blood transfusion. In fact, in malignant tumors, white blood cells are already very low, and often have to be injected with a special drug called "Leukocytexin" to raise them.
I haven't seen my mom for a while, and I've been talking to her about everything.
My uncle's house is close by and he came from overseas before me to help take care of my mom.
My mom's two brothers and sisters are very good at what they do.
My uncle is a tall man, and considerate and careful, we take turns to do things, but did not feel the wards of the pessimistic atmosphere.
However, the next day the situation took a turn for the worse. The first day of the year, I was able to get my hands on a new car.
4.
Early the next morning, my mother was carried into the operating room, before going in, I also close to her ear and told her, "Mom, you are so good, good people will have their own heaven." I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it.
The operation took eight hours. The doctor said, open the abdominal cavity, the tumor has grown full, asked the family's opinion, do you want to do surgery. My dad means, can do or do ah, can not give up treatment.
Many years later, as a Chinese medicine practitioner, my father discovered the tumor inhibiting effect of Ganoderma lucidum, said many times, "Your mother did not know at that time, if I had known that, at that time, in the abdominal cavity inside the Ganoderma lucidum powder sprinkled with should have a role in inhibiting the spread of tumors." He probably also regretted that surgery, let my mom suffered so much pain, and there is still no effect.
But who dares to say give up the treatment in that situation?
After the operation, when she was carried out from the operating room, the whole person was out of shape, no strength, soaked in a puddle of water, sweat wet hospital gown, paralyzed.
A few of us carried her to bed with us. Can not urinate, the catheter is followed by a urine bag.
Then, the surgery was so traumatic that after the anesthesia wore off, there was only endless pain, so painful that people had no strength.
My mom has always been a very strong person, never heard her complain of suffering, anything is to carry their own shoulders.
My mom has always been a very strong person, and I never heard her complaining about being tired.
I could only go to the nurse again and again to ask for Dulcolax.
The nurse said that Dulcolax has side effects and is addictive.
I said, "We have to use it, at least the patient will feel better.
The patient is unusually sensitive to his condition. Basically, the immense pain coming out of the surgery and the reaction of the doctors almost made my mom have lost the will to live. ?
5.
My mom told me she wanted to eat pickled cowpeas. That's probably a kind of returning request before one dies.
I searched all over the street, but I couldn't find any cowpeas, only cabbage. She was a little disappointed and wanted to lose her temper, but didn't.
In fact, she was a little disappointed and wanted to lose her temper.
In fact, not long ago, she also pickled a large jar of eggplant and leeks at home, as a winter meal, and instructed me to scoop out and distribute to the neighbors, saying that the longer it takes to soak, the worse it will be.
She has always been helpful and is a person who does not want to bother others. Come to think of it this was the last request she made of me and I can't believe I didn't fulfill it!
Why didn't I go to heaven and earth and ask someone to find it?
We are too accustomed to our elders giving to satisfy us, and are too unsympathetic to our elders.
One of my good classmates heard the situation, contacted me and said to come to the hospital to see my mom, I did not expect my mom time so quickly, polite, did not let come.
Going back to the hospital and my mom said that my XX classmates want to see you, I did not let come. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it," he said.
Afterwards, I regretted: Why didn't I let him come to see my mom? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that!
I really owe it to both of them.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.
6.
I never expected my mom to die so early, she just turned fifty and I was twenty-six.
I thought she would live to be in her seventies.
In fact, my mom's health is not good, she shall not catch a cold is true, that is the good fruit of years of exercise, but she got a big disease.
She had a serious eye disease, uveitis, the most serious time almost blind, once vision is only 0.1, people walk to the front of her can not see who.
At that time, we were all still young, my father sold the stamps he had saved when he was young, and took my mom to Hangzhou and Shanghai to see a doctor.
Later, her eyesight was preserved, but it was only 0.1-0.3.
As usual, my mom used her spare time to buy groceries and deliver them to the old people at home.
She bought the food in the morning, after work to run two lie, a trip to my mother-in-law's place, that is, my grandmother's home to put down the food, a trip to their own mother, my grandmother's home to put down the food. The first time I saw this was when I was in the middle of the night, and it was the first time I saw it in the middle of the night.
She has had lupus, and cut her tonsils. I remember visiting her in the hospital once when I was a child, she had just finished cutting her tonsils, and the cotton spit out of her throat was blood red. Then what with milk therapy and hormone therapy, the person gained weight.
Before that, she was a good singer and dancer. She had a good sense of music, accurate pitch, and knew any song on the spot. It was in elementary school that I discovered she had a thick book of hymns with short notes, and "Amen--" always ended with this line.
It was a light of compassion in her life of suffering. Thank God!
After her tonsils were removed, her voice became a bit hoarse, and she couldn't sing very well. She could not sing anymore, so she went to the river every day to exercise. The first thing she did was to learn how to use the sword and the fist. She brought a tape recorder and played boxing music. She fought in the front, and a group of people practiced after her. Once during vacation, I followed her to White Pagoda Mountain to exercise and learned behind them. One of the guys they were with said, "Look at you, you're not as soft as your mom." I rolled my eyes in anger. I didn't want to hit that soft. Never participated in their square dances. But this really convinced my mom.
She has suffered a lot in her life, physically.
I sometimes wondered how all the suffering in the family was eaten up by her alone.
Later, I studied Family System Arrangement (FSA) with Mr. Hellinger, a German psychologist, who said, "The child who has the most illnesses in the family is the one who has the greatest love."
She has always suffered first and enjoyed later, and in the long run, others will take it all for granted and no longer appreciate it.
She suffered as if she had willingly put the karma of her whole family on her shoulders alone, and had retributed them all on herself. And her situation in the family was as if she was fighting alone, without allies.
Anyone who is in such an environment can't stand it. I tried, couldn't stand it, and had to leave far away. The first is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you are doing and what you are doing.
7.
What does it mean to say that she is alone? Because the two in-laws are not on good terms.
Everyone knows that Chinese marriage, not the combination of two people, but the reorganization of the two families, is the family can accept each other tolerance.
My grandparents' family of intellectuals, from the old bureaucracy, once grandfather was beaten into "cow ghosts, snakes and gods", my father also affected by this did not go to college, but the pride is still there. The first time I saw this, I was in the middle of a long journey, and it was a long time ago that I was in the middle of a long journey, and it was a long time ago that I was in the middle of a long journey, and I was in the middle of a long journey.
Different families have different ways of dealing with things, different concepts, and the biggest problem with Chinese families is that they don't talk about love. The biggest problem with the Chinese family is that it is more reasonable than loving. There must be a right and wrong between the parents and the family, and then even Bao Gong can't solve the case. The most important thing is that you have to be able to get the best out of them.
I was raised by my grandparents when I was a child, and I have a deep affection for them, so I naturally stand on this side of the line, and I don't allow my mom to say anything bad about my grandparents, which makes my mom angry enough. Their own October child are not close to their own, how miserable in the heart.
I don't want them to get upset, but they must, what can I do?
In fact, the child's heart is the most sensitive.
Hellinger said that the child's spirit is half of the father's family and half of the mother's family, and when the parents are divided, the child's spirit will be split into two halves.
That's true. When one half is discriminating against the other half, your spirit is split and you cannot be a normal minded child. It is both like being in a boundless dark night and in a bottomless ice cellar, unable to stand and ashamed. It is such a state of mind.
Why should we reason and discern right and wrong at home? Isn't kindness the most important thing in the family? People have entrusted each other with their lives and deaths, and have worked hard together to give birth to children, so why should they still be concerned about what is right and wrong? What can not be resolved on the premise of loving each other?
Our country is really lacking in the civilization of marriage and parenthood. From the traditional culture, can not be extracted from the systematic civilization of marriage. Although there is a phrase "the husband and wife are together", it is just a description of the ideal state, there is no system to support.
As long as there is no fundamental civilization, a civilization system cannot be considered a high civilization.
In my opinion, this is the hard wound of our traditional civilization. It is also the fundamental reason why this civilization has repeatedly failed to achieve overwhelming victory.
The greatest darkness in a child's heart is the inability of parents to be one.
Parents can be imperfect people, imperfect parents, these are not fatal, as long as you love each other, this is a paradise, a warm home. ?
8.
My mom told me many times that she was driven by compassion to agree to date and marry my dad.
At that time, my father's family already belonged to the bad family composition of the "cow ghosts and snakes", and my father's character is introverted.
When my father chased my mom, he wrote her a little poem, which touched my mom, and made my mom have a lot of sympathy and love.
I believe my mom meant what she said, she is soft and kind hearted.
She said that when my dad brought her home to meet his parents, my grandparents were very happy to see her.
But then, after I was born as the oldest, they began to fall out. For this reason, when my mom was pregnant with my oldest brother, she was in a bad mood and hated to abort the baby, not wanting to give birth to it. The result was that my eldest brother was born with a disease and almost died.
I grew up in my grandparents' house, and their old couple loved each other, so I was fortunate to escape the troublesome misfortunes brought about by my parents' face-to-face quarrels.
By the time I had a concept of the relationship between my parents, I was in upper elementary school. I went back to my parents' house once in a weekend, but often met them in a quarrel. Sometimes I had to go and invite my grandfather over to break up the fight.
Both sides were my family, but my mother was clearly not loved or protected enough as the weaker side.
This has made me a detached observer of them. There was nothing I could do for my parents but watch.
However, children are the children of their parents, and you can't pretend to be blind to them; nor can your spirit remain unaffected.
Later, after I systematically studied the Bible's view of marriage, I lamented countless times that people's failure to be educated on the correct concepts of marriage and family is the main cause of marriage tragedies in millions of Chinese families.
People are not lacking a lover, a love, but they are lacking love from top to bottom. The river of love is drying up.
Some people feel a serious lack of fatherly love, that's because your father could not inherit complete love from his father either, and he himself was incapable of supplying it.
And so it has been passed on in want from generation to generation.
There is no developed country in the world today that does not prioritize the family-couple relationship over human relationships.
This is both an earthly and a spiritual mystery.
God gives abundant love and blessings to people through family lineage and unites them spiritually through marriage.
These principles are plainly and repeatedly emphasized within the Bible. "A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is placing the importance of the husband-wife relationship above the parental home.
Unfortunately, many people go through life without ever leaving their family of origin, maintaining a relationship with their family of origin that is more important than their own, and this inversion is the main cause of family tragedies that leave your partner not being valued and honored as much as TA deserves.
"You husbands, cherish your wives. For she is with you in the gift of life, and she is weaker than you."
"You wives, honor your husbands, for they are your head."
These teachings are beyond precious.
If we can guide our marriage and family according to Biblical principles and cherish our families, we will have a happy family and in turn a harmonious and healthy society.
9.
As children, we cannot judge our parents.
It is because of the karma of our parents that we are fortunate to be human beings and have a precious life. Our parents' kindness to our lives is immense.
But without the constant supply of God's love, all human beings would go in search of love in the smallest detail until death. How pitiful!
"God is love." Man lives not only by bread, but by God's Word and His love.
God is our constant spiritual supply. Blessed is the man who understands this truth, who can cut off the curse of the evil cycle and live in the abundant love of God.
I thank God for choosing me after all the trials and tribulations, and I hope He chooses you too.
I thank God that He has chosen me after all my trials.