What long-term effects will an epidemic have on us? It may promote the reform of public health system and the improvement of social governance system, and may also profoundly change the global economic climate. Another kind of influence is not grand and intuitive, but it permeates our day and night in detail, that is, the change of interpersonal relationship brought about by the epidemic.
We have heard many stories in the past two months. After the civil affairs bureaus all over the country resumed accepting the registration of marriage and divorce, from Xi 'an to Guangzhou, from a metropolis like Shanghai to a small city like Dazhou in Sichuan, you can see the news that the divorce appointment is full and the divorce rate has increased sharply year-on-year. On social networks, people lament that the living habits, entertainment aesthetics, world outlook and values of the two generations are out of step. There is also some bad news outside the family. During the epidemic, some people were forced to wander the streets because they were driven away and reported, and some people built high walls between neighbors. As the epidemic situation in China gradually subsided, incidents of discrimination against rehabilitation patients in COVID-19 began to appear in newspapers. These trivial, depressing and trivial daily lives will be the reality we will face for a long time.
How to understand these phenomena? Epidemic situation, a typical stress event, puts us in a state of collective stress. Stress permeates and expresses in various forms, affecting all aspects of daily life. The first is our family relationship. We were forced to take a long vacation, and isolation made us and our family huddled in a space all day. Suddenly, we lost our jobs and social activities, and only our family role was dramatically enlarged. For many people, this is an unprecedented experience. At the same time, the epidemic broke the daily state that individuals and families were "fragmented": in the past, neighbors were just house numbers. Now, the maintenance and operation of your life may be related to the community, and the whereabouts and health of your neighbors are directly related to your safety.
More fundamentally, the epidemic has made each of us have to face the heavy topic of limited life, let us face the most fundamental anxiety and fear of "death" and force us to take action.
Can human emotions and connections stand the test of disaster? The facts are not all pessimistic. We recorded the emotional experiences of many individuals in the epidemic: the estranged father and daughter dramatically regained their indifferent affection in the past 20 years; The mother and daughter who were originally "too nervous" suddenly saw each other's real needs and worries and tried to get along in an unprecedented way. In some communities, some people compete for materials, some people want to take the opportunity to earn money from their neighbors, and some people hold groups to keep warm and help each other in the same boat. When we lament the cowardice and selfishness of human nature, don't forget that human nature is far more complicated and powerful than we thought. Existentialist psychology believes that people benefit greatly from realizing death, which will make us "live a truly valuable life, be sympathetic to others and love everything around us". "How have you been?" "How do you want to live?" The epidemic has brought about these soul tortures that were originally carried out in the clinic or at some point in life.
During the interview, I asked Zhang Ya, an associate professor at the School of Psychology and Cognitive Science of East China Normal University: Since the fear of death has such a great influence, how can we overcome it? "Fear has never been overcome," Zhang Ya said. "You can only live more fully with this fear, live your meaning and value, and live your joy and tears."
During the epidemic, Wu Shangzhe, a 26-year-old girl from Wuhan, had a new name-"the girl who went to Huoshenshan to accompany her grandmother". At Fangcang Hospital, Wu Shangzhe received a phone call from his mother. My mother said that my grandmother's condition in Vulcan Mountain Hospital was not good. The doctor said that there might be a turn for the better if accompanied by family members, but only confirmed patients can enter the "Vulcan Mountain", and neither my mother nor my father meets the requirements. "I'll go!" Wu Shangzhe did not hesitate. She once thought that it was "worthwhile" to save an old man with a young life, but when this problem was really put before her, she realized that "it is not worth it without the measure of affection".
On the Internet, many people think that Wu Shangzhe is brave, strong and optimistic. On the day of diagnosis, she announced her diagnosis results in a circle of friends and accompanied her with a photo of her past swimsuit. Most of her records are warm, touching and interesting things between doctors and patients. For example, the aunt in the next bed helped her mend her sick clothes, and she took photos with doctors and nurses in various poses, teasing them to wear protective clothing similar to "Teletubbies".
But Wu Shangzhe told me that she felt that she was not strong and she would be afraid. On the night of February 10, she couldn't sleep at home. She imagined that she would lose all her family, so she cried bitterly. On the day she went to Vulcan Mountain, she tried every means to protect herself from being infected by other viruses and bacteria. "Put on a hat, can cover up. If there are no extra gloves, put your hands in your sleeves. If there is broken skin on your face, stick a layer of toothpaste. "
In the "Vulcan Mountain", she accompanied her grandmother through the last stage of her life, witnessing and sharing her fears and anxieties. On the last night of February, grandma suddenly went blind and kept crying and shaking her head. Wu Shangzhe climbed into grandma's hospital bed, curled up beside her and held her hand. Grandma rubbed her fingers repeatedly with her thumb. Grandma died at 3 am on March 6, and Wu Shangzhe fell in the corridor of the hospital alone. "At that moment, I felt very lonely, as if there was no one around, it was an open space."
In fact, in the "hut", Wu Shangzhe can hear people crying every day. "Everyone has illness, and there is a divided family behind them." She handed a paper towel to a crying mother and her husband was isolated. The 7-year-old child was left unattended, and several patients sat together to give advice to comfort her. In the bed next door lives a sister whose condition has deteriorated. On the first day, they were still chatting heartily. When Wu Shangzhe woke up the next morning, there was already an empty bed. But she took a "square dance" and everyone in the camera was very happy. While filming, she cried bitterly: "This group of people who have experienced so much grief are still dancing so actively."
Wu Shangzhe did not expect that many writers contacted her after coming out of the "Vulcan Mountain" and wanted to write her story. Some middle school students left a message on the Internet, saying that they wanted to be like her. What is touching about Wu Shangzhe's story? Just because of filial piety or optimism?
I think that in the epidemic, no matter where we are, no matter whether we fight the disease at close range or not, we are all victims. In the face of death, we are forced to isolate and press the pause button of life. In the face of great uncertainty, everything seems to be involuntary. This is our situation. What Wu Shangzhe saw, heard, experienced and recorded reminds us that no matter how rampant the fear and pain are, people can still stick to and sublimate those feelings that we cherish, and they can still lend each other a helping hand in difficulties. This is precisely our most powerful counterattack. This kind of counterattack can happen to every ordinary person and every ordinary family. As romain rolland said, there is only one kind of heroism in the world, and that is to see the truth of life and still love it.