A mother took her child to Disney to learn English, must be taught by Disney himself, the staff told that there is no such person, the mother did not believe it, the staff said that you white rabbit English to find the white rabbit to teach him.
002.
A certain star: do you believe I only sleep one hour a day? Reporter: Then what are you doing for the other twenty-three hours? Star: dozing off.
003.
A certain gentleman forty and toppling, all the time worry, one day to see the newspaper advertisement of the secret recipe for baldness, great joy, immediately remittance mail order. A few days later, I received a reply: Do you want a wig or a hat?
004.
A certain gentleman dreamed of a secret but woke up and forgot it! He decided to write it down the next day if he had the same dream, so he put a pen and paper by his pillow. The next day he woke up and read this: If the banana is big, the banana peel must be big!
005.
A certain gentleman took the traffic test. Examiner: what to do when you encounter a green light? A: Drive through. The examiner: encountered a red light? A: Stop. A: What about the yellow light? A: Go through it!
006.
A psychiatric patient was writing a letter, and the nurse asked: Who are you writing to? The patient: I write to myself! The patient: You're crazy!
007.
The leader of a school board went to a middle school to draw tests, and announced to the students at the assembly: "In order to be fair, this year I will first draw tests for the first grade, next year will be the second grade, and the year after that will be the third grade." The crowd collapsed.
008.
A certain A looked at the needle could not help but ask: will it hurt ah? The nurse said: don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than twenty years. Only to hear a scream. Only then did the nurse slowly picked up: there is not a time that does not hurt.
009.
A certain A taught the parrot to speak: I can walk. Parrot: I can walk. A: I can talk. Parrot: I can talk. A: I can fly. Parrot: Don't tease me.
010.
A certain A said to the lawyer: I want a divorce, I can not stand my wife at 12 o'clock at night to the dance hall. Lawyer: that's unforgivable, what does she go for? A: To carry me back!
011.
A certain A: How long can a brainless person live? A certain B: I don't know, how old are you?
012.
A certain captain runs towards the pilot's cabin with an axe, and a passenger sees this and goes up to him and says: Captain! Are there thugs? Captain: I accidentally locked myself out of the cockpit.
013.
A public **** occasions often have people urinating, managers put up signs warning that "violators fine" still can not be banned, and the day more. One day, Zhang a notice said: strictly prohibit urinating in the open, or confiscate the tools of the trade.
014.
Someone's speech was off-topic and lasted two hours. Finally he snapped: sorry, I forgot to wear my watch. A voice from the back seat said in reply: there's a monthly calendar behind you.
015.
A university biology department has zoology, entomology, botany three majors. At a department-wide student meeting, the host greeted loudly: animals sit on the left, insects on the right, and plants in the center.
016.
Mingming and Tian Tian were eating peanuts. When Mingming saw the peanut fall on the ground he said, "Tian Tian why are you wasting it." And picked it up and put it in his mouth. Tien stopped for a moment and said, "You didn't even waste the little bugs!"
017.
Secretary-General: the general manager asked us to go out tomorrow to buy the Four Libraries. Secretary: we just have three libraries, they're all taken up already. Secretary General: then let's free up another office.
018.
The art school rules forbid boys to fall in love with female models. Xiao Qiang not only talked about it but also made the model pregnant. The school found out about it. A few days later the school announced: Xiao Qiang was expelled for destroying props.
019.
Beauty, beauty, beauty, I love you, and I think about you day and night! If you abandon me and go with him, beware I will chop you to death! Beauty A make all men adore, B dare to carve on the table of A "I love you" three words, A angry, helpless to wipe it does not go, the people admire B. The next day, A on the table to add the carving "I love you" three words. The next day, A on the table carved four words: the snow in the north of Serbia.
020.
Americans in China by cab: your car is really slow! Ours is much faster. Get to your destination and charge fifty dollars. "Ah! So expensive!" A: "This meter is American!"
021.
Americans: there are many people in the United States who help basketball stars with their lawsuits, and fewer people who can actually play basketball. Chinese: more people in China who help Chinese soccer teams tell fortunes, fewer people who can actually play soccer.
022.
Every day I think about you very much, three times in the morning and four times at night, for short: three times in the morning and four times in the evening! The gas company usually notifies the worker in writing to change the new gas meter, and the form has a remarks column in which the worker must state the reason if he or she is unable to complete it. The most common reason was: dogs don't change meters.
023.
When you don't have a girlfriend, you're like a hound dog - you have a keen sense of smell; when you're in a relationship, you're like a pug - you need to be thick-skinned enough; and when you're married, you're like a wolf dog - you've finally shed that hypocritical skin.
024.
When you don't have a girlfriend... Good Citizen; When you have a girlfriend... Pending bail; when engaged... Residence under surveillance; when married... Life imprisonment! When you don't have a girlfriend you're a hound dog; when you find a target you're a pug; when you get it you're a wolf dog; when you lose it you're a dead dog.
025.
The door couplet of the thatched toilet: Shit falls into the pond and shakes the sky full of stars (Note: stars at night, flies during the day); Piss drenches the wall and unfolds 10,000 miles of rivers and mountains; Banner: Qi Chong Dou Niu.
026.
The cat was guarding the entrance to the rat's hole, thinking: "Boy, I don't believe you won't come out; not long after a hedgehog came out, the cat went up and held him down, saying: "Little boy! Sprayed with hairspray, I do not recognize you!
027.
Buns and noodles fight, the result is that buns were beaten and cried, then go home to the rolls buns called, go to find noodles. The result is instant noodles open the door, steamed bread said: small sample! Put the head hot do not recognize you? Shou hit!
028.
Melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, not sweet do not pay"! Hungry passerby: "Wow! Great, boss, have one that's not sweet."
029.
A man lost his love. A friend consoled him by saying, "It doesn't matter, you'll soon get over her and find a better girl."" No, there's no way I'm going to get over her soon!" The man shouted, "I bought her a lot of things all in installments."
030.
The first test for diving in the sea is coming up soon. Dive student: how do we pass the exam? Instructor: come back alive.
031.
Mom sterilized the towel with boiling water, Tiny ran over, pointed to the pot and asked: mom, what's inside? Mom: It's a towel. Xiao Xiao hesitated for a moment and said: I see that the towel can also be used to make soup!
032.
Mom explains the birth of a baby to her young daughter. The daughter is silent for a moment, "Is that how our kittens came to be?"" Yeah."" Daddy's so good at everything!"
033.
Mom sent Sin down the street to buy eggs, but all the eggs she got back were small. Mom: Why are all the eggs small now? Sin: Chickens are born, now it's popular to fall in love early.
034.
Mom told Li Rong to get a haircut, saying: it takes a lot of nutrients to grow hair, and it's a waste! Li Rong replied: since growing hair requires a lot of nutrition, isn't the cut hair the same as cutting the nutrition?
035.
Mom bought a net bag of fruits and urged her son: you put the fruits where no one's hand can reach. The son said: Mom, then just put it in my stomach.
036.
The mother said to her son, "Father is going to entertain a Yugoslavian at home in the evening. As the father and the guest stepped into the house, the boy whispered to his mother, Mom! Come and see, the lady is a man!
037.
The mother is standing in front of the bank window with her child in her arms, and the child is eating bread while shoving it through the window to the teller, who smiles and shakes his head. Mother: sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.
038.
MOTHER: Why doesn't Xiao Ming share the candy with his little sister? The old mother hen found the bugs and gave them to the chicks to eat, you should learn! Xiaoming: Okay. If I find bugs, I'll give them to my little sister.
039.
Mom: Xiaoming, you're already so big, you still need to be hugged by your mom! Xiaoming: Auntie next door is even older than me, and she's still giving her dad a hug.
040.
Mom: Which apple do you want? Kid: The big one, the biggest one. Mom: Son, you should know how to be polite. Ask for the small one. Kid: Do you have to lie to be polite?