For many office workers, they are busy every day, tired of coping with life, probably the most yearning is the time after retirement, a stable monthly income, a lot of time, to be able to dominate their own lives, which is the goal of many people struggle.
But as we age, and as the objective environment continues to change, many people's perceptions change. For some people, when the material conditions are satisfied, with more and more free time, the feeling, sometimes not necessarily happiness, but a boundless sense of emptiness and loneliness. Especially some of the retired elderly, when they finally live a young when the desired retirement life, but no longer happy, some even deep depression.
The 62-year-old Ms. Yuan in the hospital is one such example. She used to be an employee of a state-owned enterprise and retired at the age of 55. Her only son works in a first-tier city, and her only grandson is in elementary school. Her family is wealthy, and her husband, who was a middle-level cadre in a state-owned enterprise before he retired, is a strong businessman who has made a lot of money over the years by taking on private work. Today, Ms. Yuan is sitting on 6 suites in this third-tier city where she lives, but how can she not be happy, and now she often suffers from insomnia and mental depression.
Ms. Yuan's son has been her pride and joy since he was a child. Over the years, her focus is all on her son, her son's college entrance exams, unsurprisingly, into a 985 university in Beijing, excellent son, let her around the front of the colleagues to earn face. The son graduated from undergraduate school and went to graduate school, during which time he talked to a girl who was from Beijing, so his son logically stayed in Beijing to work after graduation from graduate school.
Ms. Yuan is a bit lost, as a mother, always want her son to develop well, so her son stayed in Beijing to work, although she was not comfortable, but still agreed. Beijing's high housing prices, she and her husband originally intended to sell their own in this third-tier city of a few sets of houses, to buy their son in Beijing. Who knows that the woman's parents proposed, they are also the only daughter, the two children's wedding house payment of half of a family, the house book written in the name of the two children. This proposal is very practical, Ms. Yuan and her husband agreed to the pain.
The daughter-in-law gave birth to a child that year, called the mother's mother to help bring the child, a band is several years.
These are the first time I've ever seen a woman with a child in her life, and I've never seen a woman with a child in her life," she said. What makes her even more angry is that her in-laws live in her son's house as if they were in their own home, while she is a guest. Especially on every holiday, she learns that her son and daughter-in-law have gone to her daughter-in-law's parents' house again with their child, which makes her even more lost, and she feels that she has raised a son for someone else's family.
Ms. Yuan, disappointed in her son, wanted to pin the happiness of the rest of her life on her husband. They have been married for many years, the husband career, has been outside to take some private work, more friends, more socializing, home management less, so the relationship between the two can only be described in two words flat. Her husband has worked hard for many years and purchased six houses for the family. In Ms. Yuan's opinion, it is time to enjoy her old age. She likes to travel, and hopes that her retired husband will accompany her to travel two or three months a year, but her husband has his own business, and he said to Ms. Yuan: "You find a friend to go with you, I don't love to travel."
What's hard for Ms. Yuan is that after retirement, most people in the same age group are at home with their grandchildren, and she doesn't have any grandchildren to bring, and her son rarely comes home. Originally counted on the old couple together is a companion, but her husband is busy every day, once, she watched TV at home for a day, it is too lonely, her husband came home in the evening still could not stop fuming, but her husband even disliked her: "are married for so many years, together with what can be talked about."
This sentence of the husband, like a knife in her heart, pierced her imagination of a happy marriage, the original husband's busy, because stay with her to find **** the same language.
Ms. Yuan did not know how to face their own old age, more accurately, do not know how to face their own boundless loneliness, she wanted to go out to work, at least have their own circle, but think of today's workplace are young people's world, they do not lack of money, why bother to put on a set of shackles. She envies those who are not in a good financial situation, they can make up their mind and don't have to think about it too much, they can put all their energy into earning money, and the days won't be so hard. She envies those who love to square dance or sing, there is one thing that they can happily devote themselves to, while she, herself, has nothing.
I am reminded of Schopenhauer's saying that the more sources of happiness one finds in oneself, the happier one is, because other sources of happiness are, by their very nature, unreliable and ephemeral, and can be easily lost, as can be seen in the lives of the elderly.
Yuan's daughter's loss and depression stems from the fact that she is counting on her son and her husband for her happiness, and when her son grows up to be independent and has his own life, and doesn't need to pay for it any more, she feels a great loss; at the same time, she is counting on her husband for her happiness, and she thinks that he should know herself, understand herself, and care about herself, but she can't do that because she doesn't know herself. The feelings are accumulated over the years, everyone is an independent individual, even if a very responsible person, may not be able to meet all your expectations.
A person who puts his or her hopes for happiness on foreign objects and other people will eventually be disappointed. The reason is that as you get older, you will find that the need for external objects will be reduced, and then more money, just numbers, can not buy the happiness you want. Those who are able to find pleasure in the dull life, will make the long and boring life looks interesting, rich inner world, is to get the only source of happiness.
Anytime, remember to cultivate your heart, make it full and interesting. For the elderly after retirement, first of all, do not dwell too much on the past past, learn to let go. After retirement, people are equivalent to enter a new stage of life, to learn to make a break on the previous things, do not dwell on the past mistakes, do not indulge in the past glory, adjust the mood, in order to walk the road of the future.
Secondly, don't force yourself to do things you don't like, such as entering a circle you don't like, contacting people you don't like, and taking part in meals you don't like. When you are young, some things are forced, after retirement, we must learn to face their own hearts, do not do things against the heart, so that the heart, always keep in a kind of quiet state, not affected by external things.
The most important thing is that people should learn to enjoy solitude after retirement. The essence of life is loneliness, especially with age, will experience this more y, learn to get along with yourself, in the solitude, calmly do well, go to do their own really like things, so that the time with the good, so that the late years with the calm companion.