Recently, Guangzhou University published a study on the happiness of Guangzhou residents, the data show:
In descending order of happiness, widowed>divorced>unmarried>married
In the survey of the many subjects, the highest level of happiness is the widowed people, and the weakest sense of happiness is the married people.
It's ironic that it's better to prefer your spouse to be dead than to be faced with it every day.
Although the survey was conducted in Guangzhou, it really reflects the problem of marriage quality in the national dimension - the happiness of married people is getting thinner and thinner.
We can't help but wonder if marital happiness has really become a luxury.
2
The marriage scene as depicted in the hit TV series "In the Name of the People" is a testament to "happiness: widowed > divorced > unmarried > married".
Status: Widowed
Characters: Liu accountant's widow
Mood: "There is no other problem, I'll go to the square dance ah"
Liu accountant was assassinated by the Shanshui Group, the widow Wei Caixia not only did not have half a bit of sadness, but instead of the gleeful, flamboyant, dancing all day long. The first time I saw this, it was a very good thing that I was able to get a good look at it.
It turned out that Liu accountant married half a year on the outside looking for a mistress, and then separated for more than a decade, not only no love, but on the contrary, all hate. Liu accountant was assassinated, Wei Caixia feel happy, have long been looking forward to his death. Moreover, from Gao Xiaoqin got 2 million yuan of pension, happy.
Status: Divorced
Characters: Gao Yuliang and his original wife
Mood: Workmates, business partners
At first I really thought they were a model couple! Respecting each other and exploring issues. I didn't realize that it was just an appearance, they have long been divorced, Gao Yuliang in order to career, Ms. Wu in order to face, the two coincided, chose to pretend to be cozy for the sake of *** with the interests.
But you don't say, the effect of pretending is not bad. Most of the time we get along, we can communicate with each other and analyze the complex political situation in Handong. You pour me a cup of tea, I carry a bag for you. Each other is a close comrade in arms, rarely breaking out into verbal conflict.
They are able to live in peace*** because they are divorced, no longer have expectations of each other, and no longer assume the corresponding obligations, each other is nothing more than a familiar stranger. This mentality allows them to face each other with ease.
Status: Unmarried
Character: Lu can also
Mood: free, happy
37-year-old Lu can also be a director, refused to make his mother all the opportunities for blind dates, and focus on the work, Figure a free.
No object how? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes, and you'll be able to get them to fit in your pocket.
Besides, if you make full use of your time alone to do what you like, read, work overtime, and keep fit, you can get your happiness from many sources, and you don't have to rely on a person around you.
Status: Married
Character: Qi Tongwei
Mood: "When I think of going home, I have a headache"
Qi Tongwei and Liang Lu, representing a large number of people's marital status - disgusted with each other. The two can no longer communicate properly, and when they talk, they fight.
When Qi Tongwei and Liang Lu spoke, his expression immediately changed, gritted his teeth, a face of hatred. "I tell you Liang Lu, my business you less care!" , "I am desperate to take back my lost dignity!"
The reason why being married is the lowest state of happiness is because we have expectations of our spouses. And when a spouse fails to live up to your expectations, resentment sets in.
After all, who doesn't get married for 1+1>2? To allow a person into your life is to expect the combined power of two people to explode into greater energy, to expect the individual to be better because of this union.
But when one "self" and another "self" try to merge and fail, the frustration is greater than before the marriage.
That's why married people are even less happy than single, divorced and widowed people.
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Happiness, which was the original purpose of marriage, has become a luxury. What are the reasons?
It lies in a chasm.
On the other side of the divide, there is a strong pursuit of happiness.
In the era of spiritual freedom and enlightenment, people are increasingly eager to be happy. When meeting the survival needs of the bottom of the pyramid is no longer a problem, people begin to pursue self-realization at the top.
So the slightest feeling of "unhappiness" will be sensitively captured and even magnified.
In fact, marital unhappiness was a common occurrence in the olden days, and it did not evolve into a social problem. But nowadays, the "awakening of the self" has made the concept of "happiness" more and more important, and it has become the ultimate goal of the pursuit of life.
At the other end of the divide is the lack of ability to achieve happiness.
Although "happiness" is positioned as the greatest success in life, we still collectively lack the ability to create it. Marital happiness is at the top of the list.
You see, the first batch of 90 divorced people have emerged, they hold the certainty of happiness into the temple, but often quickly regret, 1 year hastily divorced;
You see, so many couples complained that "did not see the person before the marriage, the marriage is too hasty", "love is easy to get along with is too difficult, life is not easy to get along with is too difficult. Love is easy to get along with too difficult, too much friction in life", complaining that "although he is an adult, but psychologically still a baby" ......
Marriage is a mandatory course in life, but we do not have the opportunity to pre-study.
Marriage is an essential lesson in life that we don't get to study.
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If I could really give advice on how to make a marriage work, I'd use my own personal experience as a teaching tool.
If marital happiness is also a luxury, then I'm a rich man.
One day, Mr. Yang was concentrating on his computer, and I got close enough to see that he had written a piece of writing that he intended to submit to me, titled "How I found such a good daughter-in-law.
A closer look, the article is full of dry goods, can be called to find daughter-in-law treasure.
The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what to do, but I'd like to know what to do.
Independence includes: personality independence + economic independence. The interdependence between the two independent individuals will not be a burden to each other.
Second, do not look for the age of too small, do not look for not have talked about love.
Mr. Yang is 30 years old when he met me, and he is clear that he does not want to find a girl under 25 years old. Because there will be a generation gap. Thought **** through is far more important than the exuberance of fertility .
Also, unlike many men who "only look for girls who feel like their first love", Mr. Yang finds maturity more attractive. This is the number one reason why we are soul mates. Who hasn't had an ex, who hasn't had a story, but the key is to grow and mature in the past.
Third, don't look for the hide-and-seek and the lust.
"Guess the heart" is not interesting. If you want to say straight, you don't want to say straight. The ambiguity or the desire to escape is a child's game, marriage needs to be open communication.
When all the complexity of the suspicion is not needed, the internal conflict is reduced to zero, the two people can enhance the unanimity of the external combat, right?
Looking back at the "widowed > divorced > unmarried > married" happiness ranking,
-- Marriage is a must in life, in fact, is doubling the stakes. Bad practice is double the pain, good practice is double the happiness . May you enjoy the latter.