Small horse nodded shyly, carrying a bag, left the motherland.
I can't trace the state of love between Xiao Ma and her boyfriend in four years of college, but I understand that two people can be committed in four years of college, which in itself is a very remarkable thing.
Two years apart, Xiao Ma studied in the United States, her boyfriend worked in the country, after the time difference, time and space, time polishing, conflict, misunderstanding, lonely friction, finally finally insisted on meeting. Xiao Ma back to Beijing, hate face with tears tightly embrace him.
Two years of love, finally reunited.
Finally holding hands, no more distant thoughts.
But a month later, the two broke up.
I think, you and I questioned the same, should not be lovers, should not be bitter sweet? No.
Because most of the stories of love and lovebirds are only in literature and movie works, there is a role in reality should be a supporting role, but is acting as the main character, its name, called parents.
In the fairy tale, it is not written, in the love story, they should be green leaves, but in China, they are changed into red flowers.
And this involvement, it will always be able to turn one thing, into another.
Xiao Ma's parents asked the man's parents to buy a house in Beijing to pay the down payment, the man's family is poor, they asked the woman's parents if they could contribute half, and then pay it back later.
At first, the woman accepted, but on the eve of the wedding, the woman's mother suddenly backtracked, thinking, send your daughter abroad, the family has spent a million, and now you have to get married and pay half of the down payment money, it is not appropriate, before the family of those who have spent all that money in vain?
Obviously, the mother started to think like a businessman and put her daughter on the other side of the trade.
Thinking about it, the phone call to the male parent, may be talking way too much, directly angered the male parent. What I didn't expect was that the horse was eating at the man's house, and the man's parents took the heat out on the horse.
Obviously, this anger transfer is very unreasonable.
Pony's boyfriend also found it strange and was so shocked by the sudden attack that he froze and didn't even speak up for his girlfriend.
The girl was aggrieved and ran home in tears. When her mom saw this, she was furious and picked up the phone to call the boy again. The boy told his parents, his parents thought that this time and again difficult is to dislike their poor family, once again emotional outbursts ......
The two sides just like this, killing each other, killing to completely unable to communicate.
Such an emotional outburst for a year, Xiao Ma and her boyfriend finally broke up. After the breakup, Xiao Ma woke up crying all night, the boys sneak up on her from time to time to send a message, but both parents are against it, they can not progress to the next step, can only hang on, they do not know what can be done to salvage each other's feelings.
She told me it was the seven year itch, and I said no, if you get both parents involved in the first year, you can get the itch in the first year.
She said, isn't it good to get the parents involved?
I said, involved is necessary, but you do not forget, feelings, is the two people's business, and no one else, even parents. All people can only be a supporting role, not because they are parents have to be the director, their own life, they are the director.
Over the years, I've seen that all couples who have a good relationship with each other are more or less "righteous". In fact, many of the conflicts between post-80s and post-90s boyfriends and girlfriends don't come from material things, but from the pressure exerted by both parents.
I asked Ma, you came back from the United States, thought about buying a house this thing?
Xiao Ma said, thought, but I also thought, even if you can not afford to buy it is okay. After all, as long as there is his place, is home, rent a house is also live.
I asked, but you found it, when the parents intervened, things immediately deteriorated, the beautiful feelings into cold reality, the spirit of the match into the economic door to door, the development of today, is what you want?
She shook her head. I can feel her pain, the kind of powerlessness tearing the lungs of the pain. She said she hated her parents. I think that the boy, and why not hate their parents.
Liu Zhenyun in the "one sentence top ten thousand sentences" that: Chinese people are good at turning one thing into another thing, and then into a third thing, and then make a mess.
Love itself is a two-person thing, and when parents get too involved, everything degenerates from one thing to another: what was love becomes caution; what was meant to be a quick marriage suddenly becomes difficult; what was meant to be spontaneous becomes a struggle.
Just like Xiao Ma, when things festered, it turned into a conflict between her mother and the family. The mother told her, "If you keep hanging out with this family, we're going to have to break up the mother-daughter relationship.
I think, her mother said this sentence, how much is standing in the daughter's point of view thinking, and how much is for the daughter's happiness considerations? I guess having come to this point, her own face and financial costs have taken precedence over everything else.
I told Ma, your mom wants you to find a what kind? After all, they also think it's time for you to get married.
She said, I don't know, but I'm afraid that when I have to get married, she introduces me to a random one and says, "Hurry up and get married, pick something blindly, almost on the line.
I once said: many parents do not know what their children want, and even, very often, I think some parents simply do not want their children to be happy.
This may seem like a heavy statement, but in today's China, it is well founded.
I've seen a mom once tell her daughter something like this: no one in the world really loves you except your mom.
These are the words of a real mom. I can imagine where she was coming from when she said that. The first half of the sentence makes sense, and the second half of the sentence just makes the child defensive about the world.
But, after all, mothers get old, after all, they leave, and how do you let a child who is afraid to love live in the world, and how do you let a child who carries a barrier all day long love in the world?
This where is love, is nakedly kidnapped with love.
It is an indisputable fact that children will eventually leave their parents and go to live with their other half, no matter how far away. Everyone should have their own life, their own rhythm.
Having distance is the best way to love.
Sometimes, learn to let go, but will have a better result.
I wrote an article three years ago called "Mom and Dad, why are you interfering in my relationship".
The story was about an aunt who wouldn't let her daughter date her boyfriend of seven years, saying that the boy was incapable. But after I communicated, I realized that it was not true, it was just because the aunt couldn't accept the boy.
After I wrote this article, my sister said it was really well written and then forwarded it. As a result, it was seen by my aunt, and she was so angry after reading it that she called me and told me that I was a traitor, how could I take my sister's side, and scolded me.
I asked my aunt, have you ever thought about what will be the final result of suppressing your daughter so much and then introducing her to one boyfriend after another?
The aunt didn't say anything for a long time.
I think she has been able to figure out that this is a lose-lose deal, and that if she keeps interfering as a legislator, the child will hate her, but it's just a matter of time, and which unhappy person will have endless love?
A year later, her daughter got married, and the groom, the boy who had been in love for seven years.
I don't know how my aunt accepted him or what efforts he made, but I understand that it was a long road, and that the parents compromised.
When parents compromise, children can be happy; when parents decentralize, children can be free.
It says in the Bible:
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall become one flesh.
Leaving one's parents and being united to one's wife is what is necessary for happiness, and one grows up and spends one's life with another person, who is not one's parents but one's own choice.
Parents always say that their generation is under a lot of pressure, but the children of this generation are under even more pressure, not only from the skyrocketing property prices and the gradually rising cost of living, but also from the requirements of parents. The children's pursuit is not simply material, but the happiness itself.
And many times, parents' demands and excessive involvement often ruin a good relationship.
It's like when a couple fights, which is normal in itself, but when it comes to the parents, it immediately turns sour, and the two sides start to get more and more aggressive, and the fight is never over.
My sister-in-law from Xinjiang married to Hubei, with the aunt's family to live, every time the fight, it becomes the aunt's family to fight like a group to attack the sister-in-law, over time, the sister-in-law got very serious depression. Once I couldn't stand it, I said to the old man, how can you be so uneducated?
The old man took a look at me and said, "How are we uneducated?
I said, "What kind of education is it to follow the quarrel between a couple?
Of course they were not convinced.
They are not convinced, of course, but I want to tell a story about my brother and sister-in-law.
Whenever my brother and sister-in-law had a fight, my brother's parents would take my brother's side and give my sister-in-law a hard time, and then let the two of them go home and fight.
I'm sure my sister-in-law's parents have their hearts in their sister-in-law's favor, but educated parents must have their elbows out and close the door before kissing their children.
And they must not interfere too much in their children's lives. After all, everyone has their own rhythm, not the parties, do not judge, respect and silence are as strong as love.
You love to dance, I love to stay up late at night, each other need to respect each other to leave a distance, in order to get along better, better love.
I am very grateful to my parents, especially my father, in the most should be decentralized when decentralization.
When I was a kid, my father was very strict with me, and my sister and I would get a scolding if we didn't get to the top of the class. Slowly, as we grew up, I suddenly realized that they didn't control me anymore, they would only give me advice but not force me to do things I didn't like.
My parents have their own careers and their own hobbies, and they call me to ask questions, but they don't interfere too much in my life, they only give advice, they don't go to force.
Seeing that I stayed up late, they would say that the next day to make up for it; seeing that I was tired, they would tell me to rest more; seeing that I did not exercise, they would remind me to go to the physical examination.
When people get older, they always have to be responsible for themselves, and responsibility and freedom go hand in hand.
I remember once my father talked to my sister about marriage, and he told her, "You can get married whenever you want, I won't rush you, after all, you are older.
I listened on the side, very touched, after all, very few parents can do what they say.
Later, I asked my father why he didn't rush her.
My father said, as long as you are happy, all the starting point of parents should be the child's happiness is good, and the child's happiness, can only be their own decision. So, we will support, do not interfere, give you enough freedom, you try to fly just fine.
This is the best love I've ever heard: silently watching you be happy, advising, not interfering, and that's it.