There is a popular topic on 知乎上：I have worked very hard on everything, and I have exhausted myself physically and mentally, so why is it that I still can't accomplish anything?

This proble

There is a popular topic on 知乎上：I have worked very hard on everything, and I have exhausted myself physically and mentally, so why is it that I still can't accomplish anything?

This problem has plagued many people. I don't know, do you also have such a tired heart experience? For example, others casually said a sentence, you will remember in your heart, secretly speculate on the meaning of this sentence, suspecting that they may have said the wrong words. It is obvious that you haven't done anything, but you feel exhausted already. Even if you do, you often reflect and blame yourself afterward, feeling like a failure, caught in a procrastination-self-blame-procrastination loop.

The psychological explanation for this behavior is that self-control requires the consumption of psychological resources, and when resources are insufficient, the individual is in a state of so-called internal depletion, and long-term internal depletion will make you feel exhausted.

Emotional internal depletion occurs when we get on our own nerves, put too much focus on our inner drama, and don't have the means to rest properly in the present moment. As a result, we are mentally exhausted before we achieve anything.

First, the more internalized people are, the more likely they are to experience misfortune

A person's greatest internal depletion is the rejection of oneself. There are usually 3 ways to externalize the internal consumption:

(1) Indecision, fear of choice

In the big and small things, can she fall into hesitation, can not be extricated. For example, today decided to eat what dishes? Also have to think half a day. In the end, simply let others to make decisions for themselves.

(2) do things drag, generally inefficient

Always like to drag to can no longer drag to the time, only in a hurry to complete it. And not done before, the heart has been in the mind of the unfinished business, do other things when it is difficult to focus attention, low efficiency. Thus a strong sense of guilt and anxiety arises. As a result, it's clear that you're tired even when you're not doing anything.

(3) Generalized Idleness

There are some people who are internally consumed and reject any kind of effort. Because in their view, to try as hard as others would be to admit that they are mediocre, he would rather fantasize that he is so good that he doesn't need to do anything. In the long run, they become lackadaisical and easily fatigued.

Many people who are internally drained are highly sensitive and have a particularly high level of inner drama. They all suffer from low self-esteem and try to compensate for their shortcomings by setting high standards and end up in a vicious cycle.

Most of them live in a peculiarly fixed pattern: face a problem - no confidence - look for a way - way fails - attack themselves; even less confidence - look for a way again

A life of high internal conflict is like a balloon with a leaky hole, you can't blow it up even if you blow hard, and it forms an endless vicious circle.

Long-term psychological internal consumption will destroy all your enthusiasm and power of action, so that you feel tired without realizing it, and thus long time not in the state, life is more and more unhappy.

Second, why is there psychological internal conflict?

It is that we have created for ourselves a kind of "I am what I am", or at that moment "feel is" or "should be". It is the image we create for ourselves of what I am, or what we "feel" or "should be" at that moment. In the end, it's an illusory self.

If a man believes he has a certain quality and doesn't have to let others prove it; but if in fact he doesn't, and only wishes he did, he will be very sensitive about it. He will go out of his way to erase the gap between his idealized image and his real self, and try to maintain his perfect image.

Obviously, this can be very tiring, especially if the ideal self is so different from the real self. It's hard for him to accept the reality of his bad self, and he wastes all his energy in fighting and rejecting himself.

What are the negative effects of an idealized image?

(1) Detachment from reality and blind confidence

In order to achieve their goals, they exaggerate their own abilities and importance, and whitewash all their shortcomings into strengths. This self-deception takes him farther and farther away from reality.

(2) Always want to win over others

The person with internal conflict always feels that others are belittling him and thus feels extremely humiliated. In order to get rid of this feeling, he needs a kind of retaliatory victory, that is, over others. And this ready comparison gives him more sense of crisis.

(3) Denial of the existence of conflict

This is the root of the rigidity of the idealized image. Many people do not recognize the shortcomings, do not face up to the inner conflict, is to maintain the false harmony that he himself has worked so hard to establish. This undoubtedly adds to the internal conflict.

The emergence of an idealized image may seem to compensate for his dissatisfaction with the real image, but the consequences are the creation of self-alienation and personality cracks.

Because he has over-elevated himself, he simply cannot live up to his ideal self. As a result, he becomes even more intolerant of his true self and hates himself even more.

He struggles between his idealized self and his real self, and swings between self-appreciation and self-discrimination, exhausting his mental energy.

How to minimize internal psychological stress?

Most people will consciously or unconsciously ignore internal conflict, because recognizing and experiencing conflict itself is a painful thing. You need to be quiet to find yourself, break through, and try to make new changes; and it is human nature to stay in your comfort zone and pretend that everything is calm.

Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein said, "Sometimes the door of a room is not locked, except that it opens inward, and a person who always pushes outward without pushing inward is trapped in this unlocked room ."

Therefore, to minimize internal conflict, we need to be brave enough to face our true inner self.

(1) Establish complete values

Simply put, be clear about what you want and what you don't want.

Author Zhou Guoping said that the prerequisite for saying "no" is that you have your firm "yes" in your heart, and your clear and firm values, so that you will naturally reject those things that go against your values. Once you have established sound and clear values, you will be able to choose from a variety of choices in your life with greater ease and calmness, and less entanglement.

(2) Take action

Whether you are hesitant or fearful of something, as long as you take action and commit to it, the negative emotions that torment your mind will be greatly reduced.

There is a psychological "deadline effect". People can only focus on accomplishing their goals when they are close to the deadline.

Therefore, if you want to accomplish a task, you may want to break it down into smaller stages. In this way, each "deadline" will be met earlier, and we can be more motivated to take action, which in turn reduces mental fatigue.

(3) To be happy with your true self

Neurophysiological studies have found that human beings are not rational beings by nature, but feeling beings. If our emotional brain is not accepted and our feelings are not listened to and recognized effectively, we will fall into a state of self-struggle.

Accepting ourselves is the key to minimizing internal conflict.

It's worth noting that for many people, acceptance only means self-persuasion, indifference, or repression ...... But all of these are really just controlling behaviors, false acceptance, which brings about still endless fighting!

True acceptance is pleasing to the eye, without judgment, denial, comfort, indifference, repression, and a willingness to take responsibility for one's own decisions.

Ask yourself a few more whys and make peace with that imperfect self. Accept both the good and the bad. Enjoy the good and accept the bad. Work hard when you have energy and rest when you don't.

When you allow it, you stop rejecting yourself, stop fighting with yourself. Internal energy is reduced, external energy is maximized, and instead, you get better and better at what you do.

There is only one kind of success in the world, and that is to spend your life the way you like it!