1.
The mountain is very windy. at the end of July when the summer, the wind is cold.
The empty and lonesome mountain, barren to the only remaining neatly arranged a lonely grave. They are like the life of a finished sentence, connected to the sentence, composed of a long ellipsis, seems to be the long sigh of the deceased, but also seems to be on the earth endless attachment.
I've been away from you for almost two years.
I did not think I would leave you ......
I still want to watch my grandson graduate from college, watch my youngest granddaughter work, and participate in the promised wedding of my oldest granddaughter, and I still want my grandson to take me and your mom to see the mountains and the water, and accompany your mom to waltz in the park! ......
Stay in the home that was built with your mom***.
Staying in love with you - my children.
Staying in this place where I was born, weathered the storms and came back ......
No sickness simple ordinary every day is the best.
A fragrant meal, take steps to walk freely, talk to the children, do what you like.
Old companion, I'm leaving.
I can no longer accompany you to nagging, and then accompany you to the market, drink tea, quarrels, and can no longer accompany you to dance ......
Old companion, we live in the house of the winter cold, remember to keep warm.
The first thing you need to do is to get out of the car and get out of the car, and then get out of the car!
Remember to go out and bring the keys ......
Old partner, you can live in peace, the daughter's family want to live just a few days,
know that you don't want to bother the children ......
People's lives are very long and very short
Long sickness, short constant companionship.
Long loneliness, short reunion.
Long suffering, short life.
Winding and undulating mountains, lofty starry skies, flying snowflakes, silent earth only wind and stone in the conversation.
We will eventually come alone and leave alone.
2.
I said goodbye to you that day. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get away from you, but I'm going to be able to get away from you. The wind is blowing over and over again, and it's empty, it's not alive.
Looking at myself in the mirror, the wrinkles at the corners of my eyes when have been deep into the temples, eyelids when the folds are so deep, eye bags like a bag, white hair brightly and stubbornly out, like spring weeds spreading all the head, the black spots vary in shades of light or dark show in the cheeks of black and yellow ......
The time is engraved on the face, not in the face, but in the eyes of the people. >The time is engraved on the face, not the father's departure, thought I was the father care of the daughter of the growing up, also thought that I have nothing to do with the "old", also thought that everyone's eyes of the "big mom" said are the street square dance, also thought that children called the The first thing I did was to ask my grandmother to call the old man next to me, and I was busy looking around, and it turned out that I was calling myself.
When I met my friends of the same age, I thought how the hair was gone, and how the face grew so many spots, I would not?
The place called "hospital", back away, I will not come here. I'm not going to come here. I don't know if this is the place I'm going to run to for the rest of my life.
When I was young, I thought the old man was born old, I thought my parents would always be with us, I thought we would grow up again and they would still be the same old ....... Although everyone understands the natural law of "birth, old age, illness and death", once it comes, how many people can face it calmly and openly? And do not feel the fragility and impermanence of life? Not to sigh the life of the fleeting it?
And they have reached the season of late life,
Death and we follow the shadow.
Thinking that "death" is someone else's topic, a story from a movie or TV show. We have watched others grieve with tears in our eyes, and when faced with the loss of a loved one, we empathize with those who have experienced the loss of a loved one's heart and soul.
Thinking of a child with his father to see the show, a lot of people, has been tightly grasping the father's warm hands, but the rush of people, pulling the father's hand gradually loose, look up to find his father, are heads ...... scared, as if the world collapsed, can not return home, in the crowd crying ah crying, looking ah looking for ah ......
Life is "impermanent", walking, habitual life suddenly disordered order, repeated days suddenly off the track, often see the relatives suddenly left, perhaps this is the original face of life. We do not care to repeat every day, uninteresting and calm, once lost but feel helpless, irrecoverable. It turns out that those who have passed away as plain as water are the best of life.
Remember from the mountain after the burial of my father that night, my mother and I are lying down to sleep, hazy table lamp inexplicably suddenly lit, the heart is strange, went over to turn off, but a moment and then lit up, three times in a row, and can not help but think that my father is trying to tell me what to do, and then fell asleep, dreaming of my father, my father has never left us.
3.
Father's departure left boundless loneliness to mother. The mother remembers every detail of her life with her father over and over again in her grief, a torment that she can only bear alone.
In the days when my father was gone, my mother's blood pressure was high and low, and she was in a trance, talking with her eyes full of tears, and trying to hide them, informing us that she was fine, saying that she had to be strong, and that she didn't need to worry about me, that I could eat and sleep, and that you should be busy with your own work, and that I should be at home by myself, and that I shouldn't be there, and that I should be able to leave my father without any companionship.
Mother said she was "lonely" with her father gone. The first thing you need to do is to get a good understanding of the situation and how it will be.
The loneliness of a young person can be a way to hone oneself and become a better version of oneself in solitude.
But the mother's loneliness, that is a long night, a person alone face and father had to rely on the empty house, touch and father *** watch years have temperature of the goods, alone caressing the father's statue of self-talking had *** degree of time, time and time again memories, time and time again touch, time and time again caressing are heartbroken.
When the mother said she had to be strong, she was actually psyching herself up, and she did.
There was laughter during the video call, saying that they are now starting to exercise, to keep themselves healthy and not let us worry, but also happy to say that there is a morning exercise and her similar age, not too familiar with the old mother, one day bought her a dress, the next day she brought a few dumplings for others ...... also excitedly told me that The first day of the year, I was in the morning exercise, there are a few little girls said my head full of white hair is very beautiful to take a picture with me, said, "cackle, cackle, cackle, cackle," laughing all the time. My mother was a clean and pretty person, and she started to buy pretty dresses like my father did when he was here. Sometimes she even warned me to exercise more, eat what food is good for the body, teach me how to massage acupuncture points, and send me links to WeChat about health care. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers," he said.
Mother is 81 years old, and how long there is to go, I dare not think.
4. "Mom, the book says that people have an old man smell when they get old ......"
? "That's a symbol of aging ......" said my daughter.
I subconsciously sniffed myself.
"Everyone thinks aging is far away, but it's actually old without realizing it."
I read something like, "Getting old isn't a sad thing, it's like summer when it gets dark very slowly."
But in fact, it's still a sad thing. The body gradually ages, the memory slowly fades, and along with the physical collapse comes mental frustration and despair, watching oneself lose control of one's life little by little, powerless and helpless. I felt all of this y in the days when I was taking care of my father.
When people encounter incurable aging and vulnerability, how can they retain the autonomy of life, human dignity, and live a quality life?
How will we face aging, illness, loneliness?
In this world, if we look at the level of age alone, there are really only three kinds of people, those who have aged, those who are about to age, and those who will eventually age.
5.
See July again.
My mother told me that she informed my father in front of his statue that her granddaughter officially started work on July 1 this year.