When my 21st birthday is approaching, I really want to get rid of the single, the end of my expectation and fear of the ridiculous but indeed still in the first love.
But I didn't expect it to come so quickly, so suddenly. Just like their own sealed buried thought long ago do not care about the ashes, suddenly resurfaced, into a burning fire, burned me out of control.
I attended a seven-day wilderness camp with a wave of high school friends. Chatting together about previous memories, current life, and each other's status seemed to dilute the distance that four years of college had created for us.
The first night, and a high school classmate arm in arm to go back, her boyfriend in the back of the silent follow. The night was very cool.
The second night, in order to give the young couple a private space, I quietly went alone first. The night is very cool.
The third night, too.
The fourth night, the night, still cool. A person walking in the slightly bright path, a little cold and a little lonely, but also accustomed to.
Walking, found a group of people around the front, intending to go to see a lively. But, suddenly, my best friend dragged me, pulling me into the center of the vortex.
It was as if I heard the sound of a hundred flowers blooming and saw the miracle. I was surprised to see, Little Desert. That I met at the age of 12, thought it was only adolescent commotion to like the long-forgotten elementary school classmates.
I remember, his noble and handsome, as when a small girl in the village top grades bouncing just transferred to the town elementary school coy, the eyes of the eyes drooped, feeling out of place with the new classmates, but a glance at the man, the heart thumping, as if it is going to jump out of the same. But tightly covered the heart, afraid that others know their little secret.
I remembered, and he looks as handsome as the floating handsome, dragon flying words.
I think of, that coy little girl dare not contact with other people, to the school buttocks do not leave the bench, never take the initiative to speak with people other than the two tables, but has been constantly concerned about the class first Qing noble gentleman's small movements.
I remembered, and his classmates for a year, spoke the only sentence. It was after the teacher assigned a very difficult math problem, in that sweltering summer, the bell rang, still wearing thick jeans and long shirts, the girl was stopped by that handsome boy and asked
"This problem you do it out of it"
"You did not do it out of it, how do I could have"
My head flashed and I didn't even know what I had answered. Afterwards, I regretted immensely that I didn't smile at the time, that I didn't speak in a gentle tone, and then dreamed of solving that problem, but coincidentally solved it after a sleep. But, that boy never came to ask that girl again.
I remembered that, in junior high school in a different class, but has been silently concerned about his recent situation. I heard that he was in love. I, the heartstrings broke at once.
"No way, he is not a good student! Not afraid of parents know it," I pretended to gossip as if nothing had happened.
However, after seeing him send that girl home, I knew it was true and my heart broke into pieces. Since then, isolated and closed him from my heart.
I don't know, struggled to study, took the first place in the town's secondary school examination, there is no because I want to impress him.
I don't know, in that a few people can squeeze into the higher high school academy, tens of thousands of people in the tide he has not been like me, a glance can be found in the crowd him, but pretended to be unknown to each other people rub shoulders.
I do not know, what is his current situation, where he goes to school, whether the internship, I learned not to actively explore his news.
"You're finally here, this little handsome pot has been waiting for you for a long time" my best friend scowled at me with a happy face, waking me up from my memories.
"Ahem, what are you doing here" I said with a confused look on my face.
"Came to see you, there's something I'm afraid it'll be too late if I don't show it to you" Desmond said with a gentle look on his face.
I saw, gentle and noble shrouded in a dream-like veil of his discreetly opened a VCD.
I saw, that was asked the question, and his childhood diary: today, I asked the question with an introverted but quite good grades in the classroom, and she does not know, I am a little glad, but more determined to do this question.
I saw it, and a line of captions floated out: I don't know why I'm so hung up on this, but it just feels like such an important thing. Perhaps this is the proof of the initial heartbeat.
I saw a picture of me in middle school, with the caption: I didn't think that the girl who was introverted and only talked to her desk could be so lively.
I saw a photo of him alone, accompanied by the caption: A girl confessed to me today, and I said yes. Maybe because it's the first time, maybe because of the uproar from others, maybe because I want to prove that I've grown up, maybe because she looks a bit like you on the side, maybe because her house is close to yours. Because of being with her, I was sure that I really liked you. But, the sense of responsibility trended me away from looking for you and prying into your news.
I saw it, a midterm report card, my name was heavily scratched out, accompanied by the caption: you are excellent, I'm afraid I can not catch up with your pace, but fortunately still in a high school.
I saw, high school that the only place we met in the photo, accompanied by the caption: you into the science focus class, is the distance from the second floor to the fifth floor, but also focus on the gap between the university and the ordinary undergraduate. Here, is the only place we met in high school, you that beggar's clothing really good strange, see you so happy smile, I also returned a smile, see you surprised face, I am immensely satisfied. Look at you well, on the line.
I saw it, my name was circled on the honor roll of the college entrance examination, accompanied by the subtitle: you even went to the most southern part of the motherland, look at you well, on the line.
I saw, his QQ chat interface, I was put on top in the first place, that the avatar above is I used a moment of Chung Ki Oba, small desert signature changed to: I am willing to your race sign BaPei la.
See here, what I still do not understand it, I looked up at him, tears in the corner of my eyes, the corner of my mouth hanging smile and asked him, this is Korean? What does it mean?
He looked at me with a smile and touched my head, and before his voice drifted away, he disappeared.
Instantly, awake.
It is said that there are eight pains in life: old age, illness, death, love and separation, resentment, long time, can't find, can't let go.
Unexpectedly, one day in the "disease suffering", another "can not" suffering suddenly came.
These are the first time I've ever seen the world's most popular movie, and I've never seen the world's most popular movie, so I'm not sure if I've ever seen the world's most popular movie.
It turns out that everyone really has a vermilion mole in their heart, just some people think that it is just a trace, and will soon be restored to the original, but I do not want to, a gust of wind blowing, and found that the traces of the buried has been in.
I have always thought that my feelings for Xiaomo is nothing more than adolescent hormonal sprouting, have not thought of him for a long time to recall him, but I did not expect, in this after nearly a decade of a cold night, he is the only one in the dream knocked on the door of my heart.
What I thought I was letting go of was always self-deception.
The stranger is only a stranger.