01
The most important thing you can't do with anyone is to be selfish, because you only think about the decisions you make, and you might hurt the other person. You have to realize that there is nothing wrong with loving yourself, but that is not a reason why you can hurt the other person, and there are some injuries that happen that are impossible to get rid of, such as between mother-in-laws and daughters-in-law, and if one of them is only thinking about their own interests, then they are bound to form a bond.
I've heard a lot of women say that they feel like outsiders in their in-laws' homes, and that their mothers-in-law don't think about their feelings in anything they do, and that they only care about their family, and that no matter how hard they try, they don't fit in. This is actually quite hurtful, although the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can never really be as close as mother and daughter, but at least it should be true for true feelings, treat each other as family.
Of course, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is public, mother-in-law, many times there is no way to define who is right and who is wrong, we just have to do it with a clear conscience. Do not take each other as an imaginary enemy, with a radical and mean attitude towards each other, have the minimum respect and sincerity, and do not deliberately do what you want to please each other, to maintain a comfortable distance between people, and mother-in-law, "respect for each other".
02
Of course, you have to remember, there is a saying called "people do not offend me, I do not offend", in the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship, if you are bent on compromising concessions, can only let the other side intensify.
On this issue, Xiyan's advice is to try to do well for yourself, but if you can't get the peace of mind you want, you can't be the one to be kneaded at will. Because after you compromise again and again, the other side will not respect you, and you can not get back to their own initiative in the family.
In the family relationship, we do not cause trouble, but also not afraid of things, do things to stand up to heaven and earth and conscience, respect also rely on their own to win.
The reason I'm writing this article today is because of a contribution from a reader, Ms. Li, who recently prepared to give birth to a child, which would have been a very happy thing to do, but because of whether or not to go to the monthly center of the matter and the mother-in-law had a conflict. Ms. Li originally wanted to hold back, but was eventually forced by her mother-in-law to the end of her patience, lost her temper. But because of this, her mother-in-law was completely "convinced". She wanted to tell everyone through her own story, women in marriage, can not be too weak, you think you can make peace, but will only let the other side to intensify the bullying you.
03
Miss Li and her husband are university classmates, four years, the two have been very good relationship, so when it comes to graduation, her husband proposed to return to his hometown to work, Miss Li did not refuse. But for this decision, Miss Li's parents do not agree.
Miss Li's mother's family is in the north, her mother is a public official, her father does business on his own, the family is very good, but her husband's family is in the south, is a very ordinary family. The gap in conditions and the isolation of distance have made Ms. Li's parents very dissatisfied.
But ah, Ms. Li identified the man, she felt that no one has ever been so good to himself. She can't forget that when she was in college, her husband saved money just to save up to take her to a good meal, and she can't forget that when she was sick, her husband carried her on his back in the middle of the night, sweating profusely.
Women are like this, especially easy to be touched by some small details, once identified a person is dead. Ms. Li believed that her husband would be good to her, so she fought with her parents to the end and did not compromise.
Parents' decisions are made out of love, and looking at their daughter so determined, Ms. Li's parents didn't stop her anymore and gave her a sum of money to take care of herself.
04
The pain of marrying from afar is known only to those who have experienced it, and Ms. Li is no exception. But the good thing is that her husband loves her as much as ever, which makes her feel that what she has given is worthwhile.
Life goes on, Ms. Li found herself pregnant, which makes the whole family very happy, but Ms. Li proposed to let her mother-in-law to take care of their own time, her mother-in-law began to headache and back pain heart pain together with the onset of a little bit out of the weekdays jumping square dance energy. She also said that Ms. Li should call her mother over to take care of her.
This is the moment when Ms. Li y felt the bad of her mother's family is not in front of her, if her parents are in, she will not be deadbeat to beg her mother-in-law. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers," he said, adding that the company's customers have to be able to use the same technology as the company's customers.
So, Ms. Li discussed this matter with her husband, and the two investigated several monthly centers, and finally settled on a good one, 48,000 a month. Miss Li's parents heard about this, especially unhappy, but still because of the heartache of the child so called over 50,000 yuan, said as long as you can take good care of her, this money no problem.
Specially touched by the young couple told his mother-in-law, thought she would be happy, I did not expect her on the spot to pull down the face to train up Miss Li: "You so so extravagant, my son is not easy to make money, you have a child to spend 48,000? So petulant?"
Miss Li was furious, her mother-in-law was not willing to take care of herself, her parents were not willing to pay for her, then what she wanted, is not to let herself down to the ground in the month to cook and wash clothes? Moreover, what qualifications does the mother-in-law have to think she is extravagant, some time ago, she just asked the couple to take money out to give her a set of three-room house, saying that after having grandchildren everyone is always together, the house is big and comfortable to live in.
When she heard this, Ms. Li was not very willing to, in-laws have a salary, now the house is not small, why do you want them to take money to buy a house. Just married a few years of the couple which can save up so much money, mother-in-law on the mind, is the mother's family to their own money.
But her husband repeatedly begged Ms. Li not to make things difficult for herself, saying that her in-laws have only one child, filial piety is also deserved, and when they are no longer in the future, anyway, are their own.
Beginning Miss Li want to compromise, ready to give birth to a child and her husband to manipulate this matter, but once I heard that they want to go to live in a monthly center in-laws are reluctant to, on the instantaneous fire.
She said angrily to her mother-in-law, "Mom, I've always felt that we're a family and we should tolerate each other and care about each other, but I'm really quite chilled. You can let us pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a down payment on a three-bedroom house, but you're not willing to let me go to a 40,000-a-month monthly center, and besides, the money is still coming from my parents. I don't know if you have thought about my feelings by doing this, things have come to this point, I just want to say, I can not go to the forty thousand eight hundred thousand month center, then you don't let us shell out the money to buy a big house with three rooms and one hall."
Without her husband saying anything, Ms. Li turned around and went back to the house. After closing the door, she felt her heart is going to jump out, hands are shaking, this paragraph, she said on impulse, but does not regret it, because then this stoicism, they can only get more and more do not have the respect of the mother-in-law, time is long, more likely to affect their own and her husband's feelings.
After a while, her husband came in, sat down beside Ms. Li and sighed, took her hand and patted it, did not say anything, Ms. Li is a little heartbroken, she knows that her husband is difficult, on the one hand, her mother on the other hand, she is a wife, she did not expect her husband will be completely on their side, just hope that he at least remain neutral, and not and mother-in-law come together to bully themselves.
Sometimes, marriage is so helpless, your requirements one down again and again, but still have to face a lot of problems, is to face head-on or retreat to avoid, depending on how you want the result.
05
The next morning, when Ms. Li got up and went out, she saw a good breakfast on the dining room table, her mother-in-law was not at home, and her father-in-law was sitting there waiting for them.
As soon as the young couple sat down, her father-in-law took out 30,000 yuan and put it on the table, saying, "This is the money your mother and I gave you to go to the monthly center. We know it's not enough, but our financial ability is limited and we can only give you this much. We've discussed it, we won't change the house for now, and we'll keep the money for the child. Yesterday's incident, it was your mother who was wrong, we apologize to you, she has a high heart and refuses to come and say it, I will say it for her, we are all family, don't hold grudges, don't hurt the peace."
After listening to these words, Ms. Li was in tears, she remembered the past few years and in-laws together, in fact, they are still good for themselves, although there are contradictions, but after all, it is still a family. She looked around her husband who scowled and said to her father-in-law, "Dad, yesterday I also have the wrong, impulsive, this money we accept, as your two old man to the child's money, we will be good filial piety to you in the future, please help me and mom to apologize."
This incident, after that morning no one mentioned again, Ms. Li always had a touch of embarrassment when she got along with her mother-in-law, who was also much more polite to her. However, her mother-in-law is no longer so selfish, and more often than not, she will give Ms. Li respect and attention, and Ms. Li will always buy her mother-in-law some clothes and so on, so that her mother-in-law is happy. Ms. Li understands that the problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be like mother and daughter, the past will disappear, but this mode of getting along is not the best.
And Ms. Li's husband, better for her, he told those around him, his wife know how to reason, emotional intelligence is very high, Ms. Li felt that she chose the right man, no one's life is perfect, this is what they want to be happy.
06
Miss Li's story really made me listen to the ups and downs, I think she is a particularly smart woman, in the face of her mother-in-law's selfishness and forcefulness when the first hard and then soft, reasonable and justified, so that her husband and mother-in-law are speechless, but also defended their dignity. She has such a courageous and resourceful approach that all women should learn from.
There are a lot of women around me who either go on the rampage or hold back in the face of mother-in-law problems, and ultimately nothing good comes out of it. Think about it, if you fall out with your mother-in-law, will your relationship with your husband still be good? Your mother-in-law looks down on you, how will your husband value you?
So, to deal with family conflicts, we have to be so smart, do not let the problem into a deadlock, otherwise, you regret are too late.
Of course, ten years to see the mother-in-law, ten years to see the daughter-in-law, this sentence is not wrong at all, mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship should have been mutually tolerant, the mother-in-law is young to the daughter-in-law to help, when the mother-in-law is old, the daughter-in-law also lends a helping hand, so that it is the best result for each other and the family.
All family, come together is fate, do not always put the interests of the forefront, thinking of what can be obtained from each other, when you put too much importance on the money, the feelings are not there, this is the biggest loss to you.
We never expect a mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship to be as close as it is, but we also at least treat each other as ordinary people, rather than planting the seeds of conflict by wearing tinted glasses from the start.
I hope you are also a smart woman, not afraid when it comes to family conflicts, but also rational enough, I am sure you can deal with these problems, and then embrace the happiness that belongs to you.