1 bowl fell down, the sky is a big scar
2 when I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was, I answered: three flat (3:30)!
3Once, I measured my weight at home and ended up asking my boyfriend, how much is 47 kilograms?
4We used to go back to the dormitory, the first sentence always ask: "Is there anyone looking for the phone to hit me ah...
5 high school and classmates went to a restaurant to eat together, after ordering a few dishes still want to not add a what dish originally I wanted to say tomatoes scrambled eggs do not know how, off the top of my head was - tomatoes fried tomatoes boss ......... thought for a long time .........
6 once with the cousin at home for dinner, accidentally poured soup, Kleenex are used up, cousin busy shouting "quickly, quickly, go to the toilet paper to get the toilet"
7 the same table things fell to the ground, bent down to pick up 偶用脚踩之，不料踩中其手
其大怒: "How dare you step on my foot?"
8 A cultural evening, the host on stage: the following please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!
The creepy ！！！！！
9 Exam score is very low, I complained bitterly that my score is too cheap!
10 The tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill ah!
11 When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic, and the teacher grabbed XXX in a fit of rage and said: XXX, you give me to stand on the wall! ~~~~~~~~~~ the class chilled
12 A foreign teacher in a large classroom lecture SHOW Mandarin, would have liked to give him face, praise him Mandarin speak really standard, but the export of your standard
quasi speak really common, cold ~ ~
13 and MM in the sale of soybean milk and doughnuts in front of the stalls, I shouted to:" Boss, I want a soybean milk and noodles".MM storm laughed.
14 Once I drove, sitting next to my female colleagues suddenly asked: "How do you drive without condoms?"
15 Restaurant in the huge number of people, I shouted: boss, to a pepper without seasoning 。。。。
The waiter also repeated loudly: table 11, add a chili without seasoning!!!!
16 Me: That's our physics teacher.
Student: What do you teach?
Me: Chemistry...
16 Me: That's our physics teacher.
17 At the Internet cafe, a student suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"
18 Once, we were commenting on the back of a beautiful woman in front of us. I was going to say "her legs are very thick ah", the result said "her soil is very brittle ah"
19 Mom went out to play mahjong before, told me: "You put all the clothes in the refrigerator, pick up the dishes to the washing machine! Inside ~~~~~
20 When sitting in the pavilion,, casually called, "Webmaster on the food."
21 One day I land MM out to buy things!
Suddenly saw the sky flew over a crow quacking!
So from her mouth crumbled out a sentence: "This crow frogs call like a green crow like 。。。。 $%^@#@%!
22 High school, we have to raise the flag every Monday, and then someone speech, mainly some daily behavior. Once, I was honored to do
Speech, the results of the "do not make a lot of noise in the theater" accidentally read "do not make a lot of noise in the theater brothel," when all the teachers and students in the school were
field, there are a lot of school leaders, I the I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this one.
23 Wanted to say qq open did not, said into the open open q did not.
24 Junior high school once read the text, is XX in the corridor wandering, I read into the XX in the corridor lewd ...... teacher face is red.
25 high school when and students out, the school side of a China Everbright Bank, just opened, so the sign is still hanging on the red cloth ...... but that cloth hangs
in the word blocked the word ...... I read as "Guo Guangda Bank"...... classmates all laughed like crazy, a few years I can not raise my head ah!
26 Our dormitory a person who drank too much to go to the urine and then brought out a cold saying: urine drink more, the wine will be particularly more....
27 Once I listened to the radio, it is a shopping guide hotline, there is a call in, the host asked him: "What is your name?
"He replied: "No surname Wang! ~~~~~"
28 buy oranges, boss: one dollar five a catty. I: too expensive, five dollars for three pounds. Boss: no no no.
29 Read the text aloud in junior high school. Soldiers victory in the face: "We worked hard just want to have a monument each ah! (commemorative coins)
30 Just returned to Chengdu, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up to dinner, I got on the car and yelled: oops, I'm going to starve. (In fact, I want to say hungry crazy)
31 I want to express "the customer is God" but said "the customer is heaven" so far by the friends of the shame ~ ~ ~ ~
32 Friends asked me about the computer configuration, I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)
33 and a friend to discuss life, the result he said he now hopes to buy a piece of land in the countryside to planting chickens or something, life is too boring! I said .... Why bother,
But living in the countryside is quite relaxing, planting pigs, raising land .....
34 high school class went to the physical examination, blood pressure when the same class of a mm found to give their own blood pressure is actually a junior high school male classmates, as if the internship there
It is that mm's sleeve is always not pulled up, a rush on the boy said: Why don't I take my pants off it? The boy's face turned red. That
mm estimated cold death
35 once anxious, would have liked to say the truth is white, the result is said to be "elephants really white", was laughing at the S
36 do not listen to drag the buttocks to beat the pants ......
37 students go to the Internet cafe to surf the net. 37 The students went to the Internet cafe, I asked him to sit in which row?
He said: "Go on, sit at the end of the shooting image row!
38 At the Internet cafe, I thought about getting off the plane, but my mouth wanted to say checkout, so I yelled, "Boss, checkout (hijack)!" Khan ......
39 Junior High School Arts and Crafts Party, grab the question and answer session
Hostess: "Everyone pay attention, do not grab too fast. Wait for me to finish to start in the raise your hand"
Then began to read the title, said, "Now open...."
That's when one of the contestants grabbed the answer.
The moderator then said, "This student was a little too eager.
The host then said, "This student is a bit too hasty. I've still got the 'first' in my mouth, so why did you grab it?"
The whole audience laughed out loud
40 Once I woke up in the morning, my mom asked my brother, "Have you washed your face yet?" My brother heard "What time is it?", and my brother said "It's 8 o'clock."
My mom heard "Wipe your face", and said.
My mom heard it as "wipe your face" and then said, "Wipe your face and wash your face," which is something I couldn't stop laughing at.
41 Wuhan old Tongcheng bean skin is very delicious.
When I went to eat, I said to the cashier, "Let's have a bowl of "dippy"!
42 Xi'an said rice for rice, students from Xi'an back, into the restaurant, shouted: "boss, take a bowl of rice!" The boss chilled!
43 Master, give me a grilled chicken.
44 Once, the students stuttered, I was anxious: you straight (tongue) head stroke tongue (straight) in the speech!
45 Once my friend and classmates said he really is a charm four splash, friends corrected is four shot, and then my friend said very loudly; I have to splash!
46 Junior high school morning study, the language class representative on the blackboard to write
"Silent reading of the 15th lesson text", the table came, while looking at the blackboard
while reading "black dog read the 15th lesson text"
47 A boy who grew up on the beach was boasting to us that he grew up eating seafood, saying, Inside the birds of prey, I usually don't eat pigs, cows and sheep, and often eat seafood.
48 Once on the way to school, I saw an old grandfather sweeping the steps, because I often saw him sweeping, and I know that he is obliged to do so, and I was a little bit touched.
I went up to talk to that old grandfather and he was going to ask how old he was, and then he opened his mouth and said, "How old are you?"
The words
The words
The words
Exit that sweat ah 。。。。。。
49 When I was in school, I went to the cafeteria. When ordering, I ordered a "Meat Skin Rasgulla".
50 Politics teacher class in the inevitability of the development of things, talking about human beings, give us an example, came to the sentence: for example, people change apes!
51 Listened to a MM in the cafeteria shouting "Give me a bowl of white flour ~!
52 When I was in school, a phone call came to me one day
Schoolmates picked up and handed it to me and said, "Your mom."
I took the phone while I blurted out: "male female"
Everyone laughed wildly, and I was laughed at for 4 years
53 In junior high school, we beat up a man, and pressed him to the ground, and he said: "You can be humiliated, but not to be killed!
61 In junior high school, I bought a pretty nice cup. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on the price. I said, not, I deliberately bought two,
One to brush teeth, a mouthwash 。。。。
62 The mother of one of the students in the dormitory called
I used to say "he is not in", but this time I wanted to say "has gone out"
The result was: "He's...gone."
63 One time my mom asked me to collect my clothes from the balcony, and when I did, I asked her where to put them, and she was cooking, and without looking back, she said, "Sand
Put out the clothes! " I stayed there.
64 gg handed me a sorbet and I took a bite and yelled, "It's hot!"
65 Going to eat noodles ~~~ said to the boss: soup bowl two noodles 。。。。。 The owner of the company is stumped.
66 and my sister went to Li-Ning to buy shoes, my sister opened her mouth: "Miss, how much is a catty of this shoe?"
67 Once I shot my dormitory classmate's stomach, she said loudly, "Don't shoot, I have pee in my stomach."
68 Classmates went to buy tickets, back we asked her what tickets she bought, there is no seat, she said to buy a standing seat, we were confused and asked her in the end
is it standing or sitting.
69 We have different Internet cafes with different prices, and once I went to an Internet café that I hadn't been to before, I asked, "Boss, how much time do you have here for one
hour?" I actually wanted to ask how much it cost for one hour.
70 I remember my classmate and a girl in the class bargained for a meal, and he said, "As the saying goes, you can't have both the bear and the fish. "
71 偶去饭店吃饭 饭桌上勺子不够于是偶狂喊 :boss! I'd like a plate of spoons. .... ~~I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get it.
72 Once I went out with my friends, I locked my bike and forgot to take the key, and then I remembered that I hadn't taken the key, so I said to my friends, "==, I've got a self
driven car with the key hanging on it ......"
74 >73 Teacher: class is not allowed to bare clothes!
74 One day a mm proposal to go to eat hot pot all night. I immediately objected to "not go, and then eat hemorrhoids have grown out." Another mm immediately responded "
Yes, that is, you see my face have grown many."
All of them were dizzy.
75 The teacher at the library said that there are no more textbooks here
I'll see if there are any in the inner library =_=
76 Teacher: This question looks very simple, but in fact, it's not difficult.
77 High school each issued a badge. Once before the inspection, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, "Everyone quickly put on the bra, to check the pull.
The whole
field is silent.
78 Once at home eating rice and baklava
I asked my mom: baklava is sweet or sugar?
79 One of my classmates liked to smoke while he was pooping
Once he came out of the bathroom, he said loudly to us, "Ah~~~Pulling a cigarette and smoking shit is really cool. Chicken.
81 This is a true story that happened to me. In junior high school, we did experiments in biology class, and we had to dissect frogs. But in fact, it was a toad that was dissected. It was really disgusting
Yeah, I felt like I was going to faint. When I got back to the classroom, I said, "No way, no way, I have to take the pill (actually meant to say the pill to avoid fainting
), it's so disgusting." Just in time to be heard by a couple of male classmates.
They laughed for a long time before I could react. I couldn't hold my head up for the rest of the afternoon after I realized what it meant.
82 1999 National Day, our department organized a flag-raising ceremony, a cadre of the student union led the oath, after the end, the buddy said:
"After the oath!" The first time I saw this, I was in the middle of a conversation with a man who had been in the middle of a conversation with a woman.
83 One time I asked MM what kind of food you would cook~
MM hurriedly answered.... I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm going to do it.
Now I don't even know what a tomato is, much less what a red egg is....
84 One day in junior high school I heard two classmates have a conversation between classes as follows:
......
A: Where is your family?
B: Oh, my dad took my mom out with a motorcycle ride ......
85 In the dormitory, Zhu Zhu picked up the phone and said to mm: "Your mom's phone!"
84 In the dormitory, Zhu Zhu picked up the phone and said to mm, "Your mom's phone!", mm picked up the phone and suddenly laughed out loud.
86 Next program: solo flute
87 The department basketball team lost, a brother lamented: "The team is scattered, the hearts of the people are not good to bring"
88 When I went to school on weekends, I went home, and I was addicted to cigarettes after dinner, and I was going to go for a walk on the pretext. In the doorway to change shoes, Dad asked why go? I blurted out:
"Going for a smoke break!" The result is that my father found a pack of 555 from me, and he gave me a hard time.
89 New Year's Eve sister-in-law ah good son 。。。。
90, two people fighting, suddenly next to a person came out a sentence: "You really eat a full no food to do ah!"
91, while eating while reading the post, while reading the classics to his wife, laughing at her, so she said to me: "After eating and then look at it, or the brain digestion is not
Leung!"
92, an education bureau leadership inspection of recess exercises, the end, should have been announced by the physical education teacher "dismissed", but in the heat of the moment, I forgot the words, held back for half a day
, shouted: "retreat!"
93 A teacher in high school surnamed Jiang, cool Luo Jiaying (acting the Tang Dynasty), I went to ask him a question, blurted out: "Mr. Tang, the question ...
..."
94 A colleague, I drove a car one day, the tire was flat on the road. On the road, the tires were flat, asked where to inflate, the colleague said: "The streets are full of tire pumping ah!"
95 One time I went to dinner and said to the boss at the checkout, "Husband checkout!" At that time, the boss's wife was next to ......
96 A teacher overnight mahjong, see the blackboard is not wiped, angry: "Who do today ah? The blackboard is not wiped!"
97 Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao, and suddenly exclaimed, "You have such good skin, and you still use L'Occitane?"
98 The teacher left homework, I can not do to copy others, and then go to the office to hand in the homework, saw the teacher said: "I finished copying!"
99 A gentleman test driving license day, especially nervous. The examiner made it difficult for him, telling him to park on the side of the road where there is a fire hydrant. This gentleman is particularly nervous, said:
"Report hydrant, there is a roadside examiner, not allowed to park!"
100 Two men in the unit bet, who lost to treat to go to Liangzi foot washing city to treat to wash feet, when we were all watching the fun. When the winner was just announced,
we all made a gesture to go downstairs, next to a mm shouted: "I also go I also go, I have never washed my feet!"
101 The history teacher in high school was a beautiful MM, and her Mandarin was very good, except for one word, "谋", which was always pronounced "毛", and every time she said, "Chiang Kai-shek's conspiracy (毛) was crushed by the People's Liberation Army. The whole class is very cold. ！！！！！！！！
102 When we were in military training, we organized karaoke activities in the evening, but basically we were still required to remain seated. The class of mm is responsible for the curtain: "The following by
so-and-so to bring you a "buffalo"!" The MM went back behind the curtain for a few moments and came rushing back out, "I'm sorry, so-and-so is dedicating 'Water
Car' to you all." As it turned out, the music came on, and it was Jung's 'Sailor'. That brother depressed on the stage light running tune ......
102 Once, we went to the Huangshan Mountain tour, the guide happened to introduce to: the hundred steps of the ladder is the year Liu Xiaoqing attractions. Suddenly a man in our group
spoke out: "director ........ "The crowd swooned.
103 That time a few female classmates to my home to play, I went to get water, they opened the DVD player to watch the film, I heard in the room is Cantonese, and then I shouted to adjust
under the sound channel, the sound channel is wrong, suddenly speechless, my face a rainbow purple ~ ~ ~ almost fainted ~ ~
105 to colleagues to tell a story to the 180 pounds of the big fat man.
105 I was telling a story to a colleague, and I said "180 pounds of big fat" as "180 pounds of big fat", and my colleague laughed out loud, but I still insisted on
The story was finished.
106 The high school class teacher talked about the discipline of flag-raising, and said to us solemnly, "When you play the flag and raise the national anthem..."
107 The teacher said, "I don't know if I can do this, but I'm not sure if I can do it. "
107 Our dormitory often say: so big words even people will not say! ~
108 One day the wind was so strong that I lost my eyes, and hurriedly asked for help from an old lady in the neighborhood: I got sand in my eyes!
109 Riding with a friend in the alleyway when turning, almost knocked down an old grandfather selling ginger. His old man is yelling it, a moment of nervousness called: "sell
。。。。 Bastard boy."