It has always been thought that both parents have no obligation to help us look after the child, their own birth self-belonging, do not like do not spray
The birth of the second child's mother-in-law is usually more than sixty years old, work all your life which has no basic disease, back and leg pain? You think your mother-in-law can continue to take care of your child? You want to force your mother-in-law to die? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty!
Hello!
It's been a long time since I've had a chance to talk to my mother-in-law, and I'm glad to answer your question.
Since the liberalization of the two-child policy, there are many families ready to give birth to a second child, from pregnancy to the birth of the child only takes about ten months, but after the birth of the child need to how to take the child is the problem that every family has to face.
With a baby child was busy enough hard enough, and then have a second child to bring their own more tired and busy , when the mother-in-law rarely help look at the child or do not help look at the child, this is exactly what is the reason, the following we will analyze it in detail.
What are the reasons why the mother-in-law does not help to see the child after the birth of a second child?In every family, mother-in-law most of the family's dominant and family hand, usually the daily life of the big and small things will have the mother-in-law's participation and the right to speak , but for the children and grandchildren, mother-in-law's participation is a great help to the whole family and share , but some of the mother-in-law do not see the The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal on the price of the product.
A mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have emotional conflicts
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have emotional problems in the daily family life, which makes the mother-in-law does not see the child and does not take the child, only to solve and guide the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship and good to solve the problem.
①: Observe the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the daily life of some of the behavioral things so as to know the contradiction where the problem lies
In the home more to observe the daughter-in-law in the usual doings and behaviors, is not to do the mother-in-law does not like the thing or laziness and do something wrong to make the mother-in-law angry and hate the daughter-in-law.
If there is nothing unusual about the daughter-in-law, you can observe her behavior and behavior in daily life, whether she lacks communication with her daughter-in-law and alienates the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or other reasons.
②: through their own intermediary to find the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law two communication exchanges, reorganize the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Find out the problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, timely ways to communicate and exchange of information, in a timely manner to resolve the conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship back to good.
First go to the elders to communicate, elders are more experienced and age, will not be too much, the key to rely on their own how to communicate, as for the daughter-in-law also need to be careful to comfort and communication.
Two, there are parenting differences between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
In the daily life of parenting, the mother-in-law as the elder is also experienced in parenting over the past, and the daughter-in-law does not have too much experience in parenting or some of the more avant-garde ideas, so it caused the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law for the process of parenting differences.
①: mother-in-law like to use the old days of parenting experience
For example, the mother-in-law in the child cried and fell asleep when she liked to use the way to shake the child to fall asleep , that the child so fall asleep, in fact, this is a misunderstanding, and sometimes seem to be a good effect, but actually very easy to put the child to sleep , the child is not a good choice, but the child is not a good choice, the child is not a good choice.
These are the first time I've ever seen a child in a room with a full body, and I've never seen one before.
There are also in the children after the fever with a quilt covered tightly until the sweat , the mother-in-law thought that this method is to let the child sweat will be good, in fact, is also a misunderstanding, cover tightly will only be more and more serious, the child's physical decline in the fever, sweating too much will be a lack of water, and even lead to a physical weakness
This is the first time in the world that the child has been in a state of shock, but it is not the only time. .
②: Daughter-in-law that the old society's child-rearing methods are not as good as the current methods
Although the mother-in-law is a child-rearing over the past, but a lot of the methods are not feasible or have been backward, and can not be trusted, the daughter-in-law more believe in the new era of child-rearing knowledge and scientific knowledge.
Although the mother-in-law is for the good of the child, but there are many outdated and outdated methods, but there are also some helpful methods of parenting, this requires the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to *** with the exchange of discussion .
Three, the mother-in-law has their own pension life, with the child's matter let the young people to bear and responsible for their own
The mother-in-law that they have worked hard for more than half of his life, has been to the child to raise the big, it's time to their own good old age, with the child's matter to the young people to do it yourself, and also let the young people to do it, and also let the young people to do it.
These are the first time I've ever seen a woman with a baby in her arms, and I've never seen a woman with a baby in her arms," he said.
①: Mother-in-law has her own old age
Mother-in-law has her own daily habits, wakes up early every morning and walks in the morning to exercise, and maintains the habit of morning exercise every day , the long term will help their health.
In the midday meal after the habit of napping, to the evening out of the square dance, or have their own favorite social activities in old age , these can be brought to the retirement of the joy of life.
②: The mother-in-law wants you young people to undertake and experience the hard work and responsibility of parenting
The mother-in-law's idea may be to let you young people to undertake a parenting family responsibility from not to be experienced, so that you know the past when the elders are how hard to pull the big
Finally, to summarize: no matter what the reason for the mother-in-law not to see the child, we should respect the elders, they used to be the same as we are now, hard work and work to earn money but also to look after the child, and even in the past than we are now even more difficult, compared to the elders have been felt that we are now young people are happy enough.
The above is a detailed answer to this question and opinion, I hope to help you.
Why do you always have a problem with your mother-in-law? Why do you have to ask your mother-in-law to take care of your child when you gave birth to yours? Why do you have to ask your mother-in-law to take care of your child?
First of all, we should consider the age of the in-laws, the physical condition of the fitness to take care of the child, after all, take care of the child is not a general hard, the young people can not eat, not to mention the elderly.
Secondly, how to get along with your in-laws, don't use people towards the front without people towards the back, some of the use of the mother-in-law also pick on the mother-in-law, as if the in-laws owed her, hurt the in-laws' heart, so just don't care about you guys, love to have a child, and not born, and not born of the son of the in-laws anyway, want to understand, and also relieved, to help raise the grandchildren to pay so much what is the use of it? There is no chance of enjoying the blessings of grandchildren, and in the end, it's not good enough to save up some money for retirement, and it doesn't matter if you don't see it or not.
Hello, I am a working mother of two children, two children less than two years old, usually I work time is my mother with children, after work I bring their own, mother-in-law is also around, but only manage to get dinner. In the words of a colleague, I'm simply too happy to have two moms helping out with the kids.
In fact, the real my mother-in-law does not take children, just responsible for cooking, that is because my mother-in-law also have to work.
A few coworkers would sit together and talk about their families and their children. Now basically the children are more grandmother, mother-in-law usually belong to the guest, occasionally come to see the grandchildren.
Anyway, most of my friends around me have their own mothers to help bring up their children, some of them because their mothers-in-law don't have time to bring up their children, but some of them don't let their mothers-in-law bring up their children.
In fact, nowadays it is very common for mothers-in-law not to bring up children, and there is nothing to complain about anymore. The child is their own, the child is their own responsibility, the mother-in-law to help with the child to be grateful; do not help with the child do not complain, the mother-in-law has a mother-in-law's life.
Since the liberalization of the second child, there are often mothers complaining that their mothers-in-law do not take children, how do you think?
I brought up both of my children by myself because my mother-in-law could not see, and I did not complain about her.
My personal opinion is that if you have a second child, you should have one if you can afford it, but if you can't, you shouldn't have one. The parents are not obliged to help you bring up the child. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that.
The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots. The mother-in-law is also old, their own children to bring up and raise the big has been very difficult. They can't handle the pressure of a second child, so why would they want to give birth to so many? The fact that they are not able to handle the pressure of a second child is not a good idea. The number is more in the fine than in the many ......
Personal opinion: My mother-in-law should help me to look after the children when I need her. Many people would say that a mother-in-law is not obligated to help with your children and that they are your own. You need to bring them up yourself. But in reality, after the liberalization of the two children, two children at once rely on the young couple to take care of. It is impossible to take care of them. If you hire a nanny, the family spends too much money and can't afford it. I think we are a family, and my mother-in-law has the obligation to help me when I'm in a bind. This way, I will also treat him sincerely when he is in his old age. A family should help each other, not explore responsibilities and obligations.So why is it that in reality many mothers-in-law will be reluctant to help their daughters-in-law with their children?
1 . Mother-in-laws and daughters-in-law don't get along. The conflict between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law has always been a topic that can often lead to discussion. Many mothers-in-law do not help their daughters-in-law to look after their children because they do not get along, which can produce many conflicts, resulting in family disharmony.
2. Some mothers-in-law are prejudiced against their daughters-in-law. Some mothers-in-law always feel that their son is better, daughter-in-law seems to be higher. They are always used to seeing their daughter-in-law this way and that way, which is actually a kind of prejudice against the daughter-in-law.
3. Some daughters-in-law don't know how to thank their mothers-in-law for their efforts. The mother-in-law is old enough to help her daughter-in-law to look after the children, which is actually a kind of selfless payment, and some daughters-in-law do not know thank you but feel that it is deserved. This behavior makes the mother-in-law feel cold.
4.Mother-in-laws have their own things they want to do, and they want to be able to enjoy their old age. Some grandmothers don't want to be tied down by their grandchildren when they are old and want to be able to do things they like to do in their old age.
5. The concept of parenting is different.
The daughter-in-law always feels that her mother-in-law is using the old traditional way of parenting, which is already outdated, while her mother-in-law always feels that her children are brought up in this way, no big deal. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not consistent with the concept of parenting, which can lead to conflicts.
6. The mother-in-law feels like a nanny, the daughter-in-law should pay the fee. Some mothers-in-law feel that they should not take care of their grandchildren, that since they take care of the daughter-in-law, they should pay some fees every month. And feel that this is very unreasonable, originally let the mother-in-law care is to reduce the burden of the family. Instead, now I have to ask me to charge, and he is the child's own grandmother, I do not have to pay him.
So, as a daughter-in-law how to face the mother-in-law with children?
1. Grateful for the mother-in-law's contribution to bringing up the child. The mother-in-law is actually older, when she helped you with the child, but also out of love for you two, as a daughter-in-law you should be grateful for the mother-in-law with the child's pay. For example, you can often take your mother-in-law out to eat, or to buy some new clothes for your mother-in-law, which is also conducive to family harmony.
2 . The concept of parenting is not the same, you can slowly grind . The old generation of parenting ideas, he is also the voice of experience, and will not say harm to your child. So when there are different ideas about parenting, you can slowly teach him, if he really can't accept it, you can take care of your own children, and then let him help a little. The first thing that you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots.
3. Living habits are not the same, can be a little on the side. Many young people are reluctant to live with their in-laws for fear that inconsistent living habits will lead to conflicts. The older generation carefully thrifty inertia, so there will inevitably be friction and inconsistency, this time can be tolerated. After all, he is already old, he is very difficult to accept new ideas. As long as it is not a matter of principle, the family well, can be mutually acceptable.
4. Husbands do a good job of lubricating and maintaining family harmony. It is because of the husband that two strangers live under the same roof. Then the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have contradictions is very normal, this time you need to do a good job in the middle of the bridge work, timely resolution of conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, do a good job of lubricant role.
If your mother-in-law does not give you a baby, how do you do it?
1 . The couple discusses the strategy of bringing up the child. The child is not the mother alone, you need to discuss with the two of you **** with the strategy, either to hire a nanny. Either two people sacrifice a person at home full-time with children. Because with two babies, it's really hard for one person to take care of everything, and you need to take care of the baby full time.
2. Don't sulk, learn to accept . The daughter-in-law in need of help, the mother-in-law did not lend a hand, for the daughter-in-law will certainly be angry, feel that the mother-in-law does not give their own help. But there is no way, from a legal point of view, he really has no obligation. So since he has made it this far, you are not obligated to support him when he needs to retire. But you can't stop his son from supporting him. Tell yourself that the child is your own and you need to raise it yourself, and that the child you raise may be more obedient and understanding, and slowly accept the fact that you are bringing up your own child.
3. Don't complain about your grandmother in front of your child. Even if you have a lot of dissatisfaction with your child's grandmother, you can not complain about your grandmother in front of the child, which will make the child produce value confusion, and do not know how to face the grandmother in the future. And if the child learns to talk to his grandmother, it will be even more detrimental to the harmony of your family.
In the end, whether or not my mother-in-law helps us with the baby, we still have to stick to a family of three or four. Do not help us with the baby, the hardest is just those few years, tell yourself, the child in kindergarten can be better; help us with the baby, we have to be grateful for the mother-in-law's contribution, wait until her mother-in-law needs to old age, we need to be sincere to her as well.
These are my views, welcome to leave a message in the comment section.
(Note: I'm a 90-year-old ooh-ah-ah mom who continues to plumb the depths of the parenting field every day, and I hope that you will pay more attention to it and support it)
Those who say anything about having a baby if you can afford it, and don't want a second child if you can't afford it, are all people who can afford it. How can those who have the ability understand the sorrows of those who do not have the ability.
Personally, I think as a mother-in-law should help her daughter-in-law with the child, after all, they are also so come, should be very understanding, in fact, people most need to help is in their own children before the age of three years, to help is to help these years only, not a long time.
What are family members doing? Family members are not helping each other. The mother-in-law in the son and daughter-in-law in the most need of help to help them, their life pressure is reduced, they are easy, you are also happy ah! When you are old and need to take care of the time, the son and daughter-in-law will also rightly go to take care of you ah!
The expectations of a lifetime: is it not to have a son, to have a daughter, to have a phoenix? Then again, the children and grandchildren, to enjoy the two old man's knees to learn to speak, the life of the innocent children is to make people feel more happy ah!
It is said that "whoever gave birth is responsible, you have the ability to give birth to the ability to raise." Although this is said, but the modern people, whether urban or rural, are living under great pressure, unless the older generation of well-off families, the economy can be subsidized, then the younger generation can be at ease at home to see the child, or the economy is certainly strained to know that the expensive housing prices can be pressed to gasp for breath, and now it is basically a son of a million dollars, and sometimes it is really: think of my one million, no sun! I've been sweating for a while now! One of the sorrows is really hard to describe ......
Of course, help with children is a favor, not to bring is this, and what can others say? It is not a moral abduction of grandparents, grandparents, grandparents, unless it is not good health themselves can not take care of their own, otherwise we are not easy, or as much as possible to help children with a small child, so that the young people more efforts to work to earn money to support the family's opportunity to everyone is a good two shelves a good, think more and understand a little bit, after all, who do not want to their children and grandchildren to lose in the starting line is not it? Sometimes it is really a slow step, a slow step ah! When the children and grandchildren go to school, more or less can take some time to entertain themselves, the children will not appreciate the love of the older generation?