How can we not know each other
Pastor Probe1
2021-12-30 10:47
Pastor Probe
December 24th. 10:37
Full of ridiculous words and bitter tears.
It is said that the author is obsessed, but who understands the flavor?
A song of six Zhe's "in the name of friends" many times y moved me, so I can not help but recall the dusty story, determined to write down.
We are junior high school classmates, because of some special reasons, at that time, all lodging in the school, can be said to be together, twelve or thirteen or four years of age, the beginning of love. But I am talking about others, as for me, I have not grown mature it? I don't understand about men and women. In fact, it is ignorant can not say, can not say, say also can not say. Anyway, the experience of those three years so that I am engraved in my mind, that a few male and female classmates in my mind to classmates, crushes, siblings recognized.
In the third grade, we had a tyrannical, crazy, menopausal syndrome of middle-aged female language teacher, students are trembling, careful to live in her bottomless reign of white terror. I don't know why I offended her that time, but I think it was in my language essay that I bragged about another student's tenacity in fighting against language homework, and how we should learn from him. I'm not sure if I've ever heard of her. The teacher went berserk, lost her mind, and tore all my language revision papers to shreds in class. In the days of a month close to the midterm exam, I had no revision materials, I was at a loss, even despair 。。。。 I didn't know what to do. In the depths of despair a voice of succor came through: a saintly woman was willing to help me borrow revision papers from another student who had just repeated the year. Oh, God, I can't forget your "saving grace". Of course, this saintly woman is the heroine of my article, her name is Ching Siu Man.
The first impressive thing is to chase and beat up the Navy. Solution Navy is a big fat, lower than us a grade, when I was a child, his family and Cheng Xiaoman's family is a neighbor, parents used to make a joke, said to be married family. It wasn't long after our second year of junior high school had begun, that is, when Xie Navy had just entered our junior high school. As soon as he entered our junior high school, he bragged that Cheng Xiaoman was his mama (our local word for wife), and a few times he dared to go to the classroom door of the upper grades to boast about it. This may have y hurt Cheng Xiao-man's dignity, and Cheng Xiao-man warned Xie Navy several times; after the warnings were ineffective, he decided to fight back. On another occasion, when Xie was bragging in the campus, Cheng Xiao-man bumped into her, and she immediately stepped forward to denounce Xie, who was stubborn and unrepentant. Cheng Xiaoman fought with Xiehai, Xiehai dodged around the campus, Cheng Xiaoman chased after him and circled around the campus several times. The Navy finally hid in their own classroom, Cheng Xiao-Wan also do not take it lightly, and has been pursued to their classroom. In a corner of the classroom, Cheng Xiaoman blocked, Xie Navy has nowhere to hide, nowhere to escape. Cheng Xiao-Wan went up and gave him a beating; Xie Navy realized that he was not justified, and he begged for forgiveness again and again. Finally, after Xie Navy swore to repent, Cheng Xiao-Wan let him go. Cheng returned to the court victorious, showing his unoffensive dignity and will. This is not a little warrior, but a great warrior, and the style of the female warrior is well known. I and other spectators also applaud her behavior, for her spirit of submission.
In that junior high school three years of classmate career, there is a naughty class with a strong desire for leadership and domination of male students, called the solution to the book review, in the class, grade, can also be said to be that first-year school boarding students in the small circle of pulling the match, will be matched with her and he paired with a pair of me and the other lovely but the heart of the estranged goddess is a pair. Truth be told, I envied, I was jealous, I hated, I protested; but at the time I showed nothing, and yes, I accepted the arrangement.
Middle school, middle school ......... quietly passed, leaving behind little secrets; press the heart, press the heart can not forget you. Can not forget you, write you in the diary; can not forget you, the heart still think of you: rotten age, and a rotten you!
After graduating from junior high school, although most of the students are still in this high school to read high school, but psychologically have gone their separate ways. But for many years, woe is me, I still live in that memory can not be extricated.
To the high school stage, each person is in their own studies and life on the hard trekking, arduous exploration, trying to clear the layers of fog, so that their life is clear. Some students are gifted, early carp jump Dragon Gate, first admitted to the university, parents, then the small circle has accounted for; some students are still persevering, continue to explore. The road is long and far away, I will go up and down and seek it. Finally, there is also a way out of life and direction.
I was in high school, unknowingly interested in international politics. 1992, when the world's first power - the United States election, the election results are handsome Bill Clinton was elected President of the United States of America; and then recognize Hillary and Clinton couple of political golden couple, since then, they have become my idol. When I was in high school, my classmates were crazy about stargazing, and some Hong Kong and Taiwan stars became the SUPER STARS in their hearts; and the SUPER STARS in my heart are Mr. and Mrs. Clinton and Hillary. So I need to find a female companion to form my CP-my combo together. For some reason, I just CPed Cheng Xiaowan with me.
Throughout high school, due to my shyness and her shyness, we did not get to speak properly, there are also some of my false proximity.
After college I thought I had some kind of superiority over her, that I could lean over and actually get along with her on a level playing field. Yes, I admit to having an inferiority complex in the past during our time together. There were times when the question of the nature of classmates' hukou was being counted at junior high school level (i.e., asking classmates if they were rural or urban hukou?).
After college I thought I had some kind of superiority, that I could stoop down, but in fact I was flat on my back with her. I slowly approached her in the name of friendship, just to draw closer to her, but did not have the courage to say that I loved her, and time and again let it become a secret. The main action is to write letters, talk about some of the circumstances of study and life, and then send books to encourage her to correctly recognize her own, and continue to do so!
At that time, I studied Lu Yao's novel The Ordinary World and was so touched that I mailed her a set of The Ordinary World, and I was very touched by my own behavior. I was very impressed with my own behavior. Yes, I have often tried to impress the outside world by impressing myself throughout my life, but it didn't work.
By the next college entrance exam season, she had enrolled in Soochow University, which is still considered a prestigious university; no, that's not the point, the point is that Xie Shujian was also studying in that university, and they were finally able to live together, and fly together. All of my classmates wished them well, and it was all I could do to wish them a happy ending. I gave them a congratulatory letter: Xie Shujing is a handsome man, comparable to Jia Baoyu in Dream of Red Mansions, and she is a beautiful woman, comparable to Xue Baochai, they are "golden jade good relationship". As for me, I'm just a poor relative's "boarder" in that remote village. She denied that she was a beautiful woman, and thought it was bad that I compared her to Xue Baochai, saying that Xue Baochai was old-fashioned and old-fashioned, and not as pure, simple and lovely as Lin Daiyu. I don't think she really resented that analogy, and was probably pleased with it!
The following is a story about Clinton and Hillary after winning the presidential election: said one year, Hillary and Clinton, they drove through a gas station, Hillary suddenly found that the gas station workers are very familiar, he said to Clinton, he is my first love lover. Clinton then joked and said to her, "If you hadn't married me, maybe your husband would be a gas station laborer. But Hillary said to him, no, if he had married me, the president wouldn't be you, it would be him; and as for you, you'd probably be the little gas station attendant. This story often makes me wonder how many years from now, when the two of them are at the top of the heap and I'm cheering them on from the side of the road, I'm not going to be the "gas guy.
Years later, I think the fall of my life began at that moment. The ideal life began to collapse, and the road to mediocrity was a wild ride. The excuse made me so good that I wanted to celebrate myself, I finally had an account of my life. It's all fucking God's plan, God's fault, what does it have to do with me! Oh, CHEERS ---- Cheers ---- Ula ------
After she went to college, she wrote me a letter from her hometown to inform me about her admission and then was nowhere to be seen, solving the book review told me in one of the exchanges: she was too embarrassed to contact me. Is this a hint for me to let go? Didn't I say so? Bless you all, what else is there to do? After wishing each other a New Year's card on the following New Year's Day (how did that happen?), I wrote to the book reviewer. Write a letter to Unbook Review and ask him to pass it on. If one wants to do it, one can do it. The book reviewer was so sincere that I was ashamed of her. She actually wrote back.) I expressed: I am especially happy to receive your special blessing on a special day, and I have special words to say to you in particular. But it didn't come out as anything, so that's that!
In the first few exchanges with the solution to the book review, he told me that there has been correspondence between them, so that I have a psychological expectation of this result between the three of us, and is not particularly lost, this is the psychological preparedness it. I patted the dust on the body, revitalize the tired spirit, knowing that the far away is all bumpy road, destined to also walk alone.
In the Spring Festival of that year to visit his home, she had told me that her university volunteer situation, the first volunteer is the Soochow University, after Shaanxi Normal University, I am slightly relieved. I was slightly relieved because I studied in Xi'an.
From the Spring Festival of 1997 to the Spring Festival of 2002, there were six years during the Spring Festival vacation, I went to her home to visit, can also be said to be the New Year's Day it. Anyway, after I returned to my hometown after winter vacation or spring break after work in those years, I called her house, and she invited me to her house, and I couldn't help but go to her house. It wasn't until I had a fiancée that I stopped visiting her house. Every time I had a big glass of wine with her father, once or twice I drank too much and threw up. I was young and didn't know how to say no. Even years later she teased me if I wanted to visit my old father-in-law's house for New Year's Eve drinking! Our old home has a new old son-in-law during the Spring Festival to the parents-in-law's home to pay tribute to the custom.
With her home to the New Year's Eve drinking feeling is not the same, many years later I went to my own in-laws home to drink feel warm: the first time to the old father-in-law drunk, spit, the old father-in-law praised me honest, and in her home may be negative evaluation (my private speculation: this young man can not control their own future will not have success). Since then, it is set in stone, cherish today's married life. Years later I also regretted frequent trips to her home to drink, at that time also can not help it, spontaneous. "Deep in the night, I suddenly dreamed of teenage things, dream cry makeup tears red appendix."
The years are growing, and after graduating from college, the work city and each on one side, we have no vision and energy towards together, and there is no commitment, and there is life to my sinking and disappointment. Of course, there is my heart to her complaints and disappointment: know the whole fifteen years she never took the initiative to care about my learning, work and life status. Okay. You are on the Gold Coast, I am on the other side of the Beacon. I hope that you and I look back at that moment, each other condolences situation. Fate drifts with the wind, and the fate of this life is also watchful. The last time we saw each other was in her city after my marriage, explaining to each other the status of each other's lives. She used her teacher's work habits of thought tone, encouraging me to do a line of love, to be a strong person in the field of work. I thanked her, but I couldn't do it. As we shook each other's hands and said goodbye, we knew there was no hope for goodbye. Maybe it is never to see each other again in this life.
Well, since we will never meet again in this life, let's meet in the next! Searching for the past, fading away in silence. Always looking for memories, can not find the real once forgotten. A lifetime of the past, you abandon it bit by bit. Pain pain pain pain pain pain heart pain hate pain lose you, maybe separate is not easy, maybe love each other can not; pain pain pain pain heart pain hate pain lose yourself. Love is deep and shallow not to be pleased, you and I also know to cherish. Only wait in the next life, and then step on the beginning of each other's story.
To be honest, the most intolerable thing about her conversation is that she always wants to introduce me to her girlfriend. Once talked about a female classmate in the same class, is not called Chen Meihua's? Said some interesting details about my relationship with her and that's all. But she said if I like this girl, she will give me an introduction, this girl can chase ---- clouds. It was just unintentional small talk, nothing more. I'm a little embarrassed, next time do not dare to talk about this kind of content. In may have graduated from college, I have been working, a conversation, the topic somehow touched Wang Lili and Wang Beibei two twin sisters, she asked me who is interesting? She asked me who I was interested in and who she would introduce to me. I didn't say anything, but in my heart I thought, "I'm interested in you, why don't you introduce you to me. As if I had intentionally played a trick, I said, "Can you introduce me to both of the twins? I want them all. It caused her to laugh, and she even told it as a joke to her parents. I thought to myself, "Who's the one who's shaming me? You think I can't find a girlfriend? I don't know how many female friends I have in real life. Just "good like you ah" --------
I do not know from whence it began, dreaming of her when: she is always in the negative me, can not see once there is her affirmation of me. As for the content of the negative, confused already can not remember, or at that time when the dream woke up can not recall. And in the dream I went through a lot of trouble to find her home, was told that her family moved; is her family in order not to be pestered by me are scared to move, but in real life I have not been pestered by her ah, but my heart's "demon" has been pestering. Yes, I remember at the end of 2001 to Sanya, Hainan Tourism, in the "End of the World" a spot also masturbated to seek a marriage between us "long keep" sign it! This is in stark contrast to another article I wrote about a certain cloud, in which I parodied Su Shi's "Jiangchengzi" with the line "In my dreams, I am still praising me".
In the Spring of 1998, our junior high school classmates had a party at the house of Xie Shuji, which was organized by Xie Shuji (which proved that Xie Shuji was the only one of our junior high school classmates who had the desire to be a leader and had the quality to do so). I was impressed by this party, which should be the end of several good friends in junior high school on my recognition level. The first important person was X Jianzhen, who came home from Shenzhen (she was also an important pen pal of mine from junior high school until college graduation). The rest of the male classmates are Ran Xiaohua, Ran Xiaojian, Xie Renbing, me, there is also a Wang Qiang (although not junior high school classmates, but high school should be very good with Xie Shuyi, is our high school stage a very popular characters). Cao Hui did not receive an invitation, this guy is very high and cold, is our high school age of the school bully, do not fit in; later admitted to the university is the Chengdu City, Sichuan Province, the University of Electronic Science and Technology, after graduating from the university is said to have given up the opportunity to go to Beijing to work in a scientific research employment, in 2001, we do not know the details of the accident on the death. Female classmates have her (perhaps then she has been broken with the book review), Huang Xiaochao (junior high school stage of my goddess, you at the same table, I'm sorry I always write her name wrong, written as Huang Xiaoxiang, and then it is also intentional mischief, for many years has been missing), Yu Yalin (now living in Qingdao, is an English teacher), Wang Lili and Wang Beibei twin sister.
As for the content of the party, it was nothing more than eating and drinking, playing cards and chatting. The last thing we did was to take a picture. The photo may be the only one to be remembered, we did not receive. The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley.
The picture of holding hands, always in the dream, attachment can only stay in the bottom of the heart. After many years, I want to send students, friends, the following words: people floating in the sea, turn is a dream; the sea has changed, love meets the cold wind. The most important thing to remember is that you have to be able to get the most out of your life, and you have to be able to get the most out of your life, and you have to be able to get the most out of it.
2010 began brewing, 2021 December completion.