I'm really quite stupid, lack of flexibility, straight forward, a look of righteousness, really annoying. Take the unemployment thing, things have been over a year and a half, and now I think of it still feel chilled. I used to work for nine years of the magazine belongs to the public sector, but I am not a career, but an indefinite contract, they are affectionately called "temporary workers". The fact is that it is not wrong to say that, indeed, "temporary", want to open on the open.
An error occurred in a certain issue of the magazine, I am one of the four responsible. Supervisors in line with the principle of "picking up the soft pinch", a head of all the faults pushed on me, and is deducting money and is notified to criticize and let write a check and is an endless meeting of the crusade. The most intolerable thing for me is that he wants me to publicly bow down and admit that everything is caused by me alone.
Years of **** things let me know him very well, a little power than the sky big nine sesame seed official, a through the trampling of subordinates to find a sense of existence of the wretch. I know, if not tearful, three times to prove that he is the culprit, absolutely can not pass this hurdle. In the future, but also to use this "stain", repeatedly reminded me that I should be pinned tail to do people.
Others have advised me to "take a step back", "other units are also so" and so on, but I refused. The mini version of King Zhou under the guise of management, but actually trampled on the human dignity of others to do things. In the process, displaying his negligible authority and savoring the resulting cheap thrill like fine wine. What a weak and boring person inside would do this, but he's just passionate about it, so what can you do?
I couldn't claim his heart, so it ended predictably.
In hindsight, it wasn't such a bad thing. I felt free from the suffocating environment. This freedom of mind and heart is a prerequisite for the birth of a good novel.
Freedom is the essence of man!
In addition to being inept in human affairs, I am also clumsy in speaking, sticking to my own point of view, not being able to improvise, and not being able to understand the meaning of the words. I can speak is a survival skills, such as: see people say people, see ghosts say ghosts; face a set, behind a set; left and right, eight sides. But I really can't learn.
I remember once, at a dinner party, a lady at the same table enthusiastically talked to me a lot, but also exchanged phone numbers, and finally said to me: "My micro-signal is the phone number, remember to add me yo!" I thought that since I had already promised people, I should do what I said, even though I only had a one-sided relationship with her. So after the end, I added the other party's WeChat and identity, the results of the pressure she did not let me through. The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it.
I: "......"
Because of the speech, I often somehow offend people. It's not so much that I say something offensive, it's that I say something that makes people feel "out of place". I don't know what's wrong with me, but when I don't say the right thing, I flip out. How can a single sentence be so bad that it completely discredits me as a person? Is it really that serious? Is it because the aftermath of the feudal empire's literal prison has made everyone so cautious that they can't even tolerate a less than decent word?
There are also times when, out of the goodness of their hearts, they try to liven up the atmosphere in order not to get cold feet, but in the end, it's not a good idea. I see, do not speak is profound, speak instead is "nothing to offer, non-traditional that is stolen".
After all the frustration, I decided to talk less, or even not talk at all, but sometimes I feel very bad. The first time I went to a yoga class, the class hadn't even started yet, and the classroom was silent, waiting for the teacher to arrive. At that moment, two foreign girls came in, one of them next to me. Although I didn't look at her, I could feel her eyes searching for mine. I was too embarrassed to be so cold, so I raised my head and made eye contact with her. She immediately spoke to me in friendly English, asking if it was my first time or something, and I briefly chatted with her. She didn't have to talk to me at all, her friends were right next to her, not to mention I was a Chinese person who didn't speak the language. She was just being polite, out of kindness to a stranger. I suddenly felt ashamed.
My clumsiness is also reflected in my interactions with people. I'm very "stupid" in that I don't like to associate with powerful people, and I'm even paranoid that a person who spends too much energy on adapting to the rules of the world and pursuing fame and fortune can't possibly explore his or her own self. The power, the money, the social status are just the periphery of the human being, never the human being himself.
I love people who are pure of heart, have a spiritual world, and can feel beauty. I am convinced that the true value of a human being has nothing to do with his or her status.
The following type of news will always make me cry, such as: cleaning sister practiced painting three hours a day, became the soul of Nanjing University painter; security uncle self-taught Latin dance, sensational square dance world ...... Although they are doing a mundane job, but there is a piece of other people can not be disturbed, beyond the secular life of the artistic The space of art is beyond worldly life. Such people are remarkable, because they are in pursuit of beauty.
When a person has the ability to feel the beauty, his soul will rise a light. There is a courier boy in my circle of friends who seems to like literature from the links he occasionally posts, which makes me respect him. Once, he posted a picture that was taken in the neighborhood apartment where I live. At the end of a long, pitch-black tunnel, there was a window that let in light. The light was faint, but it was enough to give hope. Tears came to my eyes because I felt the beauty.
And I've seen too many so-called successful people or officials, speech boring face hate, full of mind is to get rich, no artistic sensibility, most of them are drunk. People tend to worship precisely these goods, because these people are "useful", can get benefits from them. A considerable number of people will never respect and appreciate the "useless" world of the mind, and even consider it harmful, because the delay in "nothingness" will hinder the success of the world.
As Schopenhauer said, "His admiration and respect are reserved for rank, wealth, power, and influence, which alone are the true virtues in his eyes, and in which he desires to excel. All this comes out of one point, and that is, that he is a man without spiritual needs."
But I think that without art, most of the fun in the world is missing.
I'm such an awkward person. Not going to change, because that's who I am!
Welcome to our More Useless Writing Lessons in pursuit of the beauty of the art of fiction.