What kind of heartbreaking feeling is it when the closest person to you passes away?

In fact, by that time, it was not possible to cry at all. The whole person was released to the same as when the mother entered the crematorium, and only then did she go crazy and bawl her eyes out. I've woken up countless nights from my dreams with tears in my eyes and my heart in my throat. On New Year's holidays, the family often a sad sound,

about ten years before you can calmly talk about it occasionally. Woke up crying in the middle of the night dreaming, crazy search on the Internet how to do mother and daughter in the afterlife, see the big woman dancing in the square, immediately burst into tears, simply can not control it, often sitting alone on the sofa silent tears, has been flowing ... Ten years later now in the long-distance bus while returning to the post while shedding tears in front of the whole car.