The lines of Zhao Benshan's Spring Festival Gala sketch "Planning" ("The Rooster Lays Eggs") are exposed
Dong Qing: We invite Zhao Benshan and Song Dandan to bring us the sketch "Planning".
Song Dandan: Daughter-in-law, we have a guest at home. Where will you broadcast it after you finish recording it?
Niuqun: Broadcast on all local stations.
Song Dandan: Local stations are good, but don’t let the central station broadcast them, they are unreliable (laughter). When I came back from CCTV last year, that guy memorized the words all the way, and he was compensated for whatever he did (laughter).
Niuqun: Auntie, let me take a picture of you.
Song Dandan: I won’t take photos with him.
Niu herd: Let me take a group photo with you.
Song Dandan: Take a photo together, otherwise people will think we are divorced again.
Song Dandan: Old Man, Old Hei (Zhao Benshan appeared from the right side of the stage to warm applause).
Niu Qun: Hello, audience friends, standing behind us now are two celebrities, Baiyun Heitu. Not long ago, a huge and strange thing happened in their home. Their rooster actually laid eggs.
(Zhao Benshan ran away, Song Dandan followed)
Zhao Benshan: Why is your old woman’s mouth like a cotton waistband?
Song Dandan: What’s wrong?
Zhao Benshan: So loose!
Zhao Benshan: The rooster laying eggs happened in our house, but that doesn’t mean that I am telling others that I am pregnant (laughter).
Song Dandan: I counted, one, two...
Zhao Benshan: You have been counting one, two, three all your life.
Song Dandan: I said you have to cooperate from the beginning.
Niuqun: Come on, the recording of the show starts.
Zhao Benshan: The last time I published a book, I still owed him 20,000 yuan in fees.
Niu herd: (takes out money) This is the prepaid labor fee.
Song Dandan: If you want to know the details, please log in to Baiyunpiaopiaodian.com.
Niu Qun: Why did Aunt open a blog?
Song Dandan: Nowadays, celebrities all publish books.
Cattle: Are there any signs before the rooster lays eggs?
Zhao Benshan: No sign.
Song Dandan: There are signs, there are signs, how can there be no signs? To say that there are indeed signs before a chicken lays eggs, and the signs are obvious, the most important one is the change in facial expression.
Zhao Benshan: The chicken laughed first. (Everyone laughed)
Niu herd: (laughing) Please describe in detail what happens before a chicken lays an egg.
Zhao Benshan: There were no signs at the time. It was impossible. At that time, the chicken was particularly conflicted. It was a rooster who wanted to lay eggs. It was not his job and he wanted to do it. What do you think of the big cock? What do ducks think? What do you think of the goose? What do you think of the little hen that got along well with it? When a rooster hatches a chick, what do others call it? Call me dad, mom, or aunt or aunt? It couldn't lay its eggs and was panicking, so...
Song Dandan: It strengthened its belief, laid its own eggs, and let others talk about it.
Cows: Uncle and aunt, where did they lay their eggs?
Song Dandan: Let me ask you, where did you go?
Zhao Benshan: He was feeling quite stressed at the time, so he felt embarrassed, so he walked for a walk and came to the chicken coop, but he couldn’t. I came to the duck cage again, but it didn't work either. Then I couldn't hold it any longer, so I found a kennel and laid the eggs.
Cattle: Doghouse? How was it discovered?
Song Dandan: I was discovered by the paparazzi. In the past, the chicken walked on the walk, with its chest raised and its head raised, and it was majestic. Since laying rooster eggs, the walk has been changed. It changed like this (it started to imitate the rooster walk), and the chicken's claws can be scratched vigorously. I didn't understand it at first, and I studied it for a long time. Only then did he realize that he was practicing his signature.
Cows: Uncle and aunt, where have the eggs laid by the rooster gone?
Zhao Benshan: Eat it.
Niuqun: Are there any side effects?
Zhao Benshan: It tastes just like the ordinary one.
Song Dandan: Nonsense. Although it cannot be said to be a cure-all, the effects are different. Many elderly people are troubled by the sequelae of cerebral hemorrhage. My wife suffered from the sequelae of cerebral hemorrhage last year. In the past, the aisle looked like this before he ate the rooster eggs (pulling Zhao Benshan to join in the performance, Zhao Zhi stared blankly). After eating, that guy , look again, it became like this (Zhao Benshan fell to the ground in response).
Niu herd: What’s wrong?
Song Dandan: No more recording, no more recording, just play this section upside down. (Urges Zhao Benshan to go down and serve the food)
Niu Qun: We also want to ask the aunt to be an image spokesperson for the male egg.
Song Dandan: That’s no problem.
Niu Qun: Then let’s sign the contract. The 20,000 yuan is labor fee. If you break the contract, you can get double repayment.
Song Dandan: Oh, no problem, ten times the compensation will do.
Cows: This is an endorsement. Please ask the uncle to bring the chickens over.
Song Dandan (looked at it carefully): Oh, this guy is so talented. He only has two sentences, which are quite concise. The rooster that lays eggs, the fighter among roosters! Oh——
Zhao Benshan came on stage and told Song Dandan: The chicken is gone.
Song: Where have you gone?
Zhao: Pointing to the vegetable basin on the table, my wife has stewed it. (Song fainted at that time)
Zhao: Wife, what happened to you?
Song: It’s over, our family’s famine has now increased to 40,000!
Zhao: Wife, Xiaoyun, baby, stop crying! I'm here, what's going on?
Niuqun: What’s wrong with Auntie?
Zhao: The chicken is gone!
Niu: Uncle, don’t make such a joke. I just signed the contract with my aunt. The endorsement fee is 20,000. The contract will come into effect as soon as I sign it. If you can’t get the chicken, you will have to pay compensation. forty thousand.
(Zhao was dumbfounded, Song Dandan continued to cry)
Zhao: What are you doing? Where's the crow?
Niu: Then tell me where the chicken is?
Zhao: Taking a nap.
Niu: Still taking a nap?
Zhao: This chicken has become jet-lagged since it became famous. (Q) How much is this chicken worth?
Niu: Uncle, let me tell you the truth. This chicken was not worth much at first, but after I hyped it up, it became worth a lot of money. Fried, boiled, or stewed, it’s all valuable!
Zhao: Do ??you mean that it’s valuable no matter whether it’s dead or alive?
Niu: That’s right.
Song: Oh, old man, you are so talented.
Zhao: For example, if this famous rooster dies, will the meat be valuable?
Niu: Yes.
Zhao Benshan: How much is meat worth?
Niu herd: Let’s just talk about this. If you don’t get two thousand, you have no right to eat it.
Zhao: Where are the chicken hearts?
Ox: four thousand.
Zhao: Chicken liver?
Ox: six thousand.
Zhao: Chicken kidney?
Ox: Eight thousand.
Zhao Benshan: It’s done, that’s enough. You can't carry it away, but you can carry it away. You can also take back the 20,000 yuan. It's okay to eat here, just think of it as if I treated you to a dinner worth 20,000 yuan.
Song (Resurrection): Wife, you are so talented.