There's a wonderful thing about life -- the same thing, the same conditions, done by a different person, often has a different result. And not the same thing, not the same conditions, the same person to do, but the result is exactly the same.
People often tell me that they are confused about their careers and jobs, and that they are not satisfied with their current jobs, and my first advice is always to "do what you love," because that inspires all your passion, ability, and perseverance.
There are also young people who say bitterly, "I don't know what I like, what should I do?
Before the Spring Festival, my friend suddenly gave me a call: "Brother, my daughter has a thing I want to ask you to help, listen to your opinion."
He is a senior I used to know when I worked in the media, more than 10 years older than me, especially enthusiastic and sincere, he helped me a lot when I just entered the workplace. Xiaomi is his only daughter, 23 years old, graduated from university more than 1 year ago.
Just recently, in the past year, I felt that his frequency of talking about his daughter was significantly higher than usual. At first, I always laughed at him, saying that he was "overly concerned", and he always had a bitter smile on his face.
He said on the phone: "My millet wants to change jobs again, I persuade her not to listen. She just graduated more than 1 year, she has already skipped 3 times. I think it's bad for her, but she won't listen."
Later, we had a dinner date, and Xiaomi came, looking young and lively, with a decent and generous demeanor, except when she talked about her work, and her face began to show displeasure.
She said, "I always thought that my job should be very secure after graduating from college, and I didn't expect it to turn out like this."
Xiaomi said that in just over 1 year, she has jumped ship 3 times. The first two were after a 3-month trial period when she left by her own choice, and the third was only 6 months into the job.
"Doing these jobs, I was quite happy and worked hard at the beginning, but I don't know why, but as time goes by I feel very meaningless." Xiaomi went on to say, "This feeling of meaninglessness makes me very confused, fearing that this state of my own has continued, and then simply resigned."
After that, she asked me seriously, "Uncle Knife, what should I do?"
I asked her, "If you don't know what to do, then go find a job you like to do."
Xiaomi frowned a little, "But ...... I don't seem to know what I like."
I thought about it and said, "When you don't know what you like to do, then try to make more money, it's never wrong."
Listening to my words, Xiaomi did not think: "That does not become work for money, is not more meaningless?"
I said to Xiaomi, "You don't think you're really financially independent, do you?"
That made her freeze right then and there.
As a matter of fact, life is so colorful nowadays that it is almost unlikely that young people don't have something they like to do, but this happened to Xiaomi.
That day, Xiaomi really spent a lot of time trying to figure out what he particularly liked to do. But if you therefore think that Xiaomi is the kind of dull and uninteresting girl, then you are wrong - Xiaomi has been cheerful and lively since she was a child, learning music and dance, and enjoying reading, traveling, and making friends ...... all of which makes her look no different from other people her age.
"But those things are just my interests, and I can do them whenever I want to, and they seem to come easily." Millet went on to say, "Those things are just the spice of life, and beyond that, I can't really think of anything else in my life that I particularly want to do or enjoy doing as an extension of my career."
Why is it that while other kids are the ones who have something they like and can't do it, Mi doesn't know what she likes? This situation is more common in the city, especially among better-off middle-class families.
Xiaomi's family is well off, growing up in Beijing, and because she's an only child, her family never treats her poorly. What's even more rare is that her parents treated her with respect, and were never the kind of people who were strictly "tiger parents.
Take the extracurricular interest classes, say, learning music is millet own proposed, learning dance is millet to see classmates in the school home proposed, her parents know that after the support without hesitation.
"As long as it's something I want to do myself, my parents never seem to support it." Mi said, "So I've never encountered that particular thing that I wanted to do but couldn't, and I can't talk about liking or disliking it."
Even when it came to the important stage of going to university, her parents fully respected her opinion and agreed that she should enroll in a college that was only half an hour away from her home on the subway - in fact, they hoped that she would go out of town and see the world, as well as exercise herself.
In this way, millet all the way to smooth the way to graduate from college, but no one expected her to enter the workplace will feel so awkward, as she said, "seems to have the strength do not know where to make".
According to Xiaomi's account, of the four jobs she did in the year after graduation, none of them really tied in with her interests.
"The first job was signed during the school recruitment." Mi said, "working as a receptionist in a big company. At first it was fresh, but after a month or so I felt that I was repeating my work every day, it was boring, and I resigned as soon as the internship was over."
"The second job is in a foreign company. I chose this job because I could travel a lot, and I felt that as long as I was not allowed to sit in the office every day."
I didn't realize that although this job does not need to sit in the office, but traveling outside, all kinds of chores are quite a lot, and often travel on weekends, basically all the rest of the millet accounted for all the time. She did 3 months, the same internship period on the completion of the departure.
The third time Xiaomi went to a startup company, because the manpower is small, Xiaomi has to do everything, and sometimes even part-time cashier.
"Although the boss always told me that the company's future development is very promising, but I think that's his prospects, not my prospects, so I left after six months."
After two months of idleness at home, Xiaomi went to work for a travel company.
"At first, I thought it could be simple, I thought I should have a lot of opportunities to travel when I work in a travel company, but I didn't realize it wasn't like that at all, and that I often had to deal with those difficult customers, and it was getting tiresome."
This was just over four months before Xiaomi joined her fourth company.
Sometimes you envy kids like Xiaomi, who are well-fed and clothed, and have a good family, and live a smooth life. But the truth is, Xiaomi actually envied other people her age: "Especially their eyes for work and life that thirst, I have never experienced."
But that's where the breakthroughs begin.
I asked Mi, "Do you know why people are so hungry for work and life?" She shook her head, and I continued, "Because if they don't, they might not have an income tomorrow to pay their rent and afford their own living expenses."
"Do you feel like you're financially independent now?" As soon as I threw this question out, Xiaomi froze for a moment and said, "It should be considered self-reliant ...... right."
A "bar" word reveals the uncertainty of millet.
I asked her, "How much do you earn a month now?"
Xiaomi said, "More than 4,000 dollars."
I said, "More than 4000 yuan, after paying the five insurance and one gold, get your hands on only 4000 yuan. You are now in the hands of the iPhone 7, body brand-name clothes, and brand-name bags, should not be your own to buy, right?"
Xiaomi spat out her tongue and looked at her dad, "It's what mom and dad bought for me."
"You rent a place to live outside, you need to pay rent every month, right?"
Xiaomi shook her head, "Live with mom and dad."
"Do you need to buy your own food and cook every day?"
Xiaomi shook her head, "Eat with mom and dad."
"That means you rely on mom and dad for food and shelter, and all the valuables in your hand were bought by mom and dad, and yet you say you're financially independent." I looked at her with a smile, "So financial independence is something that can be done so easily."
"But they said I just started working and earn less, it's good to be able to support myself." Mi is still a little unconvinced.
I said, "That's what they said. They said is one thing, you should do is another thing. Besides, how old are your parents? How much longer can they raise you that way? Do you know why you don't have a particular favorite thing to do? It's because your interests and desires have been overshadowed by living a comfortable life for too long."
Xiaomi beamed, "Uncle Knife, I was going to ask you about changing jobs, why did you bring it up?"
I looked at her very seriously and said, "Xiaomi, if you trust me, try what I said: when you don't know what you like to do, then go and make more money and achieve true financial independence."
"What's so hard about that!" Mi was a little unimpressed, then smiled wryly, "Hey, I have savings."
"Here's the deal, you hold yourself to the same situation as your out-of-town coworkers - pay your parents rent every month. Your house is so big and in such a good condition, the room you live in, the monthly rent of 2500 dollars is not too much, right? The cost of food counts as 1000 bucks okay. You hand over 3500 dollars a month to your family, try it for a few months, and then we'll talk about the rest."
Xiaomi patted her chest in front of her dad and didn't hesitate at all, "Okay, I'll start paying from this month!"
Not two days after the party, Xiaomi's father called me again: "My girl is serious!"
I said, "What's true?"
He said, "She really gave us 3500 dollars early this morning."
I laughed out loud, "Then you guys just keep it, don't say anything, and hold on to it for three months and then we'll see."
"But this ......" Mi's father wanted to say something, and did not say it.
"Old Mi, if you are heartbroken about your daughter, of course you can not follow what I said, but you really do not want to see what may happen behind?"
Hearing my words, Mi's father thought for a moment and said, "OK, then I'll take a look."
That meeting was in early February 2017, during the long Spring Festival vacation.
A month later, I asked Mi's father, "Has your daughter changed jobs?"
He said, "Not really, but she's already handed us rent and meals for the second time. Her mom and I tried not to take it at first, but she insisted."
I quickly told him, "You must take it!"
Xiaomi's father hesitantly said, "But she's just been working for more than 1 year, and she only gets more than 4,000 dollars ...... per month."
I said, "That's exactly why she has to do it. Don't be soft on yourselves, or you'll lose all your work."
By the time April rolled around, I suddenly got a call from Mi's mom. Although separated by a phone, but I immediately heard her worry: "My millet has been the third time to pay the rent and meals. The first time she paid it with a smile, saying she wanted to try to be independent on her own, and the second time she said she wanted to earn more money, but this time she seemed a little unhappy when she paid it, saying how the money was so poorly spent."
"I'm not not in favor of letting children stand on their own two feet, but my family has always believed in 'girls rich raise' strategy, food and clothing has never treated her poorly, but also has always been very respectful of her wishes, and always feel that this is for the sake of the child later, but now the child is bent on proving that he can financial independence, I'm always worried ......"
Then, Xiaomi's mother worriedly asked: "If a girl is too short of money, will she go to do something she shouldn't do?"
Listening to her words, I almost laughed and sprayed: "Big sister, I am familiar with you and Lao Mi, you are also familiar with your daughter, millet that child is because of a lack of money and go to learn the bad kind of people?"
"Of course not, this point I still believe her." Xiaomi's mom thought for a moment and said, "I'm just worried that a girl's hands are too tight and it's easy for people to take advantage of her."
In fact, I can understand her worry, are parents, this kind of worry is justifiable, but I still told her: "This money is not for you to keep receiving, if millet one day realize that their previous ideas are not right, then you can not receive. Until then, I think you guys should put up with it."
Xiaomi's mom, also a reasonable person, thought about it and agreed.
Turning the corner to the middle of June 2017, more than 4 months since the last time I saw Xiaomi, Xiaomi has already paid the family 5 times for rent and meals, a **** 17,500 yuan.
millet father said, the first month when the daughter as before, can not see any difference; to the third month, the daughter began to sad face, said she did not have enough money to spend; the fourth month began, millet overtime suddenly more often, because she said that overtime is subsidized.
By the fifth month, that is, one day in mid-June, Mi's father suddenly told me: "You know, my daughter this morning suddenly at the dinner table said that the company gave her a promotion, from the previous commissioner to the director. At that time, she was particularly happy, and told her mom that this will increase her monthly salary to 6000 dollars per month!"
Xiaomi's father said with emotion, "Although it was just a simple promotion, Xiaomi's excitement was something he had never seen before."
He tentatively asked Xiaomi, "You're not going to quit?"
Xiaomi shook her head firmly, "I'm not going to change for a while."
Xiaomi's father asked again, "Why did you change your mind?"
Xiaomi thought for a moment and said, "I've changed more than one job before, and each of them was not long, so I think it's better to do a good job of the job in front of me first." After a pause, Xiaomi said bitterly, "The main thing is that when I think of paying rent and meals every month, I feel so much pressure!"
Xiaomi's mom was very distressed when she heard that, and said, "Why don't we not pay for this month first, and slow it down?"
But what she and Xiaomi's father didn't expect was that the suggestion was vetoed by Xiaomi herself: "No, I still want to stick around for six months."
One weekend, my microblogging suddenly received a private message: "Uncle Knife, guess who I am?"
Not many people call me "Uncle Knife", usually call me "Brother Knife"! I ran to the person's microblogging to see a moment, confirmed: "millet."
She hemmed and hawed and said, "I just subscribed to your paid articles, but only dared to subscribe to the monthly subscription, your articles are too expensive!"
"Everything good is expensive!" I said nonchalantly, then deliberately teased her, "Aren't you financially independent already? Spending 88 bucks a month to read articles and still think it's expensive, who believes that!"
"Aiya Uncle Knife, I knew you would laugh at me like that!" Xiaomi sent a few tearful emojis, "I've really realized my problem in the past few months. The matter of paying money to my parents, at first I thought it was particularly simple, but when I reached the third month, I felt so much pressure, and my savings were spent so fast. I can't believe that I used to have so much money, but now I don't have enough! In order not to recognize? I began to work hard to earn subsidies, and then because the work is very hard to get promoted ......"
I said: "This is not quite good." But Mi said: "As a result of the promotion this half month, I realized that I can't do anything. Because before I do things are very simple, do their own thing can, now not only to do their own thing, but also to teach others to do things. Those people are more senior than me, don't even know how to communicate with them, all of a sudden I feel that I am so much different from what I thought." Then, she said, "Now I finally know what I am short of compared to those colleagues, it's that urgent desire. Whether it's the desire for success or the desire for money, it's lacking. One day, I talked to a colleague about this, and she woke me up with one sentence: 'Because you've never relied on your family, without your parents, you try ......'"
Xiaomi said that her colleague's words made her pondered for a long time, and finally realized that all her previous blandness and capriciousness was merely built on the foundation of stable living conditions provided by her parents, and once this foundation disappeared, she immediately became nothing.
Mi added: "I've only been paying for rent and meals for five months, and I'm feeling particularly hard done by. My out-of-town coworker told me that not only does she have to pay rent, but her father is in poor health and she has a younger sister who is studying and needs her to send money back often, so the pressure is much greater than mine. Compared with her, I am really too happy."
"Also, somehow, things that I used to find usual and strange are now slowly feeling interesting. Although I'm still not sure what I like to do, you're right, until I understand it, it's never wrong to make more money."
......
Many people can say "I don't know what I like" because they have been given the conditions to do so, but they are blind to them.
To use a common saying, "There is no such thing as a good time, but there are people who carry your weight". Once the protective film is stripped away, just a few months of rent and food costs, which is only 10,000 dollars, can make you feel stressed, and quickly back to the original form. Then your original form is too weak, right?
And this is just the tip of the iceberg of real life, as time goes by, your parents will always get older and sicker, and your life will encounter many ups and downs, and you won't necessarily have smooth sailing in the workplace ...... Once these combined forces come into play, can you really remain relaxed and capricious?