Chinese parents, the biggest expectation is "hope daughter into a dragon", "hope daughter into a phoenix".
When people get old, their biggest expectations are almost always on their children. First, I hope that they can be self-reliant, have success, and secondly, the old man himself is older, the age of the struggle has been struggling, the years to come, more or less to rely on their own children.
Nowadays, however, young people seem to be the other way around, around 30 years old, still need their parents to "help" the children, not at all.
Chen, a neighbor, has been suffering from this dilemma for several years.
Children buy houses and cars, get married, are coming to the old man "debt"
Chen old man and his wife were just a civil servant in a small county, a lifetime of hard work is also mediocre, the hands of not much savings.
A few years ago, the daughter married, to buy a house in a first-tier city, because young people only graduated soon, the hands of the funds are limited, they opened to ask the Chen old man to borrow, this opening, is 300,000 yuan.
Chen old man worry ah, their life savings of 50 million, although their children, hand on hand are meat, but this parents and children, "borrow" out of the money back?
With his daughter's current income, Mr. Chen knows that the money is probably not coming back.
The old man thought before and after, in the end is his own daughter, his daughter wants to achieve a career, settled in the big city is good, more or less make some modest contribution to it.
So Chen said to his daughter, "Daughter ah, you also know, Dad's life for you two siblings to go to college, the hand does not have a lot of savings, this 160,000 you take it, what is suitable for the economy to get up and then return, the other, you think of a way."
The daughter did not say anything, full of joy to take the money to buy a house.
And then later, his son got married, the girl's family asked for 200,000 dowry, plus a wedding, and a car for his son to buy all the money, Chen old man almost spent all his own and his partner's savings.
Not long after, the daughter-in-law is pregnant, Chen old man and his partner are very happy, finally want to hold grandchildren, Chen family successor. However, the happiness didn't last long, and the sadness followed.
The son discussed with Chen's old man: "Dad, you see Xiaomei is also pregnant, we are now working in the city, there is no house is still very inconvenient, the future Xiaomei months my mother will have to come to take care of, you want to come to see the grandchildren also have no place to stay, and then again the children have, it is time to think about the house, so I would like to talk to you! ......"
Chen old uncle understands, now young people are under great pressure ah, as parents do not try to pull a hand, completely rely on their own struggle, then it really takes a long time, but also more difficult, even for the sake of the grandson's sake, but also have to help his son.
The old partner said: "Why don't we sell this house in the county? We go back to the countryside to live, two floors in the countryside is enough for us to retire, besides, we used to have this plan, now we just bring this plan forward, for the sake of the children, there is no way."
Old Uncle Chen nodded and agreed.
In this way, Chen Lao Bo's two children are in Chen Lao Bo's "help", living in "let people envy" of the life of a house and a car, but, Chen Lao Bo and his wife and his wife, but they emptied themselves, the county to sell the house of the money a penny to the son, and now the old man's pocket, but also the money to the son. Now the old couple's pockets, just a few tens of thousands of dollars in savings.
The monthly pension is barely enough to make ends meet. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers," said Mr. Chen. The company's business is also a major player in the market," he said. He plans to go back to the countryside in the future to do something to save himself some money for his old age.
Bringing up children and grandchildren, a lifetime of endless hard work, and doing money "nanny"
Chen's former office colleague, Lao Zhang, also faced the same confusion after retirement, which also came from his children, but it was a little different from Chen's.
This is the first time that I've seen the same thing, and I'm not sure if it's the same.
Lao Zhang's daughter is very understanding, but married to the provinces, it is rare to come home a few times a year, the old Zhang's son in the provincial capital city development, marrying is the old Zhang to his son out of money, but then buy a house, buy a car and have a baby, are the step by step of their own realization of the young couple, the young couple of high school diploma, the income is also good, so very few let the old Zhang for the money thing to worry about.
As the saying goes, "What you can't get is always in commotion," Chen Laobo envied Lao Zhang, but Lao Zhang said, "Lao Chen ah, every family has a difficult time reading the scripture, my suffering you don't know."
While the old Zhang do not have to worry about money, but daughter-in-law daughter-in-law work busy, since the birth of the child, it is almost lost to the old Zhang couple, son and daughter-in-law are busy working overtime, making money, even on weekends it is difficult to rest.
The old Zhang said, I and my partner in the small county life used to, honestly uprooted to the big city, no friends, son and daughter-in-law and often not at home, really not accustomed to ah.
What's even more difficult is that the little grandson from six months onwards, it is completely our old couple in the belt, sleep at night are we with the sleep, although said "the next generation of relatives", we do love the little grandson, can accompany such a vivid little life growth, but also to our old age added a lot of color.
But the son and daughter-in-law also because of our help, in the care of the child problem has become a "shirker", son of the diaper will not change, daughter-in-law is more milk powder are not washed.
The old Zhang said, I and my partner a year old, take care of the children, do housework, really busy all day long can not stop, I'm this old waist often tired of raw pain. Originally, after retiring, I planned to travel around with my partner, but now, my daughter-in-law is planning to have a second child.
It seems that in a decade or so, it will be almost impossible for us to have any "freedom".
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The old man had actually discussed with his son and daughter-in-law whether he could hire a nanny when he was too old to take care of himself, but the son and daughter-in-law said there were only two bedrooms and a study in the house, which was not enough for a nanny to live in, and it was not reassuring to have a stranger in the house all of a sudden.
In this way, the two old Zhang with their pensions to the son's home to do "money nanny", weekdays to buy food to cook, did not ask the son and daughter-in-law for money, the son and daughter-in-law know that they have a pension, but also did not give the food costs.
While China's elderly are willing to make sacrifices for their children, Lao Zhang actually has a bigger dream in mind.
He wanted to see the outside world with his partner, wanted to spend his twilight years leisurely, but did not want to live like this every day is like a "war", it is hard to bring up the children until the retirement, and then bring up the grandchildren, endless hard work.
Written in the last
While it is said that a generation has a generation of responsibility, but now young people are under great pressure, in the case of the parents' physical conditions are still good, but also willing to, in fact, to help with the children, in fact, it is also a matter of happiness for three generations.
However, young people should pay attention to is that the child is ultimately your child, parents are only "auxiliary", even if the work is busy, but also to the child to do the main responsibility, can not be absent from the child's growth.
Parents older physical decline, white head hard day, the evening back from work should be replaced by them to rest, let them go to the square dance to go outside to walk or something, and strive for the evening full of their own with children.
To the parents "reach out and pull sponsorship" to buy a house and car, asking parents to help with the grandchildren, although not to let the parents to support their own, but undoubtedly also a "gnawing on the old", the former out of the pocket is the parents of the money, the latter to be the parents of the time and energy.
Today, this "new type of gnawing" is spreading, and many young people are unaware of it, but the old man has long had a hard time.
I hope that we do not make the most of the old man's children, knowing that their parents have limited ability, still ask their parents to help support the purchase of a house to buy a car, ask their parents to help with the grandchildren. The more sympathetic to their parents, as far as possible to let their parents with their favorite way to enjoy the old age, is the responsibility of every son and daughter.
It is also hoped that every old man can have the freedom of choice, not to be bound by the child's "ideals" and "children", and not to have to speak out in the later years of suffering.