Recently, in "Qiba 5", Gao Xiaosong's remarks about love and life were once again pushed into the hot search.
He pointed out, "First of all, love and life, it must be life that is important, what kind of life you want to live, what kind of person you want to be. Secondly, a good relationship is for both parties to live into a better self, what is a better self? Pure, open and sincere self." Microblogging, this pithy theory about love and life was quickly forwarded by many young netizens.
In fact, Gao Xiaosong's heartfelt words of searching for himself and his life are very different from the most widely known "love theory" before he got divorced.
Often, celebrities are no exception, from obsessed with love, preferring the glamor of the pure and reckless to the inward growth, the pursuit of the true self of the solid and sincere, the middle of the baptism of the years.
The middle-aged Gao Xiaosong, with his rich emotional experience and profound life experience, relying on his wisdom and intelligence, after the baptism of the years after the baptism of the floating, the face of the cut, also messed up the love and life of the big issues, he broke the mystery of a word.
01? A good love is to become a better version of yourself
36-year-old Gao Xiaosong, like all men, is a visual animal who likes beautiful women, and is a big man with a patriarchal dream. A beautiful, simple woman, Xi Yumi (aka Xu Charming), met Gao Xiaosong at a "Miss Shenzhen" talent show. At that time, Gao Xiaosong was a judge, and Xiyumi was a contestant. Gao Xiaosong fell in love with Xiyumi at first sight, and in his words, he felt that she satisfied all of his imaginations for a beautiful woman.
In an interview with Nandu at the time, Gao described his relationship with his wife as follows:
At that time, Yumi was only 17 years old, and she had not graduated from junior college, so no one thought that the two could talk about marriage. It is said that Gao Xiaosong in order to get the consent of the family, to bring Xiyuanmi to the United States to further study, the public claimed that Xiyuanmi is a foreign student she met in the United States.
When her daughter was born, Yuki Yumi was not yet 20 years old. Later, he participated in the "Lu Yu have an appointment", Gao Xiaosong once again proudly talked about his wife has a meter seven, looks very beautiful.
At the same time, he said that his wife believes in Buddhism, he let his wife only allowed to say a word to the Buddha, "I hope you are good, you are good, we are happy." Even what his wife prays to the gods she believes in is strictly guided, which shows how deep Gao is trapped in his wife.
Yu Yumi's unhappiness in this relationship is self-evident, but Gao, who is keen to shape his wife's values and is used to taking control of her life, later, also becomes unhappy.
The divorce was filed by Gao Xiaosong for the reason that he was not happy with his wife, was not free, and had no space. Only three days after the divorce was filed, Gao Xiaosong moved away with his luggage.
Kahlil Gibran once said, "Leave some space for each other in the ear to let the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but do not let love be a shackle; let it be a rough sea that runs between the shores of your souls." It has been proved that the two people who have no seams and insist on binding and cannot grow independently, their love, in the end, will not last long.
Gu Cheng and Xie Ye met in a romantic love-at-first-sight relationship, and this passion made them very close at the beginning of their love. However, this intimacy didn't last long. Being a genius, Gu Cheng was impervious to common sense, and basically left all the household chores and dealings to Xie Ye.
The deadliest thing was that he was restricting Xie Ye's freedom in every way. Gu Cheng did not allow Xie Ye to dress up, did not allow Xie Ye to wear earrings or necklaces, and had to go through his scrutiny when she wore clothes. The most important thing is that Gu Cheng does not allow Xie Ye to wear earrings and necklaces, and her clothes have to be scrutinized by him.
When Xie Ye swam with her friends, Gu Cheng was very upset and didn't like her wearing a bathing suit in public. Ordered her to withdraw from school, ordered her not to queue up to buy food, not to vegetables and meat separately stewed ...... In Gu Cheng, Xie Ye is not free.
With Gu Cheng, Xie Ye is also picky. Poets are not well paid, Gu Cheng has been poor all his life, always worried about money, his fee is very small, are three five seven dollars. Xie Ye can not understand Gu Cheng do not go to find a job and stay at home all day to create, she can not understand the poet's "romanticism", she tried to change him but could not.
At a later stage, Gu Cheng even falls in love with another woman, pushing their marriage, which is not independent of each other, off a cliff.
Gu Cheng and Xie Ye's love is defeated in the mutual bondage, too much demand for each other, too little self-independence, originally two free souls in love with each other into a captive sinful fate.
Zhou Guoping in the "capacity of love" said, "good love has the toughness, pull open, but also pulling. Those who love each other do not bind each other, is a sign of their confidence in love. Who does not limit who, in the end is still who can not leave who, this is true love."
In fact, good love is never about ties and control, not about trying to change the other person to cater to yourself, but about giving the other person space and freedom to grow freely, to be yourself to your heart's content, to be a better version of yourself. Otherwise, no matter how much experience peeling and grinding, the other side has never become their hearts want to look like, and, in the control and grinding again and again, will also be the feelings between each other to wear out.
02? A better version of yourself is the continuing attraction to each other
In fact, both the director, screenwriter, producer, musician and many other identities in the body of Gao Xiaosong, this is a set of schoolboys, intellectuals, geniuses, and many other titles for a talented person, his side has never been a lack of admirers.
He is an ordinary appearance, but the talent is good, from the middle school time, let many women for its soul. His relationships with his first wife Shen Huan, his second wife Xi Yumi, singers Gyunzi and Ado are just a few of the relationships that are commonly known by the public.
He is like a magnet, from the youthful frivolity of his youthful years to the calm vicissitudes of middle age, always maintaining a strong attraction to women. The reason is that he is always free to be himself, always challenging himself and accomplishing himself.
Liu Shufen in "No Questions Asked", when she was young, she was also in love with her husband, and for many years, she supported her fiancé to study in college, but compared to her husband's growth and progress, she didn't have much change, and even less growth. As a result, the man was resentful, and the woman became hateful out of love, trapped in cold violence day and night. A few years later, she finally became the step by step that "you just can not change" of the complaining woman, and finally, in order to jump into the well to kill themselves, the end of their own painful life.
Some people have done a study on the many reasons for couples to break up, and the result is: a long-term relationship stops or can not continue, mostly in the survival of the relationship, their own value is lower than the expected value of the other party. If their own value is lower than the expectations of the other party, or the other party has other higher value of the alien choice, the relationship will be in crisis. On the other hand, the value of their own far more than the other heterosexual, can largely guarantee the stability of a relationship, if the value of their own greatly exceeded the expectations of the other party, this value will be transformed into a continuous attraction to the other party.
A while ago, Jia Ling because of an article and a fire. We just realized that the original smile and joyful comedy red, once because of the dream, give up the image, give up the face, but also lost love. Participate in variety shows, the judge teacher directly said, "You don't talk, like a pig." Participating in reality shows, Jialing's most real part was cut off, and was directly used as cannon fodder by the program team.
In the stage performance, she ate raw peppers, pouring beer, three seconds to gnaw watermelon, after the show boyfriend broke up with her. The world had been full of malice towards Jialing, but Jialing still insisted on her dream and tried to become the best comedian.
She said, "I have a small ideal, that is, I want to use my power to change the Chinese people's viewing habits of comedy, to change people's views on girls in comedy, I must make more people fall in love with comedy". And now, almost everyone is in love with her. Variety show "Bye Bye La Meat" selected the star who wants to sleep, and all the men chose Jialing.
Wu Xiubo also openly said in an interview that Jialing is his goddess. The netizens are unanimously praising her, concluding that her future marriage partner must be a male god.
There is a famous theory in psychology, the "law of attraction": no matter who, regardless of age, as long as you are willing to be fully prepared to make yourself worthy of the object you seek, it is possible to get the true love. Writer Mader once said, "A good marriage and a good relationship are wonderful, but there is no love or hate in the world without a reason, and the root of the problem is that you are a mirror. Want to meet a good person, the first thing you have to improve yourself, when you repair to the spring, good love will naturally come."
So, if you bloom, butterflies will come. Efforts to improve oneself is the best posture to meet love.
03? Love is not the whole of the world, life is
In a way, Gao's relationship experience is a process of constantly trying to challenge, constantly approaching attraction, and constantly letting go and saying goodbye. After a long time of crawling and fighting in the torrent of life, at the age when he is about to reach the end of his life, he clearly recognizes the importance of self and life.
People have never doubted Gao Xiaosong's infatuation, but in fact, he has never been a person who only lives in love. In addition to love, he also has his beloved work, career, friends, and audience ......
Over the years, he has dabbled in television, production, music, movies, and many other industries in which he has put in sweat and hard work and poured in a lot of time. In every cloudy letterbox, there are behind his unknown hard work and efforts. His life, never ambiguous.
Some time ago, the hot TV series "Yi Yi Chuan" has such a clip: in Qianlong and a group of fireworks women seeking pleasure, Yi Yi with people barged in, forcibly took a few fireworks women, and Qianlong's heated argument, she lifted the knife to break the hair. Being in the deep palace, well versed in the way of survival of the harem Ruyi, in has y felt and Hongli day by day away from God centrifugal, know that the love has been gradually far away, she did not want to find ways to keep the throne, first of all, let yourself live decently, but with the broken hair as a sacrifice to the way to drive themselves to the brink of extinction.
Love is precious, but love is by no means the whole of life. Even without love, she could still be the Empress of the Qing Dynasty and still live a good life. But she has to take love as a life-long faith, when love fades, she has to break her hair to sacrifice, and cut off her own life.
Probably many people know the story of the diva Tsai Chin and the director Edward Yang.
Back then, Tsai Chin was attracted by the talented Edward Yang, and the two got married. Originally, Cai Qin was a very promising female folk singer, but after she got married, Cai Qin seldom sang, and if she must come out to sing, she was short of money, because Yang Dechang, who was engaged in the arts, often needed Cai Qin's income to provide for her.
Yang told Tsai when he got married that their marriage would be "platonic", that is, "love without sex", and Tsai believed it, and she almost completely gave up her career and self. But after ten years of marriage, Yang announced his divorce from Tsai, and he remarried and soon had two children.
But Tsai Chin didn't sink in her relationship with Edward Yang, and after the divorce, she said firmly, "I'm going to stand up on the microphone." Since then, she has released new songs and organized concerts, and her career has taken off.
The world is so big, life is so much better. Once a person is caught in the quagmire of love, turning himself into a vine attached to others, then one day, once the love is lost, he will realize that he has long been a slave to love.
Scutellaria has spoken a sentence, "At the beginning of the relationship, you have to consider whether you like the person, and get along for a long time, we have to think about whether we like the current self". Compared to love, the true self, want life, is the most important.
As in the movie "No Questions Asked", Zhang Guo Guo said, "May you remember your preciousness and resist malice when you are struck; may you firmly believe in your preciousness when you are lost; love what you love, do what you do, listen to your heart, and ask no questions about anything". May everyone in this world take control of their lives and become the unique and most precious version of themselves.
-END-