II. My girlfriend took me to see her aunt for the first time, and I complimented her by saying, "Hello, aunt! You look so young and well-maintained, and if you don't look closely, you'll think you're my sister." But "aunt" just more cold back to the sentence "well", is wondering it, my girlfriend quietly told me in fact this "aunt" age than I am still small. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this.
Three. The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley. I privately asked her father: uncle you see how much the bride price is appropriate? Her father waved his hand: not a penny, there are things to send you! I was so happy: what do you want to send me? Her father: home that piece of rubbing board you take it, so I will be liberated. I: ......
Four. Go to my sister's home to rub rice, steamed crabs, brother-in-law clamped a to me. Four-year-old niece: "Daddy you eat." "Daddy does not eat, leave the sister-in-law and the baby to eat." Little niece: "Dad you can not be like this, you have to be a little better for yourself, you every day with the cattle as if you do not eat, you die of exhaustion, there will be other uncles to spend your money, live in your house, sleep with your wife, beat your baby! Eat! Hurry up and eat!"
V. A cab driver accidentally hit a Mercedes-Benz, Mercedes-Benz driver got out of the car and yelled: "Eye long where to go, three or four hundred thousand cars you can afford." Cab driver calmly replied: "I do a handling fee for this car are more than 30 million."
Six. The girl wanted to break up with the boy, the boy asked her if she liked someone else. Girl: Don't worry, I'll still be with you. Boy: You want to have your foot in both camps. Girl: Wrong, I want to be your stepmother.
VII. Park there is a pair of lovers are sweet, the girl pouted and said: husband I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked: still hurt? The girl said no pain! A little girl and said: husband, I neck pain! The boy again kissed the girl's neck, and asked this time still hurt? The girl said happily: no pain! Next to an old lady stood and watched half a day, can not help it, went up to ask the young man said: young man you really God, you can cure hemorrhoids can not.
Eight. Uncle that year with a very generous gift to go on a blind date, into the village can not find which one, just randomly knocked on the door of a family to ask for directions, out of a big girl, uncle was looking straight, and do not ask for directions, carrying gifts into the door of the family ...... Now, the two grandchildren are on the first grade.
9. Before getting on the train, mom instructed her son, "If the ticket inspector asks your age, you just say 5 years old." The ticket inspector did ask him how old he was, and the little guy answered 5. "Five is so old," the ticket inspector asked, "how long before you turn seven?" . "As soon as I get off the train." The little guy replied.
1I am a teacher. Last night at two o'clock the cell phone suddenly rang, picked up the other side said: are you asleep? I asked in a daze: so late, who are you? Why are you calling me? The other party sneered and said: You are sleeping comfortably, I am still writing homework! Then I was confused and didn't know what to say!
Xi. When I went to school, my boyfriend bought me a bottle of perfume, and I was so happy. Home the first time to talk to mom: look, this is what. Mom saw very excited to say: her father ah, come to see, daughter to buy me a perfume, I like it too. I: you like as good. In this way, my first gift was confiscated.
twelve. Today went to buy clothes, look at the price tag, 510. me: "ten fast money forget it?" Boss: "Hey! Handsome, business is not good ah, ten dollars forget it." Get the clothes, drop ten dollars I ran away. Shit! The boss chased me all over the city!
Thirteen. I live on the 10th floor of my home, and the elevator has been out of order for the past two days. I was too lazy to go downstairs on the weekend, so I called KFC for takeout. The result of two consecutive days to come is the same big brother. The next day he panted and said, "Brother, don't order KFC tomorrow, McDonald's has a new product, don't you want to try it?"
XIV. Just now my wife suddenly came to my unit and questioned me: "Do you have a spare tire?" I thought to myself, "Is it possible that I've been exposed in the office? I immediately kneeled down in front of my wife to admit their mistakes, just to speak. Wife said: "What are you doing, our car is out of gas, I ask you have a spare tire?"
Fifteen. Girlfriends son naughty by girlfriends to play, may be a little heavy-handed, the little guy tearing his lungs crying, girlfriends rushed to apologize to the son, the son will not let go of the more crying the louder the sound. The girlfriends let me go to coax the little guy, the little guy looked at me and girlfriends said: want to use the beauty plan can not find a good-looking!
Sixteen. My mom said to me today, daughter, you can not be fat, you see you wear underwear is a gourd, not wearing underwear is a pear. My father said, nonsense, our daughter is also bumpy, obviously a lotus root, fat section of a section.
Seventeen. A few days ago in my house under the bed turned to the cigarette case, open a look inside 20 dollars, I put it back, always thought that my father is not easy, know today I realized that it is my grandfather's, I'm a family are not easy.
18. Yesterday's company party. After the meal to go to the ktv singing, I finally know what it means to kiss ass! The leader sang there, and then a colleague intentionally give the song cut, and then the leadership face upset, the colleague came a, sorry leadership, I thought it was playing the original song no one sang it!
19. "Boss. Today my daughter-in-law's birthday, take out the most expensive jewelry in your store I see!" Boss: How about you look at this watch? "How much?" Boss: Ten dollars to sell you ...... "So cheap also worthy of my daughter-in-law?" Boss: You have the ability not to come to the two-dollar store to pretend to be ah!
Twenty. There is a buddy, DUI, was found by the police, he wisely ran into the crowd of square dancers. Since he was too drunk to keep up he was spotted by the police and taken away. The two old men next to him were terrified: "I'm sorry, I can't dance well and still be taken away!" 21. A boyfriend asked his girlfriend one day: If I cheated. What will you do? Girlfriend replied: I will turn a blind eye! Boyfriend just wanted to marvel at his girlfriend's generosity and tolerance, the girlfriend spoke: I will turn a blind eye to aim, a shot to kill you!
22. The train will close the toilet at the station. A small child wants to pull the stink, can not hold it, its dad held him him on the window, buttocks to the window, pull to half of the time, the train is going to open, only to hear the staff on the platform shouted: "that big-faced fat man, don't eat doughnuts, put your face back, the train is going to open!"
23. daughter seven years old . And his father argued, I came home to persuade my daughter said: "On the one hand is my husband, on the other hand is my daughter, you say I should be toward whom?" Daughter said: "You look at it, don't forget from whom I came out of the stomach!"
XXIV. Mom said with a worried look, "You're so ugly, no one wants you!" The daughter fell into an inferiority complex. Dad was beside himself and said, "Don't say that!" The daughter looked happily at her dad, who picked up, "A blind cat can still run into a dead rat!" Is it pro-life?