Last night, my wife used her finger to write on my back and asked me what the word was, and I guessed a few times. I'm not sure if I've ever been to a place where I've had a good time, but I'm sure I've had a good time, and I'm sure I've never had a good time. After that, I hid the private money "snap" fell on the coffee table.
Some time ago, I met a dead pervert old man, in the park to see me over to stop and giggle at me, I lowered my head and walked fast, guess what, I passed by him after he stuck up and I walked side by side, his stinking hand also with the steps of a touch my butt it ...... moncler, eyes bad, I am a young man! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.
I smoked in the toilet, wife: "Husband! I'm not going to be able to do that. I: "Fast fast fast." Wife: "Hurry up, husband, can't hold it!" Me: "Don't rush, almost." Wife: "Is it done yet?" Me: "Take it easy! Don't rush! There are still two more mouths to go." My wife suddenly blurted out, "Honey, what the hell are you doing?" I....
The hospital to sit and wait for the medicine, the front seat on a bald buddy head fell a large mosquito. I quietly signaled my buddy: "Fight or not?" Buddy said: "Too old to move the earth! Hit ~" the words did not fall, I snapped! An iron killing palm, unfortunately! I didn't hit him! Buddy twisted mouth popped out two words: "shall not...."
Colleagues recently bought a house, found that he will bring scrubs every morning, secretly in the company scrubs. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said. At that time, I did not think, when I bought a house, I even toothpaste toothbrush are afraid to buy
Listen to my father said, in his just married when the family raised a black dog, and then I do not know why the whole county began to fight the dog, all the big dogs have to be killed, door-to-door check to my home, my grandmother and the dog said, don't come out, hide to the inside of the house, don't make a sound, or I can't save you, and then he really one! I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it, and I'm sure I'll be able to do it.
Home, found the door unlocked, will not enter the thief it! So quietly slipped into the kitchen and picked up the kitchen knife. At this time, the lights slowly came on, the house emitted red light, full of flower petals, champagne, candles, steak! Too romantic, I was in front of this scene shed tears, slowly put down the kitchen knife ...... Hubby from the cabin issued a voice: "Honey! Do you like it!" I wiped my tears and said, "Thank you hubby!" Hubby rushed out and said, "Didn't you say you'd be back tomorrow!" I instantly took the chopper up again ......
The phone took to send repair, temporarily used an old phone, did not have time to import the address book, received a text message from a scammer. I just finished replying to the scammer dead family. The following seconds back a: "Son, this liar's text message sent to you to see!" Ouch! My mom ah! You old man nothing to forward what fraudulent information ah!
The thief bragged to his wife, the thief: "Wife, you do not look down on our profession, our profession since ancient times out of handsome, Chu Liu Xiang, Bai Zhan Tang, Swallow Li San, all are handsome" wife: "Why do not you say the drums on the flea when the flea Qian, blue-faced Duo Er Dun, and you yourself! I'm not going to be able to do that." Thief: "......"
son toddler especially like the supermarket door shaking car every time you pass by have to throw two dollars to do and every time you play not go and have to see others play a while before my mother especially spoiled grandchildren, once she led to play, direct replacement of 30 yuan dime, the mother of the child's parents, the mother of the child's parents. Once she took her grandson to the game, she changed it into a 30-dollar dime and threw it in as hard as she could. Before he reached the 20-dollar mark, his son threw up, probably because he was carsick! If you stick to it for three years at most, you'll be successful. The first thing you need to do is to get up and go to work. If you stick to it for three months at most, you'll be successful. (Wake up! The good-looking one is called caring, the ugly one can only be called sexual harassment.)
My wife thinks I'm out of line, and I'm very serious about coming home and saying: you're really paranoid! The result of a slip of the tongue, said: you really are redundant! You guys first praise, my old man brought people.
1. The rain is merciless, people have feelings. The snow is heartless, people have love. My love for you will never change, believe me, love you forever!
2, today I am hot all over, a kind of being burned by the feeling of fire, know why? It is because of your appearance, so that my life from now on there are two suns, the sun of nature shines on my body, and you are burning my heart, I am in love with you.
3, if I love you because I love you and make you worried or sad, then what words can not replace my guilty feelings, sorry! What should I do to you?
4. Deciding on something is really difficult, I don't know how to go on, start again? I'm not sure how to go about it, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Suddenly I realized that I am also so undecided.
5, time changes day by day, the years pass day by day, the trees grow old day by day. But I have a heart for you that will never change, and I will love you forever.
6, I am the brightest star in the sky, ten thousand years of unchanging only to guard you, from dark to dawn, from this world to the next life, just want to look at you from afar, quietly looking at you, obsessed with guarding you, this is my greatest joy and happiness. I love you!
7, I would like to turn into a goldfish with you, free swimming in the fish tank. I would like to turn into a butterfly with you, flying freely in the sky. I would like to turn into a bunny with you, running freely in the grass. As long as we are together forever, I am satisfied.
8, love you love to the sea withered stone! I've been looking forward to your face all day and night! I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to do it! I will never regret it! The first word of each sentence is read together!
9, time will prove my love for you firm and persistent, do not let the distance of time and space to doubt each other's true love and confidence. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it.
10, with the accompaniment of white clouds, the sky is no longer lonely. The company of flowers and plants, the earth is no longer alone. I will always be with you in your old age. I will always accompany you to the old!
11, eat a mouthful of rotten apples, it will not have a sweet taste; taste a mouthful of moldy cherries, it will not have a delicious delicate; spoiled food can not be eaten, fickle people can not be loved, choose me, I am the most good, to ensure that you will only love, a lifetime of unchanged.
12, if this love with my life to exchange words, I am willing, if this love I let me can only live another day, I am willing!
13, if I do not propose to you, I will regret for a lifetime, because you are my only. I don't want all of you, just your ring finger; I can't give you all of me, only a wedding ring.
14, the pursuit of a lifetime lies in your acquaintance; love me dear baby; let us grow old together.
15, you when I am a kite, either let me loose, or collect and take home, do not use an invisible love tether me, let me heartbreak.
16, from now on, I do not allow you to disappear in my sight. From now on, I will not allow you to hide any sad things from me. From now on, I will not allow you to work so hard. Believe me, I will always be with you.
17, the first time we met, you are so different, the vulgar temperament of my heart, do not need to take a knife to carve your name in the heart, do not have to hands on the paper to draw your appearance, because you have left an indelible shadow on my spirit.
18, I dare not say I will let you get all the happiness, but I will do my best to let you to the greatest happiness!
19, you are my winter jacket, summer ice-cream, you are my life in the Apollo, I would like to pull the cart for you, collect rags! I wish to walk side by side with you, a thousand mountains must be able to step over!
20, love, and charcoal the same, burning up, have to find a way to call it cool. Let it arbitrarily, that will have to put a heart burnt.
21, want you to know that I really love you I worry about you. Without me to take care of you for the rest of your life, what do you do?
22, since having you, I converge my mind. From now on, loneliness and isolation will not occupy the days with you.
23, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, every smile makes me intoxicated. Your bad, your good, your pouting mouth when you lose your temper.
24, I close my eyes and make a wish to a shooting star, I can let you know I love you! Can I close my eyes and see a shooting star? No, so you still don't know I love you!
25, regardless of the end of the world, regardless of spring, summer, fall and winter, I will definitely take you on their side, no matter where you go, you will be the love confession words my whole life the heaviest bag!
26, I am a famous undergraduate graduates, "Animal Anatomy" professional doctorate, after the marriage of the two of us to start their own business, to the vegetable market to open a stall selling pork, I cut meat, you collect money.
27, no matter what happens in the future, what you become, is always my favorite and most attached person.
28, if it is because of my thoughts about you and annoyed you, then nothing can replace my guilt and sad heart, sorry! What should I do to you?
29, if there is a day when you remember who loved you that there must be one of me if there is a day no one loves you that must be my death
30, I will not escape again. Nor will I retreat again. I hope that I have the opportunity to take responsibility for your happiness, health, and joy. Love you forever!
31, think of you, is a beautiful sad sweet melancholy, the heart, but with any language can not express the warmth.
32, this moment, because I want you, everything is no longer important. This moment, because I miss you, everything has become remote. This moment, because I need you, time is so difficult.
33, coffee and mate, coconut sago, like you and me, perfect match! If I don't marry you, I will become an "old bachelor"!
34, what? What? That's a long, lyrical poem I wrote to ask you to marry me. ...... Can't you read it? Then what did you give your brother? He is a waste collector, can read the poem?
35, how many times in the dream there is your figure, how many times alone inside the call you, just want to hold your hand, walk the road of life, love how great, get married!
Young man, you will not even five dollarsA doudoune moncler pas cher married a wife, the wedding night, asked: I am your first few men. The woman heard, looked at the wall, did not speak. The man knew it was rude and apologized. The woman said, don't interrupt, I am counting it, the man fainted at once!
Just started the school year, from the next middle school transferred to a girl, quite beautiful. The teacher let her on the podium to do self-introduction, the girl walked up to the podium and said: everyone, my name is Yuan Jiao, this year 17 years old, thank you. As soon as I heard the name, I laughed out loud, the teacher glared at me: McPhee eyes what are you laughing at? I ............
Daughter three years old, the wife last night night shift at noon home from work to eat lunch together! - - Wife: baby, you watched TV last night? Daughter looked at me and asked: Daddy, did I watch TV last night? I (3 seconds hesitation): No! Daughter: no! Mom ~ wife: en ~ hum, you two good treacherous ~
I remember some years ago I walked down the road and met a fortune-telling old man, when he called me to give me a fortune-telling, I asked him: "What can be counted?" The old man confidently back: "Well, five dollars to count anything." I: "Then you calculate my pocket money now?" The old gentleman stared at me for a long time after hearing this and asked me with an odd face, "Young man, you don't even have five dollars, do you?" Marder, at that time there was really no 。。。。。
The reporter once again went to interview the penguins, asked what you do every day now ah, penguins: eat rice, sleep sleep, playing beans! Ask the second, the third ......... answer are the same. To the last one of the time, the reporter said: you are beans, penguin slap to the reporter's face. Crying, I am Jue Jue. Jue Jue 。。。。
When I was a kid, I was digging in the yard to play, and I actually dug out an ancient jar with a good seal. I thought it was the gold and silver treasures left behind by the old ancestors, and when I opened it, it was modern money . I gave the money to my mom, but was beaten up by my dad.
Listening to my friend said that a boy with low EQ in college finally met a girl he liked, and the two of them just started dating. Once the girl was sick, the boy accompanied her to the infirmary to play drip flow. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, there was no movement. The boy thought to break the silence, asked: "Cold?" Girl: "Cold". Boy: "cold I give you cover cover?" The girl blushed, whispered "good". Then the boy got up and ...... covered the dripping bottle with his hand.
On the drugstore to buy fire relief medicine, see a girl at the door of the scale weighing, her boyfriend while she did not pay attention to the back of the step. The girl looked at the display results, obviously froze for a moment, turned around and hugged her boyfriend, even began to cry ...... cried ......
High school with the same table to bet with each other, the bet is to help each other to play rice. The first day he lost, to help me play rice, gave me at least half a pound of rice! Then said not to waste food! I am a girl ah, eat hurt. The next day I lost, he laughed and said you go fight I'm not afraid! How much I can eat! So I rushed to the last in line before the food delivery car left, only to give him a bite of rice.
Commissary to a monk, bought a bottle of shampoo and two cans of beer, my friend was curious, asked the monk: meat and wine through the intestines, the Lord of the Buddha's heart to stay, the master of your shampoo can not be used, right? Monk: Oh, this my daughter-in-law used. The friend of the heart, the master is the master!
Dad called, said the old sister accident, I rushed home to see my sister sitting on the couch crying, my mom's eyes are also eye red. I asked my dad what happened, and my dad said, "Your sister deleted your mom's Happy Happiness, and your mom played to 500 levels!"
Ray to the limit, yo, the young man buckle a booger but also selfie itQuoted: The wife's face is particularly large, but recently lost weight to lose ten pounds, so she looked in the mirror self-pity: "Look at me this melon face!" Watching TV on the side of the husband heard disdainfully skimmed his mouth and said: "Che, you that which is melon face ah, you that is melon it mom - sunflower face!"
1, "So many years, you are still a person?" "Bullshit! I TM will not become a dog!" "No...I don't...I don't mean that...I mean...you...where's your other dog..."
2, home to see his wife is drinking pesticide, I rushed to seize the bottle, as expected, the defeat of the bitch, is the most expensive one.
3, in the vegetable field, see a small cabbage died, grandma asked me and mom, how it died? Mom calmly said, it is estimated to see other cabbages grow so high, it grows so small, the pressure is great, think about it or not live...
4, "Do you have a fear of heights?" "I only have a fear of fat, no fear of heights!" "Yes!" "Then do you have a fear of heights?" "Yes! When I look down at my toes, I feel dizzy!"
5, for the love of the trapped girl, standing on a high cliff, all the aggression all of a sudden surged to the heart. Long hair to the wind, she held in tears, to the empty valley shouted out his heart: "Wang Sicong, I love you!" The valley echoed: "Ah ah ah, shameless little bitch dare to seduce my husband have the balls to jump down to me!"
6, when we ordinary people are guessing which friend around us will be the next generation, the stars are guessing which friend will be the next squat or the next ice bucket challenge.
7, recently has been losing weight, lunch with my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law said: "Eat more, the body is good not sick." I said: "diet it, and then eat your son do not want me." Mother-in-law said: "If you are fat, my son does not want you, I'll give you a rich master, when the bride price of 50-50 ......"
8, my son asked his father: "Why do you want to get married to choose a good day ah! "Dad said:" because after the wedding you will not have a good day"
9, the first 100 points and the second 97 points quarreled, the second said: "100 points what terrific, the next time I also test a hundred points. " The first place said: "You test 97 points is already the limit, I test 100 points because the paper is only 100 points!"
10, when I was a child, I went to the zoo to see the tiger, and swore that I would raise one when I grew up. 20 years later, my dream finally came true. Not to say, the daughter-in-law to cook to go.
11, to play at his girlfriend's home, his girlfriend asked me with a red face: "That ...... want to go to the bedroom with me to sit." My mother ah, there is a drama ah, I hastened to ask her tentatively: "Bedroom ...... have WiFi?"
12, with the husband and the child's photo as a cell phone screen saver, the child saw, asked me why I use her photo as a screen saver, I said: "Because the phone every day in my hands, you are the treasure in my heart ah!" My husband asked, "I'm also in that picture, am I also the treasure in your hand?" I glanced at him disdainfully and said, "You're overthinking it, I want you to know that you will never want to escape from me!"
13, he is the school bully, she is the dregs, she loves him, so she confessed to him: "I like you to study seriously!" He laughed and said slowly: "The first time someone confessed to me, first let me do a paper to calm down!"
14, "Doctor, you have to save us ah, we have been together for three years have not been pregnant, parents are still waiting to hold grandchildren it!" Doctor: "This I can not help ah, this is all your own problem." "No way, doctor you help us." Doctor: "First, you have to each find a girlfriend."
15, girlfriend: "Your mom and I fell into the water, you first save who?" Male: "Boring, always ask, will not change the way to ask?" Girlfriend: "Oh, when your wife and your mom fight, who will you throw into the water?" Male: ......
16, "waiter, do you believe I can split the beer bottle with my bare hands?" "Don't believe it." "Then you don't go get a fucking wine opener."
17, I went to watch my mom square dance, and not only did she make me pretend I didn't know her. I also had to point to her and my friends on the side and say, look at that aunt dancing how good ......
18, the woman said: "I don't want your house, don't want your car, not even the name, I just want your people." This sentence is translated as, "I really don't want money, I just need to print money."
19, male asked: "We are together okay? Can only give me a one-word answer!" Female answer: "coward!"
20, the night and mom upset. Mom "pop" a light off all, I: "Mom you do Ma?" Mom: "I'm pulling the plug on you!" I ......
21, one day, the goddess came home after the father said to her: outside do not always let the man pay! Because they buy a single after, I do not know how many instant noodles to gnaw next in the dormitory! Goddess after listening to feel very reasonable, so sent to microblogging. Then ...... then pulled all the boys who liked it.
22, there is a two-dollar store in town, catching the market, then use the speaker to shout: all the goods in this store, kind of two dollars, two dollars the same. I have an old brother, drink a little wine, spent two dollars to have been shouting the horn away. The remaining boss in the wind messy.
23, the teacher let writing, the requirements are very simple: as long as the teacher can see crying even through! The next day, a buddy of mine to the teacher, the teacher turned over, while sneezing and shedding tears ...... another teacher saw and asked: this essay is really very touching? The teacher said while crying: which son of a bitch to the top of the pepper! A sneeze ~~!
24, yesterday, from work to take the bus home, sitting feeling a little itchy inside the nose, but the car is crowded, as a gentleman, can not pick boogers in public, how can not help it, so take out the phone to block a bit of ...... This time, sitting next to the aunt loudly came to the sentence: Yo, the young man deducted a booger but also a selfie it! Driver, I want to get off ......
25, a couple to go exploring, unexpectedly lost, with something to eat all the things, and thirsty and hungry, at this time, they saw a river, not long after, the husband caught a big fish in the river, happy to his wife, said: "Look, we have fried fish to eat! !" "There's no oil." "Then boil it!" "No pot." "Bake the fish!" "No fire." "Drown it and eat it raw." Said the fish still in the river.
26, Valentine's Day last year, I went with my boyfriend to donate blood, the results came out a look at me is B-type, he is also B-type. Then, I mouth owed, asked him: you say we later gave birth to the child is what type of blood it? Two goods boyfriend: of course is 2B ...... and then on him is a whack!
27, out of business, my wife called me: "Husband, the home was burglarized. I'm so scared." I comforted: "Do not be afraid, you turn on the lights, the thief will see your face will be scared away."
28, a friend said she just bought a cactus ball into a fine, a watering will move, let me hurry over, I arrived at the scene in front of the stunned, how poor hedgehog ah.
29, you want to phone number with the girl, if you think the girl gave you a fake phone number, you change a few numbers and read it again. If the girl corrects you, it means the number is real, a new skill!
30, many years later, I was lying in a hospital bed, said to my son: "son ah, after I die, remember to burn the King of Thieves Grand Finale to me to see Oh." My son was very sad to me, said: "Dad, I'm afraid that such a difficult task can only be handed over to your grandson, I'm afraid I can't get to that time ......"
Editor's note: Today, I saw the TV Ke Zhendong drug news while eating a meal and chatting about a lot of recent stars are because of this went in. After dinner to tease my nine-year-old nephew, asked him what he wanted to do when he grew up, he thought about a serious answer: "Growing up after the desire to do a narcotics police in the future, so that there will be an opportunity to collect more stars of the signature!" I couldn't argue with that, and I was speechless!