Finally, one day the boy learned to control himself and never lost his patience and lost his temper. His father told him that from now on, whenever he could control his temper, he would pull out a nail. Day after day, he finally pulled out all the nails.
The father dragged him to the backyard and said, "You've done well, my boy. But look at those holes in the fence, they will never be the same. The things you say when you lose your temper will scar like nails in those hedges. If you stab someone, no matter how many times you say you're sorry, that wound remains forever. The hurt of words is just as overwhelming as the real hurt.
Negative emotions are evil, as deadly as a flood, and people lose their minds when they are under its control. The people under the anger tend to make some hurt people hurt themselves stupid things. The first thing you need to do is to get a good understanding of what you're doing and how you're doing it.
Would you rather be a devil or an angel? It depends on what kind of emotions you are surrounded by. Learning to control your emotions is a life issue.
Japanese author Mayumi Arikawa's new book, The Power of Sorting Out Emotions, is a guidebook that teaches us to sort out our emotions and restore a pure heart.
One of the things I fear most in life:family members arguing in front of me. Unfortunately, the daughter and her father, simply incompatible. And that program is invariably, get ready for dinner - sit down at the table - the words do not exchange - the conversation sharply turned into an argument - -escalation to conflict - finally one of them left the table angrily or a great deal ......
Every time the state of mind is very painful entanglement. Neither can help the child, nor can help the husband; neither can reprimand the child, nor can blame the husband. The two are caught in the middle of a difficult situation. The two of them have to endure the condemnation of the two people who are alone afterward.
Of course, in addition to the conflict with the husband, my daughter and I can not avoid the conflict. And she always has the ability to quickly provoke me. Let me in the dispute between the square inch mess, and finally evolved into a fierce quarrel. For this reason, I am agonizing.
When I got The Power of Organizing Your Emotions, I couldn't wait to get to the anger one.
"Underneath anger lie other emotions. Anger is the surface phenomenon, underneath it are hidden loneliness, isolation, sadness, self-loathing, insecurity and other emotions that can not be expressed, but also a lot of things that they do not notice; people who usually cover up the real emotions to go through life, once encountered the slightest opportunity, will let these emotions into anger spewed out."
If it was hiding other emotions, what would it be? Why would it be?
Careful observation and analysis revealed that there are several reasons for my daughter's irritability.
First of all, the study of the pressure, can not be effectively relaxed, the accumulation of pressure is in urgent need of venting. Once you get a breakthrough, you can't get out of hand.
Secondly, they are too harsh on themselves. The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you are doing and how you are doing it. Once the goal is not achieved, the heart will be filled with shame, guilt, guilty emotions. Encountering conflicts will quickly bring in and cause conflicts.
Finally, the typical rebellion of adolescence. Demand that parents treat her as an adult on an equal footing. There is a demand to be respected. At this point, and then treat the child that way to deal with the problem, you will get a strong protest.
And the anger of my husband and I is nothing more than our daughter's outbursts in arguments and lack of minimal respect for us. There is no denying that we don't know enough about our daughter's emotional causes, her mental state, and that we don't understand them well enough.
In fact, these problems are centered on the fundamental cause of miscommunication. As mentioned in The Communication Bible (Hearing, Reading, Writing and Communication Skills), the four main goals of communication are to be received, to be understood, to be accepted, and to make the other party take action (change behavior or attitude). As long as any one of these goals is not met, communication has failed. The consequence is naturally a rapid escalation of conflict, which ultimately leads to an emotional outburst on both sides of the communication.
In response to anger, The Power of Organized Emotions describes four ways to organize angry emotions.
First, "1, 2, 3 ......" slowly counts to 10 in your mind
This method is similar to the old saying "think twice before you act". As an experiment, before I lose my temper, I try to step away for a while and count in my mind to try to calm my anger. In fact, when you really want to control your anger, you don't need to count to 10 for so long before you are less emotional. Here, the role of mental suggestion can not be ignored.
Secondly, leave the scene and calm the anger
When the conversation was not going well and was about to escalate again, I would choose to change clothes and leave the house. I would choose to change my clothes and leave the house. At this time I do not want anything, just to the open place around, see the green trees and blue sky, enjoy the big mom's square dance. Gradually the mood will calm down. And then go back to think about the whole thing, found that, in fact, no big deal. I can't figure out why I was so excited at the time.
Sometimes the choice is to quickly stop the fight before the conflict escalates and ask your daughter to go into her room. This forces both parties into a cooling off phase. When the anger passes, emotions calm right down.
Third, ask yourself, "What is the reason for your anger?
Once you have calmed down, think about why you are angry. The Key Techniques of Conflict Resolution says that there is a purpose behind all conflict. Either it's a demand, or it's a benefit that comes out of the demand. To find the "pushers" behind this, to catch the "culprit" that makes the emotions out of control.
Fourth, face the other side of the thinking strategy
After the emotional calming, the "culprit" out, it is necessary to sit down again to have a conversation. Try to open your heart, tear off the emotional attachment, and express your true thoughts. Face the problem with an objective and calm attitude. Discuss strategies to solve the problem essentially. The negative energy will be transformed into positive energy.
The book says: a lot of anger from their own panic, if you can think on the other side of the position, you can create a soft heart, know what the other side of the idea you can use wisdom and maneuver.
When the conflict occurred, after the conscious control of the actual operation, really received a good effect. The conflict that was about to escalate was really effectively controlled and eventually resolved rationally. Isn't it amazing? In the process of resolving conflicts, we found that most of the problems with children are indirect complaints from children who have not met their parents' demands for attention and care.
In fact, in the face of anger, there is no better way to resolve it than through love. The most effective softener is love, only love can melt all the world's ice. Love is tolerance, listening, understanding; love is respect, is put in the position. In the face of angry people in front of you, silent love can make him calm down.
In addition to anger, The Power of Sorting Out Emotions analyzes and sorts out the causes, consequences, and ways to overcome negative emotions such as irritability, loneliness, sadness, resentment, jealousy, entanglement, procrastination, and guilt, and summarizes a number of practical measures for readers' reference. For example, the "12 keys to organizing emotions" is highly operational.
A person who is able to control his own emotions is a quiet and elegant person. There is a warmth and warmth like the spring breeze; there is a gentle and understandable openness and tolerance; there is a strong aura of "the mountain collapsed in front of the color does not change".
A person who can control their own emotions, the silt of the mind precipitation to the lake clear. Any dirt and disease can not be clogged
Pollution. At this time the heart is the city of angels. It is blue, endless, wide and clear.
Napoleon, the great French militarist and statesman, once said: the man who can control his emotions is greater than the general who can take a city.
It is expected that all those who have read the book "The Power of Organizing Emotions" have become masters of controlling emotions.