From your statement, your parents don't love you, and then you feel like it's a sign that you don't deserve love, and then you feel bad about yourself, and even dirty if you get love. I can feel you are really frustrated and depressed and having a hard time. How can it be good to be plagued by these thoughts? There are parents in the world who love their children and there are parents who don't love their children. But the majority of parents love their children.
I can feel that you, like other children, want to be loved, recognized, appreciated and affirmed by your parents. There could be a reason why your parents didn't make you feel loved. It could be that they didn't get love from their parents even when they were growing up and they didn't know how to love their children. They thought that by denying their children and making them correct their mistakes was love for their children.
Of course you can choose to live on your own by leaving. But I think the most effective way is communication. Maybe at first they will question it, or not quite accept it, because parents have a kind of authority there; but when you communicate many times, they also feel that you are really thinking about the parent-child relationship, and they themselves have grown and progressed, then maybe they will slowly change this way of getting along. Even if your parents have all sorts of reasons why they don't love you, it's because they're not doing enough. It's not because of your mistakes or even thinking badly of yourself. Every child comes into the world deserving of love and affection.
As we grow up, we learn to love ourselves even more. Whether others love us or not, we have to love ourselves; and even less, because others don't love us or like us, we have to blame ourselves for the mistakes, for the reasons, for thinking that we ourselves are bad, terrible and useless. Maybe this way, you try to plan out your life:
1. Set a milestone for your study or work, and then work hard every day to implement, adjust, and realize it. This will also help you feel valued.
2. Arrange a little time every day for yourself to do exercise. It's best to find your own favorite form of exercise, such as running, square dancing, aerobics, yoga and so on. Exercise is also a good way to regulate our emotions.
3. Develop a hobby, interest, he can give us a spiritual support, but our life is more rich.
4. Regarding friends and even lovers of the opposite sex, we go with the flow, and when we meet the right one, we develop it; if it's not the right one, we have to sort out the reasons, and we can't think that if it's not the right one, it's not good enough for us. Try to accept different points of view and walk out slowly. You must be worthy of love, worthy of a bright future. To believe in yourself, go!