Have you ever thought about how much time our children really spend with us?
When our children were first born, we took care of them and spent almost every minute with them;
Slowly, they grew up and needed to go to school, so they only had a few hours after school to spend with us;
Then they had their own friends, went to college, and went to work, and they saw less and less of them every year.
We miss our kids and wish we had more time to spend with them. However, when they have grown up and even started their own families, do we still have to live with them?
In fact, with the development of society, more and more parents are able to accept a certain distance between them and their children. But the distance is not too far, both sides can take care of each other, but also to avoid some conflicts and trouble.
There are boundaries, distance, contact and watchfulness, and the best distance is the "distance of a bowl of soup". The best distance is "a bowl of soup distance". Stew a chicken soup, served to the child's home just when you can drink, close too hot, far too cold.
Wuhan University sociology expert Shang Shangxiang believes that human nature itself exists selfish, self-serving side. If two generations live too close to each other, these shortcomings can easily be inspired by some unhappy trivialities, so much so that everyone comes up with shortcomings to torture each other. If you don't live together, these shortcomings may lurk, and over time you may even forget about them and miss each other instead, which is conducive to harmonious family relationships.
In fact, "the distance of a bowl of soup" not only refers to the living distance, but also includes the psychological distance. So, in life, how do we maintain a good "bowl of soup distance" with children?
Getting on board and understanding your child's new life
It's all different from the way we used to live, but we have to understand it and get used to it!
Watch your child become himself in his own way. Who he falls in love with and marries, how he raises his kids, which job he likes or leaves, that's all up to the kid. We can't take the consequences for those things, so we can't make decisions for them.
All we have to do is learn to stand by our children, support them, and be their strongest advocate, and that's enough! We applaud our children when they succeed, and we rely on them when they are frustrated.
Don't meddle in your child's family affairs because you are an elder
Whether you want to accept it or not, the first relationship in the world is the husband-wife relationship, and then the parent-child relationship. It may be unavoidable to have a conflict with your child's spouse, but don't use phrases like "blood is thicker than water" or "there's only one mommy" to irritate your child - it's just counterproductive.
On this issue, middle-aged and elderly people should learn to think differently. If the children often meddle in our lives, today criticizing the father why do not do housework, tomorrow criticizing the mother why every day to dance, that will be how to feel?
So, whether the daughter-in-law or son-in-law is "good" or not, and whether the children and their spouses are happy or not, let them experience it themselves!
We just have to live our lives, eat what we want, and play cards and chess with our friends!
Don't just care about your kids and leave your partner out
Since the husband-wife relationship is the most important, you can't leave your partner out. The happiest thing in a person's life is nothing more than "holding hands with your son", when this person with our old age is standing beside us, don't forget to hold her hand.
At the same time, do not worry about the children, care for the grandchildren and ignore the feelings of the old partner. The task of raising children has been completed, with grandchildren only occasionally, and now we have to do is a good "old age prevention".
Although it is said that "raising children to prevent old age", but really can accompany us around, and we with the "prevention of old age" is only the old partner. So the most important thing for the old couple is to get the body well, the mind adjusted, and put the good life of their own days in the first place.
In fact, the "distance of a bowl of soup" can also be said to be the distance of psychological intimacy. The distance between two hearts, to be measured by temperature, not with a straightedge. This temperature is the most comfortable, the most suitable for the human body 28 ℃ ~ 32 ℃, will not be too hot or too cold.
Two hearts are not always close together, but in one of the hearts need to care for the moment, the other will soon be able to pass a bowl of warm "chicken soup".
No matter how far apart they are, the most important thing is to have love in their hearts!
Life, and children to maintain a "bowl of soup" distance, can often go to visit them, give them a bowl of soup; psychological, but also to maintain a "bowl of soup" distance with their children, will not be too hot and scalded them, and not too cold and cold. The most important thing to remember is that you can't be sure that you're going to be able to get your hands on the right thing.
After reading this article, do you feel the same way? Give this advice on dealing with kids to a friend who might want to check it out too!