There are a thousand Hamlets in the hearts of a thousand people. As for Zhang Qian, she thinks that the greatest sorrow in middle age is not lack of money, being left unattended, but giving up on herself!
Give up. Why are you so sad? Because she witnessed the fall of a close friend. At the age of 40, I chose to bid farewell to this world in a hurry. Her best friend has a very literary name, Yue Ting. Lin Hong said in "The Night Collection of the New Autumn Floating Pavilion": "The floating pavilion is full of jathyapple bottles, and the ancient trees cry the autumn flute."
When I first met YueTing, Zhang Qian thought this woman was very beautiful. That kind of beauty is not dazzling, not picky, and it makes people feel quiet when they watch it too much. At that time, she didn't know that these so-called calm feelings were actually due to Yue Ting's severe depression. Countless faint pink marks on Yueting's arm are all evidence that she tried to commit suicide.
Get along for a long time, Zhang Qian accidentally saw the Moon Pavilion, a pair of impulsive and anxious appearance, a pale face makes people feel distressed. A 40-year-old woman is getting old, not to mention a moon pavilion tortured by illness.
Yueting's family has no relatives who have suffered from depression. In the process of gradually understanding, Zhang Qiancai knew that in fact, the reason why Yue Ting was like this was that marriage was the inducement and "self-abandonment" was the center.
At the age of 0223, Yue Ting's parents found that she was a "good person". I heard that this man had a good family, and he could afford whatever others had and what others didn't have. Yue Ting's parents were very satisfied with the family, and abruptly separated Yue Ting from the object at that time. On the wedding day, Yue Ting's heart was dying, but she was used to what her parents said and didn't know how to refute it.
Life after marriage is unhappy. He is a model husband in front of people and a wolf in human skin behind people. He was involved in alcoholism, domestic violence and infidelity, but in order to maintain his image, he threatened Yue Ting not to reveal a word to outsiders. Not only that, Yue Ting had to play a happy couple with him in front of people.
If we say that a few years ago, Yue Ting was still trying to escape from this home, but she was tortured for a long time and had nowhere to turn for help. Yue Ting gradually gave up her resistance and began to give up on herself. She also began to cheat and learned to smoke in nightclubs. It's hard to imagine a woman in her thirties wearing heavy makeup and checking in at will.
In the end, Yue Ting, who tortured herself, divorced and was kicked out by the family, penniless. At this time, she learned that she had AIDS, and at the same time, she also suffered from depression. She began to try to make herself indifferent to the world while I still had ideas to consider. It was also from this time that Yue Ting rented a house in Zhang Qian and they met.
Zhang Qian once went to her ex-husband's house with Yue Ting to secretly see the children. Zhang Qian knows that the Moon Pavilion can't hold children, but how can children see me like this?
On Yue Ting's 40th birthday before she chose to commit suicide, Yue Ting told Zhang Qian that the most regrettable thing in this life was that she was not strong enough to be what a person should be. She chose to give up when she should have struggled, and it was not until she finally turned her head that she suddenly discovered how desirable self-reliance was.
For Zhang Qian, who saw a person commit suicide in front of her, it was also the first time to feel how terrible it was for a woman to give up on herself.
Zhang Qian is a child of a single-parent family. As long as she can remember, her parents' marriage has been unhappy. It's normal to quarrel for two days and quarrel for three days. Father is the main labor force, earning money to support his family and holding the financial power at home. Due to the pressure of life, he often drinks too much and often beats and scolds Mr. and Mrs. Zhang Qian.
In Zhang Qian's memory, even the mother who had to reach out and buy a bag of salt for her father was obedient to her father and did not dare to fight back. It was not until Zhang Qian entered junior high school that her mother divorced her father, took her clothes and left with Zhang Qian and never looked back.
Zhang Qian, who came out with her mother, was very happy. Although I don't know why my mother suddenly has such great courage, I'm glad I don't have to look at my father's face anymore. Life in the future is very difficult. Zhang Qian knows she can't help her mother. Looking at my mother who works several jobs a day, she just needs to study hard and not let her mother worry. Whenever I get good grades, the smile on my mother's face is from the heart.
Later, Zhang Qian graduated from work, and her life with her mother became better. Her mother doesn't have to work, and her biggest interest is to dress herself up and go to the square dance with her sisters. Zhang Qian once asked his mother how she got up the courage to divorce and how she bravely walked out of the "warm circle" when she was penniless.
Mom said that she wanted to give up on herself, but the older I got, the more I felt sorry for her. She can give up her life, how can she let her children live and work in peace and contentment? Once she saw Zhang Qian staring at the bananas in her classmates' hands. She was obviously greedy, but she said that she didn't like bananas, and her heart was sour.
I have lived for almost half my life, and even my daughter's desire to eat a banana can't be satisfied. How can she be a qualified mother? She is still young. Although she will be 40 years old soon, she is not brave now. If she doesn't make a decision now, she will definitely regret it later. Only then did I summon up the courage to take Zhang Qian out to live alone.
A woman's self-abandonment will ruin her life and that of her children. And a woman's independence can save herself and her child's doctor. Zhang Qian often thinks, if Yue Ting is stronger and doesn't give up on herself, will there be a different life?
When people reach middle age, they can have no money, but they have to find ways to make money; You can divorce, but you can't lose hope for life and marriage because of divorce. Living is a breath. If you give up the struggle, you will really be defeated and swallowed up by life and enter the boundless darkness.
Of course, it's not just middle age. In fact, you can't give up at every age. Since we exist in this world, there is a reason for our existence. Living bravely and facing all difficulties and injustices bravely is the way to survive!