There is a mother-in-law Chen in our community, and her eldest son is suing her daughter-in-law. This lawsuit involves not only the property of both parties, but also the custody of the children.
This is such a tense lawsuit, but Chen doesn't seem to care at all. On the contrary, whenever she has time, she either goes to square dance or plays mahjong, which is completely unlike a mother's mentality.
Mother-in-law Chen is a retired university professor and her husband is also a university professor. They are very good, and all three children in the family have been trained as doctors. These three people are now executives of Fortune 500 companies.
For people in the community, Chen and her husband are a couple of immortals. They are not only kind, but also good at raising children.
In response to the divorce lawsuit of the eldest son, some busybodies deliberately made a fuss about Chen's attitude. I didn't expect Chen to come back with a word: this is a matter for their husband and wife. I'm an outsider, so I shouldn't get involved!
02
The son and daughter-in-law went to court for property and child custody, and finally the mother-in-law called herself an outsider?
In this magical country of China, this statement really surprised me. Because in my mind, the mother-in-law at this time should protect her son and sue her daughter-in-law, help her son to ask the best lawyer to sue her daughter-in-law, and let her neighbors spread rumors that her daughter-in-law is a bad person.
In short, we must try our best to win property for our son and grandson, and at the same time earn back face!
However, Chen did nothing. On the contrary, it is quite indifferent for her to play mahjong.
Later, I met my mother-in-law Chen and asked her this question. Who knows, she first smiled, and then solemnly explained to me: I am a parent-child relationship with my son, and my son and daughter-in-law are husband and wife. In a healthy family, the relationship between husband and wife should be higher than that between parents and children, because only when their work and life are stable can this big family be harmonious. Of course, because these two relationships are completely different, I am not qualified to intervene!
According to Chen, when a son gets married, his wife should be more important than his mother. Because these two young people are the pillars of this big family, even if there is any contradiction, it is also an internal problem of their husband and wife. After all, they got married voluntarily, and the contradiction was also caused by the two of them. As a mother-in-law, there is no need to participate.
To put it simply: in the relationship between husband and wife, you can forget your mother if you marry a daughter-in-law!
03
This new explanation of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law really opened my eyes.
In real life, it is estimated that most people don't know the origin of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so they have been fighting all their lives.
For example, some women complain that their mother-in-law is too hard on herself, but she turns a blind eye to her husband.
Some women want their husbands to help them wash clothes, but their mother-in-law calls them lazy.
……
This was originally a small contradiction between husband and wife, which should have been solved privately by the two, but the mother-in-law "crossed the border" and accused her daughter-in-law, and the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law broke out completely!
Maybe many mother-in-law will say, this is my son, why can't I help him?
Although he is your son, he is not your husband! As a mother-in-law, the last thing you should do is to use the power of parent-child relationship to interfere with the problems between son and husband.
This is also the most fundamental reason for the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the mother-in-law has not positioned herself well and can intervene in everything about her son at will!
The end result is to annoy the daughter-in-law
04
Strangely, although the daughter-in-law is resisting her mother-in-law's hegemonism, she is also unconsciously cultivating her own hegemonism.
For example, some parents often bask in their children's circle of friends and think that he is the most beautiful and lovely person in the world. Even when he was so young, you already thought that his future object could not be from other provinces; If the object you are looking for dares to bully him, you will certainly rise up and resist.
If you think like this, do you seem to be "inheriting" some of your mother-in-law's "bad habits" and like to touch your children, nominally for their own good, but in fact you hate this practice yourself.
As a mother, you should let your children go out and work hard. Even if he falls, you can watch him from a distance as long as it doesn't hurt your health. Even if there is a hole in front, you should watch him fall and climb out. Not to say that failure is the mother of success? In my opinion, falling into the pit again and again is to accumulate your own experience.
There is a saying: the pit arranged by God for you will never be short.
For a son, if he marries a daughter-in-law, it is really necessary to "forget" his mother. Because you have a family and a new role, you should understand that the relationship between husband and wife is the basis of happiness in all relationships around you, rather than moving his mother out easily.