... On the annual Water Splashing Festival, everyone is splashing water on each other to show their respect and blessings to the put. Suddenly, one person scolded, "tmb who splashed me?" The people next to him advised him, "It's a blessing to you when someone splashes you with water." The man had cursed, "That SB splashed me with boiling water!"
Duck Egg
... One day, in the distance saw a rooster with a chicken duster in his hand is chasing the hen in front of him, very puzzled, a careful inquiry only to know, so they are two, just that hen laid a duck egg.
I am a female soldier
... A chief inspecting a military parade, chief: good comrades! Soldier: Good day, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said: This muscle is well-trained! Soldier: Report to the chief, I am a female soldier!
Death by a word
... An eagle, found a rabbit, they chased after, the rabbit played hard to run, until it was forced to no way out, they had a plan, turned back to the eagle and said: "Sister Eagle, you do not have a bra," the eagle heard hastily cover the chest, the results .......
Haunted
... A university girls dormitory toilet is haunted, one day, Xiaomei got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, suddenly, bumped into a female ghost, the female ghost said: "schoolgirl, look, I have no feet, I have no feet." Xiao Mei: "
What's that. Schoolgirl, look, I don't have boobs, I don't have boobs.
Dead
Komatsu was venturing alone in the forest when he was suddenly surrounded by a group of cannibals. At this time, Komatsu was very scared in his heart, so he mumbled ah, "I'm dead this time, God, save me." Suddenly, a voice came from the sky, "Not yet, you pick up that big stone on the ground and smash that leading chief to death." So Komatsu immediately did as he was told. At that moment another voice came from the sky, "Now you're the one who's really dead."
Make a Wish
The story goes that a man was shipwrecked in a vast desert, and after several days of finding no water or food, he was dying and about to die. At that moment, he suddenly picked up a lamp from the desert. From the lamp then appeared a genie, which said to the man, "I can grant you a wish, speak quickly, I am in a hurry." The man said, "I want a wife ......" As soon as the words left his mouth, he heard a 'bang' in the sky. The elf changed into a beautiful woman and said, "You people, to the point of almost starving to death and still think of coveting beauty! How pathetic!" After saying that, he disappeared in a flash. At that moment, the man could only be heard faintly saying, "...... Cake."
Seeing the doctor
... One day, Xiao Wang was not too comfortable down there, so he went to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor asked, "What's wrong with that guy down there?" Little Wang said, "I'll take it off and let you take a look and you'll know, but don't laugh!" Doctor: "OK, you take it off, I promise not to laugh." So Xiao Wang took off his pants to let the doctor look, the doctor saw that his JJ is only the size of a fire wood, then he could not help but laugh. Xiao Wang was not happy to say: said good not to laugh, people are swollen for several days, you still laugh ."
Liu Guan Zhang
Liu Bei, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei due to short genitals, very depressed. So they found Zhuge Liang, the military advisor, and begged for his help in coming up with an idea. Zhuge Liang made a suggestion for them to go to the United States to change one. Liu Bei first went to change one, very satisfied, came back to Guan Yu said quite good, so Guan Yu also went to change one, came back to Zhang Fei said quite good. Zhang Fei also went to change one, came back to Guan Yu and said, "Second brother, this one doesn't work well for me." Guan Yu: "No way, take off your pants and let me see." Zhang Fei took off his pants. Guan Yu laughed: "Haha ...... The one you changed is mine."
Bat little k
... There was a group of bats that hadn't drawn a drop of blood in a long time. One day, little k the bat flew back from the woods with blood hanging out of his mouth, everyone gathered around and asked excitedly, "Little k, tell us where you drew blood from?" Little k: "Want to know? Follow me." So, Little k led everyone to fly towards the woods, suddenly, Little k stopped and pointed to the big tree in front of him and asked, "Do you all see the big tree in front of you?" Everyone happily replied, "Yes, I see it!" Little K: "Damn, why didn't I see it just now!"
Against
In the African savannah, a group of ants climbed to an elephant's back to play, the elephant felt very itchy, so shaking the body, this shaking ants points were shocked down to the ground, and finally only one ant dead holding the elephant's neck does not let go, the following ants screamed: strangled him, strangled him, small, but also fucking against!
The ant and the elephant
... It was a nice morning and an ant came out to bask in the sun. At this time, an elephant was coming from its side. When the ant saw the elephant quietly burrowing into the earth with only one foot out, the squirrel resting next to it asked, "What are you doing, Ant?" The ant said, "Hush! Keep it down, I want to mix it with a heel."
The Bear and the Rabbit
... One day, a bear and a rabbit were pooping in the forest, and neither of them said a word. Suddenly, the bear asked the rabbit, "Dude, you think it's okay for your fur to get in the poop?" The rabbit snickered for a moment and said, "It's okay, wash it and it's clean." So, without hesitation, the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.
Friend Wanted
... College student looking for a friend, gender: male. Conditions: I have a car, a house, a fixed monthly income, interested parties please contact. Since it is very strong hand, please interested parties to grasp the time. Note: room - group living college students six dormitory; car - bicycle (non-polluting, environmentally friendly); fixed income - 24 yuan per month school special hardship allowance.
Not a crime
... Girls eat eat it is not a crime, and even more fat people have the right to gain weight. Behind the slimness is actually emaciation, the person who loves you will not care about your waistline. Taste the taste of food after a long time of absence. Even if you are braced to death, it is still a kind of beauty!
1: There is an ugly woman always married, hoping to be trafficked, one day finally dream
Want to be true was kidnapped, the kidnappers think she is ugly, will be sent back to the original place, the woman
Resolutely do not get out of the car, the kidnappers gritted their teeth and stomped his feet and said: go. The car don't want it!!!
2 spider y in love with the ants, expression of love was rejected, the spider yelled: why? Why is all this? The ant timidly said: my mom said, all day in the network are not good people!
3Your happiness, I'll build; your confusion, I'll make up; your greed, I'll meet; your capriciousness, I'll give in; love and care for you, non-me, who let me is a professional pig farmer. (Unfinished)
4You have to invite me to dinner, if you do not meet my requirements, I'm going to write your cell phone number on the wall, in front of the addition of two words: to do the license
5Yesterday, a dream, the Lord said that you can realize a wish of mine, I took out the globe and said, to world peace! The Lord said it was too hard! I took out your picture and said make this one beautiful! The Lord was sweating and said bring me the globe and I'll look at it again!
6 Do you want to be rich? Do you want to have peach blossom luck? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to be famous overnight? Do you want to stay young forever? Do you want the whole world to go crazy for you? -------- Don't think blindly, wash your feet and go to sleep!
7Rainy days, wet and damp, the mood is also so wet .... Every night, you just stare blankly out of the grimy window, obsessively watching. I came over and gently said to you: "Wangcai, go in, the bone delivery will not come today.
"
8This may be the last time I text you, I'm hesitating to tell you that I'm going to the United States in the near future, the paperwork is all done, and there's nothing I can do about it, really! Bush says he can't deal with Saddam without me.
9 One day, I went to the zoo to see the orangutan, I threw up; another day, you went to the zoo to see the orangutan, the orangutan threw up! The same people, the gap is so big? (To be continued)
10, looking for monkeys revelation: I lost a small monkey miscellaneous hair, features: dirty, full of snot, with a cell phone on the body, and will look through the short message, love monkeys have seen the text messages, quickly to the master back to the letter! The master wants you so much!
11, I heard that you were trafficked, really scared me, although you have been demented since childhood, but harmless to society, who is so bold as to dare to take you to sell, I really worry for him, to sell it is strange!
12, I said to my mom: I like you! After such a long time with you, I feel have been inseparable from you, I want to let you on my home, can accompany me every day! But my mom did not agree, she said: home is not allowed to keep puppies!
13, I changed my job now in the bank work, is not far from you that, sometime to find me put, to the bank shouted my name, I will know Right! I've changed my name, that's too vulgar I'm first in the name of the strong Jie.
14, yesterday I saw on the Internet that you use that model of cell phone radiation is particularly large. I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person. I was about to notify you, but then I read that it doesn't work on people with an IQ of less than 50. That's a relief. You do not worry, continue to use it
15, sixteen top-secret document: in order to improve the quality of our country's population the state decided to remove a number of Sun National appearance of the mentally retarded ugly children, you quickly pack up things quietly go! Don't thank me! Pay attention to safety! (End)
Remember that year under the tree military training? The coach said to the students, "First platoon report!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly again, "Report!" So, with great reluctance, you turn around and hug the tree!
Latest news: the main way of transmission of SARS is the circulation of money, in order to you and your family's health, clean up all your cash and sealed in a plastic bag, I will come to the door to recycle, and charge a small fee.
In our friendship journey sometimes you can not see me beside you, not I forget you more than let you walk alone, is that I choose to walk behind you, when you accidentally fell I ran up ...... I will step on two feet!
Will the two of us go on a date on Saturday? Please grant me my sincere request! Because I really want to go to the beach with you to walk around and listen to the sound of the sea, and I'll take you to climb the tallest rock on the beach and then ...... kick you down!
Yesterday, I dreamt of you, really, the sky was so bright and quiet, the sun was so bright, the sea was so boundless, you stood on the azure seashore, I took a small stick and poked you, hey, this little bastard, the shell is quite hard.
Love empty empty love empty, their own wandering in the street; people empty empty money empty, single bitter life in the working; things empty empty industry empty, think about going crazy; cell phone empty no money to charge, life forced not easy; in short, the four are empty.
When I turned my head away from the moment I was ruthless, you behind me helplessly crying, heart-breaking pain so that I instantly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.
I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand to the barcode scanner, only to see the screen display: pig's feet 8 yuan. You thought the machine was broken, put your face over to see, the screen showed pig's head pork 5 yuan!
When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth, blessed ears, you will loudly sigh ---- pig ah ！！！！
Are you lonely and isolated, if so, then you go downstairs and buy a rope a stick, tie the rope to the stick, go to the roof of the building when the wind picks up and wave the stick, others have to ask you what are you doing? You just say: I'm pumping it.
People live really tired! Standing thinking of sleep, get on the car have to queue, unrequited love really suffer, eat no flavor, drink easy to drunk, go to work especially tired, robbery still will not, earn money to pay taxes, alas ----! Even send a text message to the piggy still have to charge!
Just a gust of wind is fine, but it is so eternal, just a dream is fine, but it is so real, you bowed your head, but I can hardly calm down, I finally can't help but to say to you,: next time when you fart, please say it first!
One night, a naked man called a cab, the female driver stared at him, the naked man was furious, roared: you fucking have never seen a naked man ah! The female driver was also furious: I'll see where the fuck you get your money from!
Hello, Dear User: Your phone bill is less than 0.1 yuan, please in the next few days: sell your son or daughter to sell rice, sell some blood, sell your land, sell your house, sell your wife, and pay your phone bill, thank you for your cooperation! China Telecom
Valentine's Day promotional gift: Dear male customers, Valentine's Day, you buy a set of home to my lover's home brand moisturizing underwear will give a set of ordinary home to his wife's home brand of colored cotton underwear, and in the credibility of the card only reflects the colored cotton underwear and all the sale price. Homecoming underwear counter
I wrote your name all over the sky and was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountains and was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name on the street, kao, I was taken away by the police
Language class, the teacher called up a sleepy students to answer the question, the students confused what can not say ...... teacher said: "You will not ah? I don't know if you'll be able to do it, but I'm sure you'll be able to do it," he said. The student: "Zee"
Respected users, due to the vast majority of your text messages are sent to the opposite sex, to the community caused by the extremely bad influence, we have suspended your text message function, please bring your own small bench tomorrow, to the nearest police station to learn the style of knowledge!
Yesterday I dreamed of God he said he could fulfill one of my wishes I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, he said it was too difficult to change it, I took out your picture and said I wanted this person to become beautiful he pondered for a moment and said take the globe I'll take another look
You go! Find a worthy of your love to love it ... I do not know enough about you and your feelings, I know that some things can not be forced some distance can not be crossed, like yesterday I really can not believe that in order to a bone you went with someone
Want to think of you want to can not be; wear clothes have no modeling; with whom the whole of the feelings of the whole; to go to the where is also not welcome; think of the problem also I'm not going to be able to catch up with Lenin; my heart is fine, but I'm not going to be able to stop it; I don't think it's typical to get pneumonia.
Searching for monkeys: I lost a miscellaneous hair monkey, features: dirty miles, full of snot, with a cell phone on the body, will look through the short message. The monkey has seen the text message, quickly give the master back to the letter! The master now want you
6 met 9 said: walk two steps on the walk two steps, practicing what inverted ah; 0 met 8 said: fat on the fat, but also what the belt ah; 7 met 2 said: line don't kneel again kneeling not married to you; 2 met 5 said: a few days did not see breast augmentation!
One day Liu Hong Tao met a foreign guest, went up and said: I am Hong TaoLiu, the foreign guest said: my mother or square piece of seven it!
Not every flower can represent love, but the rose did; not every kind of tree can withstand thirst, but the poplar did; not every pig can read short messages, but you did. Congratulations!
You are the sun in my heart, but it's a pity that it rained; you are the moon in my dream, but it's a pity that it was covered by clouds; you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it's a pity that it bloomed; you are the Chang'e in the sky who descended to the earth, but it's a pity that her face landed on the ground first ......
What's going on? Just dialed your cell phone, ringing after the phone prompt voice said: the other party is running naked please wait a moment in dialing. I can't believe it! I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this, but I'm sure you're going to be able to get a good deal on this," he said.
In my eyes, you always look so carefree, always eat well, always sleep soundly. I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig.
Today I was watching a DVD, and my mom came in with a book and said, "Tell me what these sentences mean.
I said: "I don't know."
Mom: I sent you to college for a few years, how do you not know anything!
I said: not! It is "I do not know"!
Mom: also hard ！！！！ $@%! #$^&%#$%@$%@#$%! ^%^! ^%$^#&....... (A blast)
Mom: You're telling me about this. What does "i know." mean you should know, tell me about it.
I said, "I know."
Mom: I know.
I said: is "I know"
Mother: find fault ah you? Just pack you pack light is not it?
I said: "I know"!
Mom: know you still do not say! Do not understand do not pretend to understand! I'm not going to be able to get the best out of it. %$@^%#*$^^^^##$% (and a beating)
Mother: you give me to be careful, spend so much money to send you to college, engaged in what will not now, will be so a little something with the old lady pose, and then ask you the last, you give me a good explanation, say not I pack you, you give me to translate the "i know but i don't want to tell you." What does it mean?
I fainted, picked up a pillow and smashed it on my head more than thirty times, hit my head against the wall more than forty times, smacked my mouth with both hands more than fifty times, kicked the corner of the table with my legs more than sixty times, and when I was bloodied and bruised, I asked my mother: "Now you are satisfied with it
This time, her old man came to ask me again: "My son, I`m veryannoyance, don`t tuouble me. don`t tuouble me . What does it mean? "
I: "I'm very annoyed, don`t bother me"
Mom: "Looking for a fight, talk to your mom like this" (and was flattened)
Mom asked again; "I hear nothing, repeat. "i hear nothing, repeat. what does it mean"
I said: "I didn't hear, repeat"
Mom said again: i hear nothing, repeat"
Mom said again: i hear nothing, repeat"
Mom said again: i hear nothing, repeat. repeat"
"I didn't hear it, say it again"
Results were flattened
Mom asked again: "what do you say" and how to explain it? "
I said: "what do you say" (again was flattened)
Mother then asked: "look up in the dictionary" is what ah! '
I said: "look up in the dictionary"
"look up in the dictionary I still ask you what to do" (flattened)
Mother asked again: you had better ask some body.
Mother asked again: you had better ask some body. how to turn it"
I said: "You'd better ask someone else"
"You're my son, I asked someone else for what? "
"God save me! "
"Playing with your mom, God can't save you! (
I'll ask you again: "use your head, then think it over, and what does that mean? "
I said: "Use your head, then think it over. "
"How dare you play with me", he said, and then he was going to do it again."
I said: "It means that only mom is good in the world."
"Well, that's more or less the same, I think.
After reading this, you will have to bear the consequences
One man woke up in the morning and found his wife dead in bed. He hurriedly jumped up, pale and stumbling, ran down the stairs shouting, "Ame! Ame! "
The maid replies, "Sir! What is it? "
"One boiled egg for breakfast is enough! "
One day, a man walked into a bar, followed by a pig 。。。。
The pig's four feet were missing, replaced by four wooden sticks as prosthetics.
The bartender at the store asked the man: "What a strange pig you have, why doesn't it have feet?
The man replied, "My pig is a very powerful pig. When my family was poor and living in a grass hut, the pig found oil in the back
yard, which made me rich, and we built a house and a swimming pool.
The bartender was too surprised to speak, and after a while asked, "By the way, what's wrong with his feet?
The man said: You know, my pig is very powerful, one day, my five-year-old child drowned alone in the pool, it jumped into the pool to take my son out, but also to help him for mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration!
The bartender was even more surprised, and asked: How could his feet?。。。。。
The man began to get a little impatient: I told you, this is a very powerful pig, one day in the middle of the night my house was on fire, it woke up all the family, and put out the fire alone!
Bartender: sir! I'm asking you why your pig has no feet 。。。。
The man replied with a look of displeasure: If you had a pig that powerful ......
Would you eat it all at once?
Small X went to the bird market again. Found a parrot marked down to 3 dollars.
So he asked the seller: Why is your parrot so cheap?
Seller: My parrot is stupid! I've been teaching it for a long time. Until now, it can only say one thing - "Who is it?"
Small X thought it was cheap anyway, so he bought it.
When he got home in the evening, he thought " I don't believe I can't teach you!". , so Little X taught it to say other words all night.
But in the morning, the parrot still only said "Who is it?". So Little X got angry, locked the door and went to work.
After a while, there was a gas bill collector (Z for short).
Small z, "knock knock ......" (knock on the door)
Parrot: Who is it?
Small z: checking the gas .
Parrot: Who is it?
Small z: gas check .
Parrot: Who is it?
Small z: gas check .
At night, Xiao x came back. Saw a man lying on the ground in front of the house, foaming at the mouth.
Small x: Yo~! Who is this?
It was heard in the house: gas check.
Small x especially likes parrots. One day he went to the bird market and found a parrot selling for 30,000 yuan.
He was curious, so he asked the buyer: Why is your parrot so expensive? The buyer: I have a smart parrot!
It can say anything.
Small X heard that it was so smart, so he bought it.
When he got home at night, he was very happy. And fiddled with the parrot.
Small x: I can walk
Parrot: I can walk
Small x: I can run
Parrot: I can run
Small x: I can fly
A man had a parrot that was so good, it killed all the other birds that were locked up with it.
Then the owner got an eagle back and shelved it with it, and when the owner came in to look at it, the parrot's feathers were hanging on the outside of the cage.
The master said, "This time not **** it."
But in a closer look, is the eagle died, the parrot naked and said, "This grandson is really powerful, not take off the bare bladder but also really can't beat the yatting."
There is a bird lover he especially like parrots, one day he passed by a bird store found inside is auctioning a parrot, he looked at the parrot fur is very nice decided to buy, so he shouted: "I am willing to pay 10 dollars to buy this parrot!"
Then someone else shouted, "I'll give you $20 dollars for it!"
The bird lover didn't want to give the parrot away, so he called for another $30 ...... But another voice seemed to be against him, and it didn't stop until the bird lover called for $200 ......
The man was very happy to buy the parrot. The man was very happy to buy the parrot, but he suddenly thought: I spent so much money to buy this parrot, if it can't talk then won't I lose a lot of money?
So he went to the owner and asked, "Boss ...... do you know if this parrot can talk"
Then he heard the parrot yell, "Can't talk?!!!? Who do you think was just yelling at you?!!!"
A bird dealer had three parrots. A customer comes over to look at them and points to the first parrot and asks the price.
"One thousand dollars." The bird dealer said.
The customer was surprised, "That expensive?"
"Of course, because it uses Windows."
"What about this one?" The customer pointed to a second one.
"2000, because it will use UNIX"
"Oh, and the third one?"
"3000. it will ......? "The bird merchant shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I don't know what it will be." He pointed to the first
two parrots, "But they both call it 'CTO'."
A man walking down the street saw a merchant selling parrots. He sees that the parrot is beautiful and asks the merchant if the parrot can talk.
The merchant said, "Of course! I don't believe you. You hold its right foot."
The man held the parrot's right foot as he was told. Only to hear the parrot say very clearly : "Hello! Hello!"
The man was so happy that the merchant said: "Shake its left foot again."
The man shook the parrot's left foot again, and heard the parrot say clearly: "Bye, bye ......"
The man was even happier. He bought the parrot immediately.
The man went home and was overjoyed. He touched the parrot's left foot. Then he touched the parrot's right foot.
The parrot also obeyed and said, "Goodbye. Hello.
Suddenly he thought to himself: what would the parrot say if I held both feet together?
He took hold of the parrot's feet.
Only heard the parrot said loudly: "xxxx! You want to drop me to death!?"
1. Once upon a time there was a eunuch .....
Below .....
Not below ......
2, I'll tell you a story that has a scary beginning, a funny middle, and a sad ending; it goes like this:
Once upon a time there was a ghost .......
Farted .......
Died .......
1. What kind of person doesn't use electricity? [Maine (free) Deen (electricity) people]
2. What is a situation where two tigers are allowed on one mountain? (A male and a female)
3. Why can a frog jump higher than a tree? (Trees can't jump)
4. How much time does it take at least to finish Tsinghua University? (3 to 4 seconds)
5. When does the clock strike 13 times? (When it's broken)
6. What kind of gas would an air conditioning unit become if it fell from a building? (Murder weapon)
8. There are rules in the family, rules in the country, what rules are there in the zoo? (Turtle)
9, Xiaoming walking on the street to see a hundred-dollar bill and a piece of bone, but it picked up a piece of bone
head, why (it is a dog)
10, take the egg hit the stone egg why not rotten? (Of course it won't rot if you hit a rock with an egg)
11. Which hurts more, a coconut or a watermelon, when you hit it on the head? (The head hurts the most)
12. What is the first thing you see when you go to the zoo? (ticket agent)
13. Who is the man who works only one day a year and is not afraid of being fired? (Santa Claus)
14. What is the longest train in the world? (Traffic jam)
15. Why did Ming jump from the building? (He jumped inside)
16. What can be eaten as food after pulling it out of a corpse than a couple of months and a couple of (own experience)? (Eggs)
17. Why is going up the mountain slower than going down? (Because I've never heard of a falling stone rolling down)
19. Qiqi and Tang Tang went fishing together, but Qiqi brought a shotgun instead of fishing tackle, why?
(Qiqi catches flying fish)
20. Why does the snake shed its skin? (It has an itchy skin)
21. What does Anfi it life have to do with Hi? (It doesn't matter)
22, Why are there stars in the sky? (Proof of Einstein's theory of relativity, because there are stars in the sky and "apes" on the ground)
23, that kind of ball everyone can play? (Mixer)
24. What's the first thing you do when you get rabies? (Make a list of people who are going to bite)
25, Who is the least happy when a widow's son dies? (The dead husband)
26, Xiao Ming's report card was only sent out on Monday, why was he beaten up
by his dad over his grades on Sunday night? (Dad will go on a business trip for half a month from tomorrow, and he counted on the fact that Ming must have done very badly, so he beat him up first)
27. What is the longest way to keep a person from blinking his eyes? (Let him "die without blinking")
28, Wang with a rat cage at home to catch mice, the next morning found the cage to catch a live mouse, while outside the cage there are two dead mice four feet to the sky dead mice, why? (The two saw the companion was stupid enough to be arrested and died of laughter)
29, the caterpillar molested the caterpillar guess a proverb? (hairy hands and feet)
30, a blind left-eyed goat in its left side of a piece of beef, in his right side of a piece of pork, ask him to eat which one? (Neither eat, it eats vegetarian)
31, hit the dog to see the master, then hit the tiger to see what? (to see if you have the "seed")
32, what is invited to eat no one to eat, eat yourself and can not swallow? (Loss)