In short, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is expected to be bad even if they don't treat each other as family.
It is easier to plant contradictions than to solve them.
Once the problem is settled, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are already in the same boat. If they want to save it, they must be pregnant and deeply planted in the hearts of two people, and I am afraid it will never dissipate.
Because the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the same as most family problems, in fact, it is difficult to objectively judge which side is right and which side is wrong. It is often said that the public is right and the mother-in-law is right.
From your own point of view, what you do is of course good for yourself. You can't go wrong if you love yourself. But you have to understand that you can love yourself, but loving yourself is not a selfish reason.
When the other party hurts you, you naturally have the right to fight for the benefits you deserve, but when the other party doesn't hurt you, you shouldn't hurt the other party's interests or feelings.
While loving yourself, even for your family, you should take care of each other's feelings properly.
Don't treat each other as air or imaginary enemies, treat each other with extreme meanness, let alone special treatment, and don't deliberately do something unnatural to please each other. Many times, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not too distant, but too close, forgetting the comfortable distance between people.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can get along as an ordinary family member and treat each other with the most ordinary attitude. You may not be familiar with each other, but you can't lose mutual courtesy and respect. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is already very good.
But there is an old saying, "I won't commit crimes unless people commit crimes against me." It is a blessing for mother and daughter to be close without contradiction, and it is luck to feel at home. Getting along well is of course a good thing, but if not, Square Face doesn't advise everyone to make a dough that can be flattened and rounded for the sake of family harmony, and to be a steamed stuffed bun that anyone can bully.
If you take a step back, you will fall into the sea. Don't take a step back and lose the initiative in the family. On the contrary, it will put yourself in a passive position and hurt yourself.
Passivity is not a good thing, but it will be difficult to get back the initiative. We don't make trouble, but we are not afraid of things. Only by showing your attitude in time can you win the respect of the other party.
The reason why I wrote this article is also because of the contribution of a reader, Miss Wang. She was recently promoted to a novice nanny, which should have been a happy thing, but Miss Wang had a great contradiction with her mother-in-law after having a child. Miss Wang is a very reasonable person. The problem between her and her mother-in-law is both reasonable and clear, which makes the contradiction between them deeper and deeper. Finally, Miss Wang simply growled, made a move that surprised her husband, and finally "appeased" her mother-in-law.
Miss Wang is 26 years old this year. Her parents export handicrafts, and her family is said to be passable. As for Miss Wang's husband, his family is slightly worse than Miss Wang's. His home is not only in other places, but also far away.
However, Miss Wang has a campus romance with her boyfriend. They have been in love for four years in college and have a deep emotional foundation. Her husband is also a very hard-working boy, very diligent. This is where Miss Wang took a fancy to her husband from the beginning.
More importantly, my husband is a devoted person and is really good to Miss Wang. Even though she knew that Miss Wang's parents might not agree to be together, she still loved Miss Wang without hesitation. Teacher Wang is still very touched when she talks about that love story.
"He is really stupid, saying that it doesn't matter even if I don't marry him. He can be with me one day, and even if he can't be together in the future, he has no regrets. "
For the sake of love, Miss Wang finally married regardless of her family's opposition. The bride's family is in the south and her husband's family is in the north. There is a gap of nearly a thousand kilometers between the two. Miss Wang suffered all the hardships of a long-distance married woman, but with her husband's love, everything went smoothly and everything was developing in a good direction. At this time, Miss Wang found herself pregnant with a baby.
This incident made the whole family very happy, but when Miss Wang suggested that her mother-in-law should take more care of her during confinement, her mother-in-law was embarrassed and found various reasons to shirk her unwillingness to help.
"I have cerebrovascular sclerosis and lumbar disc herniation. I can not help you with anything. And do morning exercises in the morning, queue up to buy eggs later, and dance square dance at night. I only waited on you to sacrifice my own life. I am old, can't I enjoy my old age with peace of mind? "
If her family is not too far away, once her mother-in-law refuses her, Miss Wang will not ask her mother-in-law for help again and again. Finally, my mother-in-law insisted on not helping Miss Wang to sit in the confinement, and even asked Miss Wang to come with her mother from thousands of miles away to help.
It's not that Miss Wang doesn't miss her mother, but that her mother is confused by transportation, so she can't travel far and dare not fly alone. But after all, her parents are sympathetic to their children. After knowing Miss Wang's difficulties at this stage, her parents directly paid 30,000 yuan to ask Miss Wang to take a month off immediately. It doesn't matter whether it's expensive or not, as long as they can take care of it.
Originally, Miss Wang and her husband had gone to Yueyue to pay the deposit, but her mother-in-law suddenly changed her mouth and expressed her willingness to take care of Miss Wang.
The old lady was shocked to hear that Yue Yue had to pay nearly ten thousand yuan in rent every month. Originally, the old lady thought it was the price of a nanny. Seeing that Miss Wang's family was so willing to spend money on her daughter, she immediately decided to take the job, but the condition was that she should be treated like Yue Yue.
Miss Wang discussed it with her husband. It is better to give the money to her mother-in-law than to others. She agreed to her mother-in-law's request. Later, Miss Wang not only gave her 10,000 yuan a month, but also gave her 10,000 yuan for food as a nutrition fee because her mother-in-law was always frugal.
Mother-in-law accepted the money and agreed with a smile, but when Miss Wang gave birth to a baby and really started confinement, the process of confinement was not as smooth as Miss Wang expected.
My mother-in-law is really unprofessional this month. Aside from other problems, just eating makes Miss Wang angry.
"If I remember correctly, I gave my mother-in-law twenty thousand yuan, of which ten thousand yuan was the board fee, but I only ate three chickens, two pork bellies, a three-yellow chicken, not a pure native chicken or an old chicken, and a pork belly was less than one hundred yuan. The rest of the time, I occasionally eat small crucian carp or something. In the morning, I ate milk and bread, and in the evening, I ate leftovers at noon.
Let's take the highest price estimate. These things are about 1000 yuan. When I was confined, she ignored the children and just cooked a meal. You know, the new moon is in charge of everything, both mother and child. Anyway, she wouldn't listen and thought it was good to cook me a meal.
I was really angry. My husband is busy with his career outside all day. Now is his hard promotion stage. I basically didn't want to disturb him about things at home, so I didn't tell him.
Besides, I didn't think the worst of my mother-in-law. I just think that without today, there will always be tomorrow. I always make excuses for my mother-in-law. It's almost the month, and finally I can't hold back the fire. "
One day, Miss Wang took advantage of her mother-in-law's good mood and asked about the food money. Her mother-in-law answered simply.
"I didn't give you money to spend, what else do you ask me? Everything you eat is good. Crucian carp is pure wild, vegetables are the most expensive you buy, and chickens are pheasants that have been raised for more than three years. Otherwise, how can you milk so well in confinement? "
Miss Wang almost exploded with anger after listening to her mother-in-law's words. She knows very well that what her mother-in-law said is a lie. My mother-in-law always buys food in the local supermarket opposite her home. For the fruits she ate during pregnancy, she often saw that the supermarket bar code sign was not completely buckled on the packaging bag. How did the goods in the small supermarket become high-grade goods through the mouth of her mother-in-law?
She looked at her mother-in-law, and you couldn't be at ease with me anyway. It was the first time that she really had the urge to miss her mother-in-law. However, Miss Wang is a very reasonable person. Facing her mother-in-law's lying, she had a lot to say, but she couldn't think of a clue at the moment and had to go first.
At night, Miss Wang tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. She was very angry. She finally decided to expose her mother-in-law's lies and get her money back. She shook her husband awake and expressed her opinion. Her husband replied to Miss Wang in a daze: "Nothing is idle, and I am not short of that little money. You just have to put up with it. This is not good. "
But miss Wang doesn't think so: "I gave your mother 10 thousand yuan to buy the dishes in the month, and she only spent 1000 yuan." What happened to asking her to pay back the money? "
You are wrong. It's not that I want to oppose my mother-in-law, it's that my mother-in-law wants to hurt me for this little money! I want this money! "
The next day, when her mother-in-law was watching TV in the living room, Miss Wang directly spread out her hand: "Mother-in-law, please give me back the rest of the food money. You made a lot of money this month. You watch TV every day when you cook, and never help with the children. I work hard alone, and I eat all the special dishes on sale in the supermarket. I asked. What about you? Which one would you hoard for that discount?
I don't want a monthly fee. After all, you have tried, no matter how much. I appreciate your hard work for me, but you should give me the rest of the food money, shouldn't you? Mother-in-law, you are smart and I am not stupid, but don't be so smart and chilling. Aren't you afraid I'll do the same to you in the future? . "
Teacher Wang conceived this passage all night and recited it for a long time. Mother-in-law turned blue and red after listening. At first, she pretended not to hear. But when Miss Wang went back to her room and came out for a while, her mother-in-law disappeared, leaving only more than 8 thousand yuan in cash on the coffee table in the living room.
At a dinner party in the evening, the family ate awkwardly, but after dinner, Miss Wang was reasonable and gave the money to her husband and asked him to give it to her mother-in-law.
"Mom, Xiaomei gave it to you. She said it's not easy for you to buy some good clothes and supplements. If you don't have enough, just ask us. Family members are not embarrassed to talk about money. It' s really embarrassing to care about each other and calculate each other. "
"hey!"
Then my mother-in-law gradually began to change and became less selfish. Occasionally, she can help Mr. Wang take care of the children. Although little has changed, Miss Wang obviously feels that her mother-in-law attaches great importance to herself now, cares about her views and opinions, and no longer treats her as an outsider.
In fact, after listening to Miss Wang's story, Yan Fang still admired her. After careful analysis, Miss Wang used a very clever strategy.
When her feelings and interests were violated by her mother-in-law's self-interest, she treated the soldiers first, then treated them with courtesy and repaid them with kindness. In the end, she won the respect of her mother-in-law, being brave and resourceful, and being strong in action. This is not what an ordinary woman can do, and it is worth learning.
Although many people scoffed at "good for evil", she was rude to me. Why can't I be unfair to her? Li Er is this Li Er, and he is also very Japanese, but what about after he is Japanese? Don't you live together? Be enemies for life and ignore each other?
If the other party does something that hurts you, you must take responsibility, but it doesn't mean you must stick to it and leave no room.
Obviously, many women still need the help of their mother-in-law, who also needs the help of her daughter-in-law in her later years. Therefore, it is a good thing to know how to stop when you are ready and leave yourself a way out.
In fact, the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very simple, that is, they can't treat each other as family, so they will take the lead in thinking about practical problems, such as what can I get from helping her and what kind of profit can I get from it?
But if it is a family, it is different. A family will not talk about interests, but only about feelings, so that the relationship will be close and there will be an unbreakable bond.
Don't plant the seeds of contradiction easily, and don't treat each other specially. She's just an ordinary family member of yours. Don't be afraid of things when you encounter problems, but remember that you are still a family, and you can only think for yourself in the future.