. Why does a bat hang upside down so often?
Because it has a prolapsed stomach.
2. A train takes 6 hours to travel the whole distance from A to B. Now that it has traveled for 3 hours, where should the train be now?
On the railroad tracks.
3. ah di finished breakfast and went to squat in the toilet with a big bun, why was there only half of the bun left when he came out?
He forgot to bring toilet paper.
4. Why do people say that Hairy eats human flesh without spitting out bones?
Because he ate a kneaded noodle man.
5. Why does ah-di never stop when he meets a crosswalk in a military vehicle.
He used to drive a train.
6. Under what circumstances does one plus one never equal two?
A large cup of water added to a pound of flour will only equal one piece of dough.
7. Why do vampires never drink fruit or vegetable juice?
Fear of the cross in the juice.
8. The male crab drank because he was afraid of being blamed by his wife, he sprayed cologne on his body and rinsed his mouth at the same time before he went home, but before he entered his house, his wife, who was waiting for him at the door, found out that he was drunk again, why?
Because he was walking straight back.
9. Abbey is going to take the English test tomorrow, and he heard that the Buddha at Fo Guang Shan has a way of answering his prayers, so he rushed up to the mountain to burn incense and worship the Buddha, begging the Buddha to bless him to pass the test tomorrow, and then he failed the test on the next day, why?
Because the Buddha can't read English, so he couldn't pass!
10. A man meets 10 lions on his way home, what does he turn into?
Ten piles of lion poop.
11. What do you do when your girlfriend keeps pestering you for stars in the sky?
Punch her hard, then ask her if she wants the moon
12. What came first, the dentist, or the toothache?
Toothworms
13. Cosmetics make a woman's face beautiful, but make which people's faces ugly?
Paying men
14.Wang Jing is a polite man, but when does he not invite people in when they knock on the door?
He's in the toilet
15.What's the most painful thing a bird can do?
Not being able to ascend to heaven after death
16.Wang Jing brought 100 yuan to the store and bought 75 yuan of things, but the boss only found 5 yuan, why?
He only gave the boss 80 yuan
17.Which kind of person wants more children?
Children's product manufacturers
18.What is the last thing a person does before they die?
Take their last breath
19.How big a boat does it take to carry a 5-ton log from upstream to downstream?
No boat, float
20.A passenger plane full of passengers fell from a high altitude and no one was hurt. Why?
All dead
21.Wang Jing, a junior high school graduate, taught himself high school courses and college courses.
Self-exaltation
22. What is the difference between the son of a dragon and the son of a dog?
One is a prince and the other is a dog's son
23.What is the difference between a flea and a lion?
Have you ever seen a flea on a lion?
24.On January 1, 2000, everyone was doing something very important, do you remember what it was?
Breathe
25.Who knows best how many stars there are in the sky?
God knows
26. In what situation can there be two tigers on the same mountain?
The tiger is in love
27. What is the meaning of an eye for an eye?
Extracting a tooth and setting it
28.Wang Jing and Wang Jing died in a secret room with only a puddle of water and broken glass on the floor.
They were goldfish
29. What food is produced in the east, south, west and north?
Melons
30.Wang Jing was ugly and broke, but two handsome men fought to the death to marry her. Why?
Whoever loses marries her
31. Why do only female mosquitoes suck blood?
There are no inconvenient days for male mosquitoes
32. What can a coward eat to strengthen his courage?
Dog guts
33. When is the penis the best?
The boss is away
34. Why did Guan Gong die so miserably?
The red face is a thin one
35. Which is heavier, a coin of the same denomination from 1992 or 1993?
In 1993, there was more "one"
36. In the second race between the tortoise and the hare, the hare tried his best, but still lost. Why?
The finish line was at sea
37. What is the one thing that can least be seen in broad daylight?
Film
38. What wobbles and shakes and turns three into five and five into one?
A fan
39. When a fierce cat sees a mouse, it pulls out its legs and runs away, why?
Chase
40.Mr. and Mrs. Wang Jing have been married for more than ten years without having a child. Why?
Birth of multiples
41.Three people **** support an umbrella, and the umbrella is only one big, but all three did not get wet. Why?
It didn't rain
42. Wang Jing was twelve in his first year, why is he still twelve in his third year?
Only one day apart
43. Why did the dog win the race with the frog?
No breaststroke allowed
44. Wang Jing took part in the Hula Hoop Race for 100 people, and he kept on until the last moment, but he was disqualified from the championship. Why?
Too fat and stuck
45.What parts does a pen consist of?
Bamboo and wool
46.Why are modern people becoming more and more faithless?
The emergence of the telephone
47. All of Wang Jing's friends who worked around him went to sea, but why didn't he?
Fear of drowning
48. The brutal king told the honest Wang Jing to go and buy a hundred pigs and come back, and Wang Jing only brought back ninety-nine pigs, why?
No need to answer! Please leave a message if people strongly want to know the answer to this question!
49. A horror movie is playing in the cinema, the whole audience screams, but Ying, who is in the cinema, laughs, why?
She was watching a comedy in another movie theater
50. An eagle was flying in the air and suddenly it rained and the eagle fell down, why?
It used its wings to protect itself from the rain, so it fell down
51.What is the longest way to keep from blinking?
Keeping that person dead
52.What is the biggest benefit of an elevator besides saving time and energy over stairs?
In case of a fall you don't roll all the way down
53. Why do candy canes crawl with ants?
Because the lid is not on
54. The big bad wolf was hungry and saw a lost sheep on the grassland, it jumped over and was about to eat a meal, the sheep only told it a word, the big bad wolf obediently turned his head and went away, what did the sheep say?
The lamb pointed to a tiger in the bushes behind it, shaking with fear, and the big bad wolf said, it ...... came first!
55.There was a fat man and a thin man walking together, the fat man was suddenly hit by a falling high-voltage wire, the fat man died, and the thin man did not touch the fat man or the wire, but he also died, why?
Blasted by oil
56. Why are Japanese legs shorter?
Because there are a lot of earthquakes, and a shorter leg makes the center of gravity more stable!
57.There is a man with a helmet on his head, a fan tied underneath, an electric fan and a water bottle in his hand, and skating
shoes on his feet.
Neurological Hospital
58.There was a train, moving at 40 kilometers per hour, and while it was moving a passenger suddenly opened the door and ran out without being hurt at all, why?
Because the passenger opened the door of two carriages and ran out to another carriage!
59.What is the difference between tragedy and comedy?
Tragedy is what comedies become when no one watches them.
And then a few little jokes. Here's one from the Three Kingdoms series .
One day, Liu, Guan, Zhang and Zhuge Liang traveled by plane, the plane had an accident, there are only three parachutes on the plane, Zhuge Liang said, I'll give the three of you out of the brain, the person who answered correctly has a parachute, he asked Liu: How many noses do you have? He then asked Liu: How many noses do you have? Then he asked Zhang: How many eyes do you have? Zhang answered: two. Then he asked Guan: How many hairs do you have? Guan could not answer, Liu, Zhang and Zhuge Liang back parachute down, this time Guan lucky not hurt.
Another time, Liu, Guan, Zhang and Zhuge Liang and travel by plane, the plane and accident, the plane also only three parachutes, Zhuge Liang said, I give you three out of the brain, the right answer to the parachute, he asked Liu: how many suns in the sky? He asked Liu: How many suns are there in the sky? He then asked Liu: How many moons are there in the sky? Zhang answered: one. Then he asked Guan: How many stars are there in the sky? Guan could not answer, Liu, Zhang and Zhuge Liang will again back parachute down, this time Guan or lucky not hurt.
The third airplane accident, off said: this time you do not need to ask, I jumped directly from me to it, off finished, open the door of the plane jumped down. Just jumped down, Zhuge Liang shouted: I forgot to tell you, this time there are four parachutes on the plane.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ~~~~~~
One day, Liu Bei once again sent Zhang Fei to battle. Cao Cao took a look and saw that his generals were dead and wounded ..... So only to order the high hanging free of war ..... At this point, Cao Cao's sister (whose name cannot be verified) stepped forward and said, "Liu Bei has sent Zhang, but my brother also has me, so I'd like to go to war for my brother.
Cao Cao said: Zhang Fei is the world's most powerful general, no one can beat him, you're not going to die?
Cao Cao replied: Otherwise, Zhang Fei is famous for his bravery, but not resourcefulness, as long as the wisdom to go to ......
Cao Cao said: then you have to be careful, if the situation is not good, quickly return to the camp.....
The two sides fought each other ....
Cao Cao said to Zhang Fei, "Are we going to fight in the civil or the military?
Zhang Fei looked at a chick, the psychology of the boss is not happy ........ said: and you Wu than what is the meaning of, of course, is the text than Luo....
Cao sister to see Zhang Fei in the plan, said: Well, we each do three gestures, who can win in the gesture .... This battle is well even who won .....
Zhang Fei said: this is no problem, let's start .... .LADY FIRST
Cao drew a circle in the air .....
Zhang Fei took a look and drew a long strip in the air ....
Cao then stretched out a finger ....
Zhang Fei then extended three fingers...
Cao Mei touched her stomach...
Zhang Fei waved his hand ....
Cao immediately went back to her camp in defeat .....
After arriving at the center tent .... Cao Cao asked: "I thought you said Zhang Fei was brave but not resourceful, what happened?
Cao Cao said: I also feel strange ah.....
I said my brother's territory is thousands of kilometers away,
Zhang Fei said the Yangtze River basin is their brother's territory...
I said that my brother alone is the best in the world
Zhang Fei said that the three of them are invincible
I said that my brother is full of knowledge, and is highly talented...
Zhang Fei waved his hand, meaning, that's possible ....
So I fled back.....
Zhang Fei went back to Liu Bei and said: "I ran into Cao Cao's sister today." .... Hehehe ..... It's funny ........
She asked me if I would like to eat a big cake...
I said I only eat doughnuts ....
She asked me if eating a catty was enough ....
I said I'll eat three pounds ....
She asked again... What should I do if my stomach is full .....
I just waved my hand and said .... Is that possible ..... Haha ........ And she ran away...
This is how Zhang Fei's two pro-soldiers described it ....
Personal soldier A:Cao Cao's sister said hers was as big as the one she drew...
Personal soldier B:Zhang Fei must have said his was as long as he drew it......
Soldier A:Cao Cao's sister must have asked Zhang Fei if he did it once enough ....
Personal soldier B:Zhang Fei must have said to do it three times ....
Soldier A:Cao Cao's sister said what if she gets pregnant.....
Soldier B:Zhang Fei waved his hand ...... None of my business.......
The second floor of 。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
That one I typed in another question 。。。。。。。
Three - Breathless Sweatshirt Episode
Zhang Fei: "Old Thief Rest!"
Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and suffer death!"
Police car: "Listen two thieves~~~You are surrounded~~~put down your weapons......"
Sanjiangkou-
Sun Shangxiang: "It's Ding Feng and Xu Sheng's men, my brother must have sent them after us! What should we do, husband?"
Liu Bei: "Oh, when we left Jingzhou, the military advisor had given us three brocade pouches, we've already used two of them, now it's time to use the third one
Zi Long, open the brocade pouch!"
Zhao Yun: "Yes. (opens it) Oh? It contains a blue tights and a red cloak?!"
Liu Bei: "Did ......"
Zhao Yun: "There's also a note ...... 'Turn into Superman, can retreat enemy soldiers'......"
(Underworld)
Zhou Yu: I'm so unwilling ah, I'm so unwilling ah! I'm Zhou Gongjin, who is naturally beautiful and intelligent, but why am I always so much worse than Kong Ming?
Yan Wang: This is fate.
Zhou Yu: I'm not happy, can you give me a chance to retaliate?
Yan Wang: Yes! But you will lose your talents as a result.
Zhou Yu: (confused) How could this happen? I've become stupid and I can beat Kong Ming?
Yan: This is fate, do you want revenge or not?
Zhou Yu: (clenching his teeth) Yes!
The reincarnation car took away Zhou Yu, a fat doll called Ah Dou will soon be born
Sing a few songs....
1. Paradise (Zhang Shaohan) 2. The name (Andy Lau) 3. Not my I do not want (Andy Lau)
4. Rich or poor go home for the New Year (Wang Baoqiang) 5. A person sleeping (Wei Chen) 6. Love beyond (Fan Bingbing)
7. Siege (Zhang Liangying) 8. The most beautiful sun (Zhang Jie) 9. Number one fan (Karen Mok)
10. The Emperor's Love (BOBO) 11. Seven Minutes Before Sunset (Wang Xinling) 12. 99 Times I Love Him (Yuan Ruolan)
13. Nothing Ever Happened (Qin Hailu) 14. After I'm Gone (Zhang Liangying) 15. The Toughness You've Given Me (Miu Pu)
16. Moment (Wang Xinling) 17. Little Big Shots (Flywheel Hai) 18. Snowy Night (Shang Wenjie)
19.
19. brother (Yang Kun) 20. light (Wang Lixin) 21. hidden (Karen Mok)
22. in fact, I've always wanted to say to you (Karen Mok) 23. not yet 18 years old (Hu Yanbin) 24. summer snow (He Jie)
25. three inches of sunshine (Jasmine Leung) 26. the wedding march (Robin Hu) 27. warm light (Joey Yung)
28. I can't sing (Luo Jingrui)
29. 28. I can't sing (Luo Zhixiang) 29. Dance of the Pampas (Li Yuchun) 30. How have you been doing (s.h.e)
31. The Last Dependence (Huang Yi) 32. Breathing Pain (Fish Leong) 33. Won't Separate (Kwang Leung)
34. Since I met you (Jessica Cheuk) 35. Unprecedented (Xu Zhi'an) 36. Missed you (Leon Lai)
37.
37. my kingdom (li yuchun) 38. celadon (jay chou) 39. obviously not angel (he jie)
40. I'm happy to have been loved by you (zhuo wenxuan) 41. the longest movie (jay chou) 42. who dares to love this person (xu zhi-an)
43. performance (su huilun) 44. glory (bobo) 45. what is happiness? (Pang Long)
46. Blue Whale (Zhou Yu Min) 47. Two People (1983) 48. Green Flower (Zhou Chuanxiong)
49. Her Empty Room (Hu Yang Lin) 50. Rainbow (Jay Chou) 51. Compulsion (Hu Dong)
52. Left-Handed (Su Huilun) 53. Free (David Tao) 54. I'm not f4 (Zhou Yu Min)
55. Crying In The Party (Eason Chan) 56. Born Again (Energy) 57. My Answering Machine (Guo Mei Mei)
58. The World Has You and Me (Sun Nan/Ho Yiu Shan) 59. Brothers (Eason Chan/Leward Liu) 60. I Decide (Jasmine Leung)
61. How Are You? (Jocelyn Lee/Zhou Pen-chang) 62. Too Much Thoughts (Jocelyn Lee) 63. Li Jiuzhe) 63. I'm fine (Liu Qin)
64. I don't understand more and more (Cai Jianya) 65. Colors of life (Cui Jie) 66. Don't want to know (Zhang Shaohan)
67. Tranquil times (F.I.R.) 68. You're the only one in my heart, not him (Xu Fei) 69. Don't dare to cry (Wen Zhaolun)
70. Puppet (Li Chen) 71. Floating on the subway (Li Yuchun) 72. Busy Cowboy (Jay Chou)
73. When You Leave (Cai Jianya) 74. Burnt Out Bird (Yau Hung Ming) 75. One Way Love (Ah Du)
76. Elopement (Zheng Jun) 77. Impulse is the Devil (Zheng Jun) 78. I Don't Mind If You Hate Me (Flower Boys)
79. Love Onion (Flower Boys) 80. I don't care if you hate me (Flower Boys)
82. Magpie Bridge (Flower Boys) 83. Gray Happiness (Li Na) 84. Three Wishes (F.I.R.)
85. Gambling Ghost (Xiao Song Jia) 86. Boo One (Flower Boys) 87. Couple's Faces (Pang Jia Hui/You Hong Ming)
88. Let Me Look at You (Ye Bei) 89. Ye Bei) 89. drowning (Jacky Cheung) 90. opposite words (Charlene Choi)
91. mistake is clever (Zhong Xintong) 92. love is spreading (Nicholas Tse/Mei Lin) 93. guest lover (Pan Weibai)
94. anything goes (Huang Xiaoming) 95. liu yang river 2008 (Zhou Penchang) 96. love in front of the reality (Aki)
97. happy fairy tale (Ma Tianyu) Happy Fairytale (Ma Tianyu) 98. Sun Never Sets (Jolin Tsai) 99. The Road Is Too Curved (Pan Wei Bai)
100. Perfect Story (Pan Wei Bai) 101. Dodo Doll (Cao Ying) 102. Ice Ice (Li Bing Bing)