Author | Yuan Shangqing
1
The elevator buzzed under my feet. As soon as the door opened, I saw my grandfather's hunched back.
This is a pure white space with only one French window at the end of the long corridor. The elevator door closed behind me, and I walked beside him and looked out of the window. The fog is very heavy, as if there is nothing.
"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing, David." Grandfather's furrowed face turned to me. He smiled slightly. "How was your day?"
"still like that." I bowed my head in dismay. "I should report to the University of Denver tomorrow."
"something to be happy about, isn't it?" Grandpa smiled at me.
"I thought you would be angry." I said, "You want me to leave Colorado after you die."
"Oh, that was a long time ago." Grandpa carefully studied the admission notice I handed him. "It's time for you to have your own ideas."
"I don't want to leave my grandfather." I curled my lips. "You left me once ten years ago. You can't leave me this time. "
"David, my child, you don't have to worry." Grandpa is still wearing a white robe and his smile is full of kindness. "Everything has God's good will."
2
Grandpa went to see his dear God ten years ago.
He is a devout Christian. When I stared at him lying in the coffin in a hymn, I didn't know what happened when I was a child. His father dressed him in a white robe, which enveloped him in a mist of nothingness, with a comfortable smile on his face as if he had just fallen asleep.
"Is Grandpa asleep?" I pulled my mother's skirt, and she buried her face in her hands and cried, like a choked sob. It was simply creepy and she was afraid that she would faint the next moment.
Nobody answered me. In the dark church, the priest was singing hymns loudly, and his father was frowning and holding his mother. Her belly is bulging high, and my brother sleeps in it. The air is filled with the dry and cool smell of snow that is characteristic of Colorado in winter.
After a long time, I asked this question again, and my heart was full of sadness, because grandpa seemed to have slept for a long time. He didn't even see Scott's birth, nor did he witness the moment I entered middle school.
My father put down his fork and wiped his mouth. He seemed to give me a stern look.
"David, grandpa has gone to see his God." Hey, Scott's mother took the time to answer me. She bit by bit stuffed the food into Scott's mouth and persisted.
"Did he go to heaven?"
"yes." Mom hurriedly grabbed the apron, and Scott twisted his little head and threw up the food all over the floor. "He will look at you from the sky."
It turns out that my grandfather is not asleep. I was surprised to think that he went to heaven to find God, but how did he get there? Do you take the elevator or the plane?
I went back to my room that night and opened the door to see a miraculous scene.
There is a metal carriage in the corner of the room, which glows slightly at night and opens like bait. It has a gray inner wall with metallic luster.
Is it an elevator? I walked in with secret joy, and the elevator rose slowly. I don't know where it will lead, but maybe I can really get in touch with God and meet my grandfather.
The door opened and my grandfather stood in white and smiled at me. He is wearing a holy white robe and his face is full of love.
"David, my child, long time no see."
three
I must admit that living in college is not pleasant, which means that I have to stay at school from Monday to Friday, and I can only go home and take the elevator to see my grandfather on weekends.
I have understood what death is, but I still don't understand the existence of my grandfather. He always stands at the window, looking at the vast fog outside, waiting for my arrival.
I once asked my grandfather such a question, but he just smiled and didn't answer.
Scott also entered middle school a year ago. He is a half-blood boy. He often sneaks into my room when I'm not at home, but he never mentions the elevator. It seems to be just my secret.
When I got home, I heard a scratching sound in the room. I rushed to the door and saw the boy Scott jumping on my bed. The gadgets on the desk fell all over the floor, and the bible my grandfather gave me when I was born lay in front of the window, and the pages were all broken. I suddenly felt very angry when I watched it.
Scott. I rushed up and punched him, and he was lying on the ground screaming for his mother.
Mom was still busy in the kitchen. I punched him hard, and the boy was black and blue, screaming. He bit me and stumbled out the door.
"David, I want to tell my father." He shouted savagely outside the door, "You're going to be beaten!"
I picked up the broken bible and tried to repair it. It was useless to stick it for a long time, so I got into the elevator with my Bible in my arms and went to find my grandfather.
four
Grandpa is still looking out of the window. He spends most of his day like this, and occasionally tells me some Bible stories, but I am already a college student, and I am even more familiar with these stories than he is.
I looked out of the window and there was nothing in the fog.
"David, my child." Grandpa looked at my face carefully. "You don't look well."
"yes." I grumpily held up the broken Bible in my hand. "That son of a bitch Scott tore my book."
"I gave you this Bible." Grandfather held the Bible carefully, showing a trace of sadness on his face. "Scott did it? This is really a terrible thing. "
"Scott did this on purpose." I seem to have found a switch to pour out my dissatisfaction with him for more than ten years. "When I was two years old, he peed on my clothes, which made me late for school and was punished by Miss Shirley for half an hour. At the age of five, he broke my homework, broke my alarm clock at the age of seven, tore my prom dress to pieces at the age of ten, and now he has torn the book. He is simply a demon! "
"If your brother offends you, admonish him." Grandpa smiled slightly. "If he is unhappy, forgive him."
"Should I forgive him?"
"yes. If you forgive his mistake, God will forgive you. " Grandpa handed me the Bible, and the yellowed pages smelled of decay. "God gave us not a timid heart, but a strong, kind, friendly, tolerant, patient and conscientious heart. You should forgive his fault, whether he is your brother or someone else. "
five
When I returned to my room, the night had fallen on the land of Colorado. The lights were on in the dining room, and my mother sat there, pale and barely smiling at me.
"Scott, he has gone too far. I said something about him. Don't worry about it. "
"I've forgiven him, mom." I pulled up a chair and sat down. "Isn't Scott coming out for dinner?"
"He is still angry." Mother sighed and looked ten years older in the dim light. She watched me eat with a broken smile on her face, and occasionally looked at the silent night outside, and the sadness on her face became more and more obvious.
My father hasn't come back yet. He works in a newspaper, and his work is actually quite leisure. It's just that he has been coming home late and late recently, and there is even a lipstick mark of a strange woman on his shirt.
"Work needs, the customer invited me to drink some wine." My father always said that, and his eyes were full of indifference.
My mother and I both know that this is his lie. He is a wayward person, and I believe that my cowardly mother will only submit to humiliation. She has no real job, no financial resources and can hardly survive without her father.
When I returned to my room, my mother was still sitting at the dining table, and her back looked so far away.
six
Their war broke out in the early morning.
Just came back from school, ready to start a three-day holiday, refused the invitation of a friend to go out to participate in the parade. I hid in my room and slept until a crazy knock on the door woke me up.
"David, David, come out!" It's Scott's voice. It sounds as if he is crying.
When I opened the door, Scott hit me like a bomb and dragged me to the living room. Broken porcelain and broken glass fell all over the floor. It was a mess, and my mother sat on the sofa sobbing. Her face is buried in her lap, and only her body twitches from time to time to prove that she is still alive.
Father should have slammed the door and left. I heard the roar of the motor of the car and rushed out of the yard.
"What happened." I tried to keep my voice down, and Scott tugged at my skirt, shaking all over.
"A strange aunt came to see her father." He replied to Nuo Nuo, "Mom was very angry and they left together."
I comforted him. After taking care of my mother and lying down, I dragged Scott to clean up the mess at home. His face was covered with tears, and he was obviously frightened.
"You also go to rest, Scott."
"Will my father come back?" He looked up and asked me, his eyes full of fear.
"I will." I gave him my word.
seven
Grandpa is still waiting for me at the window. His back is not high, but it gives me a feeling of peace of mind.
"David, my child." Grandpa said, "What happened to you?"
I was silent. It's really hard to say. My father's infidelity in marriage ruined my previous impression of him. He used to be such a dignified and upright man.
"You always say that everything should be humble, gentle, patient and tolerant with love." I said, "Will God forgive those who cheat him?
"yes. Only through forgiveness can we get rid of our previous pain. Constant forgiveness will make those hurt experiences have less and less influence on us. " Grandpa replied, and the smile on his face looked calm.
"I don't know what to do."
"Of course, this is not your own business."
"Maybe I'll turn to my mother. In tragedy, people always choose the weak. " I replied that my grandfather was still listening with a smile.
"Your mother is not weak, she will be an awakened lion."
"Unbelievable." I shook my head, thinking that my mother was waiting against the table at night, and my eyes were full of sadness. A housewife who has no special skills may forgive her father, but she will not leave firmly.
eight
Father agreed to divorce, and he wanted to take over the custody of Scott and leave the house to his mother. The poor woman lost her husband and a son at once.
"Mom, I will work to make money. You don't have to work hard. " I have a lot on my mind, holding my mother's shoulder to comfort her. In fact, I also know where I can squeeze enough time to work to support the two of us when I first went to college.
"David, dear boy." Mother's eyes were red and her thin body trembled in the chair. "I forgave him and spared myself, but I must let you suffer with me."
"This is your choice." I replied, "I will support you no matter what."
After returning to school, I squeezed out all my free time to make money. I worked hard and went straight to work after class. I usually go back to my dormitory at one or two in the evening. Work and rest are getting more and more irregular, and I often feel sleepy in class. The professor arrested me several times.
A month later, I stood in front of my house with my professor's personal letter and part-time salary and looked inside in fear and trembling.
Mother is sewing at the table with a lamp. When I made up my mind to stand beside her, I found piles of old cloth on the table.
"Mom, what are you doing?" I asked her in surprise.
"David, welcome back." Mother put down the cloth and looked up at my face carefully. "I took on some mending work." Dear child, why are you so haggard? "
"I earned a little money by working." I put the money on the table with the professor's letter in my hand. I hesitate to take it out. "You don't have to work so hard."
"I have found a job." She went to the kitchen to prepare dinner for me. "I work as a salesman in a department store during the day and do coolies at night. It can support us. "
I bowed my head to eat, tears pattering into the bowl.
"Your professor called me." Mother's voice is calm. "David, your mother is not a waste. She has hands and feet. She doesn't need children to work hard to make money. "
"I'm sorry, mom."
"I'm sorry too, David." My mother touched my hair, and her voice was very gentle. "Thank you for standing on my side. It will be just the two of us in the future, and life will get better and better. "
nine
It seems that I haven't seen grandpa for a long time. The moment the elevator door opened, his back still appeared at the end, and he turned to smile at me.
"Long time no see, my child."
"I haven't seen you for a long time, either." I replied and walked over to him.
"It seems that you have had a smooth life these days, because you didn't come to me."
"I am busy with my studies and work. I hope you don't blame me. "
"No, I'm happy for you. You have forgiven yourself. "
"forgiveness ... what does that mean?"
"Have you figured it out?" Grandfather looked out of the window, where the dense fog seemed to have a tendency to dissipate. "If you forgive them, you forgive yourself."
"Who is it?"
"Your strict and unfaithful father, your naughty and rebellious brother, and your mother who always thinks you are weak. You forgave them and forgave yourself. "
I waited to see him for a while, and grandpa's smile was as kind as ever.
"You know your father's infidelity, but stay out and look on coldly. You see that Scott is spoiled by his mother, and the longer he grows, the more crooked he becomes. Watching my mother wait day after day, disappointment and doubt filled my whole heart. What you care about most in this world is actually yourself. "
I feel my body shaking. Grandpa's words pierce my chest like a sword, and my brain is blank, so I can't say anything to refute.
"David, my child." Grandfather smiled. "I'm glad you don't have to trudge through the hell of self-loathing. Maybe you don't realize that your heart has always hated your former self, which prompted you to make changes and forgive yourself. "
"When you are strong and brave! Do not be afraid or alarmed, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. 」
"I should go. I am very happy to be with you for decades. " Grandfather's body gradually dissipated, and I nervously pulled his white robe, but my hand went straight through. He is still smiling, as gentle as in a hymn long ago.
"You asked me before what death was, and I think I can answer you."
"This is the real death, David. It stands for forgetting. It comes from your trust in yourself. You don't need me to tell you what to do, you will forget me slowly. You already have your own ideas and can go on firmly. "
"David, my child, may you stay away from evil deeds, live in peace forever, never be abandoned, and be blessed forever! May God give you a good pace and always love your way. Amen. "
My grandfather left me again, and the elevator disappeared in my life forever. Only occasionally when I hesitate on the road of life, I can always hear hymns in the distance. Grandpa seems to be still by my side, smiling at me.
His smile always leads me to the right path.
_THE END_
About the author: Yuan Shangqing, an unreliable shooter, loves fantasy and travel, and has advanced lazy cancer.
Original intention of writing: about death and forgiveness.
Note: The article was first published in the official account of Wechat in the "Germination Forum".
Paid submission email :writer@mengyaluntan.com