2.Why didn't the white rabbit marry the zebra? ==>Because the rabbit's mother said tattoos are not good children
3. btw when can we unify? ==>When you buy instant noodles(Unified Instant Noodles)
4. What line does the monkey dislike? ==>Parallel lines (because they don't intersect <bananas>)
5. Chocolate and tomatoes fight, why does chocolate win?
6. What happens when a shark eats a green bean? ==>It turns into mung bean paste
7. When a match burns and goes to the hospital, what does it turn into? ===>Cotton swabs
8. How did Lin Daiyu die? ==>Fell to her death (the sky fell a sister Lin)
9. A pig said: "Come on ah", playing a food? ==>Chocolate
10. potato stabbed the bun fatal knife, how? ==>Turned into a bean paste (kill) bag
11. What animal loves to stick on the wall? ==>Seals
12. Why do foxes often fall? ==>Because foxes are very cunning (slippery feet)
13. 4 people were playing mahjong in the house, why did the police come and take away 5 people ==>Because the people they were playing with were called "mahjong"
14. When do you like to drink sodas? ==>When you're lonely (when you're lonely you think about soda)
15. What happened to an egg that went to a teahouse for tea?
16. There is a buck, it walks, walks faster and faster, finally how? ==>It became a highway
17. One day the green bean suicide jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood, how is it? ==>It turned into a red bean
18. Why don't airplanes fly so high and hit the stars? ==>Because the stars will flash ah
19. corn want to pursue fashion, go perm, how did it turn out?
20. What kind of mouse walks on two feet? ==>Mickey Mouse
21. What duck walks on two feet? ==>All ducks walk on two feet (is not trying to say Donald Duck)
22. Miss business is not doing well now, why? ==>Bird flu
23. What kind of person can't work at a gas station? ==>The one who slips on the gas gun
24. Are dumplings for boys or girls? ==>Boys because dumplings have a wrapper
25.A man in a golden dress ==>A shocking (golden)man
26.A bee stung on a wall calendar ==>The wind (bee) and the sunshine (calendar)
27.A bear came up to me ==>Prepared (with a BEAR to come)
28.Cell phones can't be dropped in the toilet ==>Cell phones can't be dropped in the toilet. You can't drop your cell phone in the toilet ==>You can't lose it."
29. There are ten sheep, nine of them squatting in the sheep pen ==>Iambic pentameter (one of them squats on the wrong side)
30. How do you make a sparrow quiet?
31. What is a transparent sword? ==> invisible (sword)
32. African cannibal chiefs eat what, A: eat people, the chief to eat vegetarian? ==>Eating plants
33. Why are there no dinosaurs now? ==>Dinosaurs went to make movies
34. White is like his brother, know why?
35. How about an egg that went swimming in the Songhua River?
36. There was an egg that went to Shandong, how? ==> became Lu (brine) eggs
37. There is an egg homeless, how?
38. How about an egg that accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground?
39. An egg ran into the flowers, how? ==> turned into a flower girl
40. There is an egg to the Dead Sea swimming, how?
41. Xiaoming and Xiaohua went to the beach and competed in a joke-telling contest, and after they finished their jokes, they died, why? ==> Because the tsunami (laughs)
42. Why don't hans go out? ==>Because when you go out, you become a layman
43. Why can't you see God's penis?
44. Why is there only one tip of the iceberg? ==>Because the other corner was broken off by the Titanic
45. How do you keep a duck from flying away? ==>Stick a wing on it (a wing is hard to fly)
46. Who doesn't have a telephone? ==>Tianyi(seamless phone)
47. Magazhi once said to me privately: "The knife that is blunt to the extreme is the most lethal", why? ==>Because it is a hammer
48. Chang'e why rush to the moon? ==> Hou Yi shot nine days, even if the gods he can not stand ah
49. small black, small white, small yellow, small red four people on the plane, ask who will be dizzy opportunity to vomit? ==>White rabbit (vomit)
50. There is a fat man jumped from a high building, what happened?
51. There are two people fell into the trap, the dead people called dead people, the living people called what? ==>Help
52. rubber, tiger skin, lion skin which one is the worst? ==>Eraser (eraser poor)
53. cloth and paper afraid of what? ==> not (cloth) afraid of ten thousand, only (paper) afraid of the eventuality
54. The following guest is the pride of our Chinese men, is a singer, you guess who?
55. Which song has "Coco Lee" in the lyrics? ==>The Moon Represents My Heart (Coco Lee How Deeply I Love You)
56. Why does Harry Potter live in a light bulb? ==>Because Harry Potter is a wizard(tungsten)
57. What unicorn is the most delicious? ==>Ice cream
58. What unicorn is the fastest runner? ==The cause of constipation ==>Stallone
60.Which place has the fastest river, the city or the country? ==>The countryside, because the countryside river is too fast (each other too fast)
61. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, C, D, E, F, G, C, which one is the coolest word? ==>D(thong)
62.There's a room where pigeons will hide ==>I'm hiding your song on the roof(pigeon)
63.What's the one thing to do at 12 o'clock sharp at night? ==>Clutching, because it's time to claw your way out
64. Police, hooligans, soldiers, which one is the skinniest? ==>Hooligans (Professor Hooligan - thinner)
65.There is a moron on the plane, the toilet on the plane removed to throw, guess why? ==>Because he was an idiot
66. How many brothers does Aladdin have? ==> Three (Ara A, Ara B, Ara C)
67. A group of eunuchs chatting, Guess an idiom ==> Nonsense (无鸡之谈)
68. How much is a heart worth? ==> One hundred million (one heart one mind)
69. Which of the sun, moon and stars is dumb? ==>Star(Stars in the sky don't talk - Rubin flower)
69. What is the last name of the pencil? ==>Xiao, Sharpen (Xiao) pencil
70. What color is the best imitation? Red mimic
71. Who will help you add to your meal when you're full? ==>Flying dragons, because they are in the sky
72. A puppy was traveling in the desert and died. ==>He was suffocated because there were no poles in the desert to pee on
A puppy traveled in the desert and found poles, but ended up suffocating, why?
A puppy traveling in the desert finds a utility pole with nothing on it and dies anyway, why?
A puppy traveling in the desert found a utility pole with nothing on it and lined up, but still suffocated, why? ==>Because behind are two beautiful dog MM, he was embarrassed
73. wolf, tiger and lion who play the game will be eliminated? ==> Wolf, because - Momotaro (eliminating the wolf)
74. Which historical figure is the most unpopular? ==>Suwu shepherds the sheep on the northern seashore
75. Which historical figure was the fastest runner? ==>Cao Cao
76. Cars can fly, guess a drink ==>Coffee (Car fly)
77. Before there is a steamed bun, ate a meatball, how is it?
78. Who gave you the Water of Forgetfulness? ==>Aha ("Aha, give me a cup of forgetfulness")
79. There was a white cat and a black cat, the white cat fell into the water, the black cat saved it, the white cat said something to the black cat? ==>Meow
80. Xiao Ming's grandfather sang while brushing his teeth. ==>He was brushing his false teeth
81. How much does a star weigh in the sky? ==>Eight grams (starbucks)
82.btw is part of China (playing a name of Chinese herbal medicine)==>Angelica sinensis
83.Jade Emperor sneeze (playing a name of a city)==>Tianjin
84.Why do geese fly to the south in the fall? ==>If you walk, it's too slow
85. The farmer had 10 cows and only 19 horns, why? ==>There is a rhinoceros
86. Chubby is a famous diving athlete, but one day he stood on the diving board, but did not dare to jump down, this is why? ==> because there is no water below
87. A cab on the highway driving normally, and did not violate any traffic rules, but was a police to stop, why? ==>The police wanted to take the taxi
88. What kind of chicken has no wings? ==>Field hen
89. What's the most comfortable way to beat something without exerting any effort? ==>Dozing
90.What is a product whose manufacturing date and expiration date are the same day? ==>Newspaper
91.What book can't you buy in a bookstore? ==>Posthumous books
92. The best-selling book? ==>Women Secretaries
93.The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it, why? ==>My mom said that people who hang out on the internet all day long are not good people
94. The panda was in love with the deer, but when he expressed his love, he was rejected, why? ==>The deer timidly said: my mom said, wearing sunglasses are delinquents
95. Zoo meeting who did not go to participate? ==>Lion (because the lion "lost" to contact)
96.Fat man sitting in a sedan chair (playing a place name)==>Yugoslavia (difficult to die Lav)
97.Going to the toilet (playing the name of a Hong Kong female artist)==>Karen Mok (reason: Mok smell smell)
98.Grandpa, Dad, brother, who listened to his mother's words will shed tears? ==>Grandpa (night and day) remembers his mother's words, flashing tears
99. There are two bees who love each other very much, and then the female bee marries a spider why? ==>Because the female bee loves to surf the net
100.The day is good, the night is sad (playing a building)==>One Tree Bridge
101.Which star of the showbiz world is a stutterer? ==>Fan Weiqi (because ...... Fan Weiqi: "Hello everyone, I'm Fan Fan Weiqi")
102: If there is a car, Xiaoming is the driver and Xiaohong is the passenger, then who owns the car? ==> "If" ah! "
103: What did the unicorn become at the North Pole? ==The unicorn is a very good one, but it's not a good one!
104: Which is older, McDonald's or KFC? ==> KFC ah! Because the image of KFC is a grandfather and McDonald's is an uncle.
1. A dying man made a will to his wife, "When I die, may you marry our neighbor, Mr. Ed." His wife didn't understand, so he explained again, "Two years ago, this bastard sold me a cow that wouldn't milk at all, and I'm going to give him a taste of being cheated now, too!"
2. Dad told Fishy about how he used to go hungry when he was a child. After listening to this, Fish had tears in his eyes, "Uh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have any food to eat?"
3. A mountainous area through the train, farmers along the way to watch, the car a female guest came to the menstrual period, change the paper out of the window after the still
Flying in the face of a farmer, the farmer to take down and said: "wow! The train is fast, floating a piece of paper can hit my nose bleeding
4. Three-year-old daughter often said to me: "Dad, is not what is planted to get what ah?" I said: "Yes, planting melon get melon, planting beans get beans." My daughter happily said, "Then I plant jelly, I want a lot of jelly."
5. Two fathers and sons were violent, never letting people. One day the father ordered his son to buy meat for a guest. Back in the city gates encountered a person does not give way to stand against half a day, the father ran to: "good son you take the meat back first, I'll continue to stand against the girl!"
A joke may be just a phrase, or it may be a short story or a string of words that is funny or creates a sense of humor between the speaker and the communicator. The difference between an action-oriented joke and a spoken joke is that an action-oriented joke is funny because the action affects the person's vision.
6 - A place was going to build a swimming pool and the staff mobilized people to donate money. The staff said to an old farmer, "What are you going to donate for this swimming pool? The old farmer said "I'll donate two buckets of water!"
7 - Xiao Mao: My mom has a master's degree and my dad has a PhD. Xiaoxin: What's the big deal! Xiaomao: What kind of a Shi are your mom and dad? Xiaoxin: My dad is a man and my mom is a woman.
8 - a gecko in front of a securities company lost their way, this time there is a big crocodile far away climbed over, ready to eat it in one bite, in the heat of the moment, the small gecko went up to the crocodile's legs, shouted: "Mom!" The big crocodile froze, then old tears: "son ah, just speculation half a month to thin into this!
9 At least you
One day a pig said to another pig, "If the world's pigs are dead, play a song title." The pig got angry and said "At Least There's You!"
10. Do you know how to develop games
There was a new colleague at Happy Meals who graduated with a degree in computer science from a famous university. Bear was so envious that he asked with admiration, "Do you know how to develop games?"
"Yes, in school I was the president of the student union, often organizing various activities, developing games is too simple."
"What games have you developed?"
"Well, for example, now let's compare who learns rabbit and learns elephant ...."
11. Inflation
The global financial crisis has led to inflation. Money is becoming less and less valuable. The boss decides to hold a general meeting of all employees to deal with the current problem.
"Comrades, due to inflation, money is becoming less and less valuable, so everyone who used to pay 100 dollars a month for food has decided, after research, to pay 200 dollars a month instead."
[edit]Joke Tricks
Jokes don't care about the length, sometimes just a few sentences can do wonders for a good laugh, for example:
1 A: Both my marriages have failed.
B: What happened?
A: The first wife, gone.
B: And the second?
A: She refused to go.
Jokes are made up of words, most of which are relatively short and people laugh at them.
Pushing the door and bumping into your daughter chatting naked
Let's take a hypothetical, you're the father (I mean hypothetical), if you push the door into your daughter's room when you come home, and you steeply find out that your best friend is chatting naked, what would you do?!"
Guess what the average kid's dad nowadays would say? I'll take a Goldbach's Conjecture.
Answer 1: A very unimaginative father would answer, "Absolutely not! Because my girl says I'm not allowed in the house until I knock on the door!"
Answer 2: A more submissive father, "Usually, before I can say anything, my daughter will growl at me and yell, 'Get out!'"
Answer 3: A cranky dad: "I'd go up to her and slap her with a folding bench! And I won't let her give me a moral break!"
Answer 4: A humorous father, "Why don't you turn on the air conditioning?!"
Answer 5: A father, not for the first time, said numbly, "Come out for dinner after the chat." Or "Let's eat first. We'll talk afterward."
Answer 6: A panicked father rushes in and pulls the plug.
Answer 7: "I'll collect the management fee" by a money-grubbing father.
Answer 8: A horny father, "What's the fee, daughter? How about a discount?"
Minimum Requirements for a Girlfriend
At night in a college dormitory there is often a nightly conversation between students about the ideal person they have in mind.
On a summer night's evening, the air was stiflingly hot, and a male dormitory boy had trouble falling asleep and helped talk about his requirements for a future girlfriend.
Small Yang is a cheerful character, extremely popular with the girls of a small handsome, he said complacently: "I Well, I'll find a height of one meter six, slim figure, good-looking can also be."
Small Wu is not very handsome, but the president of the school's literary society, he said slowly: "I, on the girlfriend requirements are not high, as long as and I match, gentle character, and to have a head of bright long hair can be."
Small Wang is a not much literary talent, also not handsome enough, but he is very good at patting the horse, he sighed and said: "Alas, my requirements for the girlfriend of the lowest, as long as she does not affect the city's appearance on the line."
In the end, the only person in the dormitory who didn't say anything was Wu, who is short and introverted and whose face turns red when he talks to girls. The other three people in the room kept encouraging him to say, he always refused, and finally Xiao Yang did not comply: "We have said, you at least put your minimum requirements for girlfriends to say it."
Small Wu see really no way, red face into the nest, squeeze out four words: "female, live."
A beautiful woman with elegant temperament, holding her own child ready to get on the bus!
When she got on the bus, the driver realized that the child of this beautiful woman was really ugly, so he said to the beautiful woman, "It's really too ugly!"
The beautiful woman was very angry when she heard this, so she glared at the driver and angrily walked to the back of the car!
At this time, a man next to the beautiful woman, comforted the beautiful woman, "Did the driver bully you just now? It's okay, I'll hold this monkey for you, you go and settle the score with him!"