I received my parents around six years, my father died peacefully last fall, giving me the opportunity and time to do filial piety.
I've been away from home all year round for more than thirty years, and I've been home only a handful of times a year, and I've been home for less than an hour, and the reason is always that I'm busy!
In 2014, after his father got senile brain atrophy, he walked unsteadily, spoke indistinctly, and was inconvenienced by the rural toilets, stoves, kangkangs, water and sewage, doctor's appointments, shopping, etc. His mother's legs were not as good as they used to be.
In the past, when it comes to going to the city, they have a lot of reasons not to go. The city is crowded, the road is blocked, the building is high, the noise is big, don't know the neighbors, the language barrier spends a lot of money, but also afraid to give their children trouble and other excuses. After a lot of work, on October 2, 2014, they finally agreed to move to the city. They live in my original house, ninety-eight square meters on the first floor, two rooms, two halls, one kitchen and two bathrooms. And my house is more than 1700 meters away from each other, walking about 2500 steps, taking about fifteen minutes.
Living conditions have improved, brother, sister, uncle, aunt and other relatives are in the city, can also come over at any time to take care of the elderly chat. Their previous concerns are not a problem, bringing countless benefits and convenience, the family has spent six years happily.
Since they came to the city, I walk over almost every morning or evening to see them, sit down, chat, send something, and rediscover the feeling of having a parent.
I've been watching TV after meals for years, and my inactivity has changed. Rain or shine, walking stroll to see the elderly. A year later, my fatty liver from moderate to mild, blood sugar down, weight loss, full of spirit. Stopping by to buy groceries and breakfast, the quality of life has improved, and the relationship between husband and wife is better. Of course the understanding and support of my lover and son are my backing. My business is also smooth, before renting out the house a bit of income, parents live after the feeling that the bright go dark come.
The most important thing is that I received my parents to the side, the son wants to filial piety and parents do not wait for the niece of the old saying left the niece's regrets, in my place in advance to get compensation.
My father is gone. Although the city can not let him live forever, but in the first coma, from the time I received a phone call from my mother, I notify the 120 to send my father into the emergency room of the Autonomous Region Hospital only took 28 minutes, 82 years old, the end of life, the city's medical conditions played a great role.
The last year I spent every night with them as a companion, parents, and spend time together, and away from their parents than students feel particularly luxurious. The first time I saw the movie was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and the second time I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley. The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't think I'm going to be able to do it without a lot of help from my friends!
The starting point is good, if it is really received by the side, often things go against their wishes, too many contradictions, life and work, eating and living habits, too much disharmony, inconvenience ......... invariably add a lot of trouble, it is recommended to have the spare time to accompany the elderly, rather than receive them to the side to allow him to live, eat well, drink well, filial piety. Eat well, drink well on filial piety, accompaniment is the biggest filial piety!
This situation cannot be generalized! A filial son or daughter finds a filial daughter-in-law and son-in-law! In that case! Take parents over that is a kind of enjoyment and happiness. The opposite is not true!
Sabine has a very good point. I am 53 years old this year, in a few years will retire, if I have to force me to follow their own children, I am absolutely not willing; my hometown in the countryside, my parents are also absolutely not willing to follow me to the city to live, they are in the countryside to be happy, I often go home to see them feel very satisfied.
I am in our small county, I have my own circle of life, if after retirement to follow their own children in the new first-line city of Chengdu, I am absolutely not willing.
After retirement, I chat and drink tea with my original colleagues every day, long time soon to go out to travel, this is my way of life, to a new place, no friends, tomorrow the children go to work, I have no friends, it is stuffy in the 100 square meters of the house, really will be bored out of their wits.
With children pigs together, due to the generation gap, many things do not see eye to eye, over time, is bound to produce conflicts.
I'm 53 years old, back home, mom always want to "educate" me, in the work to be so and so, I can only smile, in fact, her sermon is still stuck in the 1980s.
Especially the modern young people, always feel that their own work is heavy, let parents to help bring their children, which is not reasonable.
Conclusion
Older people have older people's "world", their own way of life, entertainment, and decades used to the place, living very nourishing. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty! The first thing that you need to do is to go back to your home and see if you can find a way to make it work!
Don't be confused by the star's personal views, for Sabin to speak is reasonable, because he is a public figure, in Beijing, there are enough conditions, so that his parents live a carefree life, however, his work is too busy, seems to be the parents to the side, in fact, still with their parents a stone's throw from each other, do not have the time to accompany, and in turn, let his parents leave the familiar environment, more lonely than before, standing on his point of view, there may be a right to see his parents. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world.
We are all ordinary people, from all aspects, it is impossible to equalize with Sabine, which doomed the ordinary people and public figures or other special groups, in the treatment of "do not casually parents to the side, that is not filial piety." This point of view is understood differently, take me for example.
I am 61 years old this year, the girl settled in Shenzhen for 15 years, both are joint venture executives, have a very good income, in 2017, the girl is only half an hour away from her home in Huizhou, to the two sides of the old man bought a set of two-bedroom apartment, I hope that I and my in-laws have moved not far away from her to live in the past few years, in addition to the winter, the two of us occasionally go over to live for a month or two, and other time Rarely go over, from this point of view, I have a side that agrees with the Sabine this sentence, the following, I will talk about this point of view of a few other views.
First, the parents to the side to live together, depending on the parents in which age
To Sabine now situation, his point of view is right, just the parents to the side of the time pass did not grasp the good, Sabine this year, 45 years old, under normal circumstances, his parents should be 50 years later, and my age difference of about 10 years old, then, on the age of the relationship between the two generations, let's analyze it.
1, whether it is a public figure Benin, or our ordinary people, 30 to 50 years of age, this age stage, is the life of the highlights of the time, this age group of people under the most enormous pressure of life, yes, we describe the life of the difficult, often with "the old man, the next small" to summarize, this is the 20 years, the children have to go to school, the children have to go to school, the children have to go to school, the children have to go to school, the children have to go to school, the children have to go to school. In 20 years, the child to go to school, to get married, to provide housing for the car, support parents, but also for their own old age to lay the foundation, all of which need to come up with their own 100% of the energy to struggle to create.
To put it mildly, this is the age when people's work and life center of gravity is placed on their children, and people's energy and love are limited, so if they care about this end, the other end will be lighter, so the children at this age will generally put their love for their parents on their children's backs and ignore their parents.
2, I mentioned more than once in previous articles, 60 to 70 years old, is the journey of life in the most happy happy last train, the old generation has been withered no longer, the children have long established their own families, it is the enjoyment of the golden 10 years of old age, they are familiar with the environment in the work of living for several decades, surrounded by countless friends and relatives, at this time you will be received by their parents to A strange environment, whether from the eating habits, climatic conditions and human environment have changed a lot, the loss of friends of past interactions, medical insurance is not convenient, the key is a lot of older people within 70 years old, the physical and mental level is still full of vitality.
This is something I know very well, the children in Shenzhen bought a house for us to live in the past, the material conditions than our old home is even better, the first few days of the freshness of the past, whether at home or outside the shop, always seem to be six, a little sense of belonging is not, think of the home of the girlfriends and coworkers, together with the square dance, playing mahjong on the return of the arrow, so the children at this age to the parents to the side, for them is the achievement of a good, but also a great deal of time. The first thing you need to do is to get your parents to come to your side, so they can fulfill their filial piety, but the parents may not appreciate the love.
Our neighbor across the street is the same, he is only 55 years old was received by his son to live in Shanghai, the beginning of the joy of the family house also bought, driving his son to buy him a BMW X6, every attraction around Shanghai to play a enough, or less than a year on the day of boredom, just after a Spring Festival in Shanghai on the road back to the house.
Secondly, when is it filial piety to bring the elderly to the side?In the words of Sabine: "Don't just take your parents around, that's not filial piety." This sentence is indeed hard, his starting point is good, but ignored the age of the elderly (I do not know how old his parents), or the physical state of the parents, parents should have such a complex, that is, for the sake of their children can sacrifice their own everything, until the body gradually aging, but also unwilling to involve the children, so when the children themselves in order to career are too busy, it is the parents of the physical condition of the parents is still good, enjoy life without worry!
On the contrary, two generations of people living in a space for a long time, a long time, more or less there will be some discordant factors, although Sabine said that the ungratefulness is a bit exaggerated, but it is possible to really go against the wishes of the parents, but instead of lowering the quality of life of the parents, in the end, it is not worth the loss.
I think: when children are close to retirement age, their own children have grown up, work and business can let go of the time. Parents' physical state of sunset, self-care ability day by day worse, at this time, is the most appropriate time to receive from the mother to the side, that is the real filial piety.
Written in the end:My neighborhood lives in an old man surnamed Zhang, now more than 70 years old, the old man is the local Peking Opera troupe of actors in the early years of his daughter is a famous producer of the Beijing Showbiz, masterpieces, do not talk to strangers, submerged, and other well-known TV series, the daughter more than ten years ago, the heart of her parents to receive the parents to Beijing to retire, then her parents! The body is still quite strong, there are a lot of interest in the side of the ticket friends, politely excused the daughter's filial piety, the daughter did not forget the Ciwu feeding back to her parents in the old home to add a set of nearly 300 square feet of house, the front and back of the yard full of flowers and fruit trees, the old couple of their own species of vegetables, flowers and grasses, came to the interest of the ticket friends hanging voice, living the life they want, and the gods as happy as the gods in their own, but wherever there is time, the daughter's family will bring their grandchildren back to Beijing, and the parents will be happy to see them. The daughter's family came back with grandchildren, so that parents enjoy the happiness of children and grandchildren around the knees.
Neighbors asked Mr. Zhang: "Why don't you go to the girl's house in Beijing to enjoy the happiness?"
The old man said: "Her mother and I do not want to move place, the girl said, when we are too old to move, either take us over, or she retired back to accompany us".
Well, finally back to the subject of the question, I look at it this way:
In any case, from the mother to their own side, the beginning of the original intention is a great filial piety, but the age of the elderly in each family is different, the health situation is different, their own working conditions are also different, it is best to consult the parents of the willingness to grasp the good time to take the old man to the side, and when not to take their parents to the side. I think Mr. Zhang's daughter has a very good idea. I think Mr. Zhang's daughter has done a good job, and it's worth sharing with my friends.
I agree with Sabine. Most people are more reluctant to leave their homes the older they get.
Take my parents as an example. My mom's family is in the country and has a big yard. My parents planted a few fruit trees, a small patch of vegetables, raised a few chickens and a watchdog in the yard. Every day life is to serve the vegetables, feed the chickens and dogs, go to the old neighbor's house strings, chat, play cards, or go to the small square dancing, and occasionally we go home to get together for a meal, the days are incredibly comfortable.
My sister's family is out of town, and she sometimes picks up my parents to stay at her house for a while, up to two weeks, and my mom has to come back. My sister works during the day, is not at home for a day, and at night she has to tutor her children to study, so she has no time to spend with them. I don't know the neighbors either, and I don't even have anyone to talk to. In addition, my sister's family is in the south, and she is not used to the food, and she doesn't understand the people outside. My mom says that living in her house is a real pain in the ass, and that it's better to live in your own house.
The situation is similar to what Sabine said, that the parents are not comfortable leaving their familiar environment. The older you get, the more you like to stay in your own familiar place. If a child can make it home more often, it's a good thing.
There was a debate online about whether parents should live with their children. The conclusion is that the "bowl of soup" distance is the best, specifically, parents at home to make meals, sent to the children's home is not yet cold, so the distance is the best. Children can see their parents anytime they want to, and if they need their children, they can come to them very quickly, so it's best.
Of course, things have two sides, some parents and children are willing to live together, and live a very happy, that is also a good thing. Filial piety filial piety, to filial piety first, do you agree with my point of view? Welcome to leave a message to discuss!
This issue can not be generalized, people's personalities are very different. Some parents are very adaptable, especially willing to follow their children's lives, where their children want to follow them to where they feel that this is the most happy. If you do not let them follow, they will be very lost and very painful.
Some parents are not, they have their own small world and familiar living environment, where they live freely. Let him to a strange city, unfamiliar environment is difficult to adapt to, and children living together every day is inevitably some conflict, mood irritable unhappy. If this is the case, they should seek their views, to welcome away to send off, come and go freely at will can not be forced, so that is filial piety parents.
Whether the parents are not around, as long as the parents are happy is the biggest filial piety. The first thing you need to do is to wait for the time when your parents are not waiting for you to be with them.
Sabine has received a higher education, but did not learn to be a man, he does not understand what his parents want, an animal with a child will be with the child every day, a moment not to see the child will be oh Oh Oh screaming and even do not eat or drink, animals, not to mention the people, the child is big enough to go out into the world, parents can not help it, in fact, the parents heart one day also do not want to leave the child, only the child to the old age will be able to understand. Only after the experience, every time to parents on the phone and finally hang up is a child, can think of the parents' mood, poor family conditions out of work can not be with their parents, if the conditions are good must be with their parents, there is a saying that want to be children want to daughter is to prevent old age, unless Benin and his parents relationship is not good, Benin only have such an experience to say so.
I do not agree with what Sabine said this sentence. Children are the parents' lifelong concern, from the beginning of YaYa's learning to college graduation, parents all the time not to worry about the child. After the child to participate in the work, parents have to worry about the child's marriage, but parents want to do is to stay with the child, the family is so happy.
I brought my parents to live with us in the city in my second year of work, and they have lived there for almost 20 years now. My parents did not feel lonely and isolated, we did not feel burdened by this, the most important point, my wife to the in-laws are very good, living together for such a long time almost did not have a major conflict. If there is any difference of opinion, just talk it through. I am very grateful to my wife for her behavior, and I am also very grateful to my parents for their unfailing concern, it is really a family with an old man, such as a treasure. Sheep have the grace of kneeling milk, crows have the feeling of feeding, horses have the righteousness of hanging reins, dogs have the virtue of throwing water, people are the spirit of all things, Mo even XX is not as good as?
Now some people's mindset has changed, and they would rather have a nanny than take their parents around. Whether in the big city or in the development of small cities, they are not willing to take their parents to live together, a crown reason is that the pace of life is now accelerated, every day busy, not much time to accompany their parents, their parents to the new city without eyes, give up their own hobbies and interests and friends and relatives, the parents will also feel lonely and lonely. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new computer, and you'll be able to do that.
The vast majority of parents are willing to live with their children, and the idea is simple: they can share a little bit of the housework with their children, and they can take care of their children, and it's really fun to be together as a family. But in reality, such big families are rare, mainly because of the son in law or daughter in law's difficult face and difficult to enter the door. They feel that their parents may affect their two-person world, and some people treat the elderly as a burden, waste, in fact, the elderly is also a treasure.
Parents old, need not money, but the children's companionship and greetings. Some children are busy with work as the reason, a year do not call their parents, not to mention the parents to receive their children around. My old neighborhood, there are three college students in the family, these three sons are engaged in technical work, life is not bad, but their parents are still in the old country to do farm work, not because the parents of the rural areas have a special feeling is not willing to go to the city to live, but the son felt that their parents may even tired of their own, unwilling to pick them up on the side.
Every time I go back to my hometown, I look at these two old people and feel sorry for them. I can see from their eyes that they are very eager to live with their children, but which son is willing to accept them? The first time I saw this is when I was in the middle of the night, and I was in the middle of the night when I was in the middle of the night.
This makes sense. Why do you say this? What Benin said is not to casually take parents to the side, that is to say, the parents are healthy, have the ability to self-governance, they have their own life, and young people living together rather uncomfortable, unhappy, after all, it is two generations of people, the concept of customs, habits are different, so if the parents are not happy, do not force them. If your parents are in poor health and need to be taken care of, your children should do their filial piety, or take them to their own side, or go to their parents' side to take care of them, they should be properly arranged. Generally speaking, Sabine said this still has some truth.