We thought we were going to be in a relationship like the one we had when we first fell in love.
My husband and I met during our internships. At the beginning of our relationship, even though we saw each other every day, we still had to talk on the phone for a long time, talking about everything from football games to where we were going on vacation, from our childhood to what we were going to eat tomorrow.
Then we graduated and lived together. We met each other's parents, got acquainted with each other's friends, and gradually ****ed up the circle of life.
He occasionally childish, hand in hand at night to the park for a walk, will pull me and the ama with square dance ......
He occasionally romantic, during his business trip suddenly appeared, with his own stewed ribs sent to my unit, will also be thoughtful don't a rose... ...
Later, we got married.
After the marriage, the passion gradually receded, less romantic, more trivial.
I don't know from which day, we all found that the original endless words like all of a sudden suddenly evaporated river, disappeared in thin air.
The two of us went home from work, lay on the bed, back to back, each playing each of the cell phone, until sleepy sleep.
During that time, our daily routine was: housework and what not slowly became mine alone, I complained, he came to help, but I felt that he did not do it by heart, he began to tolerate, and then retorted, often not happy.
Then again, because of their own family reasons, I am more dependent, coupled with the pressure of work, the rest of the time, I prefer to let him accompany me to stay quietly, and he is outgoing, always love to go out and sneak around, sometimes can be with friends in the Internet cafe for a whole day.
We always quarrel because of all kinds of small things, and then evolved into a cold war. Accumulated, each other see two hate, sometimes obviously want to talk about, but can not say a few sentences on the patience of the other side of the pay for their own deserved, a little bit of bad flaws on the infinite enlargement.
Bad emotions have been piling up, but we have repressed them.
Picture from the movie "What is Love"
Until my birthday.
The table was sumptuous, and our feelings were so barren at the moment, we looked at each other without words, only the sound of knives, forks and chopsticks remained.
I think our marriage has come to an end.
I filed for divorce.
Now that I think about it, I was really overwhelmed by emotion at that time, but fortunately, Mr. is a rationalist.
Mr. and I talked all night and finally got these recent events straightened out, and we decided to "revitalize" our marriage.
As for the reasons for the "marriage bottleneck", I've read a lot of books, listened to a lot of guidance, and thought a lot about it myself, and I feel that this problem is probably similar.
1, the rhythm of life is too repetitive.
Marriage means responsibility, and under this responsibility, both spouses will be self-restraint, belonging to their own space will correspond to reduce, and in order to "support the family", most people are repeating the "two points one line".
Day after day, the other side of the fart, you do not have to smell, know what is the smell of.
And this repetition makes the marriage feel powerless.
2. Inability to communicate effectively after a conflict.
Modern life has too many life chores, while a marriage contains two people, or even two family life chores.
Under the triviality, conflicts and contradictions are inevitable.
This is when communication becomes especially important. And the problem is difficult to difficult, some people are not willing to communicate, some people will not communicate, can not do to effectively solve these problems, like a snowball, small problems piled up into big trouble.
3, the lack of spiritual intersection.
The passion and love at the beginning will be cooled with time, *** with the same ideals, interests, values, as well as tolerance and habits in order to maintain a relationship for a long time.
Sometimes, however, we prefer to lock ourselves in our own minds and close the door to a spiritual encounter with the other person.
Spiritual deviation, behavior will only follow along with deviation.
Image from the movie "Gone with the Wind"
So how did I get through the "marriage bottleneck"?
1. Active communication.
Life and work have distracted me a lot of energy, and last year, after a new job, it was even more physically and mentally exhausting, and the rest of my free time, irritability has filled my brain.
In fact, there were times when I could feel that Mr. wanted to talk to me, but I disliked him without any goodwill.
Now, I work a little lower center of gravity, to maintain their own state, happy two people together, unhappy also two people together.
2, think differently.
Think differently about each other, men and women in the marriage division of labor roles are different, the pressure is bound to be different, we have learned to think differently, to reduce misunderstanding and friction.
3, add fresh.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with plain and simple, but who can refuse to "add flowers to the cake"? Life is occasionally boring, we also need occasional stimulation.
Before that, we were complaining about each other and not understanding each other.
Fortunately, we solved the puzzle, broke the bottleneck of the marriage, and found the once "quiet years".
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