If reincarnation is an option, I would like to never see them again.
If there is an afterlife, I would like to be a tree, a weed, a lifeless rock or mud, but not a human being.
I am sorry that I was born a human being!
Speaking of reasons, now relatively speaking, I have been able to calm down, I have slowly reached a reconciliation with myself. But it's been a long process, and there have been so many milestones.
My mother is a typical traditional rural woman, kind, hardworking, patient, and kind to others, and you can't find a single bad adjective to describe her when you ask people in the village.
It's just that everyone's emotions need an outlet, and those years of patience, like poison, turned into resentment, emanating from every pore of her body, lingering around her.
In her mouth, I did not hear a word of encouragement. On the first day of school, I became class president and came back to tell my mom gleefully, and she said, "You look like this, and you can be class president?"
I participated in the OU, speech various competitions, each time the eve of the competition, but also be sure to hear a sentence: "You look like this, can also ......?"
I don't know what "you look like" looks like, but I have a vague feeling that I don't deserve to be good, I don't deserve to be happy, I only deserve to live in the dust with her. At home, even laughing is a sin.
I have been complaining about my father's lack of success in every conversation since I can remember. So I've wanted her and my dad to get a divorce for as long as I can remember. But they just won't, and her reason is because of the kids.
So she's sending me the message that all her misfortunes are because of me.
In those years, I hated not being able to learn Nezha, and if cutting the bone to return the father to cut the flesh to return the mother really can be returned, I guess I have already cut.
The twist came in 2018.
When my mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer, I put my face down and used all the resources I could to accompany her to seek treatment.
Nearly half a year, I in addition to work, are in the hospital and on the way to the hospital. Because of her chemotherapy check I have all kinds of leave, are ignoring the leadership of the black face.
Finally her situation stabilized.
I no longer have the previous high (in the mother to see the doctor can beg all the people begged), people have become a lot of vulgar, of course, also inside the peace of mind a lot, although the whole process down to my bank bill owes a lot, but for the mother, I feel that I am to return part of the debt.
Bajin's "Home" I don't know if you have read it?
That kind of feudal parental control to the suffocation of the family, let me see immersive. Under the guise of filial piety, they force people to go crazy and die, and the only way to live well is to leave home.
In this small family, in addition to studying abroad and settling down in a different place, I and my young aunt who left home, the other people are living in the spiritual Shura.
Grandpa was a despot, and he used to say, "If the king wants me to die, I have to die; if the father wants the son to die, the son has to die.
He said the words do not accept the rebuttal, Dad does not remember, every New Year's Eve, the old man made a "summary speech", he could not help but top two sentences, the old man picked up the hands of the head of the bench to greet him.
I think I can write a memoir, called "those years, the chicken flew dog jumping New Year's Eve dinner".
The younger members of the family were all afraid of their grandfather, including those who were relatives of the younger members of the family, when they saw their grandfather, it was just like a mouse seeing a cat. They were always afraid of their grandfather, and they were like rats meeting cats.
Grandfather's greatest pride was that he had only been to school for half a year, but after a few years in the army to make up for the cultural lessons, he felt that he was better than others, especially than his father, who had graduated from high school.
He learned to tell fortunes later, and set up a stall on the street, not knowing if it was accurate or not, and over the years, he became quite famous in the town.
My husband and I are ready to talk about marriage, when my husband and mother-in-law door, my grandfather counted, in front of my mother-in-law (at that time or mother-in-law) said that my husband and I can not be good for a few years.
This emotional intelligence, I inherited ......
The fear of him disappeared the year before. He suddenly fainted in the toilet and the other men in the house didn't know what to do. Anyway, it was my mother who called me on the phone at her wits' end.
My husband and I drove over a hundred kilometers to pick him up and bring him to me for hospitalization.
He was lying in the hospital bed, not stop, not on the oxygen, scolding the doctor scolded the nurse, scolded the escort. The last escort scolded away, only the mother and aunt to guard in front of the bed scolded (aunt originally said, would rather eat dirt to hire dead expensive dead expensive escort, but also do not want to guard in front of the bed).
And I have to go to work, every day just go to see, with the same as signing up.
It was during this time that I realized that the oldest old man lying in bed had actually become a paper tiger.
He was all teeth and claws, but he couldn't do me any harm.
I don't care if he lives or dies, I maxed out my credit card to pay his bills, for the filial bondage, but also for the "repayment of debt", for a clear conscience.
After the discharge of the old man's nature did not change much, my mother often secretly wiped tears, said to serve him with all his heart and soul, but also a monster.
I talked to her, in fact, I know that persuasion is useless.
Mother's Life has been accustomed to placing herself in the position of the victim to occupy the moral high ground, pain and security. So even if there hadn't been this incident, there would have been other things that would have made her look incredibly miserable.
My father went to high school and was one of the few educated people in the village at that time. When he missed out on college by two points, his grandfather made him learn carpentry.
It is said that he was in love with a girl, but because of the family's opposition, he married another woman.
So he had a grudge against his grandfather.
But the most he could do to resist his grandfather was to say a few words after three glasses of wine, but not much more.
As far as I can remember, he never had the power to make a single decision.
In addition to having a doting "loving mother" - grandmother dying a few years ago and often send my father a hundred or two hundred "pocket money", I feel that my father has never grown up.
In front of outsiders, he was smiling and people thought he had a good personality, but at home he was a different person.
The youngest aunt left home at the age of 14, and never returned home, and then married thousands of miles away, in addition to the fear of the grandfather for years, and the father's "credit" in it.
It is said that the day he came home from work, saw me crying as a baby, and was distracted by the fact that he felt that his little aunt did not take good care of him, and manipulated the stretcher in his hand to greet his little aunt, who let him go, and then the stretcher hit the corners of the drainage channel under the eaves and was directly broken into two.
To this day, the nearly 50-year-old sister can still dream of being beaten by her grandfather and father in her nightmares.
My father was good to me, and although he did hit me with whatever he could find, I felt that he controlled the intensity.
My biggest regret is the contrast between his "horizontal" at home and his "goatishness" outside.
I and the children outside the contradiction (cultural people teach out of the children, often by the mountain wild child bullying), go home to be scolded by the beaten always me. I never felt that feeling of being protected by my father, as far as I can remember.
After getting married, some of my colleagues expressed sympathy for me from the provinces to marry here, but I do not feel.
Because even on my mother's side of the family, my parents will not be my bottom. Not having a second child so far is essentially having little faith in family and blood.
I am a person who wants to ask for peace of mind in everything, my mother and grandfather I have a "debt" move, my father can not be left behind.
Before the epidemic that National Day, I took him to see the sea. Even though he was very quiet throughout, I still felt a sense of fulfillment that my debt had become less.
On the way back, I bought a plane ticket (in fact, the high-speed train is only a few hours, there is not much need to fly). The first time he flew, back to the village also held his head high for a few days, this money is also worth spending.
This year's National Day, I took him to my place to stay for a week.
He can't be free of this life, has been like a walking corpse, nothing to pursue, the remaining point of desire, only the word eat and drink.
I took him to a restaurant every day to eat all the food he loved. The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what to do, but I'd like to know what to do, and I'd like to know what to do.
This wave of operation down, the body of the debt is a little lighter.
To this point, I again mentioned the family of origin, no longer in the midnight tears wet pillow, or in the dark of the night to light a cigarette .
I know that there are many people who have been hurt and trapped by their families of origin in their lives, and there are many who are even worse off than me.
Here, based on my experience, I'd like to give some small advice, and I hope it will help you.
We have a lot of hurt inside us that we desperately need to talk about, but don't do it so easily, either in reality or on the internet.
Those experiences you've had can't be empathized with by someone who hasn't been there.
After you confide in them, there may be a well-cultivated one to comfort you with a few words, or laugh without saying anything; while more people will come to advise you:
You will realize that you are not a victim, you are a bad person. You are a narrow-minded, ungrateful, white-eyed wolf.
The old wounds are not healed and new wounds are added, and if you want to confide in them, you have to be prepared to be hurt twice.
If you really want to talk, go to a psychiatrist, it will be a little expensive, but necessary.
On that note, if you haven't read Bakhtin's Home, it's recommended.
In a bad family of origin, the more obedient you are, the less you get ahead.
If you can, leave home early. Study or work, the sooner you leave, the better.
After this, revisiting your hometown is also necessary, provided you already have a stable environment for you to heal and recover.
I used to be afraid every time I went back to my mother's home, but out of filial piety and responsibility to go back so many times a year, after I went back, I found that there is not so terrible as I imagined, can not eat me, I came out alive. So I added some courage to my life.
I feel that the process of returning home is a process of collecting souls, and those soul fragments that were lost when I was a child are still scattered in the original place. Each time I traveled the road home, my soul was a little more complete.
Of course, each time I returned, I spent a week or so recovering, disheveled, indulged, and self-destructive, in different forms and for similar reasons.
(It's better now)
The prevailing opinion in this world tells you to let go, to forgive.
But you don't have to force yourself, you can face your heart, and if you still can't forgive after all that effort, then let's not forgive!
Psychologist Mr. Wu Zhihong said in his article "Never persuade others to forgive their parents" that non-reconciliation is also a kind of power.
Mr. Wu also said that when we read a story, we like the protagonist who "dares to love and hate" because a person who "dares to hate" is powerful and attractive.
This is relevant not only to the past, but also to our present and future lives.
Because people who have a terrible family of origin are internally more self-absorbed and more sensitive than others. And these two traits are definitely roadblocks to our happy lives.
Knowledge of psychology will teach us to be aware of our own hearts, and will also enable us to see through the phenomenon to the essence of some of our own and other people's behaviors, and there will be less to worry about.
For example, I'm particularly attracted to a group of men who seem to be intelligent and responsible, and I easily fall in love with them, regardless of their status and age (most of them are older).
In the past, I used to go up to them and give them the impression of being a nymphomaniac.
Now, I would draw a mind map for myself, centered on my own feelings. Ask myself, do I really love him?
The answer is no.
The root cause is that I have a "lack of father" in my life, and they have my ideal father.
But is it useful for me to be close to him?
The answer is no.
Even if reality allows me to build a harem of wise and graceful men, there are some innate deficiencies that I can't fill. Because none of them are fathers.
After thinking through, in addition to the appreciation of the eyes to see, the rest of what to do.
Another example is when a friend invited me to a party, but his arrangement made me feel lazy.
The first reaction of the sensitive mind:
But the inner awareness let me return to the rationale:
I figured this out, so I went to the appointment on time, and in the process, how to feel comfortable how to come, and push the cups to change the cups, and the guests have a good time.
Thank you for the time, so that I can calmly tell you these stories. Thank you, too, for patiently reading through this text.
So far, I have turned a new chapter in my life and no longer dwell on the past.
But back to the question, you asked me, if there is an afterlife, should I still choose my current parents?
I would say that earth is great, but I don't want to come back!
Finally, may everyone who reads this article be treated gently by the world!
Will ah, my mom and dad especially love me. Gave me a lot of care and attention, I will always make all kinds of mistakes, but they have been tolerated, I encountered adversity in my time, gave me the greatest support, they are my forward momentum, so I feel as long as there is a home, there is love, and there is nothing that can not be solved. If I lose them one day, I don't know how to live, I am willing to be their children in the next life, or even every life.
Would, first of all, give you a positive answer.
I was wondering what made you ask such a question. The fact is that one does not have the right to choose one's parents, but one can choose one's life.
If your parents, very hard-working, but because of a variety of reasons, resulting in poverty, can not give you a good material foundation and better life security, please understand; if your parents, accompanied by your upbringing, but because of the temperament of the character, so that you're not happy, not happy, please tolerate; if your parents, did not give up on you because of your siblings child injustice to you, so that you ruthless, so that you are tired of it!
Above these you have done, but also can not repay your parents the grace of birth. "Loving mother in the hands of the line, the wandering son on the body clothes, before the line closely sewn, fear of late return, who said inch grass heart, to repay the three spring sunshine", the thought of this realm, you will not be greedy, you will not be unhappy, you will not have ruthless. How can you still think of choosing your parents and replacing them?
Since ancient times, there have been "lying on the ice to seek carp", "100 miles of negative rice", "for his father to join the army" of the great righteousness and filial piety of thanksgiving, what qualifications you have to choose parents?
Yes, although the parents are very ordinary, not much ability to earn a lot of money.
But at least they are still responsible people, loving people.
If there is a bite of food for them, the first thing they do is to eat it close to their children.
They worked hard all their lives for the sake of their children, gave me life, and let me grow up without starving, although there is no brocade, but my parents' hard-working and courageous spirit infected me, so that I do not face life alone without timidity, without flinching.
Thanks to my parents, I will remain a loving family in the next life!
If there is such a magical choice, I would definitely choose my parents now. Because it is the parents gave their own life to come to the earth. Know everything on earth.
If there is an afterlife I want to be the daughter of Liang Qichao. Liang Qichao has nine children, each successful, and the relationship between the children get along very well. It is Mr. Liang Qichao's good education.
In my opinion, it will, definitely. Although my parents did not leave me any material wealth, but they gave me life, gave me the courage to live and the principles of human beings, so that I have my today, although the difficulties, but I still force to live well every day.
I was born in the countryside, my mother was sick when I was a child, it can be said that the family has four walls. Although I was not able to keep my mother's wisdom, but at least when I went home and called my mother, someone responded. My father left four years ago, walked quietly, is because of my mother, it can be said that my father did not live a good day, until we grew up father was only able to breathe a sigh of relief. At the same time, also because of the mother's illness, the two sisters did not graduate from elementary school on the dropout, the little brother read to junior high school, due to family poverty, they chose to go out to work.
If there is a second life, I will choose the same parents. My father was an orphan and relied on himself for everything. Although my mother was sick and the house was full of people, he never gave up. In those days, medical care was scarce, and if it wasn't for my father's hard work and perseverance, I probably wouldn't have been able to make it to my mother's present day. My father's spirit of never giving up and his responsible attitude made me feel humanity and affection, so I treasure today's days. Although the debt is high, but I also insist on walking every day.
Although my mother was sick and didn't understand anything, I heard from my neighbors that before my mother was sick, she was very hardworking, loved to sing, and sang very well, my mother was a junior high school student, and at that time, she was considered to be a cultured person, but unfortunately, the illness took everything, and my mother's life was miserable because of this. Although my mother didn't know anything about human affairs, she would tell me from time to time during my high school and college years to study hard. Because of my mother's illness, she would laugh when she saw people, and others would call her crazy. Because I don't have a brilliant mind, and because my family is very poor, I have been telling myself since I was a child that I have to study hard, so that the people around me can see that a "crazy person" can be born and raised with good results.
Fate, I graduated from college, but because of the family baby sick, gave up a lot, failed to get half of the resources on the road of life, but I do not regret it, because I inherited the conscience of my parents, to do the ordinary people, harboring the goodness of people.
So, if there is a second life, I will still choose the present parents.
Thank you! If there is an afterlife, I will not choose parents, also have no power, and do not want to continue the human past, parents, although they love me, but I do not want to continue to do father-daughter-mother-daughter. 21 years old lost his father, less than 40 years old, mother away, the pain of injury, not to mention that they are not good health ...... serve not to mention that they suffered, the heart can not bear ah!
Will be
If the wheel of history to restart, we will be in the fate of a number of critical to make new arrangements, after all, parents adults can not choose, sunrise and moonrise and sunset, the clouds are treacherous, life is rough, stormy, big time, mortals can not be grasped, the encounter is inescapable, only to wait and see how things change, to take advantage of the opportunity to strike, play the hand of cards, arrangements for the two parents adults live. Childhood is precisely the breakup of the family of origin, I foster relatives and all kinds of inconvenience, do resent elders, but still have compassion. When I went to the countryside, I went to Hengshan to meet with my single father and wanted to set up furniture, put down roots in the army and give my father a peaceful life. A few months later, went north to the Heilongjiang Corps, because his mother will come to his son's place to retire, and inconvenient to go home. Several years in the Corps is also smooth sailing, there is a basic, if this time to pick up his father north, just in time, but a hesitation, his father died, regret. If history were to repeat itself, I would never make this mistake! Returned to the city and mother to meet, on track, she regretted, did not personally come to the northeast to visit his son, missed the trip to the northern border. If you go back to the past, the use of the northern return, I must take her to go to Heilongjiang for a walk!