1. Dumbledore decided to foster Harry with his aunt and uncle. This move was quite wise!
"A letter?" Professor McGonagall repeated, sitting back against the wall." Albus, do you really think you can explain everything in one letter? People will never understand him! He'll become famous, a legend. I wouldn't be surprised if people in the future named the present the Potter Era - there will be books published and released about Potter - and every child in the world will know about him!"
"Exactly right." Dumbledore said while looking over his half-moon glasses.
"Every boy would go crazy for that. Becoming famous before he can even walk or talk, famous because of something he doesn't even remember? Do you know how famous he will be? Surely he can't understand this until he's older."
2. Dali's 11th birthday. (Dali's arithmetic skills I can live with, but his dad's coddling really gets to me.)
Harry puts an omelette and roast on the dining room table where there's barely room left. At that moment Dally was counting his gifts. His face suddenly fell.
"Thirty-six," he said, looking at his mom and dad, "two less than last year."
"Honey, you forgot to count Aunt Maggie's gift, here, right under the big one from Mommy and Daddy."
"Okay, count thirty-seven!" Dadri said, his face reddening.
Harry felt that Dudley was about to throw a fit and wolfed down his plate of roast before Dudley could turn the table over.
Aunt Penny, obviously feeling the mood too, immediately said, "We'll go out later and buy you two more presents, what do you say? Two oh, that should do it?"
Dally thought about it for a while, as if he was having a hard time thinking about it, and finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty...
...thirty ......"
"Thirty-nine pieces, baby." Aunt Penny said.
"Oh," Dally leaned back and grabbed the nearest present and fiddled with it, "Okay then."
Aunt Vernon laughed." The little guy appreciates the value of money just like his dad does.
Good for you!" He stroked Dally's hair.
3. This is when Dali was turned into a pig tail by Hagrid, ha, that hurt too much~ But actually reading the whole series, Dali still impressed me~^_^
Only a loud bang like a firecracker was heard, interspersed with a shrill ringing sound. The next second all that could be seen was Dali's hands dancing up and down, his hands clawing at the back of his ass. As he turned his backside around, Harry saw a pig's tail come out of his pants.
4. Naughty twins playing tricks on their old mom ^_^
"Fred, you keep up." The fat woman said.
"I'm not Fred, I'm George." One of the boys said, "Honestly ma'am, and claiming to be our mother, can't you even recognize me George?"
"Oh George - I'm sorry! My heart's darling."
"I was only joking, I am indeed Fred." The boy said and went on his way 。。。。。。
5. This is the first time Harry and Ron meet, on the train. This is the premise on which they later became good friends: instead of resenting Ron's poor family, Harry was generous enough to **** enjoy lunch with him; instead of sucking up to Harry just because he's a famous Harry Potter, Ron chatted naturally and was introduced to the wizarding world.
I remember seeing this for the first time and being amazed at the moving pictures.
And Bibbidi's flavored beans, would love to try one. I remember Professor Dumbledore eating snot-flavored ones at the end of the first one....
At about twelve-thirty, there was a sound of footsteps in the corridor outside the door, only to see a sales clerk, whose mouth dimples rise at the corners when she smiles, push open the compartment and say to them, "What would you like to buy for yourselves, children?"
Harry, who hadn't eaten breakfast yet, jumped for joy, but Ron, his ears red again, stammered that he had brought sandwiches.
Back at Desiree's, Harry hadn't had the money to buy candy, but it was different now, he had enough bling in his pockets to buy enough to fill an entire compartment. His favorite, Mars lollipops - but there were none to be had. The sales cart was full of jelly beans, bubble gum, chocolate frog candy, pumpkin pie, pancakes, lollipops, and other oddities he'd never seen before. He paid his salesgirl aunt eleven sickle silver coins and seven copper coins for a little bit of each food item.
Ron was surprised to see Harry buying this huge amount of food, "You must be very hungry?"
"Starving!" Harry said, taking a big bite out of a pumpkin pie.
Ron pulled out a bulging pouch and opened it, which turned out to contain four sandwiches. He tore one of them open with his hand and said, "She always forgets that I don't like rough beef."
Harry picked up a piece of pie and said, "Come on, why don't we switch."
"You won't like it, you know, it's not easy to look after five children."
"Stop it, have a pie." In the past, Harry had never had anything to share, or no one to share it with, and for him, sharing pies and cakes with Ron was such a rare and rewarding thing.
"What are these?" Harry asked Ron as he picked up a packet of little chocolate frogs, "These aren't real frogs are they?"
He couldn't think of anything else in the world that would surprise him more.
"They're not. Hey, look what's printed on the card, I want Arriba."
"What?"
"In case you didn't know, every chocolate frog candy has a card inside with the name of a famous wizard printed on it for kids to collect. I've already collected over five hundred of them, and I'm just about to get the ones with Arriba and Toremi printed on them."
Harry opened one of the chocolate frog candies and took a card out of it that had a picture of a man on it. The man wore a pair of half-moon glasses, had a long hawkish nose, silver-white hair like flowing water, a large beard, and his name, Albus Dumbledore, was printed under the portrait.
"So, this must be Dumbledore, then." Harry said.
"Don't tell me you haven't heard of this Dumbledore guy!" Ron said, "Hey, can I have one? Maybe I'll find Arriba (Note: I forget who this person is.... The name was not changed.) . Ah, thanks-"
Harry turned the card over in his hand and found it printed, "Albus Dumbledore, current Headmaster of Hogwarts. Considered by many of today's great wizards to have defeated the mysterious wizard, Fordhammer, in 1945, to have discovered the twelve wonders of dragon's blood, as well as his partner, Nicholas. Ferran Marr's contributions to the study of magic are among the main reasons for his fame. Professor Dumbledore enjoys hall music and bowling."
Harry turned the card upside down again and was surprised to find that Dumbledore's avatar was missing.
"He's gone!"
"You can't keep him here," Ron said, "He's got to go back. Oh no, it's Morgana again, I've got six. Hey, you want one? You can collect them too."
Ron's eyes were fixed on the pile of chocolate frog candy, expecting Harry to open them sooner.
"Take your own if you like." Harry said, "But in the, uh, muggle world, the people in the pictures all stay still all the time."
"Really? You mean, they don't move at all?" Ron was surprised, "That's weird!"
Harry was stunned when the Dumbledore avatar reappeared on the card and smiled at Harry.
Ron seems to have gotten so caught up in the joy of eating the chocolate frog candy that he forgets to look at the cards in the frog, but Harry is mesmerized by them. It didn't take long for him to have Dumbledore, Morgana, Hengis. Wolcroft, Abercrombie and Fitch. Gruenith, Scheisse, Paracelsus, and Mullin too. Eventually, he shifted his interest from scratching his nose at Cleona's avatar to eating multi-flavored beans.
"Be careful eating that," Ron cautioned Harry, "it's a veritable multiflavored bean, yo.
You know, you can get universal flavors like chocolate, peppermint, and lemon, or you can get weird flavors like spinach, liver, and offal. George said he's had a really bad flavor." Ron picked up a green bean and took a good look at it for clarity, then took just a small bite.
"Oops - look at that, wheat teeth flavor."
The two of them had a good time eating the multi-flavored beans, and Harry, having eaten toast-flavored, coconut-flavored, baked-bean-flavored, strawberry-flavored, curry-flavored, green grass-flavored, coffee-flavored, and copping dingus-flavored beans, was brave enough to chew the multi-flavored beans.
He eats an interesting gray pepper-flavored bean that Roth was afraid to even touch before.
6. This is Harry and Ron's first run-in with Malfoy, and of course, it's a fire-filled run-in. I have to say, Malfoy in the movie is still quite handsome O(∩_∩)O
When he was about to explain the details of the game to Harry, the door of the compartment room opened again, and this time it wasn't Neville and Hermione.
Three boys walked in. Harry recognized one of them at once: he was the pale boy from Mrs. Machin's robes store. He eyed Harry with even more interest than he had done then at Dyer's Crown Road.
"The whole train says Harry. Potter is in this compartment, is that true? So, you're Harry, are you?"
"Yes." Harry surveyed the other two children, both of whom were short and stocky and very rude looking.
They both stood left and right, much like the two bodyguards of the gray-faced kid.
"Oh, he's Crabbe and he's Gal." The gray boy introduced himself absentmindedly, "I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."
Ron coughed softly, perhaps snickering in secret. Draco Malfoy looked at him.
"You think my name is funny, don't you? I know who you are without having to ask.
My dad told me that the Weasleys are all redheads, full of tweedledums, and have more children than they can afford." He turned to Harry again.
"Potter, you'll soon find out that there are good and bad in the wizarding world, and I'm sure you don't want to make the mistake of making bad friends, I can help you in that regard."
He held out his hand to shake Harry's, but it was refused.
"I can tell right from wrong myself, thank you kindly." Harry said coldly.
Instead of brushing red, Malfoy's pale face showed a faint pink color on both cheeks.
"I'd be more careful if I were you, Potter." He said in a single word, "If you don't treat me with courtesy you're going to make the same mistake your parents did. They didn't know any better than you do. You're always hanging out with misfits like the Weasleys and Hagrid, trying to sensualize them, aren't you."
Harry and Ron both stood up, Ron's face as red as his hair.
"Say that again if you dare." Ron was furious.
"Oh, you still want to fight us?" Malfoy burst into a sneer.
"If you don't get out of here now, we won't be polite." Harry seemed braver than he had been a moment ago, even though Klapper and Goyle were much stronger than either he or Ron.
"Guys, we don't want to leave yet, do we? We have our own food, but it looks like they still have a lot left."
Gal reaches for the chocolate frog candy at Ron's side - Ron leaps forward, but before he can hit Gal, Gal has already let out a scream.
Bamm-Bamm, the fat rat, had bitten down on his finger, his sharp rat teeth sinking deep into his knuckles. Watching Goyle try his best to shake Bamm-Bamm off and listening to his screams from the pain, Crabbe and Malfoy were taken back several steps. When Bamm-Bamm was finally thrown out and hit the window, the three of them pulled out and ran. Maybe because they thought there were still quite a few mice hiding in the candy, or maybe because they heard footsteps, but in any case, they were running for their lives.
7. This is the sentence describing the ceiling of Hogwarts, which can reflect the look of the sky outside. LOL~ I want it too - -
Harry had never seen any place so strange and brilliant. The other upperclassmen were seated at four long tables, and there were literally thousands of candles floating in midair above their heads, illuminating the entire Great Hall. The tables were filled with plates and goblets of glittering gold. There was another long table on the dais directly in front of the assembly where the teachers sat. Professor McGonagall led the freshmen up to the raised platform and told them to stand in single file facing their brothers and with their backs to their teachers. The thousands of faces watching them were like pale little lanterns in the flickering candlelight.
The ghosts scattered amongst the students turned the otherwise blurred silverware into glitter. To avoid the gaze of the stage, Harry looked up and happened to see a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. He heard Hermione whisper in his ear, "Someone had enchanted it to make it look more like the stars outside. That's what I learned in A Piece of Hogwarts School History."
8. This is the first time Harry meets Snape, and of course, being damaged is inevitable ~ here Snape speaks of Potions as sacred and mysterious, indicating his high attainment in Potions, which is a buildup to the sixth installment, ~and the Half-Blood Prince~.
Potions classes are held in a dungeon. The dungeon was much colder and more eerie than the castle above, and the walls around it were filled with glass bottles with the corpses of pickled animals floating inside them, which was creepy.
Like Professor Felicevie, Professor Snape began his first class with a roll call. Again, he paused when he read Harry's name.
"Ha, yes," he whispered, "Harry. Potter. The newest in our school - celebrity that is."
Draco Malfoy and his nemesis Crabbe and Goyle snickered with their hands over their mouths.
Snape finished his roll call and looked at everyone solemnly. His eyes were as dark as Hagrid's, but there was not a trace of the warmth found in Hagrid's eyes. His eyes were cold and empty, reminiscent of deep dark tunnels.
"You have come here to learn the fine art of pharmaceuticals." Snape said. His voice was low, almost a whisper, but everyone heard every word - like Professor McGonagall, Snape had a mystical power that could easily keep the students quiet." Since there are some idiots here who just wave magic wands around, many of you don't quite believe that this is magic. I don't expect that you will truly understand the wonders of pharmaceutical technology. Think of the slow boiling of herbs in a large cauldron, the white smoke rising ...... and the liquid flowing through the veins of the human body, a liquid of unparalleled subtlety and power ...... that can literally intoxicate your heart and mesmerize all of your senses! ...... I can teach you how to can reputation, how to brew glory, and even say ...... store death ...... as long as you don't be as stupid as the bunch of fools I used to teach. "
The classroom got even quieter after hearing this from Snape. Harry and Ron exchanged furtive glances. Hermione Granger, on the other hand, sat up straight, her butt dipping just a little over the edge of her chair, as if that would prove to Snape that she was in no way stupid.
"Potter!" Snape suddenly called Harry up, "What would happen if you added powdered daffodil bulbs to the juice of absinthe like that?"
Powder of what to add to the juice of what? Harry stole a glance at Ron, who seemed just as bewildered as he was, but then Hermione desperately threw her hands up in the air.
"I don't know, teacher." Harry replied in a low voice.
Snape pouted and snorted.
"Tsk, tsk, so much for fame it seems."
He completely ignored Hermione's raised hand.
"Okay then, one more question for you. If I asked you to find a stomach stone, where would you go to start looking for it?"
Hermione raised her hand as high as she could again, so high that it seemed as if that hand of hers was going to leave her body and fly off into mid-air. But Harry didn't have even the slightest notion about the stomach stone. He did his best not to look at Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who were laughing so hard their whole bodies were shaking.
"I don't know, teacher."
"Don't you ever prep before class? Huh? Potter?"
Harry did his best to make himself face those cold eyes. It was true that he had read the textbook once, but Snappy wasn't going to ask him to memorize every word in that book, A Thousand Examples of Witching Herbs and Fungi, after only reading it once, was he?
Snape still ignored Hermione's shaking hand.
"Herbworts and aconite, what are some of the differences between them?"
This time, Hermione stood up, her right hand almost reaching the top of the dungeon.
"I don't know." Harry whispered, "I think Hermione knows, though. Why don't you ask her?"
Some of the students laughed out loud. Harry glanced at Seamus, who winked at him. Snape however was not at all amused.
"Sit down." Snape glared at Harry, "A few questions just asked, daffodil bulbs mixed with absinthe make a very powerful sleeping potion that people call Death's Web. Gastrolith, on the other hand, is a stone found in the stomachs of sheep, and it is the nemesis of many kinds of poisons. And Cao Wu and Wu Tou, which refer to the same plant, are both common names for a plant called epiphyllum. How? Why don't you all copy down this knowledge?"
Immediately the dungeon was in an uproar, and everyone was quick to pull out quills and parchment. Snape added, "Potter I have decided to dock you a point for the rude backhanded comment you just made to your teacher."
8. Riding a flying broom for the first time, Harry has inherited his father James' genes and has a talent for brooms. So the first time he rode it he demonstrated his top-notch skills. Of course, that's what led to being mentioned by Professor McGonagall as a seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team.
At three-thirty in the afternoon, Harry, Ron, and the rest of the class were preparing for their first flying lesson with excitement. They ran down the stairs and across the grass to the outside of the Forbidden Forest. It was a beautiful day, clear and crisp, and the green grass on the meadow rippled slightly, gently brushing against their ankles, making them feel comfortable. Not far away, the trees in the forbidden forest are also swaying with the wind.
The Slytherin students had already arrived. Twenty large brooms were neatly placed on the floor. Harry had heard Fred and George complain about the poor quality of the large brooms in the school. They said that some of the brooms shuddered when you flew high in the air, and some of them always veered to the left.
At that moment, their teacher, Mrs. Husch, came. She had long, short gray hair. Her yellow eyes were as sharp as those of an eagle.
"Hey, what are you guys standing there frozen for?" She bellowed, "Every single one of you get up on your brooms! Come on, hurry up!"
Harry looked down at his broom. It was so old, and there were so many branches jutting out, it was ugly!
"Put your right hands above your brooms," Mrs. Husch said as she stood at the front of the line, "and then say loudly, '
Get up!'"" Get up!" Everyone shouted in unison.
Harry's broom jumped into his hand immediately. The other students weren't as handy as he was. Hermione.
Hermione's broom just rolled on the ground, and Neville's didn't even move. Probably riding a broom is similar to riding a horse, if you're timid first, the horse will defy you to ride it, and the same goes for brooms, Harry thought. Neville whispered that he would rather walk on the ground with his feet than fly in the air on a broom.
Mrs. Husch gave a demonstration of how to ride a broomstick, and taught them how not to slip off the broomstick if they couldn't sit on it properly. After the demonstration, Mrs. Husch let everyone practice on their own, and she walked around the group correcting their mistakes. Harry and Ron were ecstatic as Mrs. Husch loudly reprimanded Malfoy for not sitting correctly at all.
"Now, you all pay attention to my whistle. As soon as I whistle, you all stomp hard into the ground." Mrs. Husch said, "Hold on to your brooms and try to rise a few feet, then glide forward slowly and come back down to the ground. Okay, pay attention and listen to my whistle - three ......"
But Neville was so nervous that before Mrs. Husch could blow her whistle, his feet involuntarily stomped toward the ground and he went "whoo!".
"Come back here, you boy!" Mrs. Husch yelled. But Neville flew so fast, like a cork popping out of a champagne bottle - twelve feet - twenty feet! Harry saw Neville terrified, his face was white with fear, he was gasping for air, wow, no good, he didn't seem to have a good grip on his broom ...... slipped off!
Bang! With a loud bang, Neville fell face first into a pile of grass! His broom, however, was still rising upwards, wobbling over towards the forbidden forest, and soon disappeared from sight. Mrs. Husch bent down to examine Neville, her face as white as Neville's.
"Broken wrist." Harry heard Mrs. Husch whisper, "Come on, little one - it's okay, try to stand up."
Mrs. Husch turned her head to look at the rest of her classmates and said, "No one is to try to fly without permission while I take this student to the infirmary. Anyone who dares to move, get the hell out of here! Understand? Little one, come on, let's go."
Neville had long since burst into tears, and, holding his broken wrist, hobbled away with Mrs. Husch's support.
As soon as the two had walked away, Malfoy burst out laughing, "Did you all see the look on that guy's face? Haha, what a big dork!"
The rest of the Slytherin students laughed as well.
"Shut up, Malfoy!" Pavity Patti couldn't look away.
"Oooooh, here's a hug for the little twerp?" There was one in the Slytherin named Percy.
The ugly girl from Parkinson's said, "I can't believe it, Pavity, you actually like that crybaby chubby."
"Look!" Malfoy stormed out of the group and picked up something in the grass." Isn't that something that little twerp's old grandmother gave him?"
The Orb of Memory glittered in his hand in the sunlight.
"Put it back where it belongs, Malfoy!" Harry yelled angrily. Every one of them fell silent and watched the events unfold.
Malfoy grinned impishly.
"Well, I suppose I should hide it somewhere for that little twerp to have a good look for - oh, I've thought of it - how about putting it in a tree?"
"Put it back where it belongs!" Harry bellowed. But Malfoy was already on his broom and flying.
The guy hadn't been lying, he was a good flyer. He reached the top of a standard tree and challenged Harry, "Come on! If you're brave enough, come up and get it! Potter!"
Harry grabbed his broom as soon as he could.
"Don't go!" Hermione yelled, "Mrs. Husch told us not to move anyone - and giant you keep getting us into trouble!"
Harry pressed on, ignoring her; Harry was so hot now that even his ears were red. He immediately straddled his broom and stomped down to the ground so hard that it took him into mid-air. Harry's hair was all ruffled and his clothes whipped by the strong mid-air wind - a dangerous move that in turn made Harry realize that there were some things he could control perfectly well under his own power! Harry's heart filled with joy, it was just too easy! It was just too magical! He pulled on the broom head to make it fly higher. At that moment, he heard loud screams from the girls on the ground and loud praise from Ron.
Harry let his broom fly to a stop across from Malfoy, who watched in awe, frozen in mid-air like an idiot.
"Put that ball back where it belongs!" Harry shouted, "or I'll kick you off your broom!"
"Oh? Yeah?" Malfoy forced a smile; he seemed to be panicking a little.
Somehow, Harry suddenly knew exactly how to control the broom. He gripped his broom tightly with both hands and lifted it upwards gently, and it carried him straight at Malfoy like a loaded rocket launcher. Malf almost gave way, but luckily he was quick to avoid it.
Harry whirled and made a beautiful turn in mid-air, and Ri sat firmly in place, not panicking at all.
Some of the students clapped even louder on the floor.
"Your two piggy friends Crabbe and Goyle can't help you here, Malfoy!" Harry shouted happily.
Malfoy was also a little flustered at the thought.
"Well, I hope you can catch it! Haha!" Malfoy exclaimed, throwing the glass ball into the air and hurrying back to the ground.
Harry could see it clearly as the glass ball bounced upwards and then fell downwards. He grabbed his broom and turned around and headed straight down to the glass ball - he was so fast with that lunge that he was almost on the ball a second later. The sound of the wind mingled with everyone's shrieks in his ears. That's when he reached out with his right hand - and with a foot to go off the ground, Harry grabbed it! And just in time to redirect his broom! Harry tightened his grip on the memory ball and gently jumped off his broom, steadying himself on the grass.
"Harry. Potter!"
Harry's heart sank. Professor McGonagall was walking straight towards them. She walked quickly and said, "You ...... you ......"
Professor McGonagall was so angry she could hardly speak, the glasses on the bridge of her nose seemed to tremble, "...... You actually dare ...... this will break your neck ......"
"It's not Harry's fault, Professor ......"
"Patty, knock it off!"
"But Malf he ......"
"That's enough Weasley, I don't want to hear any more. Potter, come with me at once!"
Before he left, Harry glared at Malfoy, whose two henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle, were gleefully making faces at him. Professor McGonagall started to walk over towards the castle, and Harry mechanically shuffled his legs behind him. It's over, definitely going to be expelled! Harry thought in despair.
9. This is Harry being trained by Wood, Quidditch is fun~
"Okay, let's get started." Wood, "The rules of the Quickdice game are simple, but playing it isn't so easy. Each team has seven players each, three of which are called catchers."
"Three catchers." Harry repeated. At that moment Wood pulled a soccer ball sized red ball out of the box.
"This is called a Kolff ball." Wood said." The catchers could pass the Korfball between themselves and whoever could throw it into the basket would score. The score for throwing in a Korfball is 10 points. Remember?"
"The catcher passes the korfball and whoever can throw it into the basket scores." Harry repeated.
"Isn't that like sitting on a broom and playing basketball? The difference is that there are six baskets in this type of game, right?"
"What's basketball?" Wood was confused.
"Oh, nothing." Harry said right away.
"Well, each team has a player who acts as a goalie. I am the goalie for the Grim Fenton team. I have to stand guard at our neighborhood basket and keep the opponents from throwing the ball into our basket."
"Three catchers, one goalie." Harry struggled to memorize the names.
"They play the Cove ball. Good, I've memorized that. So what are the rest of the balls for?" He pointed to the three remaining balls in the box.
"I'll tell you in a minute." Wood said." Take it."
He handed Harry a small short stick.
"I'll show you what the Bruzzo Ball is for." Wood said, "These are called Bruzzo Balls."
Wood pointed them out to Harry. Two identical black balls, probably slightly smaller than the red Kolff balls.
Harry noticed that both balls were bound with leather hoops, and they seemed to be poised to fly out.
"Stand back a bit." Wood warned Harry. He bent down and let go of one of the brujo balls.
The black ball whizzed up into the air and crashed straight into Harry's face! Harry sidestepped, pawing at it with the short stick in his hand to prevent it from breaking his nose. The ball flew away again. It spun around the two men's heads a few times before heading straight for Wood.
Wood jumped up and grabbed the ball and pinned it to the ground.
"See?" Wood made a strong effort to subdue the struggling Bruzzo ball in his hand and then bound it back up with the leather hoop." During the game, the brujo ball barreled across the field like a rocket, trying to knock every player off his broom. This is why every team must have two guards. The twin brothers of the Wesleys are our team's guards - it's their job to protect the other players from being knocked off their Bruzzo Balls, and also to knock them over to the opposing team's side of the field - do you understand?"
"The three catchers chase down the golf balls and shoot them to score; the goalie guards the baskets to keep others from shooting; and the backstop just protects the rest of the team from the brujo balls!" Harry spoke in one breath.
"Very good!" Wood was pleased.
"Uh...... Bruzzo Ball ever run someone over?" Harry asked, pretending not to care.
"It hasn't happened at Hogwarts School. Two members of the team got their jaws smashed once, and that was the worst of it. Well, the last member of the team was a searcher.
That's the role you fill. As for the Colf ball and the Bruzzo ball, you completely ignore the "...... unless my head is cracked in half ......"
There are so many more great passages. I can't write it in the word limit--this is only a small part of the first installment.