It's okay to turn on the pendulum in both places (or not to put it at the same time).
In order to show respect, you can invite your boyfriend to your home (the woman), and the man's parents can not attend. Putting wine is not called marriage. After marriage, you can go home to visit relatives and invite you to dinner.
What to prepare specifically is estimated to be simple except the gift money.
If your family insists on becoming a monk, your boyfriend will not come forward in principle.