Before answering this question, you must first understand why money and love can be placed at both ends of the same scale.
Because money means four kinds of feelings:
1, sense of security (money helps you get rid of anxiety);
2. Sense of power (money makes you dominant and controls others);
3. Love (not affection);
4. Freedom (the ability to achieve your goals, money guarantees that you can get what you want).
In my ten years as a marriage counselor, I have seen too many couples arguing over money.
This society is no longer an era of feeling and drinking enough. Real long-lasting love needs money to lay the foundation.
In my consulting room, many couples disdain or are ashamed to talk about money when they are in love. After marriage, facing the daily necessities of life, they have to passively enter the running-in period of marriage values, resulting in constant quarrels and contradictions.
In the quarrel between these couples, we can see that what they are entangled in because of money is actually more inner fear and anxiety, power and love, greed and darkness of human nature.
As I said, our attitude towards money is also part of our attitude towards the world.
How you spend money can tell you your character, and how you make money can tell you your ability.
Who are those people who think money is important?
Some people regard money as the supreme sacred object, and they don't need love, affection and unscrupulous means for money. Are these people really after money?
I once received a visitor. She used to be an executive of a company, with strong working ability and beautiful people.
Such a woman should be the kind of person who lives happily in the eyes of many people, so why did she come to me?
She was in great pain because she betrayed her husband.
At this time, someone will say: Isn't this the way she chose? Why do you still hurt?
Because she loves her husband and the man outside marriage is her boss, the reason for betrayal is actually very conventional. In order to get a promotion and a raise, a wine game caused irreparable results.
I asked her: with your ability, you should be able to do it well without the help of your boss. Why take this step?
Because I want to prove myself so badly, she said.
After further communication and understanding, I found that everything is the pot of the origin family.
She grew up in a patriarchal family. Her parents always put her brother first in everything, and all the good things in the family are his. At school, my mother always said that her family was poor and she didn't even want to buy a pencil for herself, but my brother's pencil box was always full.
Her childhood experience made her very eager for money. She desperately wants to prove that she is no worse than her brother and can earn a lot of money.
Under the constant expansion of desire, she embarked on the road of betrayal. She said that she loved her husband very much, but the thought of getting more money and higher status with her boss made her struggle and suffer from mental torture every day.
On the surface, what she is looking for is money, but from the deep point of view, it is a kind of compensation, to compensate the inner black hole, the lack of love and the repressed desire.
But I want to tell you that if you want to keep stuffing money into it like my visitors, it will only be a bottomless pit.
As we all know, money can reflect the darkness, greed and evil of human nature.
These dark parts of human nature are morally forbidden and excluded. If there is no external stimulus, they will not sneak out.
Money is sometimes like a magic mirror, which can reveal the dark side of our hearts, while people are often narcissistic, always afraid to admit that there is a dark side in their hearts, and always want the world to see our sunny side.
We always expect less dark parts, just because we have been educated since childhood: you should be selfless, kind, learn to share, and let everyone like you.
So we become afraid to love ourselves, because it is immoral to love ourselves. Only by loving others and letting everyone praise themselves is the best life.
But money magnifies the weakness and conflict of human nature many times, so it is much more difficult to be happy.
What it requires is that your wisdom should be worthy of so much money, otherwise it is not you who control the money, but the money is playing with you.
Which is more important, money or love?
It depends on whether you can control the money. If you can be the "owner" of this money, congratulations, you have found your inner child, found your vulnerability, can hold your inner child in a safe environment, appease your inner fears, and truly resolve your fears, instead of trying to cover up your fears with money.
In fact, there is no need to make a choice at all, because you can have money and love at the same time.
On the other hand, if you can't master "money", then choose to play love games with people who love you.
Because when you want to play with rich people because of lack of inner cultivation, it's like a primary school student meeting a famous professor. What's the special function of dancing with a lover with huge resources?