Mrs. Song got divorced early last year, and her friend Huihui was worried about it.
Hui Hui was worried that Ms. Song, who is usually very dull and doesn't talk much, would not be able to bear the blow and would not be able to think straight.
As expected, Ms. Song was really devastated by the divorce and would not see anyone. The first time I saw her was when she was in the hospital, and she had to go to the hospital for a few days.
Afterwards, Huihui went abroad for half a year because of her work, basically no contact with Ms. Song.
Earlier this year, after returning to China, Huihui remembered her best friend Ms. Song, and when she went to visit, she was surprised.
Ms. Song and his husband, surprisingly, have remarried, and the relationship is even better than before.
Hui Hui, whose love life is not very smooth, can't help but ask Ms. Song for advice when she is alone with her, asking her for ways to save her marriage.
Ms. Song poured a cup of coffee for Huihui and explained in a detailed voice:
When he left, I was really heartbroken and had thoughts of suicide. I was so upset that I didn't open the door because I didn't want you to see me in a humiliating state. Later, I don't know how, I gradually calm down, began to think.
The beginning of the moment, I put all the blame on his head, all day in the heart cursing him, sometimes also to the wall cursing, sometimes even the sofa as he whacked. At that time I thought, I am a woman, for this family to vomit, he should spoil me, let me, must work hard to earn money for the family, take care of the family.
But I am a woman after all, scolded him curse him at the same time, in fact, the heart can not help but think of him. The first time I saw the woman, I was able to see the woman's face, and I was able to see the woman's face, and I was able to see the woman's face.
But that cruel guy, deleted my QQ and WeChat, my cell phone number is also pulled black, I was close to the way, and even ran to the door of his company to block him, the results of a few times were not able to block. Now that I think about it, I'm a little glad that I didn't block him, or else I was in a state of mind that we must have had a lot of trouble, and the back of it is no longer possible.
No contact, no plugging, no plugging, no way, but this day still have to live ah! I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get the best out of your life, but I'm sure you're going to be able to get the best out of your life. Why did he leave? Thinking about it, did not come up with a reason, and finally thought of himself. The mindset of that moment, huh, now think of some ridiculous, I think about it, and do not think I have any mistakes.
It is not possible to figure out how to adapt to the situation, and the job is not available, the heart is empty. I was so tired of staying at home that I finally decided to go out for a walk.
That time I went out, I encountered a small thing, but it completely changed my concept. When I was getting off the train, there was a package that was too big for me to carry, so I smiled and asked the guy next to me to help me. I didn't expect the guy to smile in the sun, 'You've been cold all the way, I thought you couldn't smile?'
Hearing the guy's words, I came to my senses, it's not that I didn't do anything wrong, it's just that I didn't realize it myself!
The end of the trip in a hurry, back home, I began to reflect on the past. The first thing I did was to write down all the details of the past on a piece of paper, and then think back to my own expression at the time, the tone of voice, and so on. There are some things that you don't realize when you don't think about them, but when you think about them, it's a shock.
After I thought of this, I began to ask myself: Why is our marriage going through problems? Why is our relationship getting weaker and weaker? Why did I make him feel bored? Why is he getting angrier and angrier with me? All in all, a lot of why, keep asking myself, keep self-reflection, finally let me more understand my own mistakes. At the same time, I also realized how many times he had tolerated me, and strengthened my determination to get him back.
After that, I consulted with Muqing emotional experts and started to change those problems of my own. Also re-found a job, the weekend also take time to do yoga, often dancing at night, free to listen to music and read books, etc. Gradually I seemed to return to the original teenage years, the mood has become relaxed, and for the recovery of his more confident. At that time I desperately told myself that the loss is not terrible, the big deal is to start again! I'm not sure if you're going to be able to find the best way to get the most out of your life, but I'm sure you'll be able to find the best way to get the most out of your life, and I'm sure you'll be able to find the best way to get the most out of your life. But the expert's words completely changed my view. He told me, 'Redemption is not a disgrace, but a process of subconsciously strengthening yourself, improving yourself, and letting yourself be reborn by fire'.
Since the beginning, I have kept in mind a point of view of Muqing's emotional experts, that salvage is the process of restoring self-trust and values internally, and establishing re-attraction externally. According to this concept, I desperately change myself, strengthen their own attraction. Finally, at the end of the year, I reconnected with him, let him understand my change, and then we tried to get along for a while. I changed my previous concept of not wanting to listen and not wanting to talk, and communicated with him properly, and finally came to this day.
Muqing emotional summary:
Ms. Song's story tells us that the breakdown of the marriage is actually not terrible. As long as you understand the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage, make up your mind to save it, and then find the right way to do it, it's not impossible to save it!
In fact, many people encounter marital problems, has not gone to Ms. Song that step, at least not yet divorced. So it's relatively easy to salvage it.
If you still get along together, just feelings on the verge of breaking, then there are still many opportunities to meet, and many opportunities to communicate.
When it comes to salvaging such a soon-to-be-broken marriage, you only need to do a few things, and salvaging it is not a difficult task.
First: do not forget the beginning.
Today is the era of free love, since you get along together, then at first you must have mutual attraction. The first thing you need to do is to think about what attracted you to each other in the first place, and then think about what you chose to do together in the first place.
Thinking about the past will help you find the key points when it comes to 'secondary attraction'.
Second: Face reality.
Since you have chosen each other, then you should accept the reality, you can't expect Wudalang to become Pan'an, nor can you expect Ximenqing to become Liu Xiahui. Some of the facts have been predetermined, a complaint will not help, it is better to try to face and accept, and then become a habit.
When you get used to the other side, then you will realize that the other side is not as bad as you think. Recognizing each other and stopping complaining can make it easier for you to get along.
Third: change yourself.
Changing yourself includes external image and internal image. In terms of external image, it doesn't mean that you must go for plastic surgery, but you can make up properly or make yourself look neat and clean.
Don't ever think that the image of an old married couple is not important, marriage and love need to be kept fresh.
The inner image, on the one hand, is to build on the strengths and avoid the weaknesses, to develop their own can be accepted by the other side, can attract the other side of the advantages. On the other hand, it is to enrich their own lives and establish a confident and optimistic mindset. Optimism and self-confidence can change your inner image, but also make your outer image more elegant.
Fourth: communication.
As the saying goes, husband and wife quarrel, quarrel at the head of the bed and the end of the bed. A lot of things, to put it bluntly is not a big deal. When communicating, you need to learn to listen more, and don't hold all your words in your heart. Peace of mind, listen well, speak well, understand and tolerate, communicate freely, get along will not be difficult.
Of course, if the cracks in the marriage are caused by a third party, you may also have to learn to enhance your own charm, and fight the third party.
If you're already divorced like Ms. Song, it's going to be a lot harder to save your marriage.
The first step before salvaging is to make up your mind and have faith.
Before salvaging, you need to think carefully, why do you want to salvage the marriage, is it worth salvaging?
Generally speaking, want to save the marriage, generally can be divided into realistic level and spiritual level.
The reality of the level of factors, including economic, family, social and so on, the essence of salvation is more to make the order of life back to 'normal'. The spiritual level is a reflection of more psychological needs.
Understanding your own motivation for wanting to get back, you can correctly predict the difficulties you may encounter and your own tolerance, so as not to be passive in every way.
If it's worth it, then make up your mind. The road to salvation is certainly difficult, if you want to retreat in the face of difficulties, most likely difficult to have the results, so firm also have to first firm confidence.
The second step is to keep the distance and then change yourself.
In fact, whether or not the divorce has been divorced, this step is necessary. Change their image, in order to create opportunities for 'secondary attraction', but also in order to make better together after salvage.
But after the divorce, the other party is likely to deliberately alienate you or even pull black you. So at this point in time, no matter what you do or say to the other person, the other person will see you as a threat and even think that the problem is all brought about by you.
Stalking or initiating contact can easily cause the other person to get bored and lose their last chance. That's why a short period of disconnection is necessary in the early stages of divorce, no matter how much you've changed.
The third step is to reconnect, then communicate and start over.
Reconnecting is a complicated process, and you may need to first create 'secondary attraction' by reconnecting through certain for disconnected contacts or social circles.
Even if the 'secondary attraction' is successful, you have to remember that you are divorced, no longer legally or in some way related, just acquaintances, so you have to start as friends at first.
Rely on your restored charm to re-attract each other, and then look for opportunities to communicate well and bring out your preliminary efforts.
As for the specific how to recover the object, that is the test of your emotional intelligence time.
However, a good state of mind and firm confidence will allow you to start over with each other with half the effort. Want to salvage the marriage love don't hesitate to find (muqing268)
In short, when the marriage encountered problems, as soon as possible to calm down, think more about why, more from themselves to find the reasons. Then change yourself and try to salvage, it is possible.