The less the child is favored by his parents, the more likely he is to excel.
Because, she has no way back.
Sister Wei Ran is a well-known filial daughter in our village. My mom often used her example to inspire me. The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it," he said.
The man she married wasn't rich, but her family had been doing a little business. The man was not married to the woman before, the man did very general. But when he married Sister Wei Ran, his business was instantly red-hot.
Originally, his small business was dead, but when Wei Ran's sister ran it, the small store was alive. The parents of Wei Ran's sister were quite patriarchal, but when Wei Ran developed, they felt that all the credit was theirs.
Weiran's sister is also filial to her parents, so many years have not been recognized by her parents, and now she has been recognized by her parents, she is incredibly happy.
So she took her daughter, who was already in elementary school, and put her in her own mother's house, with the pretense that she wanted her parents to help her look after her child. Then, her parents no longer need to work people to earn money, the two old people at home to accept their granddaughter to go to school, and then get a large sum of money every month from their daughter's living expenses.
The biggest fear in the relationship is "inertia".
Because, once "spoiled" bad, a lot of things should not be, but also become the right.
Weiran's parents had a really good life in the village at that time. Her parents were only in their fifties, and they didn't even work. Her mother drove her granddaughter to school and spent the rest of the time at home playing mahjong and watching TV, living a very leisurely life. Her father, on the other hand, likes to square dance, so he follows a group of old ladies around all day long, beating the gongs and drums and dancing in the square.
At that time, people in the village envied Sister Wei Ran's parents. They said, "What's the point of having a son, if you have a son, you have to earn money for him for the rest of your life. It's better to raise a daughter. Look at how capable she is, raising her mother's family."
Weiran sister at this time in the village to enjoy all the praise, everyone said she filial piety, everyone thinks to have Wei Ran sister such a woman is really too worth it.
But what Wei Ran didn't think about is that she could have raised her parents. But her parents still have a son, and she has a younger brother who hasn't finished college and hasn't gotten married yet.
She neglected to mention that her brother, who was getting married, needed a lot of money. She had raised wasted parents, so who the hell was going to pay for that money?
She always felt it was his brother's place to pay for it himself, while her parents were set on her paying for it.
In patriarchal families, parents have a rule for their daughters:
"If a daughter can help her mother's family, she is family. Once a daughter refuses to help her mother's family, she is an enemy."
When Wei Ran's brother graduated from college, Wei Ran had already bought two houses in the county and one in the city.
And Sister Wei Ran's parents had long had their eyes on her house in the city. They both think that their daughter's business are in the county, and no one lives in the house in the city. It was just the right time to give this house to their son to use as a wedding house.
When they told Sister Wei Ran about the idea, she was shocked. She had thought that her parents would ask her to contribute more money, and she had planned to contribute more money, but she hadn't expected them to ask her to contribute a house.
She suddenly realized that this was impossible. Because she had helped her mother's family, the man and her in-laws had been very unhappy for a long time, and if she hadn't been able to hold down her in-laws, she guessed that the man would have divorced her long ago.
If she had given the house to her brother, her marriage would have come to a complete end.
She went along with the refusal of her parents' request. Then her parents completely exposed their truest attitude towards their daughter: "Your father and I have been babysitting you for the past few years, your brother doesn't have a house to get married, you have three houses, what's wrong with giving one to your brother. You are her own sister, long sister like mother, if he can not marry a daughter-in-law, you live so well what is the use."
More often than not, the so-called "six relatives", but in order to make this relationship, can not have to go to the end of it. And the so-called "love and righteousness", but is more accelerated the demise of this affection.
We never imagined that one day her filial piety would become a reason for her parents to blackmail her. They began to scold her for being unfilial. They were the ones who had shown their daughter their children, so how could she not care about her mother's family.
In Sister Wei Ran's case, she let her parents watch the child in order to take the child under the guise of her parents' happiness. And in Sister Wei Ran's parents' case, they helped their daughter watch the child, and she should give their son a house in return.
This is true of Sister Wei Ran's parents, and it is also true of Sister Wei Ran's brother. The brother pointed at Sister Wei Ran and scolded, "Am I your brother or not? You have so many houses, give me one, shouldn't I? If I had three sets of houses, I wouldn't need my parents to say anything, I would give you one set."
Sister Wei Ran was held up to the fire by her mother's family. She had to speak out about how tough she was in her in-laws' home. Her family was already in jeopardy. However, she didn't realize that her parents didn't care about her situation. Her parents said, "Divorce, you get two houses, and you earned all this money. Divorced, you can open your own store, you can still earn money. Divorcing you is their loss. What are you afraid of them for."
Sister Wei Ran's heart began to roll. Her parents had long since disregarded her family and her marriage in order to give to make her give her brother a house. They went so far as to force her out of the house knowing that she would get divorced because of it.
You're so used to feeding the tiger meat that when the day comes that you're going to take it away, the tiger will want to eat you with it.
Because, it thinks you're not good for it anymore.
Sister Wei Ran's refusal completely chilled her parents. Sister Wei Ran's parents told her, "If you won't give your brother that house in the city as a matrimonial home, then break off the relationship. We'll pretend we never had you as a daughter. Heartless, disrespectful and unfilial."
Sister Wei Ran went back to her in-laws' home, and after a long time of not going back to her mother's home, she told her parents, "If you want to break it off, then break it off."
Then the caliber of Sister Wei Ran's parents changed completely, saying to everyone that Sister Wei Ran was heartless, and that they had been watching her children for years. In order to look after her children, they didn't even bother to earn money. Now her brother is getting married, she has three houses, but refuses to give her brother a house as a wedding room.
Sister Wei Ran never dared to return to the village again, and the village people's opinion of her has changed. Some said: "She should not have let her parents watch the child in the first place, the child is so big, do you need parents to watch? She has the money to go back to her mother's home, so that her parents do not work to earn money. If her parents don't go to work to earn money, who will take care of her brother? She runs this kind of laborious business by herself. A married girl, in her mother's family to fill what big head, can not afford to fill, she left, but also with her parents and brother became enemies, this person is stupid."
Some people also said, "She has three houses, if she is really filial, give her brother a set of how. If the money is gone, she can earn it again, but if the affection is broken, she will have no mother's house at all."
Some people even said, "It's good to break it off, Wei Ran has money, but it's just a little less help for her family."
Many girls end up in a situation where they have to pay money to their mother's family, but they can't do any good, and they end up becoming enemies.
Weiran's parents had no feelings for her at all, and they felt they couldn't raise their daughter for nothing. So, Wei Ran's parents began to force her to repay her parents' kindness. Sister Wei Ran's mother said even more desperately, "Return my milk money."
We have been caught in a dilemma, giving money to her parents, the man's relationship with her is expected to be completely broken. Do not give her parents this money, and she feels that it is her obligation to support her parents.
Finally, Wei Ran sister's parents proposed, Wei Ran sister to take 200,000 yuan, they wrote in the face of the stewardship of the paperwork, the paperwork, her parents took the 200,000 no longer need to Wei Ran old age, they will be as if there is no this daughter.
Her mother said, "If you don't even give 200,000 yuan, I will die in front of your house."
Sister Wei Ran gave her parents 200,000 yuan in spite of her man and in-laws, and didn't ask them to write the paperwork. But her parents insisted on writing it.
Sister Wei Ran took the paperwork and cried, "My mom has had my brother in her eyes all her life, never me."
Recently I've been reading The Ordinary World, and I've come to have a deeper meaning about the matter of kinship. The four siblings in the Sun family have real kinship.
But their kinship, there is distance. A big reason why Sun Shaoan ended up breaking away from that rotten bag of a family was because his siblings wanted him to. Sun Shaoping told him he deserved his own family. Sun Lanxiang refused to ask for another 50 dollars from her brother because she was afraid her sister-in-law would be upset.
Kindred spirits, after we start a family, are not destined to be as close and undivided as they were when we were children.
Since we have become a family, we should take care of our own little family. If your loved ones really love you, they will support you in taking care of your own little family, instead of threatening to make you only take care of them with the threat of "kinship".
I have always insisted on this in my relationships, that no matter how rich you are, you have to "save the emergency, not the poor".
Because as the movie "I am not the God of Medicine" said, the biggest disease of people is the disease of poverty. Many people are poor for a reason, either laziness or greed.
You can't save someone like that, the more you save him, the greedier he gets. Instead of saving him, let him remain poor. He'll find a way to live on his own if he's poor. But if you help him, he will become an "asshole".
I often think about kindness and filial piety when I read books.
Excessive kindness is not kindness, it is stupidity.
Excessive filial piety is not filial piety, it is vanity.
May we all have this kind of sobriety in our affection, not Sister Wei Ran.
Hateful, and sad.