The age of 30 is mentioned in countless family ethics and workplace dramas, and is rendered like a hurdle that every woman has to face, an age that is closely related to marriage, childbearing, employment, support and other major life events. I don't have any memories of my 30's. I reached 35 in a blur of anticipation that my 30's would be a surprise and that I would be transformed. When people talk about 30, the subtext is 30 years old, no results, no children, no career, so what, I can still choose, can start again.
I don't have a college life, and I'm very envious of the wonderful college life in the TV series, and I'm wondering if I've ever been to college. I come from the countryside, 19 years old when I went to college that was the second time in 19 years I took the car out of the house, in addition to the very young only went to the county once. I'm not good-looking, dressed in dirt, memory of the first day I walked into the door of the university, I look like a black cinderblock. Because from the end of the college entrance examination, I went to work in the field with my mom every day, and I did it for more than two months, and no one was black. Such me, a village girl who had never been out of the village, a person who pulled grass in the field every day and fed the cows, walked into the dormitory I was very timid. I didn't dare to open my mouth to speak because I didn't speak Mandarin, I hadn't spoken it. I was afraid of making a mistake, so I chose not to speak.
As you can imagine, ugly girls don't stand much of a chance of having campus love, although I longed for someone to like me. But low self-esteem made me socially intimidated. In four years, I could probably count on one hand the number of boys in my class who had spoken to me. And also confined to the classroom, in the campus encountered are bowed head pretend to ignore floating past, because I do not know how to say hello to others. I have low self-esteem, in their own lonely little world away from the ordinary life finished four years of life. These four years no campus sweet love, did not participate in any crazy activities, I just stand in place, as if waiting for the savior to pick me up.
Four years went by in a flash, and the process left me unhappy. But strangely enough being apart can reshape the plot. When graduation came, I was surprised to see that I also wept at the breakup dinner, not wanting to part. I don't know if this weeping was for myself, or for the separation?
I sent off all the people in the dormitory one by one, every hug, said often contact, said get together again. These words were so sincere at that time, but now they seem so deceitful. Because of goodbye, they never saw each other again, the whole dormitory people never saw each other again, 12 years past, never saw each other again. So when a colleague at work resigned, I never said get together again, often contact 。。。。。。
Life is like a cartwheel, non-stop turn ah turn ah, 20-year-old college campus, my life is black and white monotonous, is low self-esteem timid, is trying to explore the outside world, but also sealed in their own world, that dark, a little ugly me, you will be really not wonderful.
After I had a child, it was as if I had been transformed, I became strong, not so weak. I started working hard, I was desperate to prove myself, I wanted to be a role model for my son, I wanted to give my child a better life. These beliefs supported me to keep getting stronger. I am no longer timid, I can face a hundred people impassioned speech, I can decisively analyze the problem to solve the problem. But I am still not beautiful, still not confident enough.
The year I turned 30, I didn't know I was 30. I never thought age would do anything, and I subconsciously allowed myself to blur my age. On the one hand, I was afraid of getting old, and on the other hand, I was even more afraid that my age would push my parents further up the ladder.
Thirty passed unconsciously, then 31, 32, 33. 35, 5 years passed again. Now I have become wiser, my experience has increased my bottom line, and my children have given me more motivation. My parents are in good health, giving me the joy of having three generations under one roof. I hope time freezes and stays at 35 years old me, 4 years old baby, 60 years old parents, we are happy to live a plain life together. I have a good job to support the family, my son does not have the pressure of school assignments, parents do not have illnesses, my husband does not have middle-aged greasy, we can be each other's strongest backing.
Three, written to the 40-year-old full of wisdom and confidence in my
Turning 40 years old, my son went to elementary school, I still go to work early and late. My parents are healthy, I take my son to and from school, I do square dancing, I watch my favorite ball games, and I go out at night to sneak around when I'm not doing anything.
At the age of 40, I don't have to cater to the world anymore. I am constantly learning and working hard to keep up with the times, and I'm competent at my job at the moment. I look down on fame and fortune and live a more comfortable and transparent life. After ten years of marriage my husband and I have been running around trying to survive, now we can slow down our scripts and live life. If I can I hope we can open a supermarket together in front of the community, ushering in the people, feeling the human condition, feeling the neighborhood life atmosphere.
This is my expectation for 40 years old. The dark and tanned me who came from the countryside and had only been to the county seat once in 19 years. She is growing up, she is in the low self-esteem to adjust herself to adapt, to progress. Go a little bit to find themselves, to find the flash point in themselves, to find the life they can live.