Introduction: As an outsider, in other people's family trivia, you should distinguish between priority, near and far, inside and outside, and correct your own position, need to retain a sense of reason and caution. When you have no choice but to listen to other people's family troubles, it is best to keep warmth and goodwill, and never become a "maggot" in the eyes of others.
Every family has its own problems. The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for the services you need.
Most of the contradictions, or in the family internal digestion to solve, do not expose in front of outsiders, this is a kind of wisdom, but also an attitude.
The nature of the family relationship is the most difficult to hide, and the mutual understanding is much deeper than outsiders.
Likewise, whether the couple is close to each other, whether the children and their parents have a good relationship, whether the siblings help each other or not, the parties involved are much clearer than outsiders.
There are a lot of things in the family that are not clear to outsiders. What's more, most people don't want to talk to outsiders about the things that they don't want to talk about at home.
So, for most of the family matters, the outsiders' evaluation and intervention can't have any positive effect, but will hurt other people's family feelings.
01
Best friend Xiao Hui and I went to high school together, and she often told me that her aunt was the "maggot" of her family.
Since she was a child, her parents have had a difficult relationship, and the family often fights over money.
Her parents raised three children, but the money went to each of them, and neither of them wanted to contribute more to the family, so they argued a lot. Hui was the oldest, and when she first remembered, the family was in a state of chicken.
In addition to some of the agreed matters each pay, for temporary, or unforeseen expenditures, Xiao Hui parents often quarrel one does not come home, a sick in bed.
The family has been living in this stifling atmosphere for decades, and the home is empty every now and then.
Small Hui's mother then often went to her mother's family to say that her husband was not good, lazy and greedy, did not want to give money to the family, and that she did not divorce because she was afraid of losing face. The mother's uncle is a man of understanding, but not to ask about her sister's family affairs, but only good advice, and did not say much.
But Xiao Hui's aunt likes to make ideas, to Xiao Hui's mother made a lot of ideas: to Xiao Hui's father's unit to find the leader of the complaint, to Xiao Hui's father's relatives home to reason, move to Xiao Hui's grandma's house to live, do not cook at home, etc.
This is the first time that I have seen a lot of people in the world, but I think it's a good idea.
The effect of doing so can be imagined, Xiao Hui's parents' husband and wife relationship is getting worse and worse, and Xiao Hui's father never gave this aunt a good face.
Smaller mothers don't have a lot of brains, but then again, would they go around saying that their husbands aren't good for anything? When her own sister came up with an idea, she did it without even thinking about it, and found it very reasonable and relieving.
02
Smaller Hui and her two sisters are grown up and working, and the whole family is minding their own wallets.
Small Hui's father put out the word early: the three of you to get married do not want to count on me, I worked hard all my life, can not give the children and grandchildren to do horse and cattle.
Small Hui's mother believes that I have worked hard to raise three children, work their wages should be all given to me, do not pay is not filial piety. I'll go around and talk about it," she said.
Small Hui said, the three sisters are not willing to pay all the wages, so the aunt of the idea again.
First of all, told Xiaohui to find the three sisters to ask for money to hire a nanny for themselves, Xiaohui mom is just in her early fifties, there is nothing wrong with the body, and I do not know what to do with a nanny.
Not only that, the aunt also told Xiao Hui's mother to go to the three sisters' units to find colleagues to persuade them, hoping that colleagues to help out to knock them a few sisters.
In my aunt's encouragement, Xiao Hui's mother really went to my unit to find me, in front of me to count the Xiao Hui's ungratefulness, after all, I also heard out, mainly two points: one is all for the sake of the child's well being, and the second is that the Xiao Hui did not all the payroll to hand over.
I out of politeness perfunctory away small Hui mom, and afraid of small Hui did not face, and did not tell her afterwards.
I didn't realize that Xiao Hui's mother saw a variety of ways are not effective, and listened to the aunt's idea, told their sisters to hurry to find a marriage object to move away, they do not serve ......
In short, over the years, Xiao Hui's family has never been abated, affinity in these strange operation is gradually worn out.
Small Hui sisters after the family, unless there is a big event, basically rarely go back. But Auntie Xiao Hui is still a bit of a pain in the ass from time to time.
Small Hui's grandmother died, the family funeral, aunt suddenly at the dinner table in the skin Yangqiu talk about whose family so-and-so is not filial piety, words outside the mouth to warn the small Hui a few, "I'm the eldest, I have the right to say, I say you are not filial piety, you can do?"
I listened to Xiao Hui's accusation, scalp numb.
This kind of relatives, when will it be the end? No wonder Xiao Hui described them as "maggots on the bone"!
The old saying goes, "It's hard for an official to settle a family matter." Is it appropriate for outsiders to keep stirring up other people's families and other people's marriages?
Small Hui said, their parents in these years, the age of the old, a disease to catch a medicine, and so on, are their own sisters worry, hospitalized is also the family to serve. The family's chicken skin, the mother is willing to say it, they do their hearts on the line.
Mother has reached this age, no one can change her, but she sees her aunt, her heart is blocked.
03
Family relationships need to be managed with care, and love, understanding and tolerance between family members is what makes a home a home.
Exposing family conflicts to outsiders and solving them with the help of external forces often not only fails to achieve the purpose, but also worsens family relations.
The old saying, "Don't get too close to your family," means that people who are relatively distant should not get involved in relatively close relationships. This is true not only for relatives, but also for friends and coworkers.
People in conflict will naturally think of seeking help from others to resolve the conflict.
But family matters, you can't just listen to one side of the story, not to mention that in the long run, family members are ultimately a family, and outsiders who don't have a good grasp of the situation not only can't help, but I'm afraid they won't be able to see each other in the future.
Mother's neighbor, Auntie Fei, dances with her mother, and she gets along very well.
One day I came home and saw Auntie Fei talking to my mom, and she didn't look too good, but when she saw me coming home, she politely left.
Mom saw that I was strange and told me what happened.
It turns out that Auntie Fei's partner left early, and although her son and daughter have already started their own families, they don't live far away from each other. The son's house is the closest, so he brings his daughter-in-law and children over for dinner every day.
But the daughter-in-law is not satisfied with the food, but also to pay for the meal, not willing to eat in the mother-in-law's home, want to eat in their own small home alone.
The son couldn't get through to Auntie Fei, so he turned to his sister for help. The son's sister, who has a clear understanding of the situation, said, "Tell me yourself."
The son went back to his brother-in-law, who somehow agreed.
And the next day he found an empty space and told his mother-in-law, Auntie Fei, that "your son came to me and said he didn't want to partner with you here, begging me to tell you, you see this thing ......"
Auntie Fei was so angry that she didn't say anything, and then she told my mom that: "Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look."
Aunt Fei's daughter also flipped her husband the bird: "It's not that you don't know how to do things! You're just bad! You just want my mom and my brother to not get along!"
I was dumbfounded. What kind of brain circuit is this? Between a mother and her son, do you need to be a son-in-law to intervene? How does this make your mother-in-law think of you in the future? How can the family get along in the future?
04
In other people's family relationships, there are **** the same relatives, **** the same friends, **** the same property, living under one roof, each other have thousands of links.
Outsiders try to persuade and not persuade the separation, more than the advantages of both sides, or simply keep quiet, so that in the future, no matter where things go, each other have a margin of error.
As an outsider, you should be able to tell the difference between what's important, what's near and what's far, what's inside and what's outside, and what's right for you.
There is a need to retain a sense of reason and caution in other people's family affairs. This is respect for oneself and responsibility for others.
When you have no choice but to listen to the small troubles of other people's families, it is best to keep a warm heart and goodwill.
And within the family, loving expressions between loved ones are worth a thousand words.
Blood and kinship can't be erased, and small problems and conflicts can be resolved behind closed doors. The fact that they have different personalities and temperaments, and that they live together, means that they have to accommodate each other and support each other.
Pa Yang said, the marriage life, half open eyes half closed eyes life, there is no perfect man and woman, if the eyes are open too long, or with a demon-spotting mirror for too long, I am afraid that even God can pick out the faults.
If there is a little bit of conflict, we have to go around and reason with each other, magnifying the family trivia infinitely, hurting only the feelings between family members.
People want to save face, their own family affairs are being discussed outside, will feel the face of no survival of the heart of the resentment, the days of the natural impact of family relations.
Between relatives, or to cherish each other's destiny, are in accordance with their own ideas bent on, how can the days of harmony it.
When there is a conflict in the family, we can sit down and talk about it, make things clear in a calm manner, understand each other, and understand each other.
If you can't reach an agreement, you can also seek common ground.
After all, we are relatives, not enemies.