In fact, as a daughter-in-law, it is indeed difficult to face such a situation. Because you live together, facing a mother-in-law who doesn't shy away from her suspicions and a husband who can't handle things, sometimes you will indeed find it very hard, and even feel very tired. So how to treat them correctly in the family is a very important thing.
Because as a daughter-in-law, you can't tell your mother-in-law carelessly not to let her do this. This will only worsen the relationship between the two of you. So you can talk to your mother-in-law more tactfully, but when you need to do something, you can tell him that you are busy, or you need to do some reminders. As long as he avoids it, then I think he can do it too. Understood. But in this process, your tone must be good and not rushed. But I think you can find some hobbies for your mother-in-law, such as letting him go square dancing and have more contact with those old people, and then his thoughts may be subtly influenced.
As for your husband who is confused, I actually think you can tell him directly that you don’t like him doing this. One of the most important tasks of a husband is to protect his wife. If you don't feel safe in your own home, then he, as a husband, is derelict in his responsibility. So when facing your husband, your attitude must be relatively tough. After all, if he is always confused like this, it will have a great impact on the relationship between the two of you.
If you have tried many methods, but their personalities still do not change, then I think you can be stronger in this family instead of always making them think you are good. Bully. You must speak your heart out in this family instead of always retreating cowardly. Don't think it is for the good of this family. In fact, if you are doing it for the good of this family, then you are letting yourself down. If you really can't stand this kind of family, then I think you can divorce.