Seeing this question, as a BeiDiao five years, I am very happy to answer this question, I am very sure that I have not been rushed. Maybe I'm not quite the same as others, I was married to join the northern drift, because my husband chose to work in Beijing after graduation, at that time, in my imagination and my family's imagination, I think Beijing is a particularly good metropolis, there are a lot of famous attractions, but the actual life of the northern drift is not as bright as imagined, there are a lot of heartache and helplessness. So I never report good news, tell them I'm all right, lest they worry, the following video is my personal thoughts and feelings
Hello everyone, I'm a north drifter programmer Xiao Qiang, come to Beijing has been five years, the family did not urge me to go back to my hometown in these years, because the Beijing wage is higher than the hometown, go back to the may not earn much money, the examination of the civil service is also difficult, and go back to not
This question poked me! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that!
In fact, my parents did not rush me home, from the beginning of my own goals, alone and resolutely abandoned all the family, came to Beijing dream day, they never forced me to do things I do not want, because the parents in fact, there will be a day of understanding, and this day came, but also because as a child we really grow up, to let our growth, to be seen by parents, in order to get them to grow up, to be seen by parents. be seen by our parents in order to gain their trust.
In fact, as long as you are firm enough and clear about what you want, communicate with them well, and then show your ability, parents will not rush you, probably because you are still a child in their eyes, not enough ability to hold up a piece of heaven for themselves, so they always urge you to go home.
You have been urged by your parents to return home?
The real case answer, I am the one who was urged to go back home.
At that time in Beijing, an environmental protection company to work, think the income is okay, but just can not afford to buy a house, the rent is particularly expensive, in order to have a decent life, it is just a nightmare.
I came from the countryside, to Beijing to work, looks really decent, but life is very difficult. At that time, my parents often urge me to get married and urge me to go home, I said that in Beijing, it is not realistic to get married now, because I can't afford to buy a house, and I can't give the girl happiness, and I've missed several marriages as a result.
So, after a few years of persistence, I couldn't stop "life is more than what's in front of me" and chose to give up on Beijing and go back to my hometown.
In fact, Mom and Dad urged you to come back for a reason, in my case, Mom and Dad have the following considerations:
One is that they want to hold grandchildren quickly when they are old. This is the first time I've ever seen a person with a high school diploma, and I've never seen a person with a high school diploma who has a high school diploma. The fact is that people their age are their social circle, and when everyone in that circle has grandchildren, they simply can't sit still. And even if they don't have many grandchildren in their circle of friends, they feel that they should have grandchildren when they reach their age, and they also feel that at their age, it is a good time to take care of their grandchildren, and it will be too late after this period. At the same time, they do not see it on the surface among themselves, but in fact, they are so proud of whoever carries their grandchildren first that they appear to be unable to hold up their heads in their circle of friends of the same age if they do not have grandchildren. This is the most headache, no matter how much you say it does not make sense.
Secondly, they felt that I was unhappy at the time. When I was in Beijing, almost every time I called, I didn't say that I was not doing well, always reported the good news, always said I was doing well there, don't have to worry about it, earning a lot of money and so on. But parents understand that when their children always report good news and not bad news, it means they are not doing well. Maybe every time you go back to your peers, you don't have a family, you look like a child, so they can always rest assured. At the same time, every time I go home, I look very generous, which makes them feel that I am camouflaging my lack of self-confidence. In fact, many parents will feel that their children come back to decent and generous, will appear to have a good face, children have made progress. But those who can see clearly know that these are pretending. Because of deception, is a very unnatural performance, except the playwright.
Third, the neighbor's children work in their hometown is very decent. Left and right neighboring families of the children, there are a number of them are in the county as a teacher, do a civil servant, parents feel very decent. At this point, I was devastated by the fact that our parents were almost united in their belief that "civil servants, doctors, and teachers are the only ones who have a job, and the rest are just unemployed". It's also weird how these professions always manage to get a car and a house in the county within a few years and get so decent that I've doubted the profession. But through chatting with a few friends in the system, I understand, the reason why some of them have cars and houses soon after work is because of stability, bank loans can be tilted in their favor, all kinds of credit cards, credit loans so that they have the conditions of first consumption to enjoy life, so they will have a car and a house, of course, if the family has a thick background, it's a different story. However, their houses will not be too big, the car will not be too good, after all, are overspending.
In short, my parents urged me to go back to my hometown, mainly for these reasons, in addition to their care problems, old age and death problems, do not adapt to the big city life problems, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship problems, as well as the problem of the seven aunts and concubines, so even with a tie to pull me back to the old country.
In fact, after coming back, I found that although the salary is not so high, but the price of housing has come down, the consumption of life is not so complicated, 5 yuan of noodles can also be eaten, the success rate of the blind date is also high, so back to not come back, but also depends on your attitude towards your life. If you want to make a name for yourself, there are definitely plenty of opportunities in Beijing. If you want to think more about family, coming back is also a good choice.
If you could choose again, would you choose to stay in your hometown, or go to the big city to fight?"
Every Spring Festival, this topic always comes up at class reunions. We often get caught up in the desire for "another life" - those of us in our hometowns envy the opportunities and dreams of the big city, and we envy the comfort of their homes and cars in the smaller cities.
My friend, Yang Yu (a pseudonym), has been a nurse in a Beijing hospital for eight years. After eight years of drifting around, she had no house, no car, no Beijing household registration, and no object.In 2017, she decided to zero out her life.On April 15, 2017, she bought a one-way train ticket and returned to her hometown, a small county in Shaanxi.
Her life reopened. In the past six months or so, she lived a life of frequent blind dates and eating cottage cheeseburgers. Occasionally, she misses the days when she went running in the Olympic Park after work, and those days when she stayed in Beijing.
(The following is dictated by Yang Yu.)
"I thought I was going to make a name for myself in Beijing."
The week before I left Beijing, I spent every day eating lunch and saying goodbye to various friends. I'm not going to be able to get a good look at this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get a good deal on the way to the next level, but I'm sure I'll be able to get a good deal on the way to the next level.
The day I left Beijing was April 15, 2017. The car at 6:50 pm. My friends walked me to the station. One of my coworkers and good friend cried uncontrollably. She advised me not to leave. She said, Beijing's education and medical conditions are better than those in your hometown, and you will definitely regret it later. I told her, this is my choice, I think about it, no regrets.
I held back my tears. After the separation, to the ticket gate, the tears brushed. I'm sorry to say that I'm not sad, after all, I've been here for so many years, and all my friends are here. There is reluctance, reluctance, but also a little helpless. But I know, I do not stay in this city, stay in this city people, my friends.
When the train started, the scene of the first time I came to Beijing in the summer of 2009 seemed to be in front of me. I have never been out of town, the university in the province to read, sophomore summer vacation to Beijing to internship, is the first time in life by train. It was the first time I took a train in my life. The good thing was that I was going to the military hospital for internship, and there were people at the station to pick me up and arrange for accommodation. I looked at the Beijing city in the car, the traffic, people come and go, as if everything is fresh.
When I was young, I didn't want to stay at home, and I always felt that the outside world was very beautiful. The world seems to be unfolding under my feet. I told myself, I want to become a nurse, director of the nursing department. I also thought about whether to take a college degree, and then read a master's degree, and take a doctorate. I thought that I would mix a world in Beijing, I did not expect, but finally came back.
After my internship, I had the opportunity to stay in this hospital. In the first few years, I had a very pleasant time. I had a dormitory to live in and didn't have to suffer the pain of moving, which was already a lot happier than a lot of the northern drifters. When I was busy at work, I went to the Olympic Park near the unit to run alone on vacation, or I read books at home, or I went to the outskirts of Beijing to play with seven or eight close friends.
The turning point happened in 2015, when I was 26 years old. I was urged to get married. For a while, my parents called every day to give an ultimatum - either hurry home, or hurry to find a partner.
"People's dilemmas seem to be all-encompassing"
Perhaps it was the age crisis or my parents' nagging, but I started to get anxious about my own personal problems even when I was alone.
Relatives, friends, and coworkers introduced me to people. I hope to find a better half with a Beijing hukou. It's not that I'm asking for much, it's just that it's convenient for my kids to go to school in the future and be able to take the college entrance exams in Beijing.
But when you're picking on others, they're picking on you. What I don't like the most is that when someone is on a blind date, they come up with three ultimate questions: Do you have a Beijing hukou? I don't like it when people come up with three ultimate questions on a blind date: Do you have a Beijing household registration? Do you have an establishment or contract labor? Once, I went to meet a blind date and before I even started eating, the other person threw out these three heavenly questions. I felt very embarrassed, said "you eat slowly", and ran away. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to find the best way to get the most out of your life, but I'm sure you'll be able to find the best way to get the most out of your life.
The plight of people seems to be all-encompassing. I'm starting to realize that settling in Beijing is a matter of survival. I'm sure I can't afford to buy a house. I have coworkers who got married just to buy a house. I think this kind of marriage is degenerate. This is not called "marriage", it's called "housing".
Many of my colleagues who have bought houses are not comfortable with their lives. The first 10,000 dollars of salary per month, seven or eight thousand dollars to be used to pay the mortgage.
At the beginning of 2017, there was a period of time when I thought about these things after work, and I thought about it so much that my head hurt. Sometimes I say to myself, why are you so jumping ah, go home is also quite good. At least I could eat my mom's noodles every day. If Mom and Dad have any problems, they can be taken care of in time. Besides, I'm only 28, so I'm not too old. If I keep dragging this on, maybe one day, I won't even have this way back to my hometown.
"I longed for a comfortable life"
A few months later, I decided to go home. I got a job as a nurse in a hospital in my hometown.
When I first came back, I was really uncomfortable. My hometown is very small, the southernmost to the northernmost, the easternmost to the westernmost, are not more than 4 kilometers, walking 40 minutes can be completed. As soon as I turn around, I feel like I'm at the end of the line.
After returning home, age anxiety certainly didn't abate in the slightest, and everyone around me got married early. There were 15 nurses on our unit, and the unmarried ones were all from 1995 and 1996. When I first joined the department, my colleagues asked me how old you are. I said, "I'm not married yet. They looked at me in amazement, as if I was a monster.
The frequent blind dates are of course inevitable. Fortunately, I met several blind dates, they are small county marriage view of the rebels, which makes me very pleased. When we first met, I asked them why they were not married in their thirties. They said they didn't like the model of getting married on a blind date. They don't care about each other's work and family conditions, but only care about whether they talk to each other and share the same outlook.
After returning home, I also mastered the "struggle" experience with my parents. In order to avoid their nagging, as soon as I got home from work, I quickly picked up a book. This is a tacit understanding formed when I was a child, as long as I was reading a book, my mom will not come to bother me.
Now that I think about it, my parents' generation was quite interesting. My father is a very stereotypical person, when I went to school, I was strictly prohibited from early love. When I was in high school, he wouldn't let me wear brightly colored clothes, and he followed me after school to see if I was talking to any boys. After working, he also urged me to get married every day, blaming me for not being able to find a date. There is an article that says, from forbidding early love to urging marriage, this is the deformed view of marriage of Chinese parents. I'm not going to be able to get a good look at this, but I'm going to be able to see it.
Now my wish is to get married quickly. After so many years of wandering, I realized that my heart is actually very eager to settle down, I long for a comfortable life.
"Oops, forget it"
Back in these six months or so, it's like boiling a frog in warm water. I don't have a lot of ideas and ideas anymore. I used to be in Beijing, surrounded by many young people, they are all working hard, in this atmosphere, I also thought of reading a master's degree, doctorate. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it," he said.
Some people say that working in a big city depends on ability, while a small city depends on relationships. Even the patient to see the doctor also put the relationship, let me laugh and cry. I've seen a patient come in and say, "It's the director of the xxx bureau who told me to come in and arrange a bed for me. I said, I don't know the director of the × × ×, no bed is no bed, you find the director to move you a bed over.
Giving up the northern drift back to the hometown, to say that there is no regret is certainly false. For example, every month when the payroll, before 10,000 out of the first, now four thousand dollars, of course, the heart will be lost. There are also times when there are disputes with leaders at work. Once the hospital internal assessment of intravenous injection standardization process, I have been a nurse in Beijing for so many years, disinfection, into the needle, the medicine pushed, pull out the needle this set of actions, three to five minutes can be completed. However, the seniors in the nursing department insisted me to do it according to the standardized process while talking, and did it for almost half an hour. I think their ideas are too backward. Why don't I just go back to Beijing, why do I have to suffer here? Now, a long time, I also slowly adapted.
I often ask myself if I would have gone to Beijing back in 2009. If I had stayed in my hometown as soon as I graduated, I might have had a decent job as a civil servant, gotten married and had children, and like the girls of my age, I would have gone to square dancing and lived a comfortable life. However, we also have to recognize that the eight years of drifting in the north is an important asset of my life - I have seen the world of people in the small county can not see in a lifetime, but also have a lot of different experiences and ideas, the whole person is atmospheric.
People are like that, when they are young, they don't like to stay at home, they think there are many possibilities in life, and the world outside is wonderful. It is only when you grow up that you realize that the outside world is also very helpless, and it is a happy thing to set up your own family and accompany your children to grow up and your parents to grow old.
The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and the second time I was a student at a university.
Now after 00, after 90 into society, 20-26 years old when the family did not urge, on the contrary, the father to encourage not to go back, even if I am now 28, the father did not mention the matter of going home.
On the contrary, the mother is worried, many parties to inquire about the same age in Beijing hometown girl, also mentioned many times to let go home to find a job, every time I see my video eat very simple will say, you come back to how good, there are good food can also be said to be there.
I can't go back.
The pressure is too much, the old home income can not withstand the pressure, Beijing has this possibility. In the past, I didn't want to go back, I always thought that my mom said that because she didn't live well, so she said that, if she lived well, she would still say it? Now it's not good enough to say that you want to go back to not be able to go back. New Year's home, the impact of the epidemic, mom said: later to go, and then apply to the unit, or, if not, in the hometown to find a class. I used the provident fund social security to put off the past. At the end of the day, I asked my mom jokingly, do not work, you support me ah? The first thing I want to say is that I'm not going to be able to do that!
There should have been many times, my mother suggested that I go back to my hometown capital city or hometown of the small county, so that the prices there are not so high, to get together can be relatively easy to buy a house, have a home.
Unlike in Beijing, where you can't afford to buy a house, you can't afford to rent one. The downside of renting is that you're not sure which day the landlord will call and you'll have to start moving.
Before marriage, a person, moving is easy, carrying a box in minutes to complete the move. After marriage, moving a home will be a lot of trouble, at least there will be a lot more pots and pans. And have a child, every time you move, holding a child from his familiar, there can play together with the small friends of the place, moved to an unfamiliar environment, to buy a house has become the need of the need.
Fortunately, before the child went to kindergarten, he saved money to buy a house, through the efforts of the parents also bought a small house in the neighborhood, so that the parents to help bring up children at the same time, but also have their own space.
Mom and Dad are around, so they don't push themselves to go back home. The fact is that they know that I can't go back either.
Along the way, in fact, I feel that I have drifted north, the most tormented, the most tortured or parents. Fortunately, with the help of their parents, through their own efforts, their parents and themselves are also considered to have settled down, can be quiet to live a small life.
In fact, a lot of people who have been drifting north more or less experienced, once also had the opportunity to drift north, I still chose to take root in their hometowns, perhaps Libra, I still like to live a comfortable life. Rooted in their hometown, a little bit of their own love of the cause. But it's important to go to the big city often to learn more and get a better understanding.
Parents are hoping that the child child into a dragon girl into a phoenix, he does not know how you live outside, I was never report good news not to report bad news, the parents did not urge me, just their own know in the end should not stay in Beijing.
The old house is their eternal home, no matter where to make a living, as long as the old house is still there, then there is a way back, there is a support, that will have to go back. If the old house is gone, it is like a rootless duckling, the soul has no support.