This mother's husband died eight years ago, and she was alone with her daughter until her daughter got married a year or two ago. The conflict between her and her daughter's son-in-law arose after her daughter's marriage, when the mother took advantage of a long vacation from Suzhou to Nanjing to visit her daughter. At that time, her daughter had just gotten pregnant. On the fifth day of her stay at her daughter's home, when all three of them were staying in the living room, her daughter suddenly got up and went upstairs to take a rest, while her son-in-law continued to watch a big movie on TV in the living room. She then communicated with her son-in-law with gestures, pointing upstairs, meaning that he should go and spend time with her daughter. The mother thought it was only right that her husband should spend more time with her daughter, who was newly pregnant. But the French son-in-law's reaction was much more than she expected. He felt that his freedom had been disturbed and angrily went upstairs and had an argument with his daughter. The two men were speaking a foreign language, which the mother could not understand. But eventually the daughter came down and told her mother that she wanted her to leave tomorrow. The original plan was to stay through the mini vacation, and the mother was quite disappointed, and in turn quite angry, as she gamely left at ten o'clock that night. Walking on the streets of Nanjing at ten o'clock at night, my mother had mixed feelings. Once she was immensely favored and close to her daughter, the words out of her heart cool cool cool.
Later, the daughter told her mother that in the future, if she wanted to come to see the family, she had to call in advance to make an appointment, and could only drive with her permission, or else she would bring unpleasantness to each other. After a while, the little grandson was born, upgraded to the grandmother of this mother, the Suzhou house rented out, he came to Nanjing to rent a house to live, in order to be closer to the daughter's family, care and visit convenient. But the son-in-law did not allow or welcome her to live in their home, as for the cost of renting a house, the son-in-law said that the mother is not without money, then by her own to come out.
She is sad that her daughter does not understand her, unlike before when there was any conflict, they would soon reconcile with each other without any gap. Now she does not seem to recognize their own daughter, she is very painful, every day living in the contradiction, the expected heavenly happiness, not only did not come, on the contrary, a piece of loss and frustration, she did not know what to do with this day?
The video is incomplete and ends here, but the mother's sad face is unforgettable. She seems to be in good health and retired, just in time for a new life. She envisioned a life that was not about how she should live, but about being closely abducted with her daughter, integrated into her daughter's life, and always with her daughter. After encountering a lack of understanding and cooperation in this way, she fell into an inner confusion and panic, and gave birth to a lot of disappointment and dissatisfaction.
It can be said that she is a mother who has no boundaries and is not self-reliant. Perhaps the love she gave to her daughter in the past had a pampered side, which made her a hindrance when she needed her daughter's understanding, because her daughter may not know how to put herself in other people's shoes and think about things. But from her account, the child is not that bad. On the contrary, the children have grown up and matured, partly out of respect for their husbands, respect for privacy and freedom, and partly out of an element of maturity and independence, and they want to live a more comfortable life with fewer interruptions, and this should be understood.
But this mother, who does not see her own selfish side, only sees the ruthless side of her child. She forgets that when children grow up, it is both inevitable and necessary to let them live alone. The child has the child's own world, a world that can be without you or with you, and when you are there, you must never get too close, and if you do, you will invite annoyance. The child belongs not only to you, but also to herself, to her husband, and to the world. When they grow up, your job is done. If you retire, you can have a world and a life all to yourself. With free time, you can read, you can paint, you can become a member of the senior citizens' university, and you can even go square dancing. Your daughter and son-in-law didn't bother you to come to see your grandchildren, so how much more relaxed and at ease you were! There are still people who envy you for not having to suffer. Now there are many people have expressed reluctance to take children for their children, which is also a kind of progress in the concept of the elderly.
They live alone, do what they want to do, cultivate a hobby that fills the soul, and don't have to be confined to the intergenerational people in front of the eyes of the noisy and noisy. As for the daughter, by her to go well, she and her husband between the harmony, more important than the filial piety of the mother, let her take care of their own children, in which she will have more personal experience of the parents of the hard work, she should be subjected to the crime and suffer, can not be omitted, otherwise you can not get the exercise of the life of the bitterness of sweet and sour have to taste, and the kind of hate for the child to do everything, and hate to become a child's life! The practice of being an agent of the child's life is harmful and unhelpful.
If the married child does not need you to take care of, not heavily dependent on you, this is not a great blessing?
Living a life centered on children is low and wrong and long out of fashion. On top of that, there is that way of living that treats men as heaven and everything, and these women are usually such that when men accept them, they are happy as hell, and if they abandon them? And if he abandons them? Because they have no ego, they are not even selfish once in a while. This selfishness is beautiful, a kind of peaceful, natural self-love, a regulator that can make a person feel balanced, and with this "selfishness", she loses the motivation or possibility of complaining, and instead favors her peaceful **** with her husband and children.
It is to be feared that if a woman has no ego, no self, no selfishness, no self-interest, then she has no soul at all. A loss of soul and full dedication to the people, demand a return, you are very difficult to repay, may become some kind of "blackmail", once you can not meet, is a great tragedy.
So, women, even if they become wives, mothers, but also to self-reliance, but also to be calm and sober, but also to endure the separation and the pain of being left out, which is more and more inescapable in contemporary times.
The love of being a self-reliant mother who respects her children's own lives and does not bother them is even more shocking.