You mustn't become one of them - if you're suffering from one of these problems , find out what the solution is, whether it's going to therapy, solo recuperation, or just needing to talk to your partner to reassure yourself that you'll change.
One: Always wanting to win
One of the deadliest killers of relationships is the competitive spirit. I don't mean the competitive stance where you can't stand to lose in a tennis match, but rather your attitude towards relationships where you view the relationship itself as a competition and want to win. People who treat a relationship as a competition are always looking for an advantage, to get the upper hand, to have some idea of what it means to be in control of the other person, and if you feel that there are things about yourself that you can't tell the other person for fear that he/she will use it to attack you, then you're in a competitive relationship - but one that won't last.
Two, distrust
There are two important aspects of trust in a gender relationship. The first is trusting enough that the other person won't cheat or hurt you - and trusting that the other person trusts them so much. The other is being sure that no matter what you do or say, the other person will never leave you and will love you as much as ever. If one of you uses the other's trust to do something unforgivable, then the second layer of trust is gone, and your relationship is over - even if it's been over a decade long.
Three, do not communicate
For the relationship between the two sexes to make them depressed and upset, many people will remain silent. For one thing, they don't want to say anything to break the other person's heart, and secondly, because they want to maintain a strong position (refer to the second point, a common scenario is: "If you don't know why I'm freaking out, then of course I'm not going to tell you!") This approach may make the other side in the short term, but in the long term it will gradually erode the foundation of the relationship, making it weaker and weaker every day. Small conflicts pile up into bigger and bigger problems - conflicts that cause problems to pile up because your significant other car be immersed in the illusion of happiness and ignores them. Worse, there's a complete lack of realization that these can be reasons to get depressed, and eventually, the silence reflects a lack of trust - and as I said, a relationship is over.
Four: Not listening
Listening - listening with your heart - is rare. It's normal to want to defend yourself when you hear someone seemingly accusing you, so we often interrupt to excuse ourselves, or we're so concerned with defending ourselves that we don't listen carefully to what's being said.
But the truth is that you should listen carefully to what the other person is saying, and you should even listen to what they are implying in their daily chatter, in order to figure out the dreams and aspirations that are not quite clear even to him/herself. If this is not achieved, at least for your loved one, it is a problem.
Five: Spending money without restraint
This was a profound lesson for me - it led directly to the end of my seven-year relationship. When you're single, you can buy whatever you want at any given moment without thinking about what the future holds. It's not wise, but it's only you who suffers the consequences. When you're in a committed long-term relationship with someone, this type of spending money is not realistic. Your spouse -- and your children, if you have or plan to have children -- will suffer the consequences of your reckless spending.
So it's best to develop good spending habits, focusing on daily necessities and, if you have a balance, discussing with your partner how best to spend it.
Currently, there are more and more cases in which the problem of spending leads to conflicts in the relationship between the two sexes. This is because more and more people are choosing to keep their finances separate even after marriage. There is nothing wrong with this arrangement in itself, but contrary to what one might think, financial independence requires more communication and involvement from both parties. If you think it's your own money you're spending and no one else has the right to interfere, then your gender relationship is doomed to failure.
Sixth, afraid of breaking up
People who enjoy a happy relationship don't worry about breaking up. If you are worried, it means that your relationship is in crisis. But usually the problem stems from this fear itself. Because not only does it indicate that you can't curry favor with the other person, it also shows that you don't have enough confidence in yourself - you're worried that you're not good enough, and that no one really has a reason to want to be with you. Sooner or later, your spouse will come to his or her senses and leave you.
So you're spending more energy maintaining the superficial glitz and glamor of the relationship than molding your inner world and making yourself confident. If I may be blunt, this is not only not going to satisfy you, but it's not going to please your lover either.
Seven, too dependent
Support and dependence in a relationship is a difficult degree to grasp. If you're dependent on your spouse - that is, you can't live without him/her - you've crossed the line. Your partner is under pressure to take care of you in every way and that pressure will make him resentful. If you're always expecting the other person to keep the relationship going and doing nothing yourself - and by that I mean financial and emotional support - then you're in trouble.
Note: I'm not saying that you need to be equally responsible for living expenses - I'm saying that if you can't contribute to the cost of living and don't contribute anything else. Then the relationship is dysfunctional, and it certainly won't end well.
Eight: Expecting to be happy
The hallmark of a bad relationship is that one or both partners expect to make the other happy or want the other to make them happy. It's an unrealistic expectation on both sides - no one can make you happy but yourself - but it's unrealistic to expect it from a relationship.
There's more to getting along than just being happy, and a lot of the time you you won't feel happy or even shouldn't feel happy. Having someone to lean on when you feel lost, miserable, depressed or sad is even more important than being happy all the time. If you expect the other person to make you happy - or worse, you feel frustrated because you can't make the other person happy - then you're in a relationship that can't afford to be frustrated.
Nine: Never argue
Occasional benign arguments are necessary. To some extent, arguing can solve some trivialities to avoid them integrating into big problems. But again, venting anger in an argument is a very normal part of the human emotional makeup. Your relationship must be strong enough to embrace the real you and not just the good aspects of you.
One of the reasons couples don't argue is that they are afraid of conflict - which reflects a lack of mutual trust and fear. This is very bad. Another reason is that they see anger as unreasonable and futile. They see fighting as a symptom of a breakup rather than an extremely natural part of the development of a relationship between the sexes, and when it upsets both parties, it enables both to say things that surprise them - which prevents them from tolerating each other to the point of erupting into irretrievable strife.
Ten, think simple/think too hard
There are two relationship attitudes I've heard of that are very problematic. One is the idea that relationships should be simple, that if you really love someone and intend to spend your life with him/her, it will just fall into place. The other attitude is that getting along is a pain in the ass - and it's precisely because it's a pain in the ass that you have to work hard to get it.
Both of these views lead to the idea that you don't bother with the relationship. You don't put in the effort because you think it should be water under the bridge and therefore doesn't need to be worked on, or you think it's a hassle in itself and if you work on it, it won't be 変easy as a result. With both attitudes, you'll soon be exhausted - either because the problem you're ignoring at the moment hasn't resolved itself as you'd hoped, or because the problem you've been creating has overwhelmed you. Relationships that take too much effort may suffer from the above attitudes, but those that don't take a little bit of effort don't fare much better.