Your mother should not have been recognized value in your siblings, so she feels that she can't find a sense of value without earning money; if your mother had been in business before, and was very good at earning money, that lack of value would have been even more obvious, and she would have slowly given birth to a lot of feelings of loss in bringing up her children. (I used to be in the neighborhood in the winter with Beibei often in an aunt's house, she told me, she is 50 years old, before selling furniture, in their county as a supervisor of a furniture store, they sell furniture is very expensive, access to high-end customers, customers like her recommendations, her son is an associate professor at Panzhihua University, her daughter is a product manager, she told me or want to go to work, she was at her son's house with the granddaughter to six years old, her son and daughter-in-law do not do housework, she is very tired every day, she had to complain across the video with her uncle who is far away in another city, the uncle just listened, auntie felt not as happy as when she was selling furniture, what I did at that time was to spit out the sense of worthlessness of taking care of the children with her, my fear and worry, auntie finally turned back to reassure me that 'you're young or need to have a job, and I said yes! .)
When a person does not have the strength to give strength themselves, you do not recognize the value of their full-time work, your words should say enlightenment and encouragement should also be very false, just as I once went around to seek the support of full-time moms around me, working moms, their words I think it does not work for me, because they also do not feel recognized value, so they can not give a more pertinent. They couldn't give any more pertinent advice.
I don't know how old your sibling's child is, whether you can let your mother in taking the child out to play, to know a few grandmothers of similar age, often chatting, the mood will be better, even if the spit is also available, otherwise it is too difficult to hold it in the heart, and the daughter of spit and spit with her peers is not the same; younger brother's child is in kindergarten, whether it is possible to dance, after all, after working hard for many years, can be dancing. Can relax and relax, follow the jitterbug to learn to cook, etc., do any of the things she once wanted to do but did not do. (I don't know if your mom and dad are together, if not, can you discuss with your brother, so that he can discuss with your siblings, and allow your mom to bring the child to live with your dad for a while?)
We young full-time moms who want to be valuable really have to rely on ourselves (learning the course, participating in the course, taking the initiative to create opportunities to link to others, outputting valuable information, naturally people will like it, and the sense of value will be there); and my concern about money, most moms would say my husband can earn money, but he can earn and use it for me are two different things. I think I have a greater desire to have a lot of things that I can make my own purchases than the full-time moms around me.
Even my job search. The voices around me who are working moms are also randomly getting jobs because they have to take care of their kids, and some of them don't even think I got a job, and are glad I took my results to prove that I could get a job.
Once an aunty said when I shared my feelings about making cakes: 'It's useless to know how to make cakes, you need to be able to earn money. I don't eat a lot of cake, just earn money to buy some (her daughter-in-law earns more than 10,000 a month). Another aunty next to me said: 'It doesn't matter how much or how little you earn, making cakes is a skill', and then I said: 'Beibei is in kindergarten, so I can earn money too! As you can imagine, when I was working full-time, I took other people's unintentional words incredibly seriously, because they were passing around the message that people who earn money have value.
Reading is really useful, and the significance of experience is to let us read and understand the book, especially like the words of Mr. Yang Jiang, she said: 'When I was young, I thought I didn't read books and didn't understand life, and only later did I find out that I couldn't read books without understanding life, and that the significance of reading books is probably that, reading books with the feeling of life, and living life with what I have gained from reading books. The first thing I want to do is to get a good understanding of how to read and write a book.
I saw you say you were reading, "Where does the power come from, practiced the methods in it, felt useful, go for it!" If you like an author, then practice what she says until you do it too, so you have a sense of power within you.
I have also read this book, and through it, I searched her articles to understand what kind of person I want my child to be, and I combined it with her comment section, and her words, to have a realization of what I want my child to be.
I want to acknowledge and accept that my child is still an ordinary, normal person, but I hope that through my own hard work and learning in parenting, she will be able to have the ability to make herself happy and perceive happiness (no matter what the circumstances are or where deep down she is), to warm herself while warming up others, and to realize what kind of person she is, to have the ability to be a lifelong learner and conscious, to be kind and loving, to dare to live for herself, to have the courage to live for herself. love, dare to live for themselves, this is probably the person I want my children to become.
Finally by this book mentioned I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, found a book "Acceptance", "the easiest way: "Zero Limits" of the practice of the two books, before I have to share with you; a lot of the contents of this book I have forgotten, I only remember that this book to bring me feelings, to you, I went to review the book I underlined the part, know that next time I need to write a book review so I can remember. This book is also very good, for the work of that piece to observe more, ask more questions, more practice, more mistakes, I am now in the work is to do so.
I saw your previous comments mentioned interest classes, I would like to friendly reminder: every child, including adults in the learning of new things, will go through three phases, the learning zone, the comfort zone, the panic zone, you can ask the child does not want to learn the idea, as well as the next time the face of the children's interest classes to choose, you can ask yourself the question, if the child learns to learn halfway through do not want to learn, you will not be heartbroken, you will not want to learn. The first thing you can do is to ask your child what he or she wants to do, and then ask yourself a question.
For the choice of interest classes, I agree with Big J that interest is consumption, not investment, do not ask for a "rate of return", and even more not to "have spent so much money that the child must adhere to", interest is only to create an experience for the child to find love.
This is the first time I've ever seen a child in the world.
This is something I know very well, I do not think cooking talent, learn to do steamed bread, cake, toast, at first a lot of material is wasted, as well as I did not control themselves, hoarded a lot of grains and cereals, and finally because of the summer flavor, to the child as a toy to play with, after wasting a lot of material, slowly practiced, summarized only now will do toast, cake, mung bean cake, bean paste, mooncakes, cookies, Sushi, be praised for good craftsmanship today. (Now in the company to find miscellaneous food manufacturers, know the miscellaneous food because there is a lot of nutritional value, summer heat or humidity is easy to taste and insects, the best way is to open the bag in the refrigerator at a constant temperature storage, or sealed with a vacuum bag, the day off, the evening I bought last year's vacuum machine will be divided into the amount of miscellaneous food eaten at each meal for the sachet subpackage)
Link I put on the big J for the interest class Choices and how to tell if your child's interest classes are in the comfort zone, the learning zone, or the panic zone; and how to help scaffold and break down the parts of your child's life where she is experiencing difficulty, so that your child can appreciate the fact that even in the most frightening times, someone is there to help her and hold her up. That's the underpinning of her life.
You want to be a custodial teacher when your child goes to kindergarten, but you need to get off work at nine o'clock, then you can do the following things now
One, clearly tell your husband that your child goes to kindergarten your plans and ideas for going to work
Two, use the time available to cultivate your child's self-care and emotional habits, reading habits, and exercise habits
Three, spare time can be Little Red Book to understand the preparation of dishes, prepared in advance on weekends, if time permits, with children to learn to cook, just as the Ministry of Education has been children to learn to cook into the curriculum system, the two children to teach together, to save you a lot of time to play with the time, which will allow you to have more time in the future to work and to improve themselves. (With children housework, can be linked together will not feel no time for themselves)
Fourth, do not go to look forward to the husband to change, the first tidy up their own, reading (need to be practiced), exercise, meditation, self-affirmation,
Fifth, when the above you are doing well, perhaps you can only choose a job only to choose a thought will slowly change, perhaps explore a new career put to your husband will slowly change, you will be the first time you have to choose a job, you will not have to choose a job, you can not choose a job, you can not choose a job, you can not choose a job, you can not choose a job, you can not choose a job. You first take care of the class as a last resort, you will be able to develop the child's habits well, the night can be completely responsible for the care of the father.
(I also searched before full-time mother back to work article, understand that there are mothers due to the child no one to see, open their own hosting class, only a few children, to ensure that the normal cost of living, I have also had this kind of back to their hometowns to do this kind of hosting class idea)
Six, the child on the kindergarten, you can be your ability to look for other jobs at that time, to see if other people will be accepted, when you are enough to have the ability, you can also be in a job, to see if you can do a good job. capable, can also be in the process of doing work like the boss to apply for special commuting time, so time management is also a must-learn skills in this period of time at home. (You can search for time management, books will appear, birth sister for full-time mothers of time management article link attached, line up your life value sort, optimize the process of doing housework,)
seven, education consultant, you can also do interest classes in the front of the curriculum teacher ah! You can use the time to get a teaching license? Do training teachers? This combines your previous work experience.
First: do a one-year or two-year, three-year plan, you can write first, later in the change, the career is a dynamic process, balance is a choice that everyone who forms a family needs to make.
I wrote the first three years of the three-year plan is the future to open a customized store of parent-child clothing, three years in Beijing from the theory and design drawings to start, the child began to go back home to practice after elementary school, slowly, my husband resigned, take over the work, suffered an epidemic, I learn baby-sitting courses, my husband did not live, the stock loss, I began to explore their own inner fears, reading, exercise, meditation, self-affirmation (self-affirmation also) established when you feel you have value only works);
When I read more, think more, read the book "Bucket List", see a lot of people in the dying regret, in order not to let their own future regrets, learn to do the baking, reading slowly practiced, Chen classroom output value, be liked, I began to embark on the road to output articles, active links to other people, creating value; learning to writing, want to exercise logical thinking; learning career planning, slowly doing well, find a job related to food, my husband at home to look after the children, looking for a new job; (recently learned that there is a hosting class nearby, the epidemic does not start school when you can look after the children, so that even if my husband to work, the children can have a place to hosting, I'm really thankful for the in Beijing, I found that the original as long as I want to, the way really will be more than the difficult
Secondly, my career plan now is to do a good job at my job, study at work, practice at work, live and work without separating, and practice baking and cooking.
Our company created a baking brand, the future will develop a lot of baking products, which also means that there will be samples, I can undertake to come back to make finished products for them to taste, to do a will cook, will bake the buyer. Do a good job of these, I believe that this will also bring me again the company's irreplaceable core competitiveness (my colleague also gave me a side business, Beijing, many children, many people, you can sell bread, soybean milk breakfast in front of the neighborhood). The time management course said: you are usually off-duty charging learning time is the necessary conditions for your future salary increase, promotion. The boss is looking at your future value created for the company.
If you learn to write well, you can also write to publicize your company; and you can take your child to try baking, so that she can experience what love is, and witness the process from not to be able to accumulate a sense of power and ability.
Third: half a year ago, I felt that my child must go back to her hometown to go to school at the age of six, but now I feel that if I develop well, I can finish elementary school in Beijing. As long as I develop her study habits, ability to adapt to the environment, and the ability to have three senses of power (sense of intimacy, sense of competence, and sense of strength), I will be able to adapt to the future even if she changes her place very quickly.
First of all, I can only love others better if I love myself first. This is what I want to tell Bebe, to realize what kind of person she is and dare to live the best case for herself. (I feel that all I am doing now is centering my efforts around what kind of person I want my child to be); and then I believe that when I live my own life and love myself, Bebe will be able to feel the state and passion I bring to my enjoyment of life and my work, and this way she will not be bad.)
Secondly when someone asked Big J, seeing that their family is very happy and Little D Dad is doing a great job, then when you were working full time, did Little D Dad recognize your value? She said no, value is made and the point of working hard is to empower yourself to choose what you want. She let me know that she turned out to be so close to us, having suffered the same dilemma, and that she has come out of it now, and so can I.
I like Big J because she really understands the pain of a full-time mom, even if her child Little D recovered from cerebral palsy to become a normal child, which can't be separated from money, but the feeling of taking care of a child who needs to stick around for a long time to see hope is real, so her latest public video, broadcasting and the child's history of growing up and their own history of growing up, she said that she didn't know that a child learning to walk, need to go through 10,000 times of practice, I watched the tears, Big J said, these six years I wrote a public number, published a book, gave a lecture, there are 500W cloud girlfriends, this is our story, if it is called a reverse, I would rather be ordinary all the time, but now I'm more courageous, and every time I despair I tell myself that the hardest time to grit your teeth and move forward, because how to go, the road is up.
Every awesome person I love to read her coming of age story because it's the experience that shaped her, and all we can learn is what they did right at the hardest times that made them what they are.
The link is to Little D's dad, who as a Fortune 500 executive wrote about juggling a family career for a full-time mom, saying, ''When we talk about "juggling", everyone is fixated on the losing part, and as I understand it, when we talk about I understand that when we talk about "balance", we have to plow away the parts that are discarded, and the rest of the parts put together the "whole".
Family, career, self, each part of how much you are ready to invest, put together is not 100%, if you have to be 100% of each part, then this is the work of three people. In the family or career, there is one to do beautifully. A lot of the competencies are connected. And a lot of times, we mistakenly think that the only way to get ahead is to be doing a career.
Putting aside everything about what I have to achieve to be happier in my life, and instead being able to honestly accept and be thankful that this is already a good enough life for me when I work hard.
A lot has been written, I don't know if it will work for you, but it is something that has been very helpful to me, may you find strength and give strength to your mom as well.