2, the day in the friend's home, the phone do not know where to put can not be found, so I borrowed a friend of his girlfriend's I'm not sure where I'm going to be able to find my cell phone. Input my number, a press the dial out button, the screen showed her saved my name: SB3 (and then feel relieved, fortunately it is a third place...)
3, today in the school group meeting, suddenly accidentally sneezed, raised his head and found that the snot Biao to the front of the girl's back, the woman did not realize, so secretly want to help her wipe off, just put his hand up, next to the girl found out, shouted "how do you wipe snot on the body of the others ah! "
4, on the college that will be classmates dinner, drinking a cup after a cup of dry, a moment in the stomach on the reaction.
Rushing to the toilet, not yet stood firm on the gushing out, full of a place ah 。。。。
Rinse your mouth and go back to sit down, nothing like that.
After a while, my friend got up and said he wanted to go to the bathroom,
I kindly advised, "Don't go, just someone vomited, too disgusting."
5, the afternoon on the bus, out of the bus card bam into the coin hole
6, middle school, a homework is not good, the workbook teacher gave me 2 words, redo,
The next morning I went to buy breakfast, and then on the homework to the table called him to help me hand in,
The most classic place appeared, his old man in the redo! He wrote, "Don't do it," on the back. Handed over,
Next, a tragedy ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
More tragic is the fast graduation, he told me ,,,,,,
7, walking in the crowded streets behind the sudden sound of a sharp overbearing siren, not yet reacted to a Buick commercial car hit my shoulder; I did not get angry, but just gently took out the key, in the process of its advance from beginning to end of the row of grace
8, in a stall to buy socks, a pair of one yuan, cheap, would have liked to buy thirty pairs of the results only left the same black style, socks seller fooled me that a color is good, lost a take the other on top of who can not see.... I bought 30 pairs of .....
This is how the two days were changed...
The result after almost two months, my desk really can not stand to see, said: lazy you, how two months you even socks do not say change a pair
I:....
9, recently cooled down, saw a strong man on the highway, drove a convertible sports car, wearing a motorcycle helmet.
10, on the spur of the moment, to take their own photos as a computer desktop ... and then my computer was poisoned ...
11, high school a classmate said in his sleep
"Consort, consort, do not leave me"
I am petrified ......
After a while
"Dang Qing dynasty so perished, I am not willing to na, I am not willing to na"
I directly collapse ... ...
12, say my wife's thing
The day before yesterday, my wife went online to find a financial software, I let the computer to her, I look at the side, my wife skillfully opened the www.google.com, in the search field enter "Baidu", and then in the search results open Baidu, continue to find her! results in the open Baidu, continue to find what she wants - - +
Now, I have to find something will say to my wife, google Baidu ......
Soap, not two days, and then want to use it at night to find that it has been thinned out by half, and above all the soap bubbles, so angry that I spit blood.
My dad also said, you this soap is really good, after the bath all slippery.
24, the first time to eat Italian pizza, do not know what to eat, ordered a 38 yuan plus 8 yuan to send a cheese package.
Meals, found that there is something missing, a thought, the original less cheese, so shouted: waiter, my share of cheese how not on ah? I've finished it, so why don't you let people eat it?
Waiter: Sir, your cheese is already on your pizza...
Me: It's okay, go ahead and get busy...
25, midday back to the dormitory, saw my cup of Coke, directly a mouthful of all drink. After drinking my face is green. The original dormitory that buddy to eat dumplings bought a bag of vinegar, no place to pour, with my cup loaded.
26, the teacher lectures like to plunge which, one day the teacher lectured: "my bottom radius is 20cm, my high is 50cm, then I ..." below someone said: "is a rice bucket ..."
27, the teacher said: "I'm not sure if I can do it, but I'm not sure if I can. "
27 、我这人比较丢三落四的，昨晚洗澡完又忘了关煤气....
Then my mom helped me clean up the mess while saying: so you absolutely can not commit a crime, because it will certainly leave evidence of the crime ...
28, a day after gym class, hungry, ran to the restaurant to eat, crowded, too crowded, but also messy, I'll be playing rice aunt shouted: "My rice speed point ah!" I shouted to the woman who was cooking, "Hurry up inside! Want to rice waiting anxious ```"
29, I pulled out my pockets, a key fell, did not realize, and then went back to find!
There was a young couple on the side of the road, and the man suddenly got excited and said: Whose is it? I'm not going to be able to get a good look at it, but I'm going to be able to find it.
I thought it was the key and said: "My, my."
The key is the key to the house!
Later, I realized that the woman was pregnant. 。。。。
Pity my poor face.
30, I sophomore next door like a true story....
A certain A was sleeping in class...
The teacher found
He was furious.... So he told A to go to the front of the blackboard and solve the problem .....
If he couldn't write, he was going to humiliate A in public
In fact, A didn't even make it to the board before the teacher started souring on him...
How dare you sleep in class when your grades are so bad?
Is your head at home? All you do is sleep...
I never thought... He can write... And he's so good at it...
The teacher was a bit embarrassed... So she told him to go back to his seat and leave him alone. ....
Unexpectedly, he even choked with the teacher ....
I'm going to sleep for a while
You can ask me again if you don't know anything
31. My brother went to an elementary school to play basketball, and I heard a girl in the lower grades ask a boy in the lower grades, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly: "My mom gives me three dollars a day, of which two and a half let you take it to buy snacks, you say I love you or not ...
32, said, my girlfriend to play the summer job, in a cell phone plaza to sell cell phones
One day at noon, lunch time, almost no one in the store, my girlfriend next to the counter to an uncle level people look at the phone, it happens to be that section of the counter of the MM has not yet eaten, breathless, looking at the uncle is not like the Lord of the phone, did not get up to the counter with an arm on the support of the head, because this MM chest (River Crab) is relatively large, the uncle looked at the look suddenly realized that you can see MM breast (River Crab) ditch, eyes are looking straight, my daughter-in-law found, want to remind the MM, the results of the MM did not react, a few minutes later, the MM open: brother, see enough? See enough to buy a cell phone it ......
The results of the uncle did not say anything, bought a cell phone and fled out of the door ......
33, listening to friends, a colleague of his relatives to Xiamen, the relatives gave a Xiamen e-cartoon, the bus. bus, this person to the driver to see the e cartoon, want to go to find a position, the driver called him, said: "read the card ah", he picked up the e cartoon, read aloud to: "Xiamen e cartoon ~ ~", the driver said: "to the side of the read", the person actually walked directly to the driver pointed to the place, with all the strength to read: "Xiamen e cartoon", ...... car
34, one day I was in the toilet (school dormitory toilet, squatting) poo, squatting time is too long legs a little numb, so the hand on the door to maintain balance, and then feel another poo to come out, so began to force, do not know the hand also used the force, the result 。。。。。 The door lock broke and I rolled out.
Can you think of the scene your classmates' classmates who were outside at the time saw? A bare (river crab) butt classmate suddenly rolled out of the toilet, accompanied by a poop jetting out of his PP, absolutely shocking!!!! And everyone on the same floor basically knew each other, my X! I can't hold my head up in front of these students for the rest of my life...
35, in the morning, my husband sent me to the unit on the go, and then I suddenly received his text message: "I just sent that bitch (River Crab) away, right away to find you, darling."
36, the morning bus sitting next to a MM with a mask and is by the window position, now is not the flu is very fierce, so I do not think there is anything. We all know that now in winter, many bus windows are closed, the car's odor naturally poor some people are frowning. But the MM's demeanor to a very natural only to see her from the pocket took out a straw on the corner of the mouth and open the window a gap, greedily sucking the outside air 。。。。。 This behavior is not ordinary people ah =.
37, our math teacher always like to pretend to be humorous and say a joke that no one laughs
We talked about spoofing him as a class, and when he said the first sentence in class, we all laughed in unison
That day he came in, and was silent for a moment, and said that his father had died
I immediately let out a big laugh and the others were silent.
38, shopping in the supermarket
Saw a cashier counting a bunch of coins
A child ran past, singing while running: "A flock of ducks swam under the bridge in front of the door, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Then the cashier was very depressed and put the half-counted coins back and recounted them ....
39, high school when living in school, a classmate went home to let him help me take some things, then sent a text message: burn me some clothes and money.
40, and his girlfriend on a date, see a front and my girlfriend is very similar to the up, went up to shoot her ass.
She turned her head and gave me a slap.
Then someone tapped me on the shoulder...
I turned my head and my girlfriend slapped me.
41, the day suddenly received a phone call: "Guess who I am? I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person, and I'm a good person.
I guessed all the possible people, but not right. Then I got angry and asked, "Who the hell are you? If you don't tell me, I'm hanging up!"
Then the guy said "I'm a courier, you have a package ......"
I spit blood then.
43, I am a nurse, one day on the night shift, in the middle of the night when suddenly want to get up to planted vegetables to confiscate, for fear of being stolen by others, on the phone to my sister to let her help me to collect, and by the way to steal some other people's, after the phone call to the patient to send oral medication, I gently into the room, gently patted the patient awake and gently said: moncler outlet store, get up to steal vegetables it!
44. Last night I cooked crabs, and when the water boiled, I threw the crabs into the pot one by one. The crabs were fresh and moving around in the pot.
Wife hit a small good, can not see this, so hide behind me to cover their eyes do not dare to see.
I relieved: Jiajia, we are not too cruel?
Wife: Well ............ put salt?
45, today on the bus, there is a stop the driver asked: "Close the back door ah!" No one answered, so he closed the back door and started. This is the carriage issued a girl's weak voice: "Open the door!" The driver braked in annoyance, banged open the back door, and yelled, "Get off if you want to!" The car people are looking at the back door, half a day but no one down, face to face do not know what's going on.
Then the woman on the car TV let out another cry, "Open the door!"
46, I farted a fart on the bus,
Seeing the people around me waving their hands in pain,
I also waved my hands.
The lady next to me turned her head and said: you do not pretend
47, Dragon Boat Festival is coming, the unit issued a box of milk and a bag of good Thai rice, unit a female colleague after work let me help him move home to the downstairs, the colleague said: "call no one answered, you wait for me downstairs, I went up to see if my husband in the If my husband is there, I'll ask him to come down to move, if he is not there, then I have to trouble you to help me move up." We are all friends, I nodded and didn't say anything.
After a while, the female coworker stood on the balcony of her house and called downwards, "You come up hey!"
I didn't hear it the first time and didn't react. Then I heard my female colleague shouting, "Hey! My husband is not at home, come up quickly!"
The words came out, alarmed the neighbors, are just home from work, home are people, everyone ran to the balcony to see. I've been in full view of the public on is not, under is not, go more not, NND, there are a lot of people in that neighborhood know me. I would like to remind her not to shout: "What did you say?". I'm not sure what I'm talking about. Who knows that my female colleagues not only did not react, but also thought I did not hear clearly, hands made a trumpet shape on the side of the mouth louder word for word called: "Hear it? My husband is not at home, come up quickly, wait anxiously!"
48, Wuhan University scandals, I do not know if this counts - Wuhan University has a weekly class, the teacher took a compass to come in, around the classroom God chattered around, and then, spit out a sentence: students, today is not suitable for classes, dismissed
49, one day at four o'clock in the middle of the night, a friend called! I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person, and I'm not sure if you're a good person.
I was speechless
50, elementary school, I a male classmate, walking on the time to pick up a piece of paper, open a look at a great, is a piece of paper written with the words of the curse, which says that if you don't copy the contents of this piece of paper to send it to someone else 50 times tomorrow, it will die a very ugly and so on and so forth. My classmate was so scared that he went home and made 50 copies of it overnight. The next day to send to others, at first sent out a few, but then we know what it is, say what do not want him to hand over the paper, so the morning passed, his hand also accumulated dozens of copies.
The first music class in the afternoon, the teacher happened to point to his name to let him sing, only to see the little boy teary-eyed stood up, said quietly: "are dying people .... Which mood to sing ah ...." .
51, I a high school classmate after graduation to the highway intersection as a toll collector. One day, a Japanese man came to his window to ask for directions. Japanese fluent English let him did not understand a word, but a strong patriotic heart told him not to Japanese people in front of shame, so he smiled and nodded: "yes, yes, yes ~!" Then the Japanese man rode his bike onto the highway!
52, my wife and I went to the Wolverine Temple to play, my wife could not walk on the road, so I carried her.
An old woman saw, said seriously: see you are also a person who has read books. Wife is sick or early to the hospital, worship Buddha is useless
53, students outing, climbed to the top of the mountain, a girl especially excited to stand at the top of the mountain shouting: motherland ah, my mother! Then a crush on the girl's boys special exhilaration shouted: motherland ah, my mother-in-law!
54, my house is rented to a Japanese guest, one day, the guest called me a phone, with a mouth is not very fluent in Chinese, said: "Chen Temple (sang), the home of the natural gas is running out, can you help me to add a little!" Since the customer seldom bothered me, I hoped that the house would not cause him any inconvenience, so I asked, "Kurokawa Temple (sang), are you out of gas now?" @#......%￥@#,I felt something was wrong as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Fortunately, I am Japanese and do not understand the "essence" of Chinese, so I actually replied, "I am not out of breath yet, but I think I will be out of breath in three days! " (o!o)
55, elementary school every day only a few cents of pocket money, once saved for a few days, it was hard to buy a packet of five spice melon seeds, class secretly all knocked, melon shells all on the desk drawer, the afternoon came to the class when looking at the melon shells and craving, and then the melon shells and put in the mouth to contain all over again, I feel that the taste is good ah.
A classmate asked me what to eat, I had to say eat melon shells, specially bought five spice melon shells, only shells without meat, is to eat the flavor. As a result, that afternoon a bunch of students gathered around my seat to eat the melon shells I licked twice 。。。。
56, when I went to school when the school is a cottage, September opening, came a lot of newborns. One day a freshman seemed to be a class representative holding a pile of homework, asked me: "Where is the math office?"
"By the men's room." The math office was indeed by the men's room, but to the left.
The guy went to the right side of the men's room and yelled "report" at the door
There was a pause, and a voice from inside said, "No one is allowed in."
57, high school military training, the first day of class, is a language class.
The same table did not rest over, sleep in class.
The teacher saw, "The student who slept,
Please answer the question."
The same table woke up with a jolt, "I won't ......"
The teacher: "Pay attention to the lecture, don't sleep anymore,
Sit down! Then student number 53 will answer this question."
The table stood up again: "Teacher, I can't ........"
The teacher swooned, "Sit down, then classmate xxxxx will answer the question! " The table then stood up: "Teacher, I really do not know! "
"Sit down! Language class representative to me up to answer! "
The same table stood up again: "Teacher, I am the language class representative ......."
58, down the carport to get a car, see no one around, it is very bold put a P, the results caused by the next door electric motorcycle immobilizer loud
59, take the bus, I sat in the front row by the window seat.
After half an hour, I put my head out the window.
There was also a brother in the back row with his head out the window.
I yelled at him, "Put your head back in."
The guy, who didn't look like he was in a good mood, crossed his eyes and said, "Go on, it's none of your business."
I retracted my head back and so did the brotha, I turned my head and said to him very politely, "Please don't stick your head out the window again."
I stuck my head out the window a second time.
I guess the brother, who has a lot of pride, thought, if you can reach out, so can I, and stuck his head out the window once again.
I couldn't hold it in any longer, so I threw up and got a face full of dirt.
The man screamed, and my friend, who was next to me, said to him, "What are you screaming for?
60, high school when you like to play soccer, GF often watch me play, once I was practicing shooting goalposts, she ran over and said: "I stood there you can kick me down?" (about 15 meters) I said try it!
The result is that I don't know what kind of scripture I've got, but I've got a great shot, and I've got a head shot!
Crying on the spot, he didn't talk to me for a week!
61, I told my friend that I lost my bike, I bought it less than a week ago, sad.
Friends said you that counts for something, I bought a bike, just look at it lost:
Friends entrusted others to buy a bike, more than twelve o'clock at noon, he was in the kitchen frying, only to hear someone downstairs shouted: "X chief of the car bought back!"
The friend poked his head out of the window and said, "Put it there, I'll be right down, thanks ah!"
Turns off the fire, wipes his hands, and goes downstairs.
NND, the car is gone ......
62, bought an ipod touch, a friend of mine and I said that the screen is very hard, do not need to stick film, the key scratching are fine. Then I used the key to scratch a little. Grass
63, once, after the class bell rang, a boy stormed into the classroom, rushed to the last row, the teacher issued a message: some students are late, from the back door to come in, do not affect others! The boy sat down, that out of the bun, took a bite. He realized that there was a pretty MM next to him, who kept staring at her. He thought that MM hadn't eaten breakfast either, so he gave her the bun attentively. The teacher spoke again, this time ugly face: some students late even if, but also in the classroom to eat breakfast, they eat also forget, do not give the buns to the teacher!
64, my parents said, when I was small and they live with them in the hotel, get up in the morning they found that I was very well behaved to take a toothbrush to brush their teeth, the problem is that the hotel sink is higher than my people, they asked me how to fill the water, I took them into the toilet, pointing to the toilet bowl ......