who passed by a cornfield every day,
but unfortunately,
one day there was a fire in the cornfield,
and all the corn turned into popcorn!!!
After the bird flew over,
he thought it was snowing, and died of cold.
After the bird flew over ......
Thinking it was snowing,
It was cold ......
2. Legend has it,
that there was an assassin,
whose heart was cold,
and whose sword was cold
and his hands were cold!
So ......
he froze to death!!!!
3. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice,
They were bored and started pulling out their own fur to play
One ...... two ...... three.... ... finally plucked one left,
He suddenly shouted ............
So cold! ..................
4. Once upon a time there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him Xiao Cai.
And it turned out ......
that one day, he just got served!
5. Once upon a time there was a little lamb,
One day he went out to play,
and he ran into the big bad wolf,
and the big bad wolf said, "I'm going to eat you!!!!"
You guess, what happened
The result was that the big bad wolf ate the lamb
6. One day, the beanbag was walking on the road, and suddenly there was a car accident, and his belly was broken, and before he died, he looked at his belly and said, "Oh, so I'm a beanbag."
7. On a hot afternoon, a match head itched, scratched and scratched, and then caught fire.
Remember the afternoon match? There's actually more in the back, there was a match he felt an itchy head, scratched and scratched and then his head caught on fire, then he went to the hospital, the nurse bandaged him up and he turned into a cotton bud.
8. There is a child who looks like a tomato, one day he was walking, suddenly fell down 。。。。
Sequel: There was a polar bear, nothing to do, pulling their own hair to play, pulling out, he said: that penguin is right ......
10. One day, the three explorers finally looked for the "Valley of Hope", the legend says, "If you stand on the edge of the valley, you will find the Valley of Hope," the legend says. In the legend, as long as you stand at the edge of the valley and shout what you want in your heart, and then jump down into the valley, you will get a pit full of things you want. So the three of them decided to give it a try.
The first was a lecher, so he shouted, "Woman! Woman! The first one jumped down and there was a pit full of beautiful women waiting for him.
The second, a nerd, yelled "Book! Book! Book! Book! Book! and then jumped into the valley and got a pit full of books.
The third is an indecisive person, thinking left and right, always unable to decide their favorite, after an hour, he finally made up his mind, think it is still the most useful banknotes, so he walked to the side of the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone, he cursed "s h i t!" and unexpectedly fell down the valley with an unsteady center of gravity.
11.There was a fat man ......
jumped from a tall building ......
and turned ......
dead fat! ......
12.Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?
Because it's colder there...
13. The stone fought with the rice cake, and when it got angry, it kicked the rice cake into the ocean...
Tell a story, once upon a time there was a pair of lovers private life, but the boy needs to serve in the army, so he made a vow with the girl, gave the girl a diamond ring, and promised to meet with that girl three years later today, when, that ring as a wedding ring.
Well 3 years have passed, the girl has been waiting for the boys, but has not been able to wait, she was too sad, desperate to throw the diamond ring into the sea, far away from home. In fact, the boy has also been waiting for the girl, but the girl remembered the wrong date place, so it will forever become regret. The boy was heartbroken... A few years later. The boy went out fishing. Guess what he caught?
........
......
....
...
New Year's Cake
14. Wife:I was so blind to step on shit to marry you.
Husband:I was really blind to step on shit to marry you.
......
The shit:I am so unlucky! I'm so unlucky to have been stepped on by both of you while I was lying there......
15. One day, there was a fudge walking on the street.
She was walking, and suddenly said, "Oh, my legs are so soft!"
16. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountains to pick fruit,
He announced: "Children, after picking fruit, we united together to wash, wash can be eaten together."
All the children ran off to pick fruit.
When it was time to gather, all the children gathered.
The teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"
Small Hua:
"I'm washing apples because I picked apples."
Teacher:
"What about you, Xiaomei?"
Siu Mei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked them."
Teacher: "The children are great! What about you, Ah Ming?"
Ming: "I'm washing my shoes because I stepped in poop."
17.A man left home to go to work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home and spent the entire weekend out partying with friends and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally gets home on Sunday night, his flaming wife is waiting for him and berates him for nearly an hour about what he did. Finally, his wife stopped her chatter and asked him, "How would you feel if you couldn't see me for three days in a row either?"
He replied, "I'd feel pretty good."
Monday passed and he did not see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still hadn't seen his wife.
By Thursday,
.
.
.
.
.
.
The swelling went down a bit, and he could barely see his wife out of the corner of his left eye.
18. This is a phone market research of pet food, the answer is a child.
Market surveyor: "Children, your family has no puppies, kittens, rabbits or birds?"
Child: "No, my mom only had one."
19. Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping all the time. Then one day, suddenly a truck rushed out and crushed Tomato A. Tomato B was on the sidelines, pointing at Tomato A. Laughing: "Ha...ha...ha...ha...ha...ha...ha...ha! "Ha... "Ha...ha...ha...ha...ha...ha... Ketchup ~ ~ "
20. There is a lovely pony, was tied to a lovely little pine tree, the pony pulled ah pull ah into a marathon ....
21. One day...
A buck ran faster and faster......
At the end of the run...
He became a ~"high speed buck"~...
The buck was a high speed buck! >22.One day
The little penguin went to play with the polar bear!
Three years later, the penguin went to the equator and remembered that he had left the door open at home
It took him another three years to go home and close the door behind him
Then, six years later, he went to the North Pole
Then, when he knocked on the polar bear's door, he said, "I'm here to play with you, Polar Bear!"
The polar bear opened the door and looked at the penguins and said: "I don't play! And closed the door!"
The penguin went home!!!!
23. There was a snake that bit itself, and when it was dying, it said, "So I'm a poisonous snake...".
24. One day, a pair of penguin brothers felt bored, so they began to pull out the hair on their bodies, and when he finished, he said, "It's cold!"
He E-mailed the polar bear, who lives in the North Pole, and said, "It's going to be cold when you pull out all the hair on your body!
The polar bear was half-convinced, so he pulled out all his fur, and it was "freezing cold!"
He then e-mailed the lion in Africa, and he told the lion that it would be very cold if he pulled out all his fur!
The lion in Africa didn't believe him, he said: "I'm never cold! He pulled out all his fur and said: "It's cold!"
The bird in the tree thought to himself: "I'm really hot right now, and pulling out my fur will really make me cooler! So he pulled out his fur too, and he said, "It's so cool!" I'm going to go out and fly! He flew out and bang, it ~~ died ~~!
P.S. How can a bird fly without feathers?
25. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking along the road.
Walking in front of the banana suddenly felt very hot
He said, "Oh, it's hot, I want to take off my clothes.
And he peeled off the skin.
The banana behind him fell down. ...
26. I had a headache the other day, and I was lying on the table moaning, "My head hurts so bad it's going to explode."
The same table, Xiaoli, was very concerned about me, and she pulled on my coat and asked me, "Are you okay?"
Then she got blown up.
27.One day, the three little pigs built three huts to hide from the big bad wolf. The Big Bad Wolf blew up the straw hut, the wooden hut, and the brick hut without any trouble. The Three Little Pigs ran as hard as they could, but they were still being chased by the Big Bad Wolf. The three little pigs said in despair, "You do as you please. We give up, as you do. At this point, the Big Bad Wolf smiled wickedly and said with a mouthful of saliva:
So tell me where is Little Red Riding Hood?
28. Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. His classmates saw his new haircut and laughed: Xiaoming, your head shape looks like a kite! The students saw his new haircut and laughed. He cried and cried. He flew up.
29. The white rabbit hopped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"
"That's so..." The white rabbit hung his head and walked away.
The next day, the white rabbit hopped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "I'm sorry, I don't think so."
"That's right." The white rabbit went away again, downcast.
On the third day, the white rabbit hopped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
The owner said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today!!!"
The white rabbit pulled out his money, "Great, I'll take two!"
30.One day,the bird flew from Gaoxiong to Taipei spending 1 hour. But it took 2 hours to come back!
WHY?
Because it was raining! So it was necessary to fly with one hand to cover the rain
31.There was a farmer who went up the mountain to hunt with a horse and a dog.He couldn't shoot anything for a day's walk,but the farmer kept going. Suddenly the horse said; "have been walking for a day. Do you want to tire me out?" The farmer and the hound were scared and ran away, they ran to a tree, the hound slapped his chest and said "I'm scared to death, the horse can talk" and the farmer was scared to death.
32. One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her. The woman asked Zorro: "What if my husband comes back?
"Zorro said, "It's all right, if your husband comes back, I'll jump out of the window, and my horse will meet me down there. "
The mistress said, If I hear three knocks on the door, my husband is back.
Zorro said, I know.
A little while later, it was raining. Suddenly there were three knocks on the door. It was too late, that is fast, Zorro from the bed to leap down, a turn of the eye, has jumped out of the window. The mistress, seeing that Zoro was gone, went to open the door.
Only to see a horse standing in front of the door, he said to her, "Tell Zorro that it's raining outside and that I'll wait for him in the hallway."
33.An airliner was in flight when it was suddenly hit by a small air current, the passengers panicked and thought the end of the world was coming, a beautiful young girl stood up and summoned up all her courage to say to everyone: "Male passengers, can any of you let me try to be a woman before I die?"
As soon as the words left his mouth, a man in the seat behind him stood up and said, "I'll do it!" With that said the young man took off his t-shirt revealing his toned muscles, the young girl looked shyly and appreciatively at the handsome man imagining his next move only to see the young man throw the t-shirt at the girl and say as if in command, "Iron it!!!"
34. Xiao Ming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. When his classmates saw his new haircut, they laughed and said, "Xiao Ming, the shape of your head looks like a kite," he said! The students saw his new haircut and laughed at him. He cried and cried. He flew up.
35.A zoologist went on an expedition to Antarctica
He asked a penguin: "What do you do every day?"
The penguin said: "I do three things every day: eat, sleep, and kiss." He asked 99 penguins and they all said the same thing.
Finally, he asked the hundredth penguin, and the penguin said, "I do two things, eat first and sleep second."
The zoologist asked, "They all kiss, why don't you?"
The penguin said "....... Because I am kissT_T!!!"
36. Q: A rabbit races a fast turtle, guess who wins?
A: The rabbit~~
Q: Wrong~! The tortoise is a very fast tortoise, and it's a very fast tortoise.
Q: The rabbit is not satisfied with the situation, so it races with a tortoise wearing sunglasses again, and who wins this time?
A: Eh. The rabbit I guess
Q: Wrong~~! That turtle took his sunglasses off, too! It's the turtle that ran fast just now again Oh ^O^
37.In the music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven
Small Ming asked Xiaohua: "Do you know music?"
Siao Hua: "Yes"
Siao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"
Siao Hua: "The piano."
38.There was a pair of corn in love
So they decided to get married
On the wedding day
One corn couldn't find the other one
This one asked the popcorn beside him: have you seen our corn.
Popcorn: I hate it, I don't recognize it after I got a perm
39. Little A said to Little B: digging .... It's raining outside too! See? Little B is very excited:Yeah, I see it. I've seen it. 40. A second-aged woman went on a blind date. She asked the man across from her, "Do you have a Buick?" The man says, "Uh, no, I don't!" The woman asks again: "Well, do you have a three-bedroom, two-bathroom?" He again replies helplessly, "I don't have one either!" The woman said: "Hmph, on this condition, also dare to come and my blind date?!" Said the head did not return to go, when she walked to the door, she heard the man said ~~~~ : "Do I have to change the BMW into a Buick, villa into three rooms and two halls?" 41. duck and crab race, together to reach the finish line, difficult to distinguish between winner and loser, the referee said: you to a rock-paper-scissors it! Duck anger: Damn, count me? I'm a cloth, he always scissors! 42. One day when Big Grape and Little Grape were walking on the road, Big Grape suddenly said to Little Grape: Can I press you? Little Grape said, "Sure! As a result, the little grape was crushed to death. 43. Two thugs were in ambush, intending to assassinate someone, but they never saw him. One of them said anxiously, "What's the matter? I hope he doesn't have an accident!" 44. Question 1: During the Huanghuagang Uprising, who fired the first shot? (a) Huang Xing (b) Song Jiaoren (c) Sun Wen (d) Luo Fuxing Question 2: Who fired the second shot during the Huanghuagang Uprising? (a) Huang Xing (b) Song Jiaoren (c) Sun Wen (d) Luo Fuxing Question 3: Who fired the third shot during the Huanghuagang Uprising? (a) Huang Xing (b) Song Jiaoren (c) Sun Wen (d) Luo Fuxing The answer to all three questions is (a) because the textbook of the Educational Publishing House contains a sentence that says, "Huang Xing fired three shots into the air to open the prelude to the Huanghuagang Uprising!" 45. There was a student at KU who was about to graduate from his senior year and still had no job and no girlfriend. So he went to have his fortune told. "You, ah, will remain poor until the age of forty ......" The student's eyes lit up when he heard this, thinking there was a turnaround, so he asked, "And then what?" "Then you get used to this kind of life ......" 46.The cell phone owes money, so dial 1860 to consult how to pay the bill, the reply: sorry, your phone is out of service, for more information, please consult 1860. 47.One day Xiao Qiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" 48. One day the animals smelled a very bad odor in front of the Temple of Guan Gong. The snake said, "I am so small that I can't fart so stinky, it must be a cow." The cow said, "I'm a grass eater and I don't fart that bad." The pig said, "The person who farted must have blushed." Suddenly Guan Gong rushed out and knocked the pig away, saying, "How many times have I told you that I was born with a red face." 49. Teacher: "You're finally here! Why didn't you come to class yesterday?" Student: "Because... Because my mom fell down the stairs..." Teacher: "Wow! I see, mom got hurt so you didn't come." Student: "No... It was my dad who got hurt..." Teacher: "Why did your dad get hurt when your mom fell down the stairs?" STUDENT: "Because... My dad has a woman outside..." Teacher: "What?... What does that have to do with your mom falling down the stairs?" STUDENT: "Because they were fighting... My mom fell all right my dad got hurt by my mom." Teacher: "Wow... So you didn't come to class because you took your dad to the hospital?" Student: "No... It was the woman outside who took my dad." Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?" STUDENT: "Because I overslept..." Teacher: "What does that have to do with your mom falling down the stairs!?" STUDENT: "No, I... I was just mentioning it in passing..." 50. A man's car glass is often broken, although nothing was stolen, but just to replace the glass will cost a lot of money, so he came up with an idea, put a "no valuable things in the car" poster on the glass, thinking that it should be fine, but woke up the next day, the glass was broken again, and his poster next to a few more words: "Sorry, just wanted to confirm." 51. Three fashion-conscious female classmates are discussing what to wear to tomorrow's reunion during class time. Student A: "Uh... I think I'll wear a black dress because my dad has black hair." When Student B heard this, he followed suit, "I'll wear a white dress then! My dad has gray hair!" After listening to what Mr. A and Mr. E said, Mr. C suddenly screamed, "My dad is bald!" 52. One day, Xiaoming took the tram home from work, and someone accidentally stepped on Xiaoming's foot Someone: Sorry ...... Xiao Ming: It's okay Someone: I don't know how to say this Xiao Ming: It's okay, we all step on feet in the tram Someone: ...... I stepped in dog poop in front of the station 53. A man couldn't find a hotel and decided to sleep in his car for the night. In the middle of the night, someone knocked on his window and asked him what time it was, and it was not nice to be disturbed in the middle of the night, so he put a note on the window saying "I've lost my watch". "Sir, did you lose this watch?" And he changes the note to "My watch is broken." Another knock on the window, "Sir, can you fix it?" "Sir, can you fix your watch? Outraged, the note was changed to "I don't know the time." I don't know how long, a kindly old lady knocked on his car window, "Young man, it's 3:00 a.m." 54. The army conscripted animals to fight in the war, so all the animals in the forest had to come to the medical checkup. The first monkey didn't want to go to the army, he took a look at his long tail, and then his teeth bit down and snapped it off, and when he went inside... The doctor said, "Monkey's tail is broken, he's handicapped, he doesn't need to be in the army." .... When the second rabbit saw the monkey's behavior, he also decided to break his long ear. The army doctor said, "The rabbit's ear is broken, it's handicapped, no need to be a soldier... The third black bear thought to himself. "My ears are so short and my tail is as good as nothing." The rabbit and the monkey came to help him... Suddenly the monkeys exclaimed, "I know, I'll break your teeth and you'll be handicapped. So the monkey and the rabbit gave the bear a good beating and broke all his teeth. ..... The black bear went in for his checkup happily even though he was in pain. Soon after, the black bear came out with his mouth covered and cried. ...... "Holy shit!" .... They said I was too fat to be in the army 55.We had to do a terrible group dance for the art festival - it required violent and difficult movements such as rapid falls and high leg lifts. The result is not practiced a few days everyone can not stand, some are covered in bruises, some muscle strains ...... my right leg is very seriously injured, simply do not listen to the call! I went to class on the third floor today, and oh my god, I was literally lifting and sending my right leg straight up one step at a time. The most annoying thing is - is walking, only to hear the two girls behind the whispered: "or the big city school more formal, if this is in our hometown, polio can not go to school at all! 56. One day. The two-minute steak met the four-minute steak. Why didn't they say hello? Because ~ ～～～～～ ～～～～ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ it's not familiar with both 57. A group of great scientists died in heaven to play hide and seek, it was Einstein's turn to catch, he counted to 100 opened his eyes and saw all the people are hiding, only Newton is still standing there. Einstein walks over to him and says, "Newton, I got you." Newton: "No, you didn't get Newton." Einstein: "Who are you if you're not Newton?" Newton: "What do you see at my feet?" Einstein looks down and sees Newton standing on a square piece of floor tile that is one meter in length and width and wonders. Newton: "Under my feet this is a square meter square, I stand on it is Newton / square meter, so you catch is not Newton, you catch is Pascal" 58. a university rules are extremely strict, night stay will be expelled! There are three buddies back late, ready to turn the wall in, a brother was very careful to probe to see the wall, see a civilian standing this, whispered: "There is no school security?" Civilian very calmly made a "ok" gesture. Three boys a burst of ecstasy, over the wall in, was squatting in this three school security guards successfully captured! Before they were taken away, the three boys turned back to the civil servant and complained, "Didn't you tell us 'ok'?" Civilian worker bitter: "I'm not with the finger than it, told you have 'three' ah!" 59. Two tomatoes went shopping. The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, the second tomato asked: where are we going a The first tomato did not answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato doesn't answer, so the second tomato asks again. The first tomato finally turned its head slowly and said: "Aren't we tomatoes, and can we speak?
60. One day, the kangaroo was driving along a country road, and suddenly saw the white rabbit in the center of the road, his ears and body almost completely on the ground seeming to listen to what... So. Kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously, "White rabbit, may I ask what you are listening to?" "A big truck went by here about half an hour ago... "Wow shit... So god!... How did you know that?" "He NN! That's how I broke my neck and legs . .61. "Get rid of the blues," the psychiatrist instructed his patient, "Let enthusiasm fill your day, get up and go to work with enthusiasm. In short, do everything with enthusiasm." A week later, the patient returned, looking even more depressed than in the past, and the doctor asked him if he was not doing what he was told to do. "That's exactly the problem", replied the patient, "I got up, ate, and then kissed my wife goodbye with so much enthusiasm that I got to work two hours late and was fired." 62. A pair of nude statues have stood face to face in a park for decades. One day, Cupid, the god of love, descended from the sky and came to both of them, saying, "I'm sure it must be very depressing for you two to look at each other every day and not be able to do anything about it, so I'm going to let you turn into human beings and do what you want to do today! But only for fifteen minutes." Words finished, the two statues will become a human being that two people immediately jumped into the grass, the grass pile issued a sighing sound ...... After ten minutes, the two people jumped out of the grass. Cupid said, "Alas, there are still five minutes, hurry up and enjoy it again." After that, the two looked at each other, smiled, and jumped into the grass again ...... Faintly, I heard the female statue say to the male statue, "I held this pigeon down, now it's your turn to shit on his head." 63. One day Xiao Ming came to his future mother-in-law's house as a guest. His mother-in-law said, "Make yourself at home, the food will be ready soon!" Then she went into the kitchen and got busy, leaving only a nervous Ming and his mother-in-law's dog, Xiaobai, in the living room. Suddenly, Xiao Ming realized that his stomach was in severe pain, and he thought to himself, "No way! I must hold it in! But he couldn't hold it in any longer and poof! He let out an invincibly stinky loud fart, and he thought: this is dead, he will be kicked out for sure! Little did he realize that his mother-in-law just yelled, "Xiaobai!" Xiao Ming was then relieved thinking, "Luckily I have Xiaobai as my scapegoat. Then he couldn't help but let out a 2nd fart, and his mother-in-law still yelled, "Xiao Bai!" When he let out his 3rd fart, he saw his mother-in-law rushing out and cursing, "Xiao Bai! You're waiting until you're stinking to death to run aren't you!!!" 64.
1, a bunch of bananas in the refrigerator for a period of time, one day a banana with another banana next to it said: here really cold ah. The other banana didn't say anything.
The next day, the bananas said to the other banana: It's cold in here. The other banana didn't say anything.
On the third day, the banana said to the other banana: It's cold in here. The other banana said, "Are we going to talk?
2. A bunch of bananas stayed in the refrigerator for a while, and one day a banana said to another banana next to it, "It's cold in here.
The other banana said: can we talk?
The banana said, "You're not a banana? You can talk all the same.
The other banana said: I'm sorry, I'm a sausage.
65. Camel: "Dad, why do we have humps?" Camel dad:?°Because there is no water in the desert, and having humps is the only way to store water!" Camel: "Dad, why do we need long hair?" Camel dad: "Because the desert is windy and sandy, so we have to rely on it to block the wind and sand so that we can see!" Little camel: "Dad, why do we need thick hooves?" Camel dad: "Because the desert is full of sand, so we can stand firm!" Camel Jr: "Dad, one last question... What are we doing at the zoo then?"
66.There was a green bean who ate so much that he became ...... Bent bean now. There was a green bean, he went to the national theater, and he became ...... A flowery bean. There was a green bean, he grew too tall all at once, and he became .... There was a green bean who grew too tall at once and became a four-season bean. There was a green bean, he got liver disease, and he became .... A yellow bean. There's a green bean, he walks down the road, he meets a drag racer, he becomes .... Red bean. There was a red bean, he was walking down the road, met a ghost, and became... Green bean now.
67.A man: hahaha, I saw a joke is very funny oh! Woman B: What is it? I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that! A man: But it's very yellow. B: That yellow place to skip it! Man A: Skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip! Woman B: ......