Dancer Yang Liping was recently confronted again.
Underneath one of her vlogs sharing her daily life, an unfamiliar netizen nonchalantly accused:
"The biggest failure of a woman is that she does not have a single child, and she can't enjoy the happiness of having children and grandchildren in her old age, and she can't escape the ravages of the years even if she is more beautiful and more excellent.
For a while there were many different opinions.
Although Yang Liping has received the solidarity of a number of actresses and netizens, the accusation of more than 10,000 "likes" is still nakedly telling us: 2020, there are still so many people believe that becoming a mother is a woman's necessary vocation.
People who believe in the "vocation of motherhood" are actually talking about a symbol when they talk about the word "mother".
We equate motherhood with all that is great and selfless. It is overlooked that mothers were once children, young girls.
A mother in this context should not have a past, or even a future; her child is her future.
Therefore, a mother should not be selfish, and should rightly not make mistakes. When a child is harmed, it is customary to blame the mother for failing in her duty.
Photo: 20th Century Woman
But people often forget that
A woman who becomes a mother is still just a human being, and it is natural for her to make human mistakes, even to the point of hurting her own child.
The simple phrase "no exams for parenthood" is not enough to explain parenthood.
The simple phrase "you don't have to take a test to be a parent" doesn't quite do justice to the failures of parenting.
Yoko Sano, the Japanese illustrator and author of "The Cat Who Lived a Million Times," once wailed in her own prose:
"I'm tired of trying to act like a mother."
"I had a thirteen-year-old girlhood, too."
Photo credit: "Kim Ji Young, Born in '82"
Tug-of-war between mothers and children is never rare. Even big stars sometimes can't escape such family shadows.
American rocker Kelly Clarkson's song "Because of You" was a hit. Many people mistake it for a sad love song about the loss of a lover, but they don't know that the song was actually written for her mother
Kelly witnessed the breakup of her parents' marriage when she was young and experienced countless heated arguments before her parents divorced. As a young girl, she became an outlet for her mother to vent her emotions, and without realizing it, Kylie's childhood was a mess.? It wasn't until the day she turned 16 that Kylie had a long talk with a friend who had been in a similar situation, and finally woke up to what kind of scars she had inherited from her mother. So she went home and quickly wrote a draft of the song.
"I watched you dieI heard you cry every night in your sleep"? "I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me."? "You never thought of anyone elseYou just saw your pain"? "And now I cry in the middle of the nightFor the same damn thing" (Now I cry in the middle of the nightFor the same damn thing)
A lot of people came to their senses when they learned the story behind the song: this is exactly what happened to me!
Many people realized when they learned the story behind the song: this is exactly what happened to me!
When we talk about damage in the family of origin, we often talk about the intensity of the fights, the beatings, the violence.
But there are other, more subtle forms of damage that are harder to detect: cold war, whining, nervousness, and heartfelt indifference.
Photo credit: "Tea Fever"
But should mothers who hurt their children be blamed
Many mothers in unhappy marriages say to their children, "If it weren't for you, I would have divorced your father long ago."
But underneath this justification, in the deeper thinking of many women, there is also a secret fear of change, of rebellion, of not finding someone better, of proving that they are not good enough.
Photo credit: The Anchor
A mother's misfortunes in her family life are often passed on to her children, consciously or unconsciously.
Some children find they can't learn to love others, others find they don't know how to be loved.
A girl who witnesses violence will pathologically fall in love with an equally violent man over and over again; a child who witnesses cold violence grows up to be silent and evasive, and doesn't even know how to argue.
They not only blame their fathers, but also their mothers.
As a result, the mothers seem to live as if they are the victims of the family's misfortunes.
Of course, sooner or later, everyone grows up to be an independent individual with an independent life.
This also means that one has to come out of one's past.
Whether it's like Kelly Clarkson waking up in her growth, using a piece of work to indict and summarize, or using other ways to self-release, we all need to do our best to take responsibility for our own lives.
Photo credit: Anja
In the face of life, TVB actress Wu Ismail also chose to use her work to give a summary of her past life.
In her first full-length suspense debut, The Day the Storm Came, she tells the story of a girl caught in the haze of her old family, who struggles to unravel the mystery and redeem herself.
The story involves the secrets and bonds of three generations of mothers and daughters. The role of "mother" is given the complexity it deserves.
The mother loves her daughter, but she also loves her first love. When these two feelings are pitted against each other, does a mother's love always win?
Will the sisters, scattered by the tragedy of the previous generation, come out to protect each other when one of them is in danger?
What is the last thing a desperate girl can do to protect herself?
Author Wu Ismail combines her experience as an actress with her skills as a screenwriter to explore a topic unique to women.
As a woman standing at the crossroads of her thirties, Wu Ismo herself gives a stage-by-stage summary of her past life with this work.
In her postscript, she says:
"Twenty-eight is an awkward age for an actress, and the girls around her are either married and 'on the job', or they've already got good careers, or at least they're enjoying themselves in the quiet years.
I'm neither. I'm in Hong Kong, my relatives are in the Mainland, and my lover is far away. I can't afford a house in Hong Kong, and my main career is as an 18th line actress, with a sideline as a screenwriter. Living in Tseung Kwan O, close to the work of TVB, when there is no movie shooting I often go to the beach, thinking about why I have come to this point.
"It's the confusion that's showing me the way, it's the practical groping and bumping into walls, the honesty of being alone, the loneliness and introspection that's giving me strength."
The protagonist of the story, in the process of unraveling the mystery, eventually finds a breakthrough for his life's dilemmas as well, and reconciles with his past.
I hope that after reading this book, you too can find the answer to reconciliation together.